cerita wall street

pertama: ramai penonton dewasa. 

kedua: bosa kalau tidak minat tentang ekonomi, pelaburan, insolvency

kesimpulan: saya suka cerita ini. tapi rasnaya kawan saya dah tertidur bwahahhahha

alteration

looks like friend (a good bad with the bad influence) said that black book is a term usually used for a book filled with phone numbers of mistresses/ toy boys so the story currently being written may not be suitable. but currently unable to think up of a title. so had to wait. 

reading: edge of reasons, bridget jones

writing

black book murder

Legal (Innocent) Muggers in KL Sentral

I can say that KL Sentral is my usual haunt. It is perfect if I have to change trains or even meet people. There are a lot of eating places in KL Sentral (but no five-star eating place, I'm afraid).

 

I used to see a lot of small kids, being dressed up as beggars, roaming the place for money. But of late, I have met a few other types of people who mug in the hub.

 

I say mug because giving money to people who really need it means that you are freely to give as much as you want. However, in KL Sentral, do not be alarmed when these people, who claim to be needing help, actually put a price on how much they are ready to accept.

 

The latest case happened on Thursday. I was getting ticket for Putra since I lost my Touch N Go card (which I seem to be losing every now and then). I make it a habit not to carry a lot of cash because I tend to overspend them. Thi hi hi. So, I was doing the transaction, pulling out RM 1 notes out of my pocket (see? Totally broke!). I was really worried then, please nothing happens to me because that was all I have then. If someone takes my money, I will have to call home. Not something that I want to do at 6pm++ on a weekday, what with the traffic jam and everything.

 

Just after I paid RM 1.60 for Kerinchi station, someone called me from my left.

 

' Sorry ah akak. Uncle needs money to go to Gombak.' He then showed me that he has RM 1. And it was totally an impulse, I started pulling out money from my pocket. I thought 'Nevermind, just Rm1 something.'

 

I gave him the money and just walked away. I got on the escalator and looked down. The 'uncle' was still there/.

 

Heck it. I never thought that he might be lying (not that he really was lying. Maybe he was telling the truth) But if he really was that desperate, he'd accept any amount of money, right? Not saying that needed another RM 1.40 to go back to Gombak.

 

Which reminded me of a case during Ramadhan. I was sitting outside Starbucks because I want to wait before getting my drink for iftar. I was sitting outside the outlet, reading something and waiting for the time to fly. Suddenly, someone sat in front of me.

 

' Don't be afraid,' someone nearly 40-ish said. Clearly not someone who can be featured in Calvin Klein's catalogue. Never mind, I only need to listen to him.

 

According to this person, he lost his money and he needs to go back to Ipoh. So I asked him, ' you need RM 10 to go back to Ipoh, right?'

 

He nodded. But I thought, 'beggars can't be choosers'. He can't expect me to give him that full amount. I wasn't even sure if he was telling the truth.

 

But apparently, I was wrong. Nowadays, beggars are choosers. When I hand over the RM 4, he actually made a face. And how glad I was I didn't give him the whole amount. Because he was lying

 

See? These are all robbery in broad daylight. And what happens to people who are really in need? I really don't think these things should happen in KL Sentral.

 

The next time I meet one of these people, I'm just going to bring them up to the police station, saying that my brother works there. They can make a report. See how they really like it. 

Hei Benteng Demokrasi Rakyat (Bendera),

korang ni...

ah baik aku book tiket untuk Wall Street Never Sleeps untuk hari rabu daripada berpesan kat makhluk yang entah apa gayat-dapat-motor-dan-patung-upin-dan-ipin. sama je tidak membawa apa-apa faedah yang tangible. hahahahaha

Aplikasi iPad: Pocket Frog

Pada suatu hari yang tenang, saya dikejutkan dengan sapaan seorang rakan sekerja mengenai penternakan katak. Nampaknya, beliau sudah pun berjaya dalam bidang penternakan katak dengan begitu bergaya sekali.

 

Di iPadlah. Takkanlah bela di halaman rumah. Ape ke halnya pulak nak bela katak? Kalau bela lintah di halaman rumah tu, macam logiklah juga.

 

Mempersembahkan, aplikasi Pocket Frog untuk iPad yang saiznya tidak berapa poket (kecil). Tapi sumpah comel gile rasa nak tarik keluar dari iPad dan picit-picit katak-katak tu sampai meletup.

 

Pada permulaanya, saya hanyalah bermain permainan Dizzy Frog di mana katak merah-jalur hitam di dalam applikasi itu akan melompat-lompat dari satu daun ke satu daun lagi sehingga tukang main pun jadi pening. Permainan ini agak membosankan sekalipun anda pasti tertawa ria melihatkan gelagat para pemain setiap kali mereka melompat dan jatuh ke dalam kolam.

 

Berbalik kepada Pocket Frog ini, permainan ini membolehkan kita menternak katak dengan begitu pesat sekali, menghasilkan variasi katak yang pelbagai. Terdapat pelbagai jenis katak di dalam permainan ini di mana anda perlulah membela katak yang biasa jumpa, dikacukkan dengan katak-katak yang jarang dijumpai untuk menghasilkan katak-katak yang mempunyai rupa paras yang aduhai sungguh la comel rasa nak lempang-lempang.

 

Permainan dimulakan di mana anda akan mendapat katak-katak yang biasa dijumpai. Anda perlulah memberikan katak-katak ini pemakanan yang cukup supaya ia boleh mencapai kematangan lalu..ehem…menjalani proses persenyawaan. Semasa anda melompat-lompat di atas daun-daun di dalam kolam tersebut, anda juga akan menjumpai pelbagai jenis hadiah. Kadang-kadang, anda akan mendapat jenis katak yang baru ataupun background untuk taman anda. Hadiah tersebut dibalut dengan kertas hadiah yang sungguh cantik tapi tak la macam kotak hantara. Melampau la tu.

 

Jika anda ingin berniaga dengan menjualkan katak-katak anda, anda mestilah memastikan bahawa haiwan ternakan anda gembira (boleh dilakukan dengan meletakkan perhiasan pelbagai. Boleh didapati daripada FrogShop di dalam aplikasi yang sama). Katak yang tidak berapa gembira, harganya adalah lebih rendah. Sebagai alternatif ataupun kalau anda sayang sangat coins dalam game sampai tak mahu beli toys untuk haiwan ternakan anda (read: kedekut), tidak mengapa. Cuma perlu beri mereka makan dengan melompat-lompat di dalam kolam.

 

Anda boleh memilih samada untuk bermain secara online ataupun online. Di sebabkan iPad saya adalah yang basic punya (T_T) maka saya memilih (terpaksa) bermain secara solo. Walaubagaimanapun, anda boleh menghadiahkan katak-katak anda (yang anda dah menyampah ataupun tak muat dalam kandang sebab anda hanya boleh ada 50 katak sahaja dalam satu masa) jika anda bermain secara online. Anda boleh memberikan rakan anda hadiah-hadiah yang lain juga.

 

Kenapa saya suka game ini: Sebab ia comel. Itu sahaja. Tolong jangan persoalkan pilihan saya. Please

Kenapa saya tak berapa berkenan dengan game ini: 50 je? Kamonnnnnnnnn

Rumusan: Saya suka main game ini sebab katak-kataknya berwarna-warni. Saha nak tengok warna-warni melompat-lompat di iPad

Handling Telemarketers

We understand that telemarketers have job to do. We really do. But sometimes, we are in a midst of a very important meeting or we really do not need the third health insurance. However, you have already picked up the phone although it shows random number. It is not your fault since you thought another customer (you own a successful blogshop-let's pretend). So, how to deal with telemarketers?

 

Here's a guide to all of us:

 

1.        Lie

' I need to go to the toilet. For Number 2'

' The offer is on 30^th September 2010? Oh man, I can't make it. Flying overseas to further studies' (They do not have to know that you are an undergraduate in Melaka)

' I'm busy on that date.' (Sometimes they offer vacation and stuff)

 

2.        Pretend to be really busy. Put the mouthpiece as close as possible to the keyboard and types furiously. Insert hesitant pauses here and there for maximum result.

3.        Failing to do point number 2, keep asking them to repeat the information.

4.        ' If you can't beat them, be them'. Example:

' Hi Miss Lee, my name is Shamsul from Etiqa. We are now offering…'

*gasps dramatically and proceed to say ' Shamsul, what a coincidence! I've just started in Etiqa, Jalan Ipoh branch'

5. Breathe loudly into the mouthpiece.

6. Say nothing. Nothing at all. They will wonder what happened to you.

 

I hope my friend will benefit on this. And those with more tips, feel free to share.

 

kemusykilan

sekarang

masih ada lagi org berkenalan dgn ayat ini?

a/s/l?

what spoils a ghost story on TV?

when one of the audience farts

One Thing We Should Not Do During Hari Raya

I believe that everyone is still having a good time with rendang lemang ketupat bla bla bla. You lucky people. I have been stuck at home, seeing that I don't have any kampong. Lucky that I managed to get out of the house just now, just a few hours to the office. See? This is the very reason I cannot take time off too long from work.

 

We live in an era where we live two lives; the real world and cyberworld. It is hard to just live in one world. I keep in touch with my family through Twitter or blog or Facebook. People have start sending cards and wishes through Facebook or email. Wedding invitations even. I admit it is easier to keep tab on who you have sent the invitations to and stuff. I look for recipes online, apart from gossips (yes, I do that once in a while. I'm human too), winner of America's Next Top Model (dang it. I accidentally got hooked on the show), search for the best deals for my holidays and stuff.

 

See? The Internet is a powerful tool.

 

I can tolerate people who constantly looking at their handphones to check and reply for Twitters or even SMSes. I have no problem with people who just have to upload their pictures on Facebook instantly using their BlackBerrys.

 

But, don't you think visiting peoples' houses with laptops and broadband have gone a bit too far? Look, that defies the whole purpose of visiting people during Hari Raya. I'm talking about yearly visits, not even monthly. If you really cannot do it, refrain from going out of your house. People do not need to see you sitting in their living rooms with your laptops or notebooks, pretending that you are way too busy when actually you are just updating your Facebook.

 

Don't get me wrong. I have Facebook account too but there's time and place for everything.

 

Here's a solution for people who really cannot resist being far away from the cyberworld while visiting people during hari raya.

1. Get a smartphone.
2. Don't bother going out for raya at all.
3. Remind your cousins beforehand that you need computers and the like.

 

Seriously, I'm pretty pissed. Why do you even need to come to our house if you'd rather go online? Might as well organise an open house on your Facebook. 

permintaan

ingat tak dulu masa kita sekolah, kita selalu takut kalau cikgu tak kasi pergi tandas? 

okelah. mungkin cuma aku seorang tetapi aku masih ingat dgn jelas betapa terpaksa tahan sekalipun rasa nak terkucil sangat dah. kalau cikgu cakap tak boleh, sumpah rasa nak nangis. 

tadi, masa kelas (oke fine tiada life maka mengajar pada hari kedua eid-ul fitr) anak murid tanya: boleh saya pergi tandas? 

sumpah comellah budak  ini bertanya begini. 

sudah lama aku tunggu peluang ini, sudah lama benar. sudah lama. 

oke. cukuplah itu. 

kalau boleh, aku nak halang dia. tapi saya sedar diri, itu rumah dia. 

:(

drama before raya

 

 

I awoke to the sound of screaming from the kitchen. Dang it! I woke up late again. Of course, it being a holiday, of course I'd be having private conversation with my blanket and pillows. Alas, I had to be woken up with an in-built alarm clock in the house. My granny.

 

The day started (after sahur, I slept again) with us having to rush to cook rendang. It was a frenzy, having two commanders. One was screaming for us to start frying the onions while another one asking to get the coconut milk in the freezer. There will be another adviser asking one of us to head to nearby shop to get cucumber. The thing was, when my brother called from the store, he was told to come back. We apparently do not need cucumber.

 

10 minutes before that, he was told to head to the wet market for cucumbers.

 

See? Confusion. An extremely common scene one day before hari raya. One wants the chicken to be fired just slightly while another voice wants it to be golden. At the end of the session, I delivered golden fried chicken while another batch was slightly paler. Win-win situation.

Our auntie turns into an entrepreneur during ramadhan. God knows how many thousands of kuih sampan she had to make. And today is no exception. In the midst of preparing rendang and ketupat, changing cushion covers and mopping the floor (on my knees. We'll get to that later) she managed to bake some more of the kuih sampan. Actually not some, more like a few thousand until night time.

 

So, we, about at least five people, scramble around the house trying to make the house look liveable. What with the cakes and kuihs and other stuff, it is easy to lose a baby in the house, discovering the baby a good two days after that. No, not really exaggerating.

 

The day progressed slowly, moving seamlessly from rendang to kuih sampan to twitter to break fast meal. There will be confusions (eh ini langsir bilik siapa?) and screaming (pegi kemas atas!) . Sometimes, there will be more extreme instructions (hoi! Sudah-sudahla mengadap komputer tu!). Tempers flare, of course, especially when someone alleged that I did not do anything to the hall. I proceeded to sweep the floor and attack the linoleum armed with wash cloth and soap, on my knees. That is to show that I can tackle this better than using a mop. And I really am happy with the end result. Nice apple smell in the hall.

 

By nearly 6pm, it is hard to keep a straight posture while sitting. It is easier to be sitting with the head rolling and saliva trickling from the corner of my mouth. But, at the mention of iced soya bean, energy returned to my body. Yes!

 

We thought the drama is over for the day. I mean, everything is set. The cake has been cut, plates have been scrubbed clean and dried, glasses set out, ready to be served. But nooooooooo. We are in for another surprise, which I fully expected anyway.

 

My granny wanted a cake. Last year, she hated my chocolate indulgence with a vengeance. So, it never occurred to me to get another cake.

 

Since she hinted that she wanted the cake pronto, we went for a cake hunt at 8pm. Of course, it never occurred that there is a cake shop near our house. Instead, we went to Bangsar. Getting lost in Jalan Telawi is not fun, I tell you, especially when I think of the kuah kacang and rendang at home.

 

As a reward, we got blended coffee. We need it dearly. The frenzy and drama is too much for us.

Ah, the comfort from coffee deprivation. I was smiling, feeling really elated.

 

Except that:

 

' kenapa beli kek hari jadi (Baker's Cottage)? Nenek nak kek gulung biasa je'

 

Argh!

selamat hari raya!

SDC14190
Originally uploaded by uculer

selamat hari raya
maaf zahir dan batin
kosong-kosong ya?

kelakar?

oke baiklah aku mengakulah kadang-kadang aku hanya limitkan lawak aku kpd tidak mempersendakan agama. sbb aku rasa kadang-kadang kita ni tak perlulah serius sgt? sbb tadi aku baru nampak di blog seseorang, ade org meronta-ronta mengamuk pasal freemason. katanya, jgn buat lawak ttg freemason (sbb kawan saya die attach kaitan lemang dan freemason. IMHO it is funny) 

eh? sorry, jgn buat lawak ttg freemason? i didn't get that. 

aku skeptik sebenarnya. bukanlah skeptik tak percaya. aku rasa bende tu ade kot (mind me, this is my blog and save your breathe from telling me everything about freemason in this comment box. kindly write your own entry in your own blog). skeptik aku di sini adalah: oke. kau kata freemason ini bahaya. baik, aku terima. sekarang, boleh aku tau apa cadangan kau utk menghapuskan atau mengekang kegiatan ini? 

beb, setakat tulis kat blog pung-pang-pung-pang, aku rasa baik kau buat dream diary. sbb bagi akulah, apa yang menyebabkan kita ponteng puasa, bukan sebab ada makanan depan mata (contoh bertemakan ramadhan, sekian). kita ponteng puasa sbb kita masih ada isu dgn iman kita. 

kita selalu menghalang tetapi apa usaha kita sebagai alternatif. kita kata starbucks membantu israel tapi adakah umat islam sendiri berusaha untuk mencipta sesuatu yang sama rasa dengan starbucks. ada? alasan: tak cukup duitlah, tade sokongan lah bla bla bla. kalau niat kau ikhlas kerana Tuhan, aku pasti kau akan buat. susah mcm mana pun, kau akan cuba, 

kita pandai mengekang. menyediakan pilihan tak tau. 

lagi satu, tolonglah jgn buat malu orang beragama islam. islam tak suruh kau slam mana-mana agama. sedangkan ada ayat dlm Surah Alkafirun, ayat 6 yang bermaksud: To you be your way, and to me mine (bagimu agamu dan bagiku, agamaku)

bukanlah aku suruh kau sembah Tuhan mereka.hormat tau tak hormat? lebih kurang mcm kau nak orang hormat agama kau lah. susah sgt ke?

perangai 'holier than thou' ni yang aku paling menyampah. lebih-lebih lagi bila rokok terjuntai di bibir. tade agama dlm dunia ni suruh rosakkan badan sendiri. reti?

' Apa yang ada dalam beg ni?'

' Apa yang ada dalam beg ni?'

' Berat betul!' kata nenek.

' Err barang?' aku jawab dengan nada takut-takut. Silap jawab, mau kene marah secara pukal. Habis kerja jam 3 petang, ini sudah malam baru ingat rumah.

' Macam ada bom,' tambah nenek lagi.

Hamboih. Kalau kita ada kat lapangan terbang ni, tak mengajarlah aku esok. Ataupun manalah tau, murid aku nak melawat aku di penjara.

Melampaulah kata ada bom. Ada payung, dompet, kertas, gunting, lens case, lens cleaner, bekas spek, eyeliner dan duit syiling sahaja. Ouh tablet juga perlu. Kalau tidak bakal sangap semasa membuat kerja.

Tapikan, soalan nenek ini sungguh sesuatu. Dia pernah bawa bom ke? Macam tau je bom tu berat mana.

Ok mungkin bukan bom tapi kuih bom.

Sent from my iPad

Eyewitness: After the floods in Pakistan

Ini sangat menyedihkan. Cemana kalau imran ngan addin mcm ni?

I saw this Guardian Eyewitness photo and thought you should see it: http://gu.com/p/2jc86/iw

Get the Guardian Eyewitness app for iPad for free by visiting http://www.guardian.co.uk/ipad

Sent from my iPad

I Wonder How My Friends Actually Tackle MCQ Questions

Well, multiple choice questions or in short, MCQ. Ah the legendary ways to answer multiple choice questions:

1. Close your eyes and just jab your pencil.
2. Recite Al-Fatihah to get the right answer (it will always be C. I wonder why)
3. Some of my friends have these square erasers where they write A-D on each side. Anytime they have no idea what they should answer on the OMR, they will flip the eraser.

But, what if its not part of the exam paper?

Take for an example here. A want a new laptop. Being a caring and pretty kepochi kind of a friend, I asked A when he will be getting a MacBook Air.

A then replied;

‘ I would have to wait until this current laptop is spoilt’

Of course, being the very helpful friend, I offered to do A the favour:

‘ You want it to be spoilt? I’m more than happy to help you with that. Brick, hammer or shoes? You pick’

A replied: How about money? A guni of money of about RM 2k will do the trick just fine’

See? SEE? I wonder how A made it in school. I mean, imagine the teacher asking ‘What is an amoeba?’

A)    an animal

B)    my neighbour’s pet

C)    the scientific name of a butterfly

D)    a chant people say while doing yoga.

(OK I just made this one up so don’t judge me)

(But I know you are judging so here goes another one)

Mohenjo-Daro is

A)    A city

B)    A stationery brand

C)    The first married couple who decided to keep their names instead of changing it, thus the hyphen

D)    None of the above

So, what does he answer if he gets this type of question? Does he scribble

E)     A place that now exists in textbook only?

I wonder if he actually did that. I don’t think so. My best guess is he’ll just circle whatever he thinks is correct or remotely familiar or even leave it blank. And that I the very thing I expect him to do when it comes to my question. Just take a pick on the answers. Not offer another alternative. Stick to the rules, people.

Ah there goes. A totally pointless entry, just to make up for the hiatus.

P/S: It’s not as if I didn’t create a whole new answer for a question. I do that regularly too :P