Memory: 1

Tasnim sat staring at her bowl of breakfast cereal. The bowl was half filled with the rainbow-coloured processed food. Hanna; sensing that her beloved friend will not be moving any of her limbs anytime soon, poured milk into the bowl.

Unexpectedly, the milk stopped pouring before it can even fill half of the bowl.

On no. Here comes…

‘ Why?,’ here we go again. Yesterday, it was sugar. The day before that was doughnut.

‘ Is it too difficult to have the correct amount of milk added to my bowl? People don’t know what I’ve been through.’

Hanna was expecting the usual naughty Puss-In-Boots expression from Tasnim but today, something else happened. Her face crumpled before a steady stream of tears went down her cheek.

As quick and as efficient as lightning, Hanna fished her phone from her back pocket.

‘ Code Black. We have a situation here.’ It was a text sent to Khalid, another friend.

‘ Code Black? What’s that? Since when do we have a Code Black?’ that bloodyline from Tower Heist. Came the reply.

Feeling impatient, Hanna called Khalid instead while marching out of the kitchen, leaving a sobbing Tasnim at the table.

‘ She is crying, you dolt!’ Hanna hissed down the mouthpiece.

‘ Ouh no.’

Ouh no is right. Their friend might finally accept that it was the end of the road.

No more Tasnim-Adam. 

Chak!

ini bukan kucing parsi. ini kucing kampung, berbapakan kucing kacukan. kami tak pernah jumpa bapa dia tapi kami kagum dengan dia. kagum sebab comel sgt. yang banyak dalam rumah ni cuma kucing belang-belang atau tompok-tompok yang sebenarnya semua template. sama je semua. perangai pun sama; curi ikan, pecahkan pinggan. haish.

tapi yang ini lain. dia tak masuk rumah. bagus. yang kami risaukan kalau ada orang curi.

dilemma betul. ada kucing tak comel, rasa mcm nak pija. ada kucing comel, malas pula nak pegi kasi injection ke apa. takut orang curi. haish. mcm-mcm..

tunggu

sampai masa untuk giliran kita, ia pasti akan tiba.

apa? kau tanya? ah apa-apalah.

cinta contohnya. contoh sahaja.

pencari cinta, sabarlah. giliran kita akan tiba. tepat masa, ia akan sampai. dan kau takkan mampu menolak.

sampai saat itu, sabarlah. pujuk hatimu suruh sabar dan tenang.

ros idaman

terima kasih. tak sangkanya. memang dah lama nak bunga ros. ini perempuan cantik duduk depan saya yang kasi.

ah bahagia.

of saving someone

everyone wants to be a hero/ heroin. everybody wants to save a life. but what if in order to save someone, you have to save yourself first? before fixing someone, you need to be durable enough to endure all the obstacles that will come your way.

yes, superman has its own weakness. that man of steel (albeit that it is a fictional character); with a role to save the world, is easily crippled by a kryptonite.

so how can we, mere human, can assume that we can save anybody that we want too?

we can only do so much. we can save someone as long as that particular someone wants to be helped.

at least, that's what I think.

terang-terang

di suatu masa dulu

Whatsapp:
A: awak
A: :(

ah sudah. kenapa pula ni?

B: ye, saya.
A: dia (buah hatinya) tak mahu kasi pegang phone lagi.
A: selalu dia kasi je

mungkin sebenarnya dia tahu apa yang terjadi. tetapi dia takut untuk menghadapi kemungkinan. maklum, 'berkawan' bukan sehari dua. itulah lumrah manusia. kadang sudah tahu tapi masih mahu bertanya. bukan sebab apa, kita semua mahu approval.

sebab itu kawan kita kadang selalu bertanya: dah tahu kenapa nak tanya?

sebab kita mahu approval.

puas hati

A: ini gambar di mana?
B: rumahlah.
A: rumah? buat sendiri ye?

lebih mudah sebenarnya. memanglah nampak remeh tapi seronok. bukan senang nak bergotong-royong sama-sama buat kuih. tak perlu ceritalah gotong-royong di kampung kalau di rumah sendiri pun dah fail.

masa inilah mahu cuba bermesra dengan orang tua. selalu tu mood dah ke laut sebab penat. muka ketat kalau bercakap. sebab kita tiada pilihan lain selain daripada bermuka manis untuk juadah buka puasa, maka pura-pura gembiralah walaupun macam ada harimau dalam perut.

kalau buat sendiri, tahu dah apa yang kita mahu. setengah orang tak mahu sengkuang. yang lain tak mahu lobak (entah apalah yang mereka mahu sebagai inti popiah. jangan tanya). ini juga peluang untuk belajar buat popiah. selalu main tunjuk sahaja, kali ini ha tunggulah. lepas buat inti kene keringkan berapa jam. kemudian gulung. gulung mesti simetri walaupun untuk hidangan di rumah.

kemudian berebut siapa nak goreng. bukan mudah ya sebenarnya perihal makan-memakan ini.

B: aah. buat sendiri.

:)

Ghaya! Ghaya!

' rasalah ketupat ini..'

'dengan rendangnya sekali..'

 ' sudilah rasa kuihku..'

 ' pilihlah yang mana satu..'

*yang last sekali tu mmg mintak kene sekeh. 

anyways, selamat hari raya. maaf zahir batin :)

senyum

apa ada di sebalik senyum?
mungkin luka. mungkin betul bahagia.
ah apa kisah?
mengapa susah-susah mahu tafsir?

take it at face value.

(ini masa bersteam bot dgn rakan sama-sama 'crack')

fikir-fikir-fikir

(tentang hubungan. tidak kiralah tentang persabahatan atau apa)

A: kau..kenapa selalu senyap?
B yang sedang tunduk, meninjau di sebalik kaca mata. A membalas pandangan yang bisu, hanya mengulang pertanyaan melalui pandangan mata.

sela tanpa bunyi. yang sebetulnya memeningkan.

A: apa lagi yang kau fikir panjang-panjang ni? nanti mulalah tak mau keluar dengan aku, tak mau jawab telefon. semua pun nak sendiri.

B cuma tersenyum. apalah yang A faham dengan kehidupan yang berselirat.

A: kau sahaja yang buat benda jadi rumit. semua itu tidak perlu jadi rumit sebenarnya.

Tipikal A.

B cuma senyum.

B: kalau aku mahu sarapan pagi pun aku fikir panjang, apa membuatkan kau fikir aku mahu redah saja bila sampai pada perkara ini?

02:00

satu. hanya satu je kerja kau. itu je pun. 

ini kerja kami. bukan kerja kita. atau kerja kau seorang. kalau rasa tak boleh beri komitmen, tolonglah ckp. jangan rosakkan bisnes orang. yang paling penting, kepercayaan orang jangan buang. 

apa yang ada kalau sebagai seorang kawan sudah lousy, begitu juga rakan sekerja? apa lagi?

10:58pm

people say that you don't take the same person the second time because it's like re-reading a book. 

what's wrong in re-reading a book,though? i have a book that i re-read when i need to calm down when I feel so stressed. oke i mean books, not book. 

sadly, my thought has truncated. need to sleep to wake up early tomorrow. 

diam. sendiri

kenapa agaknya kalau sibuk mulalah banyak idea dalam kepala? padahal kalau duduk diam-diam tu, takde pulak. contoh macam tadilah. elok-elok berazam daripada balik kerja nak bercerita, alih-alih cerita entah ke mana, orangnya entah ke mana. tak boleh pakai betul.

kalau buat kerja pula, ha mulalah datang idea kiri kanan. tak pun masa tgh berdiri dalam train. itupun tak boleh pakai juga sebab tangan tengah sibuk cuba bergayut kiri-kanan. manalah sempat nak ambik telefon pulak nak menaip.

bercakap tentang train, comel betul ada someone ni semalam dia tolong perhatikan tempat duduk kosong dalam tren. kalau ada kosong, dia suruh perempuan duduk. yelah, puasa. besar kemungkinan dia penat jadi dia pun mcm tak larat nak bangun untuk kasi tempat duduk dia. at least, ada juga usaha dia.

terpesong dah rasanya karangan ni. bahaha. sebelum ia pergi lebih jauh, baik berhenti dulu.

jadi, korang buka apa tadi? saya sempat buat French Toast ala sukahati.

umpan

nak mengumpan ni bukan susah. setengah orang main belasah je. setengah orang dia sabar. dalam diam dia memerhati. dia perhati sahaja habit orang.

ala kita ini semuanya a creature of habit. tak lari daripada kebiasaan. susah tau nak buat sesuatu di luar rutin. kalau dah makan pukul 1 tengahari, mmg 1 tengahari juga la yang dicari.

perhati lama sikit, bukan susah pun. banyak dah social media yang boleh digunakan untuk stalking.

sabarlah. tgk penyerang hendap sabar dia mcm mana. selamat berjaya!

sea, sun, love

(misleading entry. gambar tiada kaitan dgn entry)

bulan puasa memang ditunggu-tunggu. banyak sebab sebenarnya tetapi yang ingin disentuh di sini adalah waktu bekerja. ya, boleh balik awal. ya balik awal stok pukul 3 petang punya balik.

ramai berkata 'bestnya balik pukul 3'. yelah bestlah kalau kene mandi sebelum sahur, makan lps tu pakai baju terus tunggu bas. kalau bernasib malang, 30 minit jugalah kau tunggu bas tu tak sampai-sampai. mmg penuh dugaan romadhuon (mulut herot sikit) betullah kalau kau dah berkobar-kobar kalah budak sekolah sekali ketibas semua bas tak datang lagi. bukan itu sahaja, batang hidung teksi pun tak nampak. mulalah kaki yang sbnrnya elok je sebelum tu jadi sengal-sengal, pedih-pedih sikit. dasar tiada benih kesabaran dalam diri betul.

kalau nasib baik, mmg boleh sampai dan balik awal. yg tak berapa nak nasib baik tu kalau balik pulak bas buat hal. bertolak pukul 4 misalnya. mmg nganga je la sebab akan stuck dalam jam. kita sambung tido sambil ternganga (kisah benar). dengan tade ekonnya hoi sedihnya rasa. macam zaman sekolah kene tido dalam bas yg serupa bekas kedap udara, tido terlentok-lentok dengan peluh menitik kat dahi. puas jugalah tido daripada 4.15 sampai 5.15 kot. itu pun tak sampai lagi.

penyelesaian? penyelesaiannya adalah buat deal dengan pakcik teksilah siap-siap untuk memastikan anda boleh sampai jam 7 pagi ke pejabat dan pulang jam 3 petang. kebarangkalian stuck dlm traffic jam itu sgt rendah.

ouh btw, office saya flexi hour. hiks.

sudah hampir lapan setengah. anda sudah repeat berbuka atau belum?

'aku perhati je ni'

ini kucing di rumah kami tgh perhati hamster. ayat sepupu ' dia tunggu masa je tu tuan tade. hilang je dia terkam. '

Yang pernah

kita sebenarnya tidak pernah lupa apa yang kita ada. sentiasa, sentiasa ingat.

cuma kita selalu leka bahawa yang kita ada itu boleh juga berubah menjadi yang pernah ada.

lepaskan kalau sudah tidak mampu. lepaskan kalau beban terasa berat amat. untuk apa lukis senyum kalau boleh senyum secara semulajadi sekalipun hanya sendiri? atau mungkin boleh senyum gembira dengan bantuan yang lain.

masa masih ada (kalau tiada pun sudah ditakdirkan. bising-bising pun tak dapat apa). melangkah pergi jauh-jauh kalau perlu. kalau satu hari nanti garis selari ini ditakdirkan bertembung semula, tahulah kita.

tahulah kita itu adalah petanda :)

Sejarah

Bukan salah simpan kenangan. Selak kenangan juga tak salah. Itu kalau ianya tak membunuh; ini pendapat akulah.

Apalah guna di selak kenangan kalau yang merana diri sendiri. Apalah guna dikenang kalau semuanya dah habis, dah tiada apa yang tinggal.

Tenanglah hati-hati yang kecewa. Masih ada terang di hujung jalan selagi mata kau buka dan ada masih ada percaya. Tenanglah. Tidur lena malam nanti.

Keliru dan hilang punca kerana jerebu

Orang cakap ' humour is the best defense'. Macam kita sebenarnya sakit hati bila orang tanya 'bila turn awak ni?' tapi kita kebanyakannya senyum, ketap gigi dan cakap ' nanti, pukul lima'. Dan semua ketawa, termasuk kita yang sama terluka sebenarnya. 

Orang juga cakap ' paling susah nak bercerita pada orang yang paling kita sayang sebab kita mahu dia approve apa yang kita buat'. Haih. Yang ini memang tidak dapat disangkal lagi. Kita mahu dia nampak kita semua oke walaupun sebenarnya di sebalik wajah yang tenang, ada tsunami dalam hati. 

Orang ada cakap lagi ' yang paling banyak bercakap tidak semestinya banyak bercerita'. Nampak macam peningkan? Tapi itu kenyataan. 

Itu belum lagi ' orang yang paling banyak ketawa adalah yang paling sedih sebenarnya'. Ini ada benar, ada tidak. Tetapi tak salahkan kalau kita bertanya? 

Tanya. Itu sebenarnya. Ada separuh daripada kita yang tidak suka ditanya. Beri dia cukup masa dan dia akan bersuara. Ada pula yang mahu ditanya, mahu dihargai walaupun sekejap. Sebab dia sudah penat. Penat memikul semua beban. Penat jadi badut untuk orang lain sedangkan dia juga mahu seseorang dengar apa dia mahu cakap. Dengar tanpa menghukum. Dengar dia meluahkan sampai habis kerana dia tahu apa yang dia perlu buat cuma dia perlu lebih masa untuk ambil tindakan. Kerana apa? Sebab keputusan itu bukan mudah. Kalau dia teruskan, dia merana. Kalau dia tinggal juga dia yang merana. Berapa lama sakit itu akan ada, tak siapa tahu, malah dia sendiri tak tahu. 

Tanya kerana dia sebenarnya sudah mula rasa sunyi dalam keriuhan. Bila-bila masa sahaja topeng kegembiraan yang dia pakai akan tertanggal hingga nampak liang bekas air mata di muka. 

Dia cuma mahu seorang kawan yang boleh mendengar saat ini. Itu sahaja. Tolong beri dia peluang cari sedikit rasa lega dalam sesak akibat jerebu di luar sana. Di luar dan juga di dalam. 

Jerebu. Jerebu hati. 

Kau tahu?

"perlu aku khabarkan betapa hutan batu ini begitu menyesakkan? mungkin tidak. mungkin kau sudah lebih arif daripada aku.

apa yang mungkin kau tidak tahu adalah betapa kau membantu aku menghadapi kesesakan ini. untuk setiap degupan jantung yang laju disebabkan tekanan kerja, ada sela-sela menyenangkan bila wajah kau yang aku lihat.'

Do it!

Do it!

It is easy to put off things. The book that we are supposed finish reading, the homework, the laundry and the list goes on. But we know we have to finish it anyways. The problem is...when?

Most of the time, I find myself submitting mediocre work because of last minute work. Most of the time the idea is there but because of time constraint, there was not enough time to edit the work.

Motivation can be found almost anywhere. I found mine with Seth Godin. Just google him up and subscribe to the blog. He makes perfect sense why we should complete our tasks.

Happy reading!

ini pos tiada hala tuju

kadang-kadang, mungkin, agaknya. weih. serabutlah. ingat tak serabut ke kalau byk sgt kemungkinan? kalau tray lauk dekat kedai tu beratur masa lunch pun tak boleh buat pilihan, inikan pula cerita kehidupan yang banyak kemungkinan.

kalau pilih tempat makan pun boleh bawak gaduh, jgn haraplah boleh buat pilihan bila dah berkait soal emosi. lunch tu soal praktikal pun tak boleh nak pilih.

haih susahlah. banyak sangat kemungkinan. mungkin macam ini, mungkin macam itu. mungkin bos hang marah hang tadi bukan sebab dia marah kat hang tapi dia tak boleh lepas kat bini dia so hang kena. tak pun sebab dia simpan silap hang lama dah. tak pun dia PMS. tak pun dia..tak pun...

ha tau tak banyak sangat kemungkinan? ikut kat diri sendirilah nak fikir positif ke tak tapi memang banyaklah kemungkinan, tak boleh cerita. makin jauh biarkan fikiran melayang, makin banyaklah teori yang akan keluar. dah banyak teori ni, jawapannya memang tak boleh fikir apa-apalah. as in tak boleh nak buat keputusan.

dan di sinilah aku, tak boleh buat keputusan.

' disebabkan rambut, habis hati tertawan' . boleh tahan rasa nak tampar juga statement.

dahlah. dah dua pagi. apa aku buat berjaga lama macam ni.

Aku percaya

aku percaya waktu aku hilang kau
aku jumpa diri aku kembali.

sepanjang aku cari kau
aku juga cari diri sendiri
kekuatan, kelemahan, kesabaran.

terima kasih
memori, perkenalan kita, dan pengajaran ini.

terima kasih.

On sharing

i believe everyone has friends, like different sets of friends. good friends (you grow up together), hangout friends (very close but not as close as the former), acquaintances and such. yes, there is a need for categorisation. you will see next. 

bless our friends who have been together with us for extremely long. Our families know each other, we talk about the silliest of stuff and get weird together. Private jokes are abundant and one simple word can send us to squeals of non-stop laughter. Without face-to-face interaction, you can detect something is wrong. You can even feel that the other person is unhappy about something. The bond is so strong that you will instantly pick up the phone when the other person is about to call you. It happens to my mother and I, as well as with a very dear friend. 

well, you get the point. 

anyways, for all the long years spent together, have you ever thought that there will be a day where your friendship will be changed a bit? maybe the other one has another good friend? a hangout friend, perhaps. what would you do?

or perhaps a boyfriend? this may mean that this will be an end to most of the late night talks (may or maybe not). the emergency lunches, dates, movie dates and the hot-guy scouting activities? how does it feel? 

so tell me, i know things have changed when good friends get married, for example. i know some of you have felt this too. 

nothing serious. this weather is making me think. that is all. 

Along Came Polly

i have always wanted to watch this movie, particularly because of Jennifer Aniston and hey! I managed to.

Not going to bore you with the details, just going to point on something.

Live your life. Risk is everywhere. Of course we can calculate risks but not on everything. Like our chance with someone. A little bit of risk wouldn't kill.

Seize the opportunity, make the most out of the chance that we get.

And there is no coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. It might hurt for the moment but someday, when it has passed, we will realise its a lesson.

2013 and people are still pissing all over their territories

maybe I was out of the dating game too long. maybe i was having too much fun these days. but i am pretty sure i was flabbergasted that people are still 'pissing all over their territories'.

never, ever, EVER embarrass your partner especially when you are just dating, especially men. this might differ from one person to another but if that's your boyfriend/ girlfriend, IMHO, you really cannot control them.

i am just shocked. people still try to control their partners? who they can talk to and such?

two strikes; respect and trust. you lose these, it's a pretty done deal.

do the damage control now. please. you just made someone apologise for something that was not wrong in the first place. and remember, that person is not your trophy.

Periuk Belanga

Ada satu Periuk duduk di atas sinki. Ada satu cerek duduk bawah para. Periuk sentiasa pandang Cerek tak lepas, memerhatikan setiap apa yang terjadi pada Cerek. Maklumlah, duduknya tinggi, bukan macam Cerek.

Sehari-hari mereka menjalankan tugas. Kadang-kadang Periuk di atas dapur, mungkin berganti pula dengan cerek. Kedua-duanya hanya berbalas senyum.

Sampailah satu hari tuan punya barang-barang tidak di rumah. Didorong rasa bosan, Periuk bersuara:

' Kasihan kau, Cerek. Hitam sungguh badan kau aku tengok.'

Cerek yang sudah mahu terlelap waktu itu tersentak. Bukan sebab marah atau apa.

' Periuk, kau nampak sudu di depan kau?' Kebetulan ada barisan sudu yang bergayutan, dibiarkan kering di hadapan Periuk.

' Ya. Kenapa?' Periuk bertanya, bingung bunyinya.

' Bagus. Cuba kau tengok rupa kau dari situ dan kemudian bandingkan dengan aku,' Cerek berkata sambil tersenyum.

Periuk berpaling ke depan dan ikut arahan Cerek tanpa sebarang syak. Alangkah terkejut dirinya bila dilihat dirinya tiada beza dengan Cerek. Hitam dan kusam.

' Tak sedar diri,' gumam Cerek sebelum kembali tidur.

Sakit nombor 2

Paling hebat selepas terpijak lego adalah tercekik honey stars yang belum kembang. Seketul pulak tu. dah rasa macam nak menjerit minta tolong dekat meja tadi.

Don't judge me. I love honey stars. And they are not too cute to be eaten.

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Why I Like Conservative Board Games

I may not be good at chess but I really enjoy other board games. Of course, there was this Snake and Ladder, Sahibba and Monopoly (just quoting a few). I remember growing up with my siblings and cousins playing the games every time we meet. Of course, this was before the advent of the Internet. I mean it was made available at a cheap price for everyone to enjoy.

As we get older, getting together to play board games becomes harder. It was fun during school but once we started college and everything, it sort of become uncool I guess. We did try to recreate the moment but well, it was not easy. Something that is of th epast, should well stay as the past.

With the Internet, we don't have to sit in a same room to play board games. I used to play Dominoes with people about 500 miles (maybe more) from Melaka. All I need was a Yahoo! Play room and voila! No more boring days.

Now, it is even easier with tablets and smartphones. All we have to do is download the game and we can play with it anytime (although I have to admit that I get bored very easily with this thing). No more waiting to connect to a room, just play and the scores will be updated soon.

Despite this, I still find board games charming. I love the few minutes of bickering about bank notes while playing saidina. Or the few minutes of bickering of who should go make tea or something. All I get from playing with people across the world was 'faster, your move!' Like laju-laju ni nak pergi mana, bang?

Anyways, the thing that I missed the most of playing board games is the possibility of throwing a trantrum when we are about to lose and flipping the board. Imagine the feeling when we see houses and hotels flying down the table as well as money that belonged to your opponents.

We wouldn't get that with applications, right?

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Sisterhood

I don't have a blood-related sister. My cousin of the same age is the closest thing to a sister when I was a kid. Now, my good friend is the closest thing to a sister that I have. Because of that, I missed all the fun of bickering with sisters, fighting over stupid stuff, critisizing sisters' outfits and stuff.

I have to say I am jealous of people having a sister as they can exchange comments on clothes and stuff. Sometimes I want to change my style a bit but a bit hesitant as there are no one to refer to. What if the new outfit cramps my (non-existant) style? What if it looks totally hideous?

See? #FirstWorldProblem.

With the advent of technology, the misery of not knowing is no longer an issue. I feel like carrying my friends in my pocket these days. Pick an outfit, take a picture and send it to friend(s). Most of the time, I don't even have to wait long for the answer.

Shopping for clothes is no longer a burden now. I used to drag someone for their opinion but nay, I got my sisters on my phone right now, ready to rescue me.

I love you, lovelies. You know who uou are.

Romantic schmantic

We were very lucky that we were not thrown out of the cinema during Les Miserables. No, you do not need to know French in order to understand the title. Miserable is the operative word.

Despite the title, we were laughing most of the time, especially during the romantic songs. Especially me, I find it funny. Maybe I was too much of a skeptic to feel the heat.

It was a good movie. I like almost everything about it. Despite the fact that it was a musical, I actually enjoyed it especially with Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter. Of course, there's Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway. And Russell Crowe.

Ouh no. I won't spoil it for you. I just want to go find Victor Hugo's now. So bye!

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Decision Making

Looking at the life that we are leading now, I truly understand why heart diseases are becoming more common among younger people. We had to make decisions every single second of our life. Now, I do understand that it is something that we have to do like choosing ketchup over chilli and stuff like that. Let me demonstrate to you. 

A coffee chain is a place for hardcore decision makers. I am talking about the chains like Starbucks, San Francisco Coffee, Coffee Bean and such. You walk into the store, humming to yourself thinking that 'Yeay! I am getting my dose of drug (which is absolutely what I have in mind every single time I go into one of those outlets)' and BAM! You end up staring at the walls, opening and closing your mouth like goldfish being out of the bowl. 

There, up on the walls are written an array of options for your coffee. Tall black, decaf, hot or cold. Wait, there's more to it. With full-cream milk, low-fat milk, with or without whipped cream (mine will always be minus the cream). I don't know about you but sometimes I do sweat for having to make such important decision within...say two minutes or I have this feeling of people behind me shouting profanities into my ears. As a fellow caffeine addict, I know how lack of such component may impair judgment. 

And yes, I treat coffee as serious business. 

A couple of minutes and we have to pick a combination of substance to become the beverage of the day. I understand that some of us need caffeine to kick start out day. Imagine having to make such an important decision first thing in the morning. What if we screw up? The whole day will be ruined!

It's not as simple as before where the choices are limited to coffee with milk, with sugar or without sugar. Not that way anymore. 

No wonder they charge us so much at Starbucks and such. It's part of a training to become decision makers. Hurm. 

Ladies, It Pays To Be Vigilant

This happened yesterday at the KL Convention Centre, at a place that I frequents on a daily basis. It never occured to me that this will happen but it did.

My friend coolly said that nowhere is safe when I recounted this story.

(reading instruction: please read with an echo. Thank you) I just came back from having tea with a friend, it was after 7pm, leaning towards 8pm. It was not that late and there were tonnes of people near the convention centre area. I felt safe (humming silently under my breath), thinking that it was near impossible to be attacked or anything, safe for the sharks in Aquaria. So, I went to the toilet, fighting againts the human traffic with the kids and the parents running after kids and all. A man walked in front of me, I was pretty sure he was a Malay.

Anyways, I saw someone with the complexion of a Bangladeshi standing outside the men's. Something told me that I'd better be careful. True enough, he approached me and asked if I am a Malaysia. Of course, I am fighting all my senses to reply with a sarcastic remark and waved my hand before heading to the toilet. I was so scared that he will do something like follow me home that I asked for the cleaner to accompany me outside once I am done with my business (and no, not telling). I was wearing baju kurung so that made it much more difficult to run, in case I had to. And I hate running so you can guess I am as a good runner as Garfield.

When both of us peaked outside, the man was not there anymore. I was literally sweating because of fear and I regretted the moment I once joked about being stalked means that you are popular. To anyone who heard me crack that one, please forgive me.

Back to the story, he was not in front of the toilet. I knew I brushed him off in quite a harsh way and yes, I was afraid he might do something to me. Seeing that he was nowhere to be seen, I walked straight with as much calmness that I can muster (I can assure you it was nearing the 0 level) when I saw him again. This time with a girl standing to his far right. She looked uneasy and something told me, this guy bothered her too.

I called the girl and asked if the guy bothered her. She did not reply yes straightaway but asked me if I was bothered before that. I pulled her aside before listening to her story. This was it:

Girl: The guy said he is a muslim convert and he wants to learn how to perform wudhu'

Me: Then why didn't he go into the surau and ask someone there?

And remember the guy I told you walked in front of me before I entered the toilet? He could have asked the guy.

Girl: He said nobody wants to talk to him. And he cannot speak Malay.

Oke that was weird beause he had no accent before that.

Me: Do you want to go and talk to him now? I mean, there are two of us.

(I felt guilty by then because if that was the reason, pity him for having me shoo-ing him off like that. But my suspicion was still high, hold that thought.)

Girl: No. He showed me a piece of paper, with sex as the content.

That was it then. My suspicions were true. Unlucky for the girl because she had to face it.

I knew something was wrong because first, he askEd me in Bahasa Malaysia if I am Malay. No accent, no nothing. So how come he said he cannot speak Malay? Second, why would you want to approach a girl when there are plenty of men over there. I mean, it will be difficult for women to show how to do it anyways. Third, I don't buy the trick nobody do not want to teach him how to perform ablution. He can just enter the surau and watch people do it.

I over-analyse stuff all day; it is a handicap my friends always point out. But I am glad I over analyse stuff yesterday.

It pays to be vigilant ladies, especially if you are alone. Of course it is good manners to help someone but if your instinct tells you otherwise, please follow it. Take in all your surrounding and analyse the data that was given; does it fit or not? It is oke to be a bit cautious. Be ready to scream your heart out in case anything happens. Avoid walking anywhere with earphones plugged in your ears.

Because like my friend said: nowhere is safe these days.

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Accidental Shopping

It does exist, I can assure you. One moment you are humming to yourself, thinking of the lunch menus and before you know it BAM! You are several ringgit (or hundred) poorer but ouh! So much happier.

You think ' Nah, it would never happen. How is that possible? I am hungry and I really go out of the office to buy food, nothing else. Once I am full, I'd feel so much better. I wouldn't be looking at anything else.'

That is really not true. Once you are done with lunch and there is still time to spare, there will be so much walking around that you want to do. It does not matter where you are having lunch, as long as there are people selling stuff, it's just a catastrophe to happen.

I went to ge lunch, I end up with a purse. True, I need a purse but really not now. I know I have had my purse for nearly ten years and something are about to get faulty. The zipping mechanism now needs a lot of tugging but I honestly love it. You can no longer find a good leather purse at that price anymore.

Well, I should remember the inflation.

But I grabbed the purse, almost not thinking. It's on 70% off and I was unsure if there are more of the same range on rebate. It does not help with I have someone else beside you saying that i was a really good buy, you cannot possibly get anything from the same range at the same or almost similar price.

At the sound of the cash register, I can almost hear my heart sang. It was like music to my ears and the thought of having something new to open just made me happy. It was something new, something wrapped in a bag and the smell, ya..the smell. Who doesn't like the smell of new stuff. It's almost like getting a new breathe of 'fresh air' from snorting drug (metaphorically speaking. I never do drug except cough syrup).

As expected, guilt arrived a bit late. It must got delayed by the lunch traffic; foot or vehicle. It was panting at the door, gasping for breathe and I nearly missed it.

That was when it hit me; the guilt. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach while I was still holding the bag of my new purchase. There were sweat on my forehead while my face was still smiling. I know; a walking contradiction.

Despite the bad taste in my mouth, I still cannot let it go. I know I should at least selling it back but I cannot bring myself to it. And here I am, looking at the purse, wiping beads of tears out of my eyes. It's so beautiful.

Well, I just had to say this, regardless of how cliche it could be:

' If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.' There, I said it.

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The Other Aishah

somehow, somewhere over the rainbow, I must have pen this down. this as in having another collague called aishah.

i worked in the company first so initially i wanted to kenakan her. like send some difficult work to her table and say 'someone gave this to aishah' (without telling my name of course). but it didn't materialise. something must have happened to me that I didn't pull the cheap trick.

anyways, I was sitting at my table, clicking away in the morning (very rare thing to see because i usually am more busy stuffing my face with food in the morning HA-HA) when suddenly my group leader came and said:

' 5, 6 and 7 December are oke, aishah.'

i went, yes, of course those dates were oke. i mean the mayans predicted the world would end sometime after and i planned to panic at around 19 december 2012 so of course i have nothing to worry about on those dates.

i turned my face to her say said 'huh?'

and she said: you asked about the leave, right?

innocently, i replied no. a look of comprehension dawned on her and she said something about 'siti emailed me bla bla.' I, on the other hand, was still having problem to comprehend what just happened. as usual, i used my feeble laugh to cover the story.

it was not until half midday i just found out that the other aishah emailed to ask for annual leave on those dates.

and i knew i should have said 'yes' when she asked if i requested for annual leave. i could have gone on leave using The Other Aishah's leave. darn it.

A Question At The Spa

To tell you the truth, it has been quite a stressful month for me. There is work to attend and more work to be done (personal project, basically) so it was not a wonder why suddenly pimples are having party on my face. I'm quite positive that there is an outline of a merry-go-round on my right cheek right now. Realising this (or actually being pointed out by someone), some sort of damage control has to be done. Thanks to a good friend, she managed to persuade me to go for a facial yesterday.

So, I picked up the phone and I was lucky enough that I got a slot after workI was supposed to meet someone and thank goodness she agreed on waiting for me. My last session was in August so I know that I would get an earful from the one who will be working with me. What with the increased consumption of coffee and lack of sleep, I was pretty sure that I would then be introduced to tons of products to buy (and I can assure you this is true).

However, nothing prepared me for a question that the dermatologist asked while I was getting comfortable on the bed, ready to have my face touched. I felt like I was thrown back to the days of exam questions and test papers, of assignments and courseworks, of open-book tests and 'open-book tests' that made me throw back the same question at the person. She asked 'what do you want to achieve from this session?'.

Darn it. That sounded a lot like what a future employer will be asking like 'how do you see yourself five years from now?' (like seriously? I can't even predict where I am about to eat dinner) or ' what do you want to benefit from the company?' (may I answer big fat paycheck, low stress level and extremely small workpile?). The spa was supposed to be a place for me to relax, it is an unforgivable sin to ask questions that make me think hard. I was supposed to be answering questions half-heartedly before saying 'no' to every product that I am supposed to be in 'extreme need of'. Not that.

I opened my eyes (I can assure you that was not an easy feat. There was very calming music playing on the background, a hint of ylang ylang in the air (or was it lavender? I can never be sure of flowers), low light and there were absolutely no noise in the room. Yes, a condition fit for a sleepy baby) and looked at her before repeating the question. She actually looked back at me (I can only guess as I took of my glasses), sitting cross-legged, a pen and paper in her hand. I can see it almost clearly (refer to the paragraph above on the short-sightedness of Yours Truly) in my mind right now.

The impact of the question was so huge that I felt compelled to write this post at this hour, approximately twenty four hours after the episode. Believe me or not, I was up yesterday (for a few minutes but still! That was a huge effort) thinking about all the cheeky answers and clever comebacks that I should have said.

For example:

' I would like to see a better me, spiritually more than physically.'

' It's of the utmost importance that I should be able to foresee the future after this particular session.'

or as simple as 'I would love to at least be able to curse in 19 languages or dialects.'

But none of it came. Just a feeble ' I would like to have clearer skin.'

Never, I say, underestimate anything. Never.

Budak Kecil dan Dilema

semalam lepak dengan budak kecil. aku memang byk kawan dengan budak kecik pun, tak kisah orang nak cakap apa. tak salah kot.

tapi aku kesian juga sebenarnya dengan budak-budak kecik yang kawan dengan orang veteran ni. terutamanya dengan budak kecik semalam. bila dah biasa dengan kami, susah sikit dia nak adjust dengan rakan sebaya.

yeah, we corrupt her good. not corrupt in a bad way (well, maybe a little bit haha) but maybe her way of thinking became a little bid advanced. mana nak layan dah pesen borak dengan kawan-kawan pasal budak lelaki hingusan ni (no offense but her classmates were mostly 18-year olds).

susah sebab dia kene juga kawan dengan rakan sebaya. lagipun, kami bukannya ada dekat dengan dia, jauh.

i have friends my age. i have friends younger than me. tapi okelah, nak borak dengan budak lagi muda pun mcm takde masalah sgt. alhamdulillah. but i envy them. they are so young, so many things to look forward to.

apa sajalah aku mengarut malam-malam ni. dah boleh tido kot.

Sakit

Kesian tak tgk muka ni?

Terus-terang aku katakan yang aku tunggu saja bila aku nak demam. Cuaca panas-sejuk-panas-sejuk-besi-pun-boleh-bengkok mcm ini mana boleh tahan. Captain America pun boleh hilang ketangkasan sebegini rupa.

 

Ini gambar diambil pada hari Sabtu. Hari Jumaat aku dah rasa semacam. Aku tinggalkan semua kerja hari sabtu lalu telan ubat batuk. Seronok, apatah lagi kalau dapat tidur tanpa perlu mimpi yang bukan-bukan. Tuhan sahaja yang tahu betapa aku rindukan tidur sebegitu.

 

Lebih kurang belas jam juga aku tidur pada hari Sabtu. Apatah lagi dengan cuaa yang memberangsangkan. Buku pun tak mampu baca, cuma mampu ulang-tayang Friends sahaja (mujur Ahad sudah sihat. Boleh tgk Daniel Craig lagi sekali. Hiks).

 

Yang tak berapa best, rasanya satu rumah demam. Dasar pemalas tak mahu pergi klinik cuma main telan ubat yang ada.

 

Lama rasanya dah tak demam. Mujurlah demam di hujung minggu. Kalau tak, melambak kerja.

 

Baiklah, sampai sini sahaja. Perlu fokus pada #PuisiTwitter bertema #Lagu ini malam.

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Hantu dalam kepala

Kalau selak-selak page diari yang lama-lama, rupanya masalah kerap sangat mimpi sampai tak dpt tidur berkualiti ini dah lama. Tarikh terakhir adalah 2011, Mac. Ya, di dalam diari fizikal. Saya sekolah lama macam tu.

Perenggan kedua ini nampak macam tiada kaitan. Jangan tertipu, ada sbnrnya. Aku nak cerita aku suka bercerita. Jadi ceritanya aku suka bercerita. Dari sekolah lagi, sekolah yang mana jangan tanya. Tetapi makin lama makin jarang pulak bercerita. Disebabkan jarang bercerita, aku syak (aku syak je la) semua cerita tu berpusu-pusu dalam kepala. Akibatnya, ia jadi mimpi yang seterusnya mengganggu tidur.

 

Kenapa aku rasa macam tu? Sebab sejak akhir-akhir ni bila aku mula bercerita semula, makin senang nak tidur. Dengan #PuisiTwitter, lagilah senang nak keluarkan cerita dalam kepala.

 

Hey, ini cerita aku sahaja. Mungkin salah. Baidewey, dah download edisi pertama #PuisiTwitter daripada www.puisitwitter.com? Boleh download sekarang

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Rebut

 

Pagi memang pemangkin untuk semua emosi. Kalau ada sesuatu yang bersifat tahi berlaku di pagi hari, boleh bikin jahanam mood seharian dibuatnya kalau tak kena gaya.

Lif di bangunan pun begitu juga. Selalu buat kemungkaran yang boleh menyebabkan sakit hati dan sakit dada. Sakit badan pun boleh juga. Nak tahu macam mana?

Semua orang berebut punch card. Kalau lambat nanti kedatangan pun merah. Bukan macam sekolah, setakat cikgu kasi amaran. Ini mahu melibatkan bonus atau gaji juga. Siapa nak bonus terjejas? Ya, betul, tiada.

Yang kecil, besar, tua, muda, lelaki dan perempuan semuanya berebut. Kalau setakat kena pijak kaki itu sudah jadi perkara biasa. Bila dah jadi macam itu, memanglah malas jadinya nak sumbatkan diri dalam lif. Lebih rela tunggu lif seterusnya.

Dan kejadian yang sama berulang. Aku lebih rela tunggu di luar sampai semua masuk baru aku masuk dan parking di depan pintu lif. Kalau penuh, aku cuma boleh telefon pejabat untuk beritahu aku akan lambat.

Berdasarkan perkara ini, bolehlah disimpulkan bahawa aku bakal jadi peserta pertama keluar dalam mana-mana siri realiti TV terutamanya Survivor kerana belum cukup hebat menerjah untuk merebut peluang.

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Sin

Forgive me for I have sinned. How can I not be when I had this at 10pm?

But it's so good, I kind of forget myself.

Excuse me, I have to go hide the rest of the cake.

 

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Skyfall

 

Hah tgk gua rilek je. Apa ada hal James Bond kan?

'Age does not guarantee maturity'

' Youth does not guarantee innovation'

 

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Meminta sedekah

Lihat! Semua pun boleh di Malaysia. Robot pun boleh minta sedekah di sini.

Oke baiklah. Sebenarnya ini di Legoland. Cerita dah basi pun tapi nak kasitau juga. Dari JB ke Legoland tambang teksi dalam MYR 40++. Bawak sunscreen, payung dan shades. Panas baq hang.

Makan secukupnya di rumah sebab kat dalam mahal oke.

Sekian dulu. Ini entri nak testing je sebenarnya.

Kebergantungan Teknologi

saya sudah jadi ketagih pada teknologi. dulu, tidak boleh tinggal telefon sebab takut nanti ada panggilan. sekarang, takut mahu tinggal telefon kerana kehidupan sudah sebati dengan telefon. biar saya jelaskan.

sejak akhir-akhir ini sudah tidak pandai pergi berbelanja sendiri. mesti ada orang yang meneman. kalau tidak kawan, mesti kawan-kawan dan ia untuk keperluan sekecil-kecil alam hingga ke barang bersaiz jumbo. wajib minta pendapat kawan, entah kenapa. padahal, kadang-kadnag nak beli tudung sehelai sahaja.

kisahnya, beberapa hari yang lepas pergi tengok-tengok barang seorang diri. niat di hati memanglah nak beli sesuatu tetapi sudah jadi kurang yakin tanpa sesiapa beri sebarang maklumbalas. maka, di sinilah terbukti kebergantungan teknologi.

acu kain sikit kat kepala, tangkap gambar, whatsapp. nampak baju lawa sikit, capture dan whatsapp. sanggup tunggu sampai ada komentar. selagi telefon senyap, sanggup pusing-pusing buat benda lain dulu. sekejap-sekejap belek telefon, tak boleh berenggang langsung. kalau boleh semua tempat nak usung telefon. rasanya kalau tak bawa telefon hari tu, memang akhirnya tak beli apa-apa.

ingatkan sudah berlalu zaman penjajah. rupanya, dijajah teknologi pula. -_____-

Takut yang dicari

Takut yang dicari

Spolier alert utk Sinister. Anda telah diberi amaran.

Entah apa gila hari ini, laju saja ajak rakan sekerja pergi tonton cerita menakutkan. Sinister, tajuk pun dah mengandung i mean mengundang. Itupun tak percaya lagi.

Tak baca review, sinopsis atau apa-apa. Pergi beli tiket wayang secara semberono dan melangkah penuh yakin. Masuk-masuk wayang baru tau ini kisah pembunuhan.

Baik, menarik. Ada pelakon lelaki yang kacak semasa muda. Eh hensem lagi. Hensem orang tua tu ada Ethan Hawke, jangan risau.

Sebenarnya saya susah sikit nak takut kalau tgk cerita seram daripada orang putih. Tah, tak berapa nak seram. Kalau Thai lain cerita. Masa Shutter dulu (ye, dah lama) siap terjerit dalam panggung lagi. Dahlah tak ramai orang dalam tu. memanglah kena target. Daym.

Malangnya, kali ini pun terjerit juga. Mau tak terkejut kalau nampak kepala macam tu. yang peliknya, orang lain tak jerit pula. Cis cis!

Kawan kat sebelah jangan cakaplah. Memang bangak kali tak pandang skrin dah. Part home videos tu, memang kami dah pegang-pegang tangan dah. Peluk sesama sendiri sebab takut. Feeling-feeling sleepover sangat dua orang perempuan ni.

Ethan Hawke ni pandai tau. Pandai tak bukak lampu sebab kalau dalam gelap, darjah kehenseman Ethan Hawke naik 30%. oke itu keji. Bahaha..

Tapi tgk cerita ni rasa macam nak baca tentang Bughuul ni la. Macam best pulak.

Dahlah tu. nak cuba tidolah walaupun masih disturbed dengan muka Ethan Hawke. Eh.


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Tenaga alternatif

Ini apa yang aku fikirlah.

Kita sibuk mentransformasi negara kepada negara K-ekonomi bla bla. Dengan diskaun untuk telefon pintar semasa bajet 2013 (sumpah tak faham kenapa susah sangat nak guna belanjawan. Bajet sangat buruk bunyinya) pastinya penggunaan elektrik makin tinggi. Itu belum lagi masuk isu kereta hybrid.

Memandangkan kita sudah ke arah itu, kenapa kita tidak lebihkan pelaburan untuk tenaga alternatif? Ambil sahaja tenaga solar. Dalam sehari, kita menerima lebih kurang lapan jam sinaran matahari. Aku bukan ahli fizik tetapi rasanya kalau tenaga itu boleh ditukar dan disimpan dalam bentuk tenaga elektrik, bukankah lebih memudahkan pengguna?

Memanglah Bakun dah nak siap tapi soalan aku kenapa kita tidak terus bantu penduduk seara terus? Duit BR1M kalau ditukar kepada bantuan panel solar kan bagus? Dalam jangka masa panjang pasti ada faedah. Itu hari dah ada orang ingatkan yang kerajaan sedang usahakan perkara ini. Soalan aku, kenapa lama sangat? Apa yang menghalang? Kita bukan bercakap sehari dua, sudah bertahun-tahun. Bukan minta bangunkan tidal energy atau wind energy (ya aku sangat tahu kita bukan di Belgium) tetapi ini tenaga yang kita dapat sehari-hari.

Ini kalau betul nak tolong rakyatlah kan? Kenapa tentukan rumah di sebahagian kawasan sahaja dapat panel solar? Aku cadangkan semua.

Tetapi itulah masalahnya. Berapa kerat sangat yang mahu melihat lebih jauh daripada BR1M?


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Tudung

Tudung

Lama aku betulkan tudung atas kepala. Penat sebenarnya melilit tudung, lebih-lebih lagi utk orang yang jelas tak suka berlatih macam aku.

Entah apa yang merasuk sampai rajin sangat nak pakai tudung macam tu sedangkan selalunya palai tudung bawal sahaja. Ringkas, mudah sebab aku takde masa nak bergaduh dengan tudung pagi-pagi buta. Bergaduh dgn eyeliner satu hal, takkan nak tambah dengan tudung pula.

Lilitan di leher sudah cukup kemas, nak sediakan awning pula. Penat aku jadinya, hembus dan hela nafas kerana tidak pernah berusaha sebegini rupa.

Sekejap aku sangkut di belakang telinga. Kemudian, terkebelakanh sedikit daripada anak tudung. Cuba pula betul-betul di atas dahi. Aku masih tidak puas hati. Rasa comot sangat. Sudahlah penat memilih tudung polkadot. Sekarang, rasa bodoh.

Dan aku terjaga selepas itu.

Ini sudah jadi diari mimpi. Kerana aku sedang mencari sesuatu daripada aktiviti elektrik dalam otak waktu badan sepatutnya berehat.


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Old school

in the middle of KL and we still have this. lucky yeah? 

just had to put this one up. taklah kodi sgt raya kat KL :P

Half-filled

the same old argument; half empty or hall filled? i am taking the more positive note of saying it is half-filled. What is half-filled? my year. pardon the usage of half, I am aware that there are only a few days left before we step into another year (given that the world did not end in December 2012 *pun intended). 

looking back, I dreamed of this before. not dream, more like wishing to have most of the things that I have now. In that case, I want to dream big. If I don't hit the star in the sky, I might hit the mountain. Mount Everest is good enough, no? 

By the way, this was among the trays of cornflake madu that I made. loved it (so much so that I cannot stop eating it). Bad habit. 

See, that was another thing to cross off my to-do-list. half-filled :)

Letih

[ pinjam kucing sepupu (mungkin si bertuah inilah yang selalu buang air besar di depan pintu bilik saya *sekeh)] 

seperti biasa, akan sampai satu tahap di mana saya akan terasa burnt out. Ini biasa terjadi bila kerja menimbun dan terasa tidak cukup masa untuk diri sendiri. 

Dulu, waktu mula-mula kerja, saya selalu fikir bahawa kita mesti kerja keras. Tidak perlu rehatkan diri sendiri, tidak perlu bercuti untuk recharge. Setelah beberapa lama, saya dapati ini adalah tidak bagus. Kenapa?

Kita ini macam mesin. Kalau mesin digunapakai terus-terusan, pasti akan rosak juga. Kadang-kadang enjin mesin perlu dihentikan. Sekejap pun jadi. 

Ah susah sangat. Kalau kita tidak cukup tidur, daripada mood elok boleh jadi jahanam kan? Daripada elok-elok cekap memandu, skill memandu boleh pergi ke laut dibuatnya kalau mengantuk. 

Kerja pun begitulah, pada pendapat saya. Perlu rehat, ambil angin, bercuti dua tiga hari di kampung misalnya. ataupun ke pulau. mana-manalah. 

Ahaiii...lambatnya masa berlalu :(

Nanny-in-training

nampak tidak bayi yang mempunyai pipi yang sangat mengagumkan itu? Ya, itulah Nafiz (mama dia yg pakai tudung polkadot yang saya suka itu). Comel tak comel tak? Oke jangan jawab. Memang comel nak arwah mih mih mih. 

Ini diambil pada 11 Ogos 2012. ye, mama Nafiz dan ayah Nawfal (tiada di dalam gambar) belanja makan-makan sempena hari ketuaan saya (ehem). maka, dapatlah jadi Nanny-In-Training untuk Nafiz ini (baca si pembuli). 

best kan? dapat buli dia sambil dibelanja pula. saya tau siapa yang akan jeles. untuk mengelakkan kena santau, tidak perlulah saya sendal nama mereka di sini. hi hi. 

12 tahun

[ delayed entry - 11 August 2012 ] 

Setiap perhubungan ada ranjaunya sendiri.

Saya rasa sangat bertuah kerana kami masih di sini; dua belas tahun kemudian. Dulu, dua budak cuba menjadi dewasa. Kini masih lagi berperangai mcm budak-budak, bezanya sudah layak sangat jadi dewasa. Sudah dewasa pun sebenarnya.

Dua belas tahun bukan sekejap. Bukan sekali dua kami bergaduh. Tetap kami masih di sini.

Sidekick, you are the sister that I never had.

Celebration

[ delayed entry 10 August 2012. Mak bz nyah ] 

Words cannot describe how lucky I feel today.

For managing a totally eventful year; a year of ups and downs, of tears and joy, of staying out and in hospitals. I can't even start saying how lucky I am to be able to live to this day.

Thank you for everything. I guess I am still lucky in getting wishes and whatnot today. It was indeed a joy to read everything that was sent today.

But most of all, thank you Emak; for bringing me into this world.

P/S: I had a suspicion that Emak went a bit emotional on the note ;).

Langkah

 

itu hari ada orang cakap:

' bayangkan kebarangkalian A bila kita membuat keputusan untuk memilih A. dapatkah kau bayangkan jalan kita hari ini kalau kau pilih B? dan kemudian C? terlalu banyak kemungkinan yang ada' 

A, B dan C mungkin adalah berkaitan dengan kerjaya. Siapa tahu. 

Saya membayangkan kalau dulu saya ambil keputusan tidak mahu tinggalkan Cyberjaya. Apa yang akan terjadi? Atau mungkin masih bekerja di pejabat pertama di belakang Pavilion (pasti banyak cerita hangat). Tetapi saya pilih untuk berada di sini. 

Pilihan. Bersyukur kita mampu membuat pilihan. 

Ini mengingatkan saya kepada apa yang terjadi semalam.  kita semua berhak memilih. mungkin dia memilih untuk bersama yang itu. seharusnya dia sedar bahawa menghulurkan hati kepada seseorang seolah-olah membiarkan kita mati. bila kasih sayang sudah habis direnggut dan hati dipulangkan, marah benar nampaknya. 

marah hingga jadi drama. drama murahan yang semua orang tonton. bukan sejam dua, malah sudah lebih kurang tiga hari drama ini berlangsung. habis telanjang cacat cela ketika bercinta. yang dulu tidak kisah (seperti hingus meleleh sampai ke dagu), hari ini mengungkit tak cukup tanah. jangan marahkan tukang sorak kalau anda sengaja bergaduh di tengah-tengah orang ramai. 

nak kata budak-budak, masing-masing dah boleh jadi mak bapak budak. kelakar ada, nak kasi penampar pun ada. 

bertempik, bersorak berhari-hari hanya menampakkan kebodohan diri sendiri. aku pernah buat sekali, malas nak buat lagi. hodoh sangat rupanya. 

awak pernah pilih jalan itu. tanggunglah akibatnya. belajar untuk jadi dewasa. 

pesanan untuk saya.

Sandakan Death March route

Location: Sandakan war memorial

There was nothing at the location. No one was there except for us and also the taxi driver. The location seemed a bit eerie and I couldn't bring myself to head to the Prisoner of War (POW) camps located at the back of the location. 

It was disheartening to see all the leftovers from the war. There were pictures of tickets to so-called concerts (what comes to mind was my life at a boarding school where we have to pretty much come up with our own entertainment) as well as pictures of soldiers smiling, not knowing what awaits them ahead. 

There were a few devices left from the era but it was taken vertically so you see, I am too lazy to turn them over. That explains the absence of it. 

There were certain sadness clinging in the air. I cannot imagine the life that POWs had to spent at this hilly camp. I thought I had the stomach to walk down the memory lane but I didn't. 

We stopped at the camp on our back from Sepilok. 

War Memorial

Location: Kundasang (pretty popular sign among the visitors, I was told)

I have to admit that I was only aware of the Death March in Ratchnaburi when in reality, there is another march here in Malaysia itself. This is the end of the trail for the death marched that started with 2,000 over armies and ended up with only six (correct me if I'm wrong). The trail started from Sandakan (45 minute flight from KK) so just imagine, walking in night and day. Based on the history written in Kundasang, the month happened to be the wettest (is there such a word?) for the year.

The only motivation was the end of Japanese armies' bayonet. Those affected with diseases or wounded are left to die (or shot).

There is a plate lining the names of the dead and missing armies from UK, Australia and of course, local people. It broke my heart to read the names of the missing soldiers when they can easily be very young. The oldest victim was about 50 over and he was the oldest.

There are not many WWII survivors left in the world. My grandfather came from the generation but he wasn't an army. Although the sad story is not for sale, I do believe that we should keep this for the next generation.

And now, where is the collection of WWII memoirs that I purchased months ago?

Dive deeper

Location: Heading to first snorkelling point

How I wish that I'd be able to be here again. It's not so much of the being away from the desk but the thought of being where I can listen to the crashing of the waves. 

This was the picture that we took before we dived into the water. It was my first time being in the sea without safety jacket. The only mistake that I made was wearing khakis pants that led me to nearly drown once I stop. 

Every time I think of this place, I will feel at peace. And all I have to do now is close my eyes to be there. 

And yes, I am awfully aware that I'm about to bore the living daylights of anyone who stumbled across this with my Perhentian memoir. 

Teh O

puasa hari kesembilan, akak tak mangket sahur u'olls. oke, bangunlah sebenarnya tapi dah jadi macam sahur zaman student. bukak mata hanya untuk minum teh o. ha elok sgt. nasib baik tak pengsan petang tadi.

ceh. ceh. padahal belum ada sejarah orang mati sebab puasa. drama sangat. 

tapi saya syak sebenarnya gegeh tgk olimpik. itu sebab tak jadi pengsan. pengsan di sini bermaksud pengsan secara literal. 

sbnrnya nak tgk judo, taekwondo tu. tapi macam tade org nak tgk je. set-set tgk lumba basikal. tapi dapat tgk Hungary- Slovenia judo tadi pun lepaslah. dia punya ganas lain macam. 

bercakap ttg olimpik, seronok betul tgk opening olimpik itu hari. nampak kemas dan detailnya cukup. dah lama tak tgk muhammad ali, itu hari dapat tgk dia. tapi dia dah sangat lemah. rasanya dia tak boleh berdiri. kesian juga perempuan yang pegang dia untuk berdiri tu. dah la bekas ahli gusti. tapi agak tak senonoh juga tunggu habis opening terus tido. nasib baik tak bangun hari isnin. 

sbnrnya (dah berapa kali taip sbnr tah) sangat gembira. bukan selalu dapat jumpa kawan yang sudi mengingatkan kita apa yang kita lupa. lupa diri, lupa daratan, lupa asal-usul; pilih satu. jadi, seronok berbual dengan gadis itu sampai tidur terbabas sampai hampir pukul satu. 

kawan datang dan pergi. tetapi saya berharap sangat saya dapat terus berkawan dengan orang-orang yang saya dapat jumpa sekarang. disebabkan mata sudah semakin kuyu, apa kata kita berhenti dulu di sini?

Perhentian....Again

Location: Perhentian-Redang-Lang Tengah

A bit of an unplanned trip this year, going with a friend this time. A new experience since she is a new friend.

Three days are never going to be enough to be going to a place like this. Just look at the water, so blue and clear. The breeze and the scenery, brought tears to my eyes. It's such a pity that I cannot take pictures in the water or I might have shared it here.

InsyaAllah, God's will I will visit this place again

Dedah Perasaan

momen-momen (maafkan saya cikgu Bahasa Melayu) yang sekejap itu akan tetap kekal sampai bila-bila.

babak dicedok terus dari layar perak, siapa sangka akan terjadi juga di alam seharian.

bagaikan ada sesuatu yang membuatkan kita terpaku di situ. cuma dua saat. dua saat yang entahkan bila akan dilupakan.

ah kalau makin panjang, hilang ide aku nak bercerita.

Bird Park

Al tanoor, The Last Luncheon (before Ramadhan)

Location: Pavilion

The last lunch I had with a good friend. I took a half day on this day just to watch movies before the start of the fasting season.

We talked about nothing and everything; just like we always do. Nothing special there. Both of the teapots contained teas; mine Arabic tea and hers Lemon. Mine was good up until we discovered the teapot was cracked. Had it changed when my cup was already full. Good day indeed.

This was the day that Laszlo Csatary, the most wanted Nazi war criminal was discovered in Hungary. 

Morning walk

Location: Perhentian Besar

We woke up late on the island, again. The picture was taken on the second day of our stay at the place I was supposed to wake up at about 6 am to see the sun rise but this is good enough I guess. There was no one on the island, even the guides have just risen. Leaving the keys  beside my friend's pillow, I proceeded to walk to the beach, taking in fresh air. 

This time there were no people milling around on the beach so I pretty much have the whole place to me. It was melancholic, almost taking me to a place that I have never known. I should have sat on the sand and take more pictures but then again, people start coming to the beach to wait for their bots. 

I met Hakeem, a banker from Switzerland who came here with his family. We chatted quite a bit, more on me not being able to talk French anymore (haha!) and about Eurozone. A bit on the part where I would love to go to Finland (Hakeem said: It's a bit cold there with the nice scenery. Just that the cost of living is quite high). 

We actually got to talking when I was trying to help him with his father who seemed a bit anxious that the bot is still not there. We did not exchange numbers anyways. Sad. 

We talked a little bit until 8am, the time being our breakfast call. 

Ramadhan tiba lagi

Tak banyak yang dapat dikatakan pada awal Ramadhan ini. Cuaca sejuk dan nyaman, mengundang rasa mengantuk. Semoga Ramadhan ini membawa berita gembira untuk kita. Tidak seperti tahun lepas, jadi penghuni hospital.

Jadi, sudah fikir juadah berbuka belum? ;)

KL Bird Park

I might as well volunteer at this place since I visit the place on a daily basis. Third visit this time actually. No thanks to lousy smartphone battery, I missed most of the pictures of nice birds.

The visit this time was special because two of my friends came down from Perak. It was the usual route (about 9k steps or so) and apparently, there were so many other families present. Apart from seeing the birds, we did have fun looking at the cute babies.

These two birds were found in the macaw cage (we were so tired when we reached the area and practically dying because of the heat). These are cute little birds that you can feed with a small sum of donation (after the RM 25 entrance fee with MyKad).

There were more peacocks milling around the park compared to the last time. Storks were also everywhere and we can actually get quite close to them.

We had fun. Tons of em. We missed the bird feeding but that definitely did not stop us from gawking at the birds.

And no bird pooped on us. That itself is an achievement!

Traffic

There was a certain need to move faster, weaving in and out of the existing two-way traffic. The moving object in front was moving hesitantly. This caused the whole dynamic to turn into chaos. Everybody was moving fast in both directions. Apparently, work on the table was piling up.

Still, more obstacles stood in the way. Again, the same weaving in and out technique is used. Bad luck called when someone was taking their own sweet time in front. Jumping the queue seemed rude and out of question.

Suddenly, there was an opening. Without delay, one moved forward. Ah, and there it is! The toilet entrance.

Impian. Harapan.

Impian. Harapan.

Saat kau cagarkan impian untuk memberi harapan, saat itu separuh diri kau sudah mati.

Apalah makna kehidupan kalau hak cipta impian sudah diserahkan bulat-bulat pada saudagar mimpi?

Bagai menulis surat wasiat kemudian berdiri di depan bas RapidKL.

Tetapi inilah hidup. Cagar impian, jual maruah hanya untuk bayar bil menimbun setiap bulan.

Dan esok, aku masih seperti biasa; turut serta dalam 'rat race'.


Sent from my iPad

Mimpi

Mimpi

Bermimpi itu tidak pernah salah. Yang salah adalah tidak mengerjakan akan mimpi sendiri.

Pernah tidak kita lihat diri sendiri dan bertanya 'adakah aku berada di tempat yang aku ingini?'

Ye, aku sedang mencari jawapan akan soalan itu.


Sent from my iPad