Memory: 6

' I know a lot about you.'

The line shut her up. How on earth?

' From our colleagues.'

Tasnim's brain experienced some kind of a stump.

' Huh?' was all that she typed on the message function on Facebook.

' He has taken a liking on you long time ago.'

' Oke wait. This is a lot to take you know?'

' Ok. I understand.'

For the past few months, Adam has been acting all funny. At times, when they crossed path, Adam said hi. Other times, he acted like they were strangers. It left Tasnim dumbfounded.

Until two months ago, Adam when missing from work completely. Tasnim did not know what to do, who to refer to and such. Despite the fact that they always meet, their friends were kept at dark. Two months were too early for both of them.

It was not until the day she realised that one of Adam's friend made an appeal on his page for him to come home. By then, Tasnim was no longer able to contact Adam. Calls went straight to the voicemail while messages on social media were left without reply.

It was time to look for Adam and she initiated the conversation. Now, she kind of regretted it though.

' Look. There's a lot to talk and this will take sometime to type. Give me your number and I will call you.' It was Johari, one of Adam’s closest friends.

Tasnim slumped back into her seat.

' What kind of can of worm has I opened?'

The call came and left her even more flabbergasted.

Memory: 5

The sun streamed through the windows onto the kitchen floor. The kitchen was deserted and the house awfully quiet. Tasnim knew she woke up late and suspected her mother went out to the market. She felt bad for not being able to keep her promise yesterday.

Being the only daughter had several advantages. Tasnim was the closest to her mother and they were almost inseparable. Two of her other brothers were already married, leaving only her behind in the house that they grew up in. She had no problem with it as her older brother lived nearby. Hence, help was not far during emergency although she prayed hard that would be unnecessary.

Tasnim took a place at the end of the table, staring right outside the window. There was a buzz of activity outside, blaring horns, chirpinh of the birds and voices of the neighbours. It was just seven in the morning but their neighbours were early risers.

Except her.

Smiling to herself, Tasnim got up towards the stove. She knew that her mother will always have a steady supply of hot water and reached for the coffee in a jar.

Once she touched the jar, Tasnim was transported to a new place.

' Black coffee, please. No sugar no cream, boss,' Adam ordered with the cashier behind the counter. The girl just nodded, as if on auto-pilot. It was before eight in the morning. It was understandable to some that was too early.

Tasnim turned to stare at Adam.

' Just coffee?' Tasnim asked, her eyes wide. She already placed her order of sugarless tea.

' Yes. Why?' Adam answered while staring into her eyes.

' That was what I actually have daily at the office,' Tasnim was surprised. It was rare to find someone who had the same taste. Khalid once complained that Tasnim had a dead tongue because of her penchant of sugarless, cream-free coffee.

' I just don't like the taste of coffee mixed with something else in the morning. Thank you,' Adam reached for their drinks before putting it on a tray. ' There,' he pointed to a direction using his mouth.

' I guess I am just weird like that,' Adam took out their toasts before setting it down on the table.

' Just in the morning? Or..'

' Most of the time just in the morning. Usually, I drink those stuff that we drink at other times.'

Tasnim bit into her toast. She wondered what would Adam say if she said that she was of the same opinion.

' You?' Adam took a spoonful of his porridge.

' Just a kickstart in the morning. I need the extra boost,' she wiped the breadcrumbs on the table.

' Drug addict,' Adam teased.

' Hey! You are no better!'

And Adam laughed. Ouh how she missed that laughter.

Tasnim remembered the first day the started talking but not the first time they met. Apparently, the coffee incident was not the first time that Adam saw her.

‘ He has already been eyeing you for a long time…’

Memory: 4

Despite the fact that it was Thursday, this particular shopping mall seemed to be filled with people. Tasnim sneaked a look around while not getting caught by not taking off her shades. It was much easier that way. There was no need to hide her puffy eyes.

Tasnim smiled at the staff behind the counter. She knew the face but never bothered to look at the cashier’s name. There was always something else to do while waiting for the coffee.

‘ You are always busy,’ Adam said with a smile, right before he sat in front of Tasnim.

Tasnim looked at the table in front of her. There was; of course, the mandatory iced coffee, an iPad and a notebook. A pen was abandoned beside another leather bound notebook. Her bag was left open, exposing another book that she intended to write if she was free.

She was about to retaliate but figured out maybe that was unnecessary.

‘ Well, I had to fill my time while waiting for a certain someone. Don’t you think so?’ Tasnim teased. She knew Adam just came back from the office. He popped in for some accounting files.

‘ What’s that?’ Adam leaned over to peek at the notebook Tasnim was writing on, ignoring her question.

‘ Ouh nothing,’ Tasnim quickly snapped close the notebook.

‘ Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,’ Adam smiled while taking a sip from his coffee. It was Americano. Always Americano when they visited this place, which Adam introduced to her. ‘ I’m just…you know, curious.’ Adam peered from behind his spectables.

Tasnim felt herself blush. ‘ Urm..I was writing…’ she mumbled. It was embarassing to be caught in the middle of her work while it was even more difficult to explain what she was doing. It also felt a little bit like intrusion of privacy although she was sure that it was just a question to pass the time.

‘ Pardon?’ Adam asked while smiling, revealing a dimple on his left cheek.

‘ Write. A story,’ as usual, Tasnim’s speaking ability will be reduced to that of a small child everytime she saw the dimple.

‘ Ouh so you are a writer?’ Adam pushed aside his coffee and put his elbows on the table.

‘ No, it’s just something that I like doing. Hobby,’ she looked down at her shoe. It was never easy to tell people that she has always loved writing. Everyone will assume that she wants to be a huge successful writer. Not that she did not want to but Tasnim knew it was too difficult. It was a mixed feeling, really.

‘ What do you usually write?’

‘ Usually fiction. Sometimes, things that I see,’ Tasnim paused. No reaction from Adam so she decided to continue. ‘ Basically, my daily life. Fiction perhaps but these days I’m quite busy so I try to keep it really short.’

‘ Daily life. Fiction. Love?’ there was a cheeky glint in Adam’s eye.

Tasnim rolled her eyes and immediately regretted that. ‘ No, not my cup of tea. I can never write about those stuff.’

A silence hung between them. It was heavy and felt like it should be filled with some flirting but they did not act on it.

‘ I’ve always been amazed by people who write,’ Adam said with a smile, breaking the silence.

‘ Why?’ it was Tasnim’s turn to be curious.

‘ I don’t know. How can someone get an inspiration from, say..coffee?’

‘ Aneem?’ the voice jerked Tasnim back to reality. It was the voice that she missed the most.

A smile that have long deserted her face re-emerged for a split second. Tasnim felt her heart sank when she realised it was Sufee, the barista, who called her to indicate her drink was now ready.

‘ Your iced Americano, Aneem,’ Sufee said.

‘ Thank, Sufee,’ Tasnim accepted the drink, trying hard not to cry.

Sufee, on the other hand, stood rooted behind the counter with a slight look of amazement on his face.

Americano. Iced Americano.  

Pisau vs Potato Peeler

Rambut Aya yang beralun diusap oleh Kat dengan perlahan. Kasihan, sisa air mata masih tampak di pipi yang gebu itu.

‘ Aril panggil pipi pau black pepper mushroom,’ Aril pernah berkongsi dengan Kat satu masa dahulu. Satu masa yang dirasakan sudah lama berlalu padahal baru beberapa bulan.

Sedu-sedan Aya terdengar, jelas. Gadis ini terluka lagi. Entah apa pula kali ini.

‘ Aya…’ Kat memanggil lembut. Adiknya yang seorang ini nampak lain benar sejak pulang dari kuliah sebentar tadi.

‘ Ya, kak,’ Aya terus beralih untuk menghadap Kat. Pandangan Aya jatuh pada perut Kat yang membulat. Ada sinar di sebalik mata yang sembap.

Kat tersenyum. Aya seringkali nampak gembira melihat perut Kat yang semakin membesar. Seolah-olah tidak sabar untuk bertemu anak saudaranya nanti.

‘ Nak pegang?’ Kat bertanya, manalah tahu boleh bawa ceria sedikit pada Aya.

Aya mengangguk laju. Selalunya dia takut benar untuk menyentuh perut Kat. Dengan wajah teruja (bercampur takut-takut), Aya menyentuh perut Kat.

‘ Uh!’ Aya terjerit kecil sambil Kat tertawa.

‘ Nampaknya dia tak sabar nak jumpa Maksu dia ni,’ ujar Kat.

‘ Dia selalu tendang ye, kak?’ Aya bertanya, nampak sudah lupa akan kedukaannya tadi.

‘ Kalau dengan abang Afiq, selalu. Bakal jadi ibu saudara kesayanganlah, Aya nanti,’ Kat mengenyitkan mata. Aya tertawa, sedikit serak.

Bila tawa mereka reda, Aya duduk dengan kekok. Tubuh gadis itu disandarkan ke dinding hingga kaki berlunjur di depan. Sepi mengisi ruang kosong di antara mereka berdua. Kat tidak mahu bertanya, biarlah Aya yang buka mulut sendiri.

‘ Tadi, kami berselisih faham,’ Aya memulakan bicara dengan suara rendah. Kat masih mendiamkan diri.

‘ Kak..,’ ada getar di hujung suara Aya.

‘ Ye, sayang?’ Kat membetulkan rambut Aya.

‘ Kenapa orang yang kita sayang boleh lukakan hati kita?’ air mata Aya laju mengalir.

Kat terdiam. Betul, kadang-kala kalau bergaduh dengan Afiq, inilah yang selalu difikirkan. Bukankah bersama dengan orang tersayang sepatutnya menggembirakan? Mungkin benar. Tetapi kita terlupa…

‘ Aya, kita selalu kupas ubi kentang kan?’

Aya cuma mengangguk dengan mata berkaca.

‘ Aya pakai pisau apa?’ Kat menduga lagi.

Mata Aya membulat, tidak pasti di manakah arah tuju soalan ini. ‘ Pisau untuk kupas kentanglah, kak.’

‘ Bukan pisau biasa?’

Aya menggeleng. ‘ Kenapa tidak?’ Kat bertanya, ada senyum nakal.

‘ Sebab bahaya. Nanti terhiris jari. Pisau untuk kupas kentang lebih selamat.’

Kat tersenyum.

‘ Aya, cuba lihat ini,’ Kat mengunjukkan tangan kanan. ‘ Nampak tak parut ini?’ ada satu garis putih di bahagian ibu jari Kat.

‘ Kenapa kakak?’ Aya kelihatan cemas.

‘ Inilah hasil potato peeler. Kakak terhiris kulit sendiri masa tolong Mama,’ Kat mengusap parut di jari.

‘ Ish. Sakitnya,’ Aya menyeringai, seolah-olah dapat merasakan kesakitan Kat. Ya, memang sakit. Sekalipun ia terjadi sewaktu Kat berusia lapan tahun, ngilu dek mata pisau masih terasa. Masih teringat baju kurung yang basah dengan darah dan raungan Kat yang memenuhi rumah.

‘ Sayang, pisau yang kita sangkakan paling selamat itu pun boleh lukakan kita. Pisau tidak bernyawa yang kita kawal sepenuhnya, apatah lagi orang yang kita tidak boleh kawal,’ Kat memegang dagu Aya. Aya terdiam.

‘ Tak mengapalah, Aya. Tidur dulu. Nanti esok pagi fikir semula,’ Kat bingkas dari katil adiknya.

‘ Kak!’

Kat sekadar memalingkan tubuh.

‘ Terima kasih,’ Aya tersenyum. Kat sekadar mengangguk lalu menutup daun pintu bilik Aya. 

Memory: 3

3

‘ Lunch?’ a text from Hanna. Tasnim sighed. As usual, she left the text unanswered.

They were good friends. They practically grew up together and understood each other.

‘ Like sisters that you never had,’ Hanna winked at Tasnim during one of the many birthday celebrations they had. It was the first time Tasnim was introduced to Khalid, one of Hanna’s classmates.

Despite the time that they spent apart; like the time when Hanna decided to do the working visa job in New Zealand, their friendship remained intact. Either when Tasnim was away or Hanna left Malaysia for travelling or with family, they exchange long emails. Not one but several in a day. They were like soulmates that needed each other.

Both Hanna and Tasnim can share stories as well as silences. That was what Tasnim needed. Unlike Hanna, Tasnim was not very good at expressing herself. She may laugh and smile but God only knows if she was crying inside. Hanna was like the older sister, always taking care of Tasnim. It was a good match as they both complement each other.

Admittedly, Tasnim’s luck in the relationship department was always disappointing. Time and again, Hanna will remind her to ‘save yourself’.

‘ Save yourself while you still can. Because I believe that you could have avoided what I went through.’ Yes, a bad breakup that wrecked Hanna. It has been nearly two years but some scars went too deep.

Sometimes they disagree on stuff. Sometimes they agree to respect each others’ disagreement. Sometimes they fight, Tasnim with the silent treatment but they can never live from each other too long.

That was basically the reason why Tasnim cannot keep things from Hanna and vice versa.

‘ Like Adam,’ Tasnim’s hand flew to her mount, realising that she did it again. A sharp pain can be felt in her chest. It physically hurts to remember about that one person.

‘ He made you happy, you know,’ Khalid said, trying to look non-chalant. Sometimes, Khalid dragged Tasnim along for lunch and such as they happen to work on the same floor.

‘ Operative word ‘made’,’ Tasnim continued to stare at her plate of rice. And Khalid went speechless.

Like a bad tape, the memories continued to flood. Tasnim decided that she will have to ditch Hanna, again. She just needed time for herself. 

Camping stories

Somehow, the fact that the whole nation will be out yesterday (30 August 2013) to celebrate Merdeka totally escaped my mind. It was not until late afternoon that I realised that I will be heading to Midvalley in the throngs of people who will also be there.

Why ouh why? But I guess it was already too late and I had to pass money to my friend anyways. Put on the bulky bagpack (with Back To School sticker in it) and brave the sea of people.

‘ I will not (grabbed the poll in the train) let this (tried a balancing act in the bus)  ruin (gasped as the bus door tried to clamp my right hand) our date! (rushed into the entrance of Midvally; glad the torture is over).’

And I ran from one end to another to meet the friend; of course, avoiding the strollers being pushed here and there and fighting the uncontrollable urge to stop at look at adorable babies. You know, maybe footballers would like to have that kind of training for better dribbling skills.

Sorry, got sidetracked.

Anyways, we met and sat down. It was very hard for us not to be screaming ‘ 24 November, come faster! (Her)’ or ‘ At least 15 of November, quick!’ (Me, I am slightly less ambitious). We ordered food and tried very hard not to constantly think about our travelling plans and I knew we were trying to find a topic that will not kill our braincells.

I don’t know how it came about but then, we started talking about camping trips.

My earliest memory of sleeping in the jungle (for a few days only, of course) was when I was 12. I nearly had a row with my grandfather as I really wanted to go camping near Ulu Yam. The main reason why my proposal was rejected was ‘ you are too young’. Well, he still paid for my allowances, what can I say?

Come 13, there was no stopping me. I begged and plead to attend my very first camping trip with the rest of the Scouts. It must have been a bit of a blah since I have no recollection from the trip, not even the venue. So, nothing to tell.

The best trip would have to be the one when I was in Form 2. It was in Templer Park and there were less than 20 of us. We arrived quite late by our standard and it was raining heavily. I remembered walking, hunched in the rain as I carried our responsibility; a Weetamel biscuit wrapped in a filmsy plastic. We were supposed to protect the biscuit until the end of the trip and must bring the biscuit everywhere with us.

Our group’s biscuit broke into half before we even left the school compound. And they never did found out. Thi-hi-hi.

Anyways, soaked in the rain, we had difficulty in setting up the tent. Don’t ask me, I will not be able to set up one for my dear life. My task was usually to dig a small drain all around the tent. I was not even responsible to sprinkle sulphur all around the tent.

I end up helping the other members to find dry leaves (nada) or dry branches (null) for our campfire. Before we know it, it was dark and we had no food. We were extremely hungry and tired by then, including worried since we had no campfire. Only then did our teacher pull out army candles and Bunsen burner but by then, we were too hungry to get angry.

I had a can of tuna in my bag. Someone else had a loaf of bread. There were eight hungry faces hunched in the dark.

‘ I have tuna,’ I said and I swear I can see their ears perk up.

‘ Ok..’ someone answered almost conspiratorially.

‘ And I have bread,’ someone else whispered. We were elated. We looked left and right, just in case others in the area heard us. None.

Slowly, we made our way to our respective tents and took the tuna and bread before half-running towards our meeting place. Luckily, the tuna can did not require a can opener.

‘ Quick! On the bread.’

I hesitated.

‘ It’s oke. It’s emergency. We don’t have to cook it,’ said someone else without realising that was not my concern.

‘ Anyone has spoon?,’ I said at least. No one said anything.

Great. We had food but no utensils. Asking a spoon from the QC will only result in about ten over people coming over to our group and we had to share the already small amount of food.

‘ Can we use ruler?’ I asked, sensing that we had to find an alternative and fast.

‘ Yes!’ and again, I made the trip to my bag.

And that night, all eight of us slept well. Gross, I know but we were young, stupid and really hungry.

That particular camping trip will always be among the ones that I will look back fondly. When we did river tracking, we passed by a wild boar’s kubang (no idea what that is in English and received no help from Google Translate too). We actually walked in a tiger’s trail too!

Oke no need to be too excited.

My friend and I swapped stories for about an hour. Yes, it sounded crazy when I wanted to go camping but now, I was glad I did it. Although it might not be as grand as staying for a few weeks in the jungle, it was still an experience I can never buy. 

Memory: 2

The sun was shining a bit too bright on that day but for Tasnim, it was such a bliss. The office was too cold for her liking. It was not the first time that she exited the place puffing while rubbing both of her hands and trying to revive her almost dying, purplish nails. Tasnim just needed to defrost; yes, the office felt like a chiller.

Most of the people in the building have already went out to lunch. Tasnim purposely picked 1pm to go out just so she didn’t have to fight for space in the elevator. Maybe it was just her luck or the elevator was being super efficient but it took less than a minute for an elevator to carry her downstairs.

Tasnim walked against the stream of people coming back to their offices. She avoided faces, promptly putting on her sunglasses just to avoid familiar faces. Well, it would not make any difference anyways. No one will smile at her.

On top of the sunglasses, she walked with her head bowed down. All Tasnim could think was keep on walking, as if in a trance. Before she knew it, she already stood at the counter while looking at several coffee-based drinks. Not the franchise coffee chain but a normal kopitiam.

Everything felt like a blur. Almost on auto-pilot, Tasnim ordered cham, a combination of tea and coffee. It was only when she sat down, with a number in a hand that she realised where she was.

As Tasnim stirred the drink that arrived about two minutes after she sat down, all the memories came flooding back. It has been a little bit over a year.

                                    +                      +                      +

‘ I am seriously sorry,’ Tasnim stared at the blotches of coffee on the guy’s shirt. All she can hear was her voice saying ‘Merde’ in her head over and over again.

The guy who was standing in front of her didn’t even attempt to cover his fury.

‘ Seriously?’ the guy looked at Tasnim, a little bit red-faced. ‘ Seriously?’ this time, it was one notch higher.

Tasnim was shocked although deep down she knew that this might happen. Well, what was she expecting. She knocked the whole iced coffee on his white officewear.

‘ I am sorry. Seriously. I didn’t see you,’ Tasnim tried to apologise while looking at the wasted iced coffee on the floor.

‘ Well, of course you can’t. With that sunglasses in this mall,’ the guy rolled his eyes while walking to the nearest table for tissues. ‘ Stupid,’ the guy said without looking back.

Tasnim stood rooted at the spot, feeling the blood drain from her face.

‘ Hey! I said sorry,’ Tasnim marched towards the guy.

The guy stopped dabbing tissue on his shirt and looked at Tasnim’s face. ‘ So, does it change anything? Did the coffee stain vanish?’

‘ I am well aware it didn’t but that was not an excuse to call me stupid,’ Tasnim took off her sunglasses.

‘ Great. Should you have taken off that..’ the guy stopped mid sentence while still staring at her face. ‘ That…that sunglasses, this would not happen,’ the guy continued his sarcastic remark although it did sound a bit lame to Tasnim’s ears.

Tasnim did not have time to process the oddity. Instead, she did a mental calculation and fished her purse.

‘ Fine. Follow me,’ Tasnim turned around. ‘ I’ll buy you another shirt,’ she answered to an unvoiced question.

‘ What? But..’ the guy stopped cleaning his shirt and trailed behind Tasnim.

‘ Seriously, I’m sorry. Come on,’ Tasnim did not look back but she knew he was there. There was a whift of coffee from behind.

Without bothering to look at the guy, Tasnim walked towards one of the department stores despite the fact that she had no idea what guys usually wear to the office. As soon as she arrived at the front door, Tasnim stopped suddenly. She turned around and looked at the guy’s face.

The guy whose name Tasnim is yet to learn, raised an eyebrow.

‘ I..urmm.. I have no idea what brand guy’s wear,’ Tasnim said while unconsciously making her voice smaller.

No reply. Tasnim waited in agony before the guy burst into laughter.

‘ What?’ she asked. This guy can really change his mood faster than a female on PMS.

‘ It’s ok. It’s after work anyways.’

‘ But your shirt..’ Tasnim tried to reason.

‘ Nah. It’s ok. This will come off,’ the guy smiled. And Tasnim’s heart did a leap. A dimple on the right cheek.

‘ I’m sorry that I lost my cool,’ the guy brushed off his hair. Or fringe.

‘ Well, it was my fault anyways.’

Awkward silence.

‘ By the way, I’m Adam,’ the guy introduced himself.

‘ Tasnim.’ Tasnim struggled to smile as she could feel a blush coming.

‘ Wow. Such a beautiful name,’ this time, Tasnim really had no choice but to blush. ‘ I should not have called you stupid. It was totally uncalled for. Can we go for a drink as you lost yours and I haven’t had mine?’ Adam plead, his voice low.

Maybe it was guilt or maybe it was just fate. They sat at the same kopitiam a bit over a year ago and exchanged phone numbers over two cups of cham.

Tasnim could feel tears welling in her eyes. Adam….

Memory: 1

Tasnim sat staring at her bowl of breakfast cereal. The bowl was half filled with the rainbow-coloured processed food. Hanna; sensing that her beloved friend will not be moving any of her limbs anytime soon, poured milk into the bowl.

Unexpectedly, the milk stopped pouring before it can even fill half of the bowl.

On no. Here comes…

‘ Why?,’ here we go again. Yesterday, it was sugar. The day before that was doughnut.

‘ Is it too difficult to have the correct amount of milk added to my bowl? People don’t know what I’ve been through.’

Hanna was expecting the usual naughty Puss-In-Boots expression from Tasnim but today, something else happened. Her face crumpled before a steady stream of tears went down her cheek.

As quick and as efficient as lightning, Hanna fished her phone from her back pocket.

‘ Code Black. We have a situation here.’ It was a text sent to Khalid, another friend.

‘ Code Black? What’s that? Since when do we have a Code Black?’ that bloodyline from Tower Heist. Came the reply.

Feeling impatient, Hanna called Khalid instead while marching out of the kitchen, leaving a sobbing Tasnim at the table.

‘ She is crying, you dolt!’ Hanna hissed down the mouthpiece.

‘ Ouh no.’

Ouh no is right. Their friend might finally accept that it was the end of the road.

No more Tasnim-Adam. 

Chak!

ini bukan kucing parsi. ini kucing kampung, berbapakan kucing kacukan. kami tak pernah jumpa bapa dia tapi kami kagum dengan dia. kagum sebab comel sgt. yang banyak dalam rumah ni cuma kucing belang-belang atau tompok-tompok yang sebenarnya semua template. sama je semua. perangai pun sama; curi ikan, pecahkan pinggan. haish.

tapi yang ini lain. dia tak masuk rumah. bagus. yang kami risaukan kalau ada orang curi.

dilemma betul. ada kucing tak comel, rasa mcm nak pija. ada kucing comel, malas pula nak pegi kasi injection ke apa. takut orang curi. haish. mcm-mcm..

tunggu

sampai masa untuk giliran kita, ia pasti akan tiba.

apa? kau tanya? ah apa-apalah.

cinta contohnya. contoh sahaja.

pencari cinta, sabarlah. giliran kita akan tiba. tepat masa, ia akan sampai. dan kau takkan mampu menolak.

sampai saat itu, sabarlah. pujuk hatimu suruh sabar dan tenang.

ros idaman

terima kasih. tak sangkanya. memang dah lama nak bunga ros. ini perempuan cantik duduk depan saya yang kasi.

ah bahagia.

of saving someone

everyone wants to be a hero/ heroin. everybody wants to save a life. but what if in order to save someone, you have to save yourself first? before fixing someone, you need to be durable enough to endure all the obstacles that will come your way.

yes, superman has its own weakness. that man of steel (albeit that it is a fictional character); with a role to save the world, is easily crippled by a kryptonite.

so how can we, mere human, can assume that we can save anybody that we want too?

we can only do so much. we can save someone as long as that particular someone wants to be helped.

at least, that's what I think.

terang-terang

di suatu masa dulu

Whatsapp:
A: awak
A: :(

ah sudah. kenapa pula ni?

B: ye, saya.
A: dia (buah hatinya) tak mahu kasi pegang phone lagi.
A: selalu dia kasi je

mungkin sebenarnya dia tahu apa yang terjadi. tetapi dia takut untuk menghadapi kemungkinan. maklum, 'berkawan' bukan sehari dua. itulah lumrah manusia. kadang sudah tahu tapi masih mahu bertanya. bukan sebab apa, kita semua mahu approval.

sebab itu kawan kita kadang selalu bertanya: dah tahu kenapa nak tanya?

sebab kita mahu approval.

puas hati

A: ini gambar di mana?
B: rumahlah.
A: rumah? buat sendiri ye?

lebih mudah sebenarnya. memanglah nampak remeh tapi seronok. bukan senang nak bergotong-royong sama-sama buat kuih. tak perlu ceritalah gotong-royong di kampung kalau di rumah sendiri pun dah fail.

masa inilah mahu cuba bermesra dengan orang tua. selalu tu mood dah ke laut sebab penat. muka ketat kalau bercakap. sebab kita tiada pilihan lain selain daripada bermuka manis untuk juadah buka puasa, maka pura-pura gembiralah walaupun macam ada harimau dalam perut.

kalau buat sendiri, tahu dah apa yang kita mahu. setengah orang tak mahu sengkuang. yang lain tak mahu lobak (entah apalah yang mereka mahu sebagai inti popiah. jangan tanya). ini juga peluang untuk belajar buat popiah. selalu main tunjuk sahaja, kali ini ha tunggulah. lepas buat inti kene keringkan berapa jam. kemudian gulung. gulung mesti simetri walaupun untuk hidangan di rumah.

kemudian berebut siapa nak goreng. bukan mudah ya sebenarnya perihal makan-memakan ini.

B: aah. buat sendiri.

:)

Ghaya! Ghaya!

' rasalah ketupat ini..'

'dengan rendangnya sekali..'

 ' sudilah rasa kuihku..'

 ' pilihlah yang mana satu..'

*yang last sekali tu mmg mintak kene sekeh. 

anyways, selamat hari raya. maaf zahir batin :)

senyum

apa ada di sebalik senyum?
mungkin luka. mungkin betul bahagia.
ah apa kisah?
mengapa susah-susah mahu tafsir?

take it at face value.

(ini masa bersteam bot dgn rakan sama-sama 'crack')

fikir-fikir-fikir

(tentang hubungan. tidak kiralah tentang persabahatan atau apa)

A: kau..kenapa selalu senyap?
B yang sedang tunduk, meninjau di sebalik kaca mata. A membalas pandangan yang bisu, hanya mengulang pertanyaan melalui pandangan mata.

sela tanpa bunyi. yang sebetulnya memeningkan.

A: apa lagi yang kau fikir panjang-panjang ni? nanti mulalah tak mau keluar dengan aku, tak mau jawab telefon. semua pun nak sendiri.

B cuma tersenyum. apalah yang A faham dengan kehidupan yang berselirat.

A: kau sahaja yang buat benda jadi rumit. semua itu tidak perlu jadi rumit sebenarnya.

Tipikal A.

B cuma senyum.

B: kalau aku mahu sarapan pagi pun aku fikir panjang, apa membuatkan kau fikir aku mahu redah saja bila sampai pada perkara ini?

02:00

satu. hanya satu je kerja kau. itu je pun. 

ini kerja kami. bukan kerja kita. atau kerja kau seorang. kalau rasa tak boleh beri komitmen, tolonglah ckp. jangan rosakkan bisnes orang. yang paling penting, kepercayaan orang jangan buang. 

apa yang ada kalau sebagai seorang kawan sudah lousy, begitu juga rakan sekerja? apa lagi?

10:58pm

people say that you don't take the same person the second time because it's like re-reading a book. 

what's wrong in re-reading a book,though? i have a book that i re-read when i need to calm down when I feel so stressed. oke i mean books, not book. 

sadly, my thought has truncated. need to sleep to wake up early tomorrow. 

diam. sendiri

kenapa agaknya kalau sibuk mulalah banyak idea dalam kepala? padahal kalau duduk diam-diam tu, takde pulak. contoh macam tadilah. elok-elok berazam daripada balik kerja nak bercerita, alih-alih cerita entah ke mana, orangnya entah ke mana. tak boleh pakai betul.

kalau buat kerja pula, ha mulalah datang idea kiri kanan. tak pun masa tgh berdiri dalam train. itupun tak boleh pakai juga sebab tangan tengah sibuk cuba bergayut kiri-kanan. manalah sempat nak ambik telefon pulak nak menaip.

bercakap tentang train, comel betul ada someone ni semalam dia tolong perhatikan tempat duduk kosong dalam tren. kalau ada kosong, dia suruh perempuan duduk. yelah, puasa. besar kemungkinan dia penat jadi dia pun mcm tak larat nak bangun untuk kasi tempat duduk dia. at least, ada juga usaha dia.

terpesong dah rasanya karangan ni. bahaha. sebelum ia pergi lebih jauh, baik berhenti dulu.

jadi, korang buka apa tadi? saya sempat buat French Toast ala sukahati.

umpan

nak mengumpan ni bukan susah. setengah orang main belasah je. setengah orang dia sabar. dalam diam dia memerhati. dia perhati sahaja habit orang.

ala kita ini semuanya a creature of habit. tak lari daripada kebiasaan. susah tau nak buat sesuatu di luar rutin. kalau dah makan pukul 1 tengahari, mmg 1 tengahari juga la yang dicari.

perhati lama sikit, bukan susah pun. banyak dah social media yang boleh digunakan untuk stalking.

sabarlah. tgk penyerang hendap sabar dia mcm mana. selamat berjaya!

sea, sun, love

(misleading entry. gambar tiada kaitan dgn entry)

bulan puasa memang ditunggu-tunggu. banyak sebab sebenarnya tetapi yang ingin disentuh di sini adalah waktu bekerja. ya, boleh balik awal. ya balik awal stok pukul 3 petang punya balik.

ramai berkata 'bestnya balik pukul 3'. yelah bestlah kalau kene mandi sebelum sahur, makan lps tu pakai baju terus tunggu bas. kalau bernasib malang, 30 minit jugalah kau tunggu bas tu tak sampai-sampai. mmg penuh dugaan romadhuon (mulut herot sikit) betullah kalau kau dah berkobar-kobar kalah budak sekolah sekali ketibas semua bas tak datang lagi. bukan itu sahaja, batang hidung teksi pun tak nampak. mulalah kaki yang sbnrnya elok je sebelum tu jadi sengal-sengal, pedih-pedih sikit. dasar tiada benih kesabaran dalam diri betul.

kalau nasib baik, mmg boleh sampai dan balik awal. yg tak berapa nak nasib baik tu kalau balik pulak bas buat hal. bertolak pukul 4 misalnya. mmg nganga je la sebab akan stuck dalam jam. kita sambung tido sambil ternganga (kisah benar). dengan tade ekonnya hoi sedihnya rasa. macam zaman sekolah kene tido dalam bas yg serupa bekas kedap udara, tido terlentok-lentok dengan peluh menitik kat dahi. puas jugalah tido daripada 4.15 sampai 5.15 kot. itu pun tak sampai lagi.

penyelesaian? penyelesaiannya adalah buat deal dengan pakcik teksilah siap-siap untuk memastikan anda boleh sampai jam 7 pagi ke pejabat dan pulang jam 3 petang. kebarangkalian stuck dlm traffic jam itu sgt rendah.

ouh btw, office saya flexi hour. hiks.

sudah hampir lapan setengah. anda sudah repeat berbuka atau belum?

'aku perhati je ni'

ini kucing di rumah kami tgh perhati hamster. ayat sepupu ' dia tunggu masa je tu tuan tade. hilang je dia terkam. '

Yang pernah

kita sebenarnya tidak pernah lupa apa yang kita ada. sentiasa, sentiasa ingat.

cuma kita selalu leka bahawa yang kita ada itu boleh juga berubah menjadi yang pernah ada.

lepaskan kalau sudah tidak mampu. lepaskan kalau beban terasa berat amat. untuk apa lukis senyum kalau boleh senyum secara semulajadi sekalipun hanya sendiri? atau mungkin boleh senyum gembira dengan bantuan yang lain.

masa masih ada (kalau tiada pun sudah ditakdirkan. bising-bising pun tak dapat apa). melangkah pergi jauh-jauh kalau perlu. kalau satu hari nanti garis selari ini ditakdirkan bertembung semula, tahulah kita.

tahulah kita itu adalah petanda :)

Sejarah

Bukan salah simpan kenangan. Selak kenangan juga tak salah. Itu kalau ianya tak membunuh; ini pendapat akulah.

Apalah guna di selak kenangan kalau yang merana diri sendiri. Apalah guna dikenang kalau semuanya dah habis, dah tiada apa yang tinggal.

Tenanglah hati-hati yang kecewa. Masih ada terang di hujung jalan selagi mata kau buka dan ada masih ada percaya. Tenanglah. Tidur lena malam nanti.

Keliru dan hilang punca kerana jerebu

Orang cakap ' humour is the best defense'. Macam kita sebenarnya sakit hati bila orang tanya 'bila turn awak ni?' tapi kita kebanyakannya senyum, ketap gigi dan cakap ' nanti, pukul lima'. Dan semua ketawa, termasuk kita yang sama terluka sebenarnya. 

Orang juga cakap ' paling susah nak bercerita pada orang yang paling kita sayang sebab kita mahu dia approve apa yang kita buat'. Haih. Yang ini memang tidak dapat disangkal lagi. Kita mahu dia nampak kita semua oke walaupun sebenarnya di sebalik wajah yang tenang, ada tsunami dalam hati. 

Orang ada cakap lagi ' yang paling banyak bercakap tidak semestinya banyak bercerita'. Nampak macam peningkan? Tapi itu kenyataan. 

Itu belum lagi ' orang yang paling banyak ketawa adalah yang paling sedih sebenarnya'. Ini ada benar, ada tidak. Tetapi tak salahkan kalau kita bertanya? 

Tanya. Itu sebenarnya. Ada separuh daripada kita yang tidak suka ditanya. Beri dia cukup masa dan dia akan bersuara. Ada pula yang mahu ditanya, mahu dihargai walaupun sekejap. Sebab dia sudah penat. Penat memikul semua beban. Penat jadi badut untuk orang lain sedangkan dia juga mahu seseorang dengar apa dia mahu cakap. Dengar tanpa menghukum. Dengar dia meluahkan sampai habis kerana dia tahu apa yang dia perlu buat cuma dia perlu lebih masa untuk ambil tindakan. Kerana apa? Sebab keputusan itu bukan mudah. Kalau dia teruskan, dia merana. Kalau dia tinggal juga dia yang merana. Berapa lama sakit itu akan ada, tak siapa tahu, malah dia sendiri tak tahu. 

Tanya kerana dia sebenarnya sudah mula rasa sunyi dalam keriuhan. Bila-bila masa sahaja topeng kegembiraan yang dia pakai akan tertanggal hingga nampak liang bekas air mata di muka. 

Dia cuma mahu seorang kawan yang boleh mendengar saat ini. Itu sahaja. Tolong beri dia peluang cari sedikit rasa lega dalam sesak akibat jerebu di luar sana. Di luar dan juga di dalam. 

Jerebu. Jerebu hati. 

Kau tahu?

"perlu aku khabarkan betapa hutan batu ini begitu menyesakkan? mungkin tidak. mungkin kau sudah lebih arif daripada aku.

apa yang mungkin kau tidak tahu adalah betapa kau membantu aku menghadapi kesesakan ini. untuk setiap degupan jantung yang laju disebabkan tekanan kerja, ada sela-sela menyenangkan bila wajah kau yang aku lihat.'

Do it!

Do it!

It is easy to put off things. The book that we are supposed finish reading, the homework, the laundry and the list goes on. But we know we have to finish it anyways. The problem is...when?

Most of the time, I find myself submitting mediocre work because of last minute work. Most of the time the idea is there but because of time constraint, there was not enough time to edit the work.

Motivation can be found almost anywhere. I found mine with Seth Godin. Just google him up and subscribe to the blog. He makes perfect sense why we should complete our tasks.

Happy reading!

ini pos tiada hala tuju

kadang-kadang, mungkin, agaknya. weih. serabutlah. ingat tak serabut ke kalau byk sgt kemungkinan? kalau tray lauk dekat kedai tu beratur masa lunch pun tak boleh buat pilihan, inikan pula cerita kehidupan yang banyak kemungkinan.

kalau pilih tempat makan pun boleh bawak gaduh, jgn haraplah boleh buat pilihan bila dah berkait soal emosi. lunch tu soal praktikal pun tak boleh nak pilih.

haih susahlah. banyak sangat kemungkinan. mungkin macam ini, mungkin macam itu. mungkin bos hang marah hang tadi bukan sebab dia marah kat hang tapi dia tak boleh lepas kat bini dia so hang kena. tak pun sebab dia simpan silap hang lama dah. tak pun dia PMS. tak pun dia..tak pun...

ha tau tak banyak sangat kemungkinan? ikut kat diri sendirilah nak fikir positif ke tak tapi memang banyaklah kemungkinan, tak boleh cerita. makin jauh biarkan fikiran melayang, makin banyaklah teori yang akan keluar. dah banyak teori ni, jawapannya memang tak boleh fikir apa-apalah. as in tak boleh nak buat keputusan.

dan di sinilah aku, tak boleh buat keputusan.

' disebabkan rambut, habis hati tertawan' . boleh tahan rasa nak tampar juga statement.

dahlah. dah dua pagi. apa aku buat berjaga lama macam ni.

Aku percaya

aku percaya waktu aku hilang kau
aku jumpa diri aku kembali.

sepanjang aku cari kau
aku juga cari diri sendiri
kekuatan, kelemahan, kesabaran.

terima kasih
memori, perkenalan kita, dan pengajaran ini.

terima kasih.

On sharing

i believe everyone has friends, like different sets of friends. good friends (you grow up together), hangout friends (very close but not as close as the former), acquaintances and such. yes, there is a need for categorisation. you will see next. 

bless our friends who have been together with us for extremely long. Our families know each other, we talk about the silliest of stuff and get weird together. Private jokes are abundant and one simple word can send us to squeals of non-stop laughter. Without face-to-face interaction, you can detect something is wrong. You can even feel that the other person is unhappy about something. The bond is so strong that you will instantly pick up the phone when the other person is about to call you. It happens to my mother and I, as well as with a very dear friend. 

well, you get the point. 

anyways, for all the long years spent together, have you ever thought that there will be a day where your friendship will be changed a bit? maybe the other one has another good friend? a hangout friend, perhaps. what would you do?

or perhaps a boyfriend? this may mean that this will be an end to most of the late night talks (may or maybe not). the emergency lunches, dates, movie dates and the hot-guy scouting activities? how does it feel? 

so tell me, i know things have changed when good friends get married, for example. i know some of you have felt this too. 

nothing serious. this weather is making me think. that is all. 

Along Came Polly

i have always wanted to watch this movie, particularly because of Jennifer Aniston and hey! I managed to.

Not going to bore you with the details, just going to point on something.

Live your life. Risk is everywhere. Of course we can calculate risks but not on everything. Like our chance with someone. A little bit of risk wouldn't kill.

Seize the opportunity, make the most out of the chance that we get.

And there is no coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. It might hurt for the moment but someday, when it has passed, we will realise its a lesson.

2013 and people are still pissing all over their territories

maybe I was out of the dating game too long. maybe i was having too much fun these days. but i am pretty sure i was flabbergasted that people are still 'pissing all over their territories'.

never, ever, EVER embarrass your partner especially when you are just dating, especially men. this might differ from one person to another but if that's your boyfriend/ girlfriend, IMHO, you really cannot control them.

i am just shocked. people still try to control their partners? who they can talk to and such?

two strikes; respect and trust. you lose these, it's a pretty done deal.

do the damage control now. please. you just made someone apologise for something that was not wrong in the first place. and remember, that person is not your trophy.

Periuk Belanga

Ada satu Periuk duduk di atas sinki. Ada satu cerek duduk bawah para. Periuk sentiasa pandang Cerek tak lepas, memerhatikan setiap apa yang terjadi pada Cerek. Maklumlah, duduknya tinggi, bukan macam Cerek.

Sehari-hari mereka menjalankan tugas. Kadang-kadang Periuk di atas dapur, mungkin berganti pula dengan cerek. Kedua-duanya hanya berbalas senyum.

Sampailah satu hari tuan punya barang-barang tidak di rumah. Didorong rasa bosan, Periuk bersuara:

' Kasihan kau, Cerek. Hitam sungguh badan kau aku tengok.'

Cerek yang sudah mahu terlelap waktu itu tersentak. Bukan sebab marah atau apa.

' Periuk, kau nampak sudu di depan kau?' Kebetulan ada barisan sudu yang bergayutan, dibiarkan kering di hadapan Periuk.

' Ya. Kenapa?' Periuk bertanya, bingung bunyinya.

' Bagus. Cuba kau tengok rupa kau dari situ dan kemudian bandingkan dengan aku,' Cerek berkata sambil tersenyum.

Periuk berpaling ke depan dan ikut arahan Cerek tanpa sebarang syak. Alangkah terkejut dirinya bila dilihat dirinya tiada beza dengan Cerek. Hitam dan kusam.

' Tak sedar diri,' gumam Cerek sebelum kembali tidur.

Sakit nombor 2

Paling hebat selepas terpijak lego adalah tercekik honey stars yang belum kembang. Seketul pulak tu. dah rasa macam nak menjerit minta tolong dekat meja tadi.

Don't judge me. I love honey stars. And they are not too cute to be eaten.

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Why I Like Conservative Board Games

I may not be good at chess but I really enjoy other board games. Of course, there was this Snake and Ladder, Sahibba and Monopoly (just quoting a few). I remember growing up with my siblings and cousins playing the games every time we meet. Of course, this was before the advent of the Internet. I mean it was made available at a cheap price for everyone to enjoy.

As we get older, getting together to play board games becomes harder. It was fun during school but once we started college and everything, it sort of become uncool I guess. We did try to recreate the moment but well, it was not easy. Something that is of th epast, should well stay as the past.

With the Internet, we don't have to sit in a same room to play board games. I used to play Dominoes with people about 500 miles (maybe more) from Melaka. All I need was a Yahoo! Play room and voila! No more boring days.

Now, it is even easier with tablets and smartphones. All we have to do is download the game and we can play with it anytime (although I have to admit that I get bored very easily with this thing). No more waiting to connect to a room, just play and the scores will be updated soon.

Despite this, I still find board games charming. I love the few minutes of bickering about bank notes while playing saidina. Or the few minutes of bickering of who should go make tea or something. All I get from playing with people across the world was 'faster, your move!' Like laju-laju ni nak pergi mana, bang?

Anyways, the thing that I missed the most of playing board games is the possibility of throwing a trantrum when we are about to lose and flipping the board. Imagine the feeling when we see houses and hotels flying down the table as well as money that belonged to your opponents.

We wouldn't get that with applications, right?

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Sisterhood

I don't have a blood-related sister. My cousin of the same age is the closest thing to a sister when I was a kid. Now, my good friend is the closest thing to a sister that I have. Because of that, I missed all the fun of bickering with sisters, fighting over stupid stuff, critisizing sisters' outfits and stuff.

I have to say I am jealous of people having a sister as they can exchange comments on clothes and stuff. Sometimes I want to change my style a bit but a bit hesitant as there are no one to refer to. What if the new outfit cramps my (non-existant) style? What if it looks totally hideous?

See? #FirstWorldProblem.

With the advent of technology, the misery of not knowing is no longer an issue. I feel like carrying my friends in my pocket these days. Pick an outfit, take a picture and send it to friend(s). Most of the time, I don't even have to wait long for the answer.

Shopping for clothes is no longer a burden now. I used to drag someone for their opinion but nay, I got my sisters on my phone right now, ready to rescue me.

I love you, lovelies. You know who uou are.

Romantic schmantic

We were very lucky that we were not thrown out of the cinema during Les Miserables. No, you do not need to know French in order to understand the title. Miserable is the operative word.

Despite the title, we were laughing most of the time, especially during the romantic songs. Especially me, I find it funny. Maybe I was too much of a skeptic to feel the heat.

It was a good movie. I like almost everything about it. Despite the fact that it was a musical, I actually enjoyed it especially with Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter. Of course, there's Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway. And Russell Crowe.

Ouh no. I won't spoil it for you. I just want to go find Victor Hugo's now. So bye!

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Decision Making

Looking at the life that we are leading now, I truly understand why heart diseases are becoming more common among younger people. We had to make decisions every single second of our life. Now, I do understand that it is something that we have to do like choosing ketchup over chilli and stuff like that. Let me demonstrate to you. 

A coffee chain is a place for hardcore decision makers. I am talking about the chains like Starbucks, San Francisco Coffee, Coffee Bean and such. You walk into the store, humming to yourself thinking that 'Yeay! I am getting my dose of drug (which is absolutely what I have in mind every single time I go into one of those outlets)' and BAM! You end up staring at the walls, opening and closing your mouth like goldfish being out of the bowl. 

There, up on the walls are written an array of options for your coffee. Tall black, decaf, hot or cold. Wait, there's more to it. With full-cream milk, low-fat milk, with or without whipped cream (mine will always be minus the cream). I don't know about you but sometimes I do sweat for having to make such important decision within...say two minutes or I have this feeling of people behind me shouting profanities into my ears. As a fellow caffeine addict, I know how lack of such component may impair judgment. 

And yes, I treat coffee as serious business. 

A couple of minutes and we have to pick a combination of substance to become the beverage of the day. I understand that some of us need caffeine to kick start out day. Imagine having to make such an important decision first thing in the morning. What if we screw up? The whole day will be ruined!

It's not as simple as before where the choices are limited to coffee with milk, with sugar or without sugar. Not that way anymore. 

No wonder they charge us so much at Starbucks and such. It's part of a training to become decision makers. Hurm. 

Ladies, It Pays To Be Vigilant

This happened yesterday at the KL Convention Centre, at a place that I frequents on a daily basis. It never occured to me that this will happen but it did.

My friend coolly said that nowhere is safe when I recounted this story.

(reading instruction: please read with an echo. Thank you) I just came back from having tea with a friend, it was after 7pm, leaning towards 8pm. It was not that late and there were tonnes of people near the convention centre area. I felt safe (humming silently under my breath), thinking that it was near impossible to be attacked or anything, safe for the sharks in Aquaria. So, I went to the toilet, fighting againts the human traffic with the kids and the parents running after kids and all. A man walked in front of me, I was pretty sure he was a Malay.

Anyways, I saw someone with the complexion of a Bangladeshi standing outside the men's. Something told me that I'd better be careful. True enough, he approached me and asked if I am a Malaysia. Of course, I am fighting all my senses to reply with a sarcastic remark and waved my hand before heading to the toilet. I was so scared that he will do something like follow me home that I asked for the cleaner to accompany me outside once I am done with my business (and no, not telling). I was wearing baju kurung so that made it much more difficult to run, in case I had to. And I hate running so you can guess I am as a good runner as Garfield.

When both of us peaked outside, the man was not there anymore. I was literally sweating because of fear and I regretted the moment I once joked about being stalked means that you are popular. To anyone who heard me crack that one, please forgive me.

Back to the story, he was not in front of the toilet. I knew I brushed him off in quite a harsh way and yes, I was afraid he might do something to me. Seeing that he was nowhere to be seen, I walked straight with as much calmness that I can muster (I can assure you it was nearing the 0 level) when I saw him again. This time with a girl standing to his far right. She looked uneasy and something told me, this guy bothered her too.

I called the girl and asked if the guy bothered her. She did not reply yes straightaway but asked me if I was bothered before that. I pulled her aside before listening to her story. This was it:

Girl: The guy said he is a muslim convert and he wants to learn how to perform wudhu'

Me: Then why didn't he go into the surau and ask someone there?

And remember the guy I told you walked in front of me before I entered the toilet? He could have asked the guy.

Girl: He said nobody wants to talk to him. And he cannot speak Malay.

Oke that was weird beause he had no accent before that.

Me: Do you want to go and talk to him now? I mean, there are two of us.

(I felt guilty by then because if that was the reason, pity him for having me shoo-ing him off like that. But my suspicion was still high, hold that thought.)

Girl: No. He showed me a piece of paper, with sex as the content.

That was it then. My suspicions were true. Unlucky for the girl because she had to face it.

I knew something was wrong because first, he askEd me in Bahasa Malaysia if I am Malay. No accent, no nothing. So how come he said he cannot speak Malay? Second, why would you want to approach a girl when there are plenty of men over there. I mean, it will be difficult for women to show how to do it anyways. Third, I don't buy the trick nobody do not want to teach him how to perform ablution. He can just enter the surau and watch people do it.

I over-analyse stuff all day; it is a handicap my friends always point out. But I am glad I over analyse stuff yesterday.

It pays to be vigilant ladies, especially if you are alone. Of course it is good manners to help someone but if your instinct tells you otherwise, please follow it. Take in all your surrounding and analyse the data that was given; does it fit or not? It is oke to be a bit cautious. Be ready to scream your heart out in case anything happens. Avoid walking anywhere with earphones plugged in your ears.

Because like my friend said: nowhere is safe these days.

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Accidental Shopping

It does exist, I can assure you. One moment you are humming to yourself, thinking of the lunch menus and before you know it BAM! You are several ringgit (or hundred) poorer but ouh! So much happier.

You think ' Nah, it would never happen. How is that possible? I am hungry and I really go out of the office to buy food, nothing else. Once I am full, I'd feel so much better. I wouldn't be looking at anything else.'

That is really not true. Once you are done with lunch and there is still time to spare, there will be so much walking around that you want to do. It does not matter where you are having lunch, as long as there are people selling stuff, it's just a catastrophe to happen.

I went to ge lunch, I end up with a purse. True, I need a purse but really not now. I know I have had my purse for nearly ten years and something are about to get faulty. The zipping mechanism now needs a lot of tugging but I honestly love it. You can no longer find a good leather purse at that price anymore.

Well, I should remember the inflation.

But I grabbed the purse, almost not thinking. It's on 70% off and I was unsure if there are more of the same range on rebate. It does not help with I have someone else beside you saying that i was a really good buy, you cannot possibly get anything from the same range at the same or almost similar price.

At the sound of the cash register, I can almost hear my heart sang. It was like music to my ears and the thought of having something new to open just made me happy. It was something new, something wrapped in a bag and the smell, ya..the smell. Who doesn't like the smell of new stuff. It's almost like getting a new breathe of 'fresh air' from snorting drug (metaphorically speaking. I never do drug except cough syrup).

As expected, guilt arrived a bit late. It must got delayed by the lunch traffic; foot or vehicle. It was panting at the door, gasping for breathe and I nearly missed it.

That was when it hit me; the guilt. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach while I was still holding the bag of my new purchase. There were sweat on my forehead while my face was still smiling. I know; a walking contradiction.

Despite the bad taste in my mouth, I still cannot let it go. I know I should at least selling it back but I cannot bring myself to it. And here I am, looking at the purse, wiping beads of tears out of my eyes. It's so beautiful.

Well, I just had to say this, regardless of how cliche it could be:

' If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.' There, I said it.

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The Other Aishah

somehow, somewhere over the rainbow, I must have pen this down. this as in having another collague called aishah.

i worked in the company first so initially i wanted to kenakan her. like send some difficult work to her table and say 'someone gave this to aishah' (without telling my name of course). but it didn't materialise. something must have happened to me that I didn't pull the cheap trick.

anyways, I was sitting at my table, clicking away in the morning (very rare thing to see because i usually am more busy stuffing my face with food in the morning HA-HA) when suddenly my group leader came and said:

' 5, 6 and 7 December are oke, aishah.'

i went, yes, of course those dates were oke. i mean the mayans predicted the world would end sometime after and i planned to panic at around 19 december 2012 so of course i have nothing to worry about on those dates.

i turned my face to her say said 'huh?'

and she said: you asked about the leave, right?

innocently, i replied no. a look of comprehension dawned on her and she said something about 'siti emailed me bla bla.' I, on the other hand, was still having problem to comprehend what just happened. as usual, i used my feeble laugh to cover the story.

it was not until half midday i just found out that the other aishah emailed to ask for annual leave on those dates.

and i knew i should have said 'yes' when she asked if i requested for annual leave. i could have gone on leave using The Other Aishah's leave. darn it.