waktu: 6.40 pagi
tempat kejadian: dapur umah sendiri

atok: ko cukup rehat ke
saya: cukup *gosok-gosok mate. baru bangun la katekan
atok: ko balik pukol 11, bangun pukul 6 pg
saya masih terpisat-pisat
atok: ada tempat rehat ke kat sana? cukup ke rehat

ok fineeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i get it. i tak dating dah pasneh

this is the part when i'm lost for words
when i'm not feeling it
the word flows like a river
but this time around
i am at lost
mr A-Z, can you lend me your wordplay?
ok, obviously merepek

21 February 2009
i marked it on the calendar and was even giddy to the thought of waking up to see the two wackiest babes
ha-di ha
it was in fact the best day for last week
(seriously azu-rin, i know you are reading this. dating padalecki is not even close compared to hanging out with you guys)
we did go climbing the mountainous MMU
i can't believe it was so different now
and we took some pictures because we apparently were not as 'gila' as we used to be
if not, we will be taking tonnes of pictures
there were 'memutar kenangan' moments sambil makan fish and chip yang agak best but not quite there yet
and looking at the sakura in front of the library is bliss
well not really sakura but what the heck.

and we turned alamanda into hyde park for 5 mins
hyde park la sangat
tajam ooo rumput die
sebelum tu bertemu konsep bali (siries aku mcm tokleh tahan ok tang ni. tapi terlampau sensitip dan mampu menyebabkan pembunuhan jika diterangkan di sini)

i just want to say thank you so much to azu-rin and zill
you made my day
for the whole week at least
azu-rin for the 'konsep bali' and zila for the medicine
you should submit the suggestion to include that minuman kulit rambutan dalam fear factor
bole kite menang sesame
ok i broke my back sitting on this chair (bukan brokeback mountain)
and thus, i would like to say tata

mood: putar kenangan mode. the 'other' kenangan obviously *blushes

It's noon and I'm still massaging my pounding headache over the hangover that was never there. With two tall glass of Nescafe. And I do think that I need another one.

The past few weeks have been like a roller-coaster journey. Discovering someone who is so similar and so alike was both unnerving and exciting, dizzying and fun. Despite the fact that we started on an extremely rocky boat, we managed to pull it off nicely. Sufficient to say that I've never had this much fun for an extremely long time.

I first thought it was just me that managed to get along with a friend really well. And then things started to unfold and I realized that we are alike. Not in terms of having many things in common but we have the same habit, we believe in the same philosophy and we like talking about facts. Put aside the love for books, music and movies, it's not difficult to enjoy yourself when you are with your twin. Ouh yes, I think I've found my twin. Which is great, despite the random scariness it bring once in a while.

It's also good to know that the other party was having fun. The biggest compliment will be 'you are fun to be with'. Believe me friend, the feeling is mutual.

But I do think fun is good in small doses. I feel drained right now and God knows why when I need all the energy I can muster in a day. Of course I crave for fun but too much of something is never good. We tend to lose track of time when we start opening our mouths and that can seriously lead to late nights, which is equivalent to disaster.

I think I need to take charge of my life right now. I know this feels good and it's good to feel good (ok, I'm talking in riddles) but I think I have to put a brake somewhere. God, give me strength to resist touching my phone at 5pm. I can resist everything except temptation (Oscar Wilde).

I'm tired, I feel drained and I can't stop coughing. Which is so totally uncool.

Crap, I have to check if I've passed my virus to my twin.

my body is sore, from the waist down. but not to the point of having to apply for MC, thank God. must be from the excessive sitting while watching fishes in the aquarium yesterday. we sat there doing nothing but looked at all the different species swimming, to the point i feel like nodding off. but luckily it didn't happen.

it's actually very unnerving to meet another you who has the same thoughts, wishes and dreams. seriously. i never thought it will happen or i will meet the other twin but it actually happened. the more i got to know this friend, the more i tend to be surprised. a joke that turned out to be too real.

i have no idea whether it is a blessing or something that i should be worried upon.

Ok, monday has just come to an end (in terms of office hours). i'm having sore throat and my feet are like leads. need to go back ASAP because i don't trust my legs anymore

i hate ships, vessel, ship building, conversion, chartering. but not really. darn it. love-hate relationship di tengahari yang kames.

it's either i have been awfully busy or awfully lazy to type something this whole time. i don't know which but it doesn't matter. life's good, missing SOPOP like nobody's business. I haven't seen Zill for two weeks and it feels like losing an arm. And I haven't talked to si comel yg mempunyai toshi for like two weeks and i'm losing my ten-hour sleep. now, i sleep like 6 hours daily. result? i have panda eyes.

Speaking of panda, i was approached by the representatives from WWF on tuesday in MV. I was there with a friend who wanted to pick up lenses. I was already not in a good state on that day and the pouring rain didn't help. it was already 9pm and i oh-so wish to get sugar high that day that i don't see the point of stopping for two-minutes to hear about WWF. i even offered my card for her to give a call because i was rushing at that time. maybe she didn't realize that i looked bored and sumpah-penat-gile-lps-balik-keje. i refused to stop and now i'm said to be panda-hater. whatever panda-lover. you are killing the bamboos by purchasing bamboo-based socks.

zill said that i'm anthony bourdain in the blog and can be jerry seinfield when i talk to someone one-on-one. well, it's an honour because i like anthony bourdain. ok fine, i'm weird.

az-u-rin was asking when is the next road-trip going to happen. i can't wait, really. destination? i have no idea. and we have like two weeks to plan. this saturday has been totally ruled out. it's valentine's day and it is going to be packed. no, i have nothing against it because i'm committed to being single. it's just that it would be a mad rush out there. and going on a road trip on sunday may not be a good idea because energy recharging time for monday's blue may not be sufficient.

so, i don't know babes. suggest a time and i will free my schedule. for both of you, anything i will.

other than that, again, life has its own miracles. my heart is still in penang with the small boy but i think it will get better over time. other than that, i'm just going with the flow. what's the point of agonizing over things you can't control when the thing you should be controlling is yourself?

reading: angels and demons (for the preparation of the coming soon movie)

i'm finally up, like really seriously up
i slept like two hours in the train (note to self: next time try to get the one with bed) and had to wait at the train station like an hour
charming and fun (and that's sarcasm)
but the idea of getting out of KL excites me so much so that i did like quite a number of mistakes
i typed railway construction instead of road (org tau la kan ko naik ketapi)

and exactly on this date a lot of people called and some wanted to meet
the time when i forgot to bring my charger here
darn it

but one thing that strikes me the most is the fact that i'm still an impulsive person who does the thing that pops onto her mind instantly
the one who'll wake up and decide 'i want to be in seremban today)
it was kind of cool and creepy in a way

speaking of creepy
i think i've found my twin
like we believe in the same philosophy
our moles are nearly the same
it's almost frightening
ok i'm babbling

my cousin wants to walk around the village
not that i don't want to but its 2pm
panas weih

so, i need to get my ass off this table (thanks cousin for the internet)
i think i should search for food

so long people
have a happy weekend
i know i will
my mom and i are rating and commenting on the ghost story on Astro

it almost felt like a sickness and addiction mixed in one concoction
and the feelings come in rushes that it became unstoppable and left me bewildered

darn it
life can be fun and thrilling
it also can be near killing

but i thank God for this
because it will eventually make me be stronger
let's keep our hopes high

my throat is papery
due to the ice-blended drink race
i had brain freeze

it was good clean fun
i can't remember the last time i hang out with the younger ones
ok, i know that i do sound like i'm 48 now but in all honesty
it was really good fun

i'm still an insomniac
i hate this
it has nearly been more than two weeks
this shouldn't have happened

ok, i just found out that cousin is going for a camp
kem pengakap
i never thot i had that much influence on them when in true reality
they are greatly influenced
ok, got to behave and no hanky-panky
hihihi

ouh
i'm having stomachache
note to self: must not consume too much ice-cream
and must update comrades on news

talking about being spontaneous
ok it kind of feel nice
having someone to talk to

it was totally accidental
unplanned

but i just want to say thanks
for sharing a totally enjoyable two hours

thanks

I’m utterly, honestly terrified. I’m stuck with my story and I can’t move anywhere. The deadline is approaching and barring its fangs at me. Those yellow fangs dripping with blood. And yet, I have no idea on what I’m supposed to be doing.

And I have no idea what I should be doing on 31 January 2009. Maybe I should seriously be thinking about migrating for real now. I have no idea whether I should be reading a poetry, a story or just roll up into a ball and cry piteously on the stage. And I don’t know where I should seek help from. This is maddening.

There’s this thump! Thump! Near my ribs too. I’m concerned if my heart is just going to leap out of the ribcage. As if something good will happen but I don’t know what.

Peti ais. This is even harder than having to learn Morse code. Maybe I should come up with my own Morse code because I’ve been browsing my blog and I was unable to understand what I wrote in the past entries. What’s the whole point of writing if I was not able to look back and re-live the terrible doom?

I’m like so scared right now. I really cannot think straight. And I cannot concentrate, can’t find inspiration and so on and so forth. This is so difficult I just feel the need of throwing myself out of the window. Except mine has grills so I won’t be able to do it. Woman, you are rambling.

I should stop before it gets worse/ Fini

Let’s face it. I’m :
1. Not the brain of Malaysia, KL or anywhere on the map. I am thus, not a genius. I ask questions.

2. I’m not a mind reader. Mortal-to-mortal, I have the same limited ability like those of an average person. Not a person with Spidey-vision or Superman’s mind reading ability. If I ask a question, it would really honour me if the person can provide an answer. A black-and-white answer will be great. A ‘depends’ and ‘up to you’ will just make me fume and breathe fire.

3. Fine, I learnt that karma is for real. Silent treatment, please fly out of the window. I do not wish to use it again.

4. My idols range from Anthony Bourdain, Bill Bryson and Meg Cabot. Hence, I do sometimes have the tendency to copy their sarcastic remarks, which most of the time surprise me. If I ask whether you feel offended, it will make my day if you give a straight answer. Not ‘depends’.

5. I’m learning that ignorance is not bliss; it’s a recipe for disaster. I’m trying to learn new things and sometimes, I don’t even know me, let alone you. And I do believe that one of the ways to learn about things is through asking.

6. As a human, I sometimes forgot how to behave. Again, the same rule applies. If I ask, please answer me. And I would prefer an explanation that will really help me not to repeat mistakes. Don’t forget that to err is human (to forgive is absolutely divine)

7. I love sensitive people because they have empathy. They help ignorant people like me to notice little tiny, gritty, petty looking matters that can be amended and make someone’s day. It will be even nicer if the person don’t sulk on a … say, monthly or weekly basis. It drives me crazy and I feel somewhat like Ariel Sharon when they sulk. Never mind that Ariel Sharon might not even think he’s bad. I just feel like a bad person.

8. I don’t know how to pujuk others. As a friend nicely puts it, ‘ko pujuk orang macam ayam’.

9. I don’t read between the lines. I don’t even know how. I secretly think that my best friend is my personal secretary for reading the lines thingy. It will take me months, even years to realize what happened or was happening. Although you think I posed a question because I was trying to be cheeky and have just read between the lines; here’s news: I ask because I genuinely do not know what it means. And I’m always up for an explanation because I know things happen for a reason.

10. I communicate through words, understand things through words and analyze things through words. If you don’t supply this medium, don’t expect me to understand you immediately. I’m a bad bad judge of expressions.

my hands are clammy
in the morning
at noon
and Gosh!
they still do

what is this?

i'm having difficulties to sleep at night
and no appetite

what is happening to me?

Marry Me by Carey Marx (book review)
Caution: For those who are really ticklish and will laugh heartily at the mention of the word ‘funny’, please make sure that you have signed up for insurance programme(s) before proceeding to read the book.

The story is about a comedian trying to find a perfect wife in the span of six months. It’s a true story, with the author making himself as the most eligible person in the said during and advertising it during his gigs and also going through online dating sites.
His plan, which was called ‘Marry Me’. comes with a proposal for a book to be written hence the girls he dated knew what they were getting themselves into.
The writer sets off with dates after dates, email after email of potential brides along with other potential brides from his friends as well as girls offering themselves to marry him after his performances. He was in for a journey that he never thought he will enjoy and looked at the insights of people on the topic of dating and marriage. He met nutters, non-nutters, funny-hot-eligible women with dark sense of humour.
Before he knew it, it seems that everybody already labeled him as ‘the lad who wants to get married’. Some appear to be amused, concerned, cynical and some motivated him that he will be able to do it. Girls experienced emotional roller-coaster about what he does and he was also in the danger of losing his social life due to his mission. He was also said to be unethical to be doing so.
The author learnt a few things along the way; that romance is everyone, that he is romantic, what qualities he wants in his wife and learning to be better dressed. He organized a murder date and a party with zombies in a graveyard that were both funny in a creepy and dangerous kind of way. I mean, how many times do you come across a guy who really go all out to arrange a murder date when you saod an adventurous date will be interesting.
The book and proposal changed people’s perspective on marriage. A few of the 100-something girls he dated got engaged and even got married during the mission. People clap him on the back, admiring his work and he married his audience (which is like really funny I nearly barfed by brain out).
Marx included email correspondence he had with the girls (with their permission of course) and really witty and funny ones too.
The book is entertaining to see a guy going on a self-discovery mission at the age of 38 with the knowledge that the mission may or may not be fulfilled.
Did he get married anyways? Well, that was not the most important point in the book but the whole in the story, or the journey through the book was what I enjoyed most.

maybe it's the weather
maybe it's the heat
or it's the whatever that's there
but i'm having fever

not just fever
flu and sore throat in a package

resting at home?
not an option
finished all pending jobs
catch up with all the friends
breakfast
and will go on a meeting during lunch
a bliss?
more than that baybeh

pening off..ta

Well, hi 2009. Yes, I’m slow on the update nevertheless, Happy New Year!

Getting out of my comfort zone. Wow, that will be difficult. Of course, I thought it was not going to be. I thought that I how hard can it be going back to camping, eating cheap stuff and skip the malls? It takes a lot, seriously a lot.

My first test was, avoid the fast food.

For nearly a whole month, I was able to avoid the fast food outlets that serve food rich with trans-fat. Until the fateful day that my cousin bought pizza to celebrate his first paycheck. What do you expect from a true Malaysian? Say no? you must be kidding. Free food are good food. But I managed to eat just half of the slice. Just enough to signal “ Thanks for the treat.” I’m now ready to resume my whole cycle of avoiding the fast food after consuming whole big chunk of burger this morning. If I keep this up, I will resort to wearing raincoats (which is to conceal all the fat around my waist) in no time! What a comforting though (yeah right).

IMHO, I have always thought that it was extremely easy to have access to fast food when in reality it’s too expensive and eats up most of my expenses monthly. What my friend and I are going to do (we believe the word ‘try’ does not exist) is to avoid the fast food outlets, eat at the food court or buy pastry. Not from fancy pastry houses like BreadTalk or the sort. Something more cheaper. See if we can really survive it.

As far as the small trips are concerned, we are looking at some parks at the moment. Of course, we be having picnic there, eating home=made sandwiches and stuff. And my dear friend has perfected the art of making really good garlic bread (yeayness for that).

I think the biggest challenge this week was to refrain from buying any books for myself. I went out a few times to get some revision books for my baby cousin and it took all my strength not to buy the cheap bargain corner book (1 book for RM9) and not to give in to temptation to just buy the French language course. It really takes a lot. Seriously.

I’m embracing another week and this week challenge is to just wish my expanding waist away. I wish I can do that. Ugh. So, have a happy day ahead. I know we all will.

“Start by starting” – Meryl Streep

Alter ego speaks

When the Internet goes off..when the Internet goes off

..Ucu goes crazy (this is Ash, not Ucu). I swear pimples took over her face in less than five minutes. Its like there wa a pimple party on her face or something. I saw one shaped like a carousel on her face. Yeah I know, I am looking for trouble but I just can't help it. Ucu was being pretty acidic the whole of last week. Going home late (as if its new) and going home with a pulsating vein at the side of her head that looks as if its going to explode any second.

That woman, is a serious case of Internet addict.

Her waists increased by a few inches because she can't get on the Internet the whole week. She just keep popping food into her mouth as if its some kind of pop corn, except they are more fattening. And then I can imagine her grumbling of not finding her size. I mean, who the hell wears a size 12/ 14?

Where was I? Ouh yeah. She actually woke up in the morning listening some loud, noisy and crazy kind of song. Apart from her disastrous wardrobe, she has terrible taste for songs too. I mean, Frank Sinatra? Is she like 95 or something? Euw. And she was like really grumpy, huffing and puffing whenever she was not munching. Remember chipmunk? When they have nuts in their cheeks and non-stop munching? That was Ucu last week. All because the Internet was down. She just can't get over it. She carried this slogan 'All food are comfort food' and just give me that Linda Blair look when I said there's more to life and suggested something about cruising the malls. Ouch.

And cracked jokes like 'I feel like throwing my shoes at the ISP' and went off laughing like a hyena with her side kick. OK, its funny but the way they laughed at is was equivalent to an internationally known joke that I do not know off. What's up with the joke anyways? I'm sure its not important or I might have saw it on TV. When I asked her, she said something like 'Having your blonde moment eh?' What is wrong with her? I am blonde so every single moment is a blonde moment. What was she trying to imply?

She even got up as early as 4am to check email on her phone. No wonder she was forever sleepy in the morning. Like, she can actually wake up just to wait for the page to load and stuff. When I asked, she said it was something about Kapasitor being featured for Youth 09. What is this Kapasitor really? That thing really got hold on her. It's like, she can't get away from it. Come on, who waits an email for some event. I'd rather wait for an email from the hot looking guy next door. Not that Ucu realizes however. She's like totally oblivious to that kind of stuff and walks on such a straight line that she doesn't care what happens around her. Not like she need to. I'd bury myself if I have her fashion sense, her song taste and her movie list. Don't get me started on hobbies. She's a bookworm, actually love board games and loves to sleep. I can agree on the latter but definitely not the other two.

And she forces me and reminds me of the Youth 09 almost daily. It's like nearly two weeks away but she just can't get over it saying that it's a way to network and stuff. Miss, I network with those hot looking 30-ish guys with think wallets. I think youths are fun but I'm not into those Foosball, Basketball Challenge, Caged futsal and stuff. Thanks but no thanks. I exercise when I shop only. Maybe if I have the time, I will check it out here.

Ouh I can sense her coming. Better log off the system before she breathes fire. Ciao~

Hi, this is Ash speaking. No, I don't know why I logged onto ucu's id. Seriously, that woman put something on her computer that the first thing I saw when I opened her IE, is this page, kapasitor.net. What do you guys have here? I see like tons of letters. Have I landed on the Planet of Geeks?

OK, never mind that. You see, I have a terrible problem. I was just going to get ucu but she's nowhere to be seen. Must be cracking some intelligent jokes with V. I don't understand what she means by 'Corporate violence' when her colleague was hacking at another male colleague. Like corporate violence? And when I asked her, she stared at me like I'm such a bimbo and said 'How can you be so blonde and survived all this?'. I just don't get her. I'm just blonde and there's no 'so blonde'. That crazy lady.

Where was I? Oh yeah, money issues.

God, I don't know who I should ask favor from. I'm in desperate need for money. Ucu is wearing her horrible shirts again. That woman needs help. And I saw Padini having sales for the whole week and everytime I pulled her to the shop, she just glared and walk ahead. I mean, does she even revamp her wardrobe? She doesn't even wear decent T-shirts. All those plain T-shirts, so boring, dull and so her. Why waste all the sparkle and glamour when we can have it all? Come on, you've got it, you flaunt it.

Dear me, I'm such a chatterbox. I'm just trying to raise money here. I need to get at least the polo shirts that they are selling. Ucu has to get at least two of it. No, maybe just one and I will have three. But point being is, I need her to wear something that is not so T-shirt bundle. She embarasses me. Like hello, I have to refrain from walking 2km away from her. And she complains that she is still single. With her fashion sense, of course she'll be single.

Oh my God, where is this woman? I need her purse. Must be eating lunch. I told her repeatedly that she has to don her love handles, she looks like a walrus walking on her toes already. An almond during lunch is enough and she has to puke all night long.

Back to the subject, I need like a few bucks from you guys, RM2 the most. Have mercy on her, she needs help. Polo shirts for a start will do. Just take this as a charity, Malaysians are kind.

RM2 will do, from each of you guys. Have mercy on her. Maybe you can get her one. She's wearing size 14. can you imagine? 14? And she claims that she wants to wear something that is comfy. She's just fat but she won't admit it. And I wear size 3.

RM2 please. But more will be welcomed.

I recently found out that a friend reads this piece of worthless crap to know what is going on with me. because we happen to have the worst timing when it comes to receiving updates so blog is just another way of communicating.

I still cannot warm up to the idea that I'm the administrator of Kapasitor.net. Everytime I want to ask favor from people, I will hesitate. Takot ok.

Hum, another weird comment on one of my posts. Weirdness rules I think

I received the answer and I was not accepted. well, well, I gave it a first shot and it seems that they are really pretty strict in it. At first, I thought I don't care when then realization hit me and I realized that I actually care. Weird huh?

Somehow I feel shattered inside and I feel pressured to continue it as soon as possible. I don't know why, I just feel that I need to.

Yesterday didn't start quite good. Kene kacau dengan rempit, spoilt my mood. Then, caught totally unprepared, I had to get on the new system6. And I accidentally pressed Ctrl+W when I was doing my work and wheee!!! it closed down. I had to retype again. Adoi. And I was clearly lagging behind. Somehow the stories were quite lengthy and I cannot understand it. Maybe there's something that keeps bugging me that I failed to concentrate. Yah, too much thing to do yet so little time to complete it all. My knitting needs to be completed and I need to get some help to sambung the benang and all. The shawl looks quite hideous right now, standed la orang baru belajar. Budak-budak pon belajar ABC dulu kan? Haha, sounds like me trying to sedapkan hati sendiri.

I seriously was itching to finish it this weeked that I forgot to sew the skull that I completed on my shirt. Shud make a post note or something and stamp it on the wall, maybe.

And today I forgot to bring my tag. Had to pinjam tag from others. I don't really mind that but it will cause serious problem when I need to go back today. Of course, I usually go back at 7 something and by then, the guards will not be there and stuff. I either have to wait for the others to go back (by then I'd be too letih) or go back very very early. The latter option looks pretty good but then it will result in me lagging in my job again. How I wish it is the time for company results. Keep on dreaming you. The fourth quarter hasn't ended yet.

I'm just having quilty-conscious for eating like-I-don't-care for these past few days so been trying to cut food intake. Thus, not eating the food I have in my bag right now. I can feel the double chin and the wobble-wobble near my waist. Darn, I hate this feeling.

I have to stop the bugging question that I have right now. Because I know sooner or later I will have to ask the person but I'm just keen on delaying things. What am I trying to achieve;; I still don't know. I guess I like being in control that I cannot get over the fact that asking and taking the outcome will result in me losing all the total control that I had to have. You power-crazy insatiable mad woman.

The lunch is about to be over in a few minutes. The cakes I brought are nearly finished (I had to bring it to the office because I will end up eating it all the way so I might as well get someone to get fat with me. Cool idea huh?)

To azurin, if you don't mind, I want to listen whatever you want to tell ok? Just don't keep it inside

Sincerely yours,
Deranged, angry, fat woman

Rhino, the hamster. i love Rhino. Rhino kinds of remind me of me. With the bulging cheeks and all. I heart Rhino.

Somewhat like A Truman Show except this is in cartoon offering. Bolt was a dog, rescued by Penny from the pound and later became a TV-star (except he didn't know it then). Everything was going alrite when one day, the production was forced to turn the story around as survey found that viewers were unhappy about the story.

Taunting by two cats finally led the way for Bolt to escape and things became funny from that point on. Bolt discovered he can't stare padlocks into dust, can't do a Super Bark and it bleeds. It was all first experience and finally having to live as a real dog.

Penny longed for Bolt while Bolt was across the country making friends with Mitten and Rhino, learnt how to beg and finally realised that it really a TV star. Bolt wasn't able to rescue Penny as all the past experiences were just a production but in the end,it did actually saved Penny from a fire created by the replacement of Bolt.

The ever-blur pigeons were entertaining and were so lifelike, I was just mesmerized by it. And Rhino couldn't get any cuter. Seriously, I feel like I just want to reach out and hug it. Or squeeze it. Whatever. Grr!

The story is entertaining and my cousins love it, that is the most important point. I still couldn't get used to the idea of wearing an extra glass apart from the one existing on the bridge of my nose. Maybe I should support the call for 3-D display (the one that does not use 3-D glass but then the viewing angle will be limited and the seating will highly depend on an individual. Don't know if they can improve it over time. Btw, I did the topic on stereoscopic displayfor my FYP).

Looking to have a moment of peace with small kids? Try this one. Highly recommendable.