Aku bukan alas kaki kau...

‘ Nita.’

Ah, sudah. Datang pulak mamat ni. Semalam Haji Usop cakap mamat ni datang jugak kat sini. Tapi tak pula dia bertanya pasal aku. Mungkin dia tak tau yang aku kamceng dengan Haji Usop.

Tanpa dijemput, pemilik suara tersebut melabuhkan punggungnya di kerusi yang terletak di hadapan aku. Sekalipun pandangan aku terus tertancap ke arah udang yang menghuni bihun sup aku, aku pasti punggung itu bersalut jeans Levi’s bewarna biru pekat, seperti biasa. Apa yang tidak biasa adalah kehadiran pemilik suara itu tidak aku jemput pada petang ini. Tidak seperti dulu atau secara tepatnya, tiga bulan yang lalu.

‘ Far,’ aku cuba lontarkan suara sekalipun sudu mengekang bukaan mulut.

‘ Azfar,’ tenang sahaja suara itu membetulkan sebutan namanya.

Sejak bila pula pandai berkira? Tetapi persoalan itu hanya tinggal di benak, tidak terlontar lebih daripada perimeter kranium kerana aku cuak kalau-kalau perbuatan aku itu bakal buatkan Azfar mengamuk di kedai Haji Usop.

‘ Azfar.’ Aku betulkan sebutan namanya. Pandangan aku halakan ke arah wajah Azfar. Wajah yang sudah lama tidak aku lihat. Kurang lebih sudah empat bulan.

Tetapi petang ini wajah itu begitu serius. Kalau aku tidak kenal betul dengan Azfar, pasti aku akan mengatakan Azfar ini orangnya garang. Padahal Azfar tidak begitu. Aku tahu dia kurang senang tentang sesuatu. Dan sesuatu itu sangat-sangat aku ketahui.

Mata kami masih bertentang. Sebetulnya aku tidak begitu nampak matanya kerana cermin mata aku letakkan di sebelah mangkuk bihun sup untuk memudahkan aku menikmati hidangan kegemaran aku itu. Jadi, tiada langsung rasa malu ataupun janggal sekalipun apa yang bersarang dalam hati aku kini adalah perasaan campur, meluat dan culas untuk berhadapan dengan Azfar.

‘ Kita makin jauh, Nita.’

Ayat itu buat aku tersentak. Sudu yang sudah setengah jalan ke mulut, tergantung di udara. Bagaikan babak di dalam filem, angin pun bertiup ke arah kami, menutup wajah aku dengan rambut separas bahu. Dan ayat itu sendiri macam skrip filem murahan. Aku hampir tergelak juga memikirkan hal tersebut.

Aku tidak tahu apa jawapan yang patut aku berikan terhadap kenyataan tersebut. Malah, aku tidak pasti jika kenyataan tersebut memerlukan sebarang komentar. Entah, aku jadi serba tidak kena. Duduk aku di atas kerusi plastik bewarna biru itu jadi menggelisah. Titik-titik kecil mula menjengah dari dalam epidermis di bahagian dahi. Sekalipun demikian, selera makan aku masih belum tertutup.

‘Buat kerja biar habis,’ itu pesan abah. Maka dengan itu, akan aku kerjakan bihun ini sehingga habis!

‘ Bos! Milo ais satu.’

Ah biar benar Azfar. Takkanlah kau mahu duduk di sini minum bersama aku? Tak malu, datang kau tidak berjemput.

‘ Minum je?’ Kenapa itu yang aku tanya? Mulut aku memang pembelot. Lain yang terlintas di benak, lain pula yang terluncur dari bibir aku.

Azfar tersenyum tetapi jelas, senyuman itu tidak sampai ke mata. Nyata, senyuman tersebut sekadar mengisi ruang kosong yang sepi di antara kami dan tidak ikhlas. Aku nampak kerana cermin mata telah aku sangkutkan semula ke batang hidung.

Astaghfirullah. Aku berburuk sangka.

Lama ditenungnya aku, seolah-olah ingin memastikan samada aku bergurau dengan pelawaan tersebut. Aku pula sengaja ingin melawan bertentang mata dengan dia. Entah di mana aku dapat keberanian itu hari ini, aku tidak pasti. Tiba-tiba aku tersedar maka aku larikan pandangan condong sedikit ke sebelah kanan. Aku tidak mahu dia menyangka aku rindukan dia juga.

‘ Mana kau hilang, Nita?’ soalan aku tidak berjawab sebaliknya Azfar melontarkan soalan lain pula.

‘ Ade je kat sini,’ tangan aku sibuk memintal tisu di tangan. Lunyai jadinya. Aku hanya ingin mengisi masa lapang kerana teh o ais limau aku masih belum bersentuh sekalipun aku tidak mahu mengadap wajah Azfar tika ini. Rsanya aku mahu lari sahaja kerana wajah itu, aura dan tenaganya buat aku rasa jelak.

‘ Kau faham apa maksud aku kan?’ tangan kanan Azfar diletakkan ke atas meja. Aku lihat ada sebentuk cicin di jari hantunya. Aku hampir tersenyum mengenangkan yang Azfar sudah berubah. Dulu, dia tidak akan mengenakan cincin sebegitu. Biarlah, sedangkan pantai pun berubah inikan pula manusia. Lihat saja aku sendiri, petang ini berjalan seorang diri ke kedai Haji Usop dengan rambut separas bahu dibiar sahaja, tidak seperti selalu. Berikat kemas gaya ekor kuda. Sebaik sahaja bangun daripada tidur, hati berbisik hari ini adalah hari gembira buat aku maka aku ubah sedikit penampilan yang sedia selekeh. Cuma aku agak musykil samada kata hati aku itu akan terus-menerus jadi kenyataan dengan kehadiran Azfar kini. Kehadiran Azfar yang sebenarnya begitu merimaskan.

‘ So, what’s up?’ sengaja aku lontarkan soalan dalam bentuk bahasa asing. Aku masih lagi terpengaruh dengan drama siri Friends yang aku tonton tanpa henti dari jam 8 pagi hingga 12 tengahari tadi.

‘ Kau mengelak dari aku Nita.’ Sekali lagi aku diibebani dengan kenyataan dari mulutnya. Aku tidak suka keadaan ini kerana ia tidak memberi aku sebarang ruang untuk mempertahankan diri aku.

‘ Kenapa?’ Akhirnya Azfar, akhirnya! Akhirnya kau tanya juga soalan itu. Tanpa sedar, aku mengulum senyum. ‘ Kenapa kau senyum?’

Tiba-tiba aku rasa darah aku mendidih. Jangan tanya bagaimana dan kenapa tetapi tiba-tiba aku terasa ingin dibenamkan sahaja garfu di tangan aku ke leher Azfar sebaik sahaja terdengar soalan itu.

‘ Ouh sekarang aku dah tak boleh senyum la? Kenapa? Bakal mendatangkan bahaya kepada negara ke?’

‘ Bukanlah maksud aku begitu?-‘

‘ Bagus. Ha baik kau cakap je apa yang kau nak,’ lancar sahaja ayat itu keluar dari mulut aku. Marah yang aku simpan selama ini tiba-tiba sahaja meletus. Seperti cendawan selepas hujan, seperti pemeras ugut yang bersembunyi di balik lorong sunyi, menjerkah mangsa yang tidak tahu-menahu apa-apa. OK mungkin itu tidak berkaitan tetapi orang yang marah, jarang rasional.

‘ Aku rindu kau, Nita’

-bersambung-

I would like to sit down with mom and talk to her what she feels living in this world. I wonder if she will stare at the wall behind me and say, ‘ I long for the time when things are a lot easier. Like talking means literally talking.’

And then I’ll go, ‘ Mak, that is so true,’ while munching on her delicious curry puff.

Don’t you think so? I mean, the part when life in this era is a lot more challenging. Like the example given above. Talking is no longer literally talking. I wrote an email to my friend yesterday saying that I had a conversation with a long-lost friend. She emailed back asking if I was talking to this friend via the phone. If you read it once, you will say ‘ of course lah she has been talking on the phone’ but wait there a minute. This is the era where people are using computers for almost everything. This is the time when kids as young as 8 (or younger, I don’t know) have mobile phones. And yeah, this is definitely the era when talking don’t really literally mean talking.

Sending instant messages are dubbed as talking by some group of people and that include me.

Sending short text messages too. As well as email. So you see, it is difficult to say something without having to explain. It’s difficult don’t you think so? Like:

‘ Babe, listen. I finally talked to the guy! He-‘

‘ Wait, as in talking or on the phone?’

‘ On the-‘

‘ Or you guys were on IM?’

See? Intricate small details that should not be a problem in the last ten years. But of course, we really cannot avoid from being dependent on this devices like handphones, notebooks, computers, PDA and so on. For example, my auntie is growing more and more dependant on mobile phones. She has lost the ability to wake me up using her normal method. Instead, she wakes me by texting me. I, the bellproof person who didn’t realize for two whole years, the siren will be switched on to wake up the whole school. It’s not as if she cannot just scream to wake me up (as if it’s not normal to have her screaming to her son who usually sits not 5 meters from her.)

And she really had to text me telling that ‘nasi ada kat umah makcu’ although she can again just shout it. And the same goes if she wants me to open the door at night. Well, you get it. And I don’t really like bringing my handphone here and there in the house because it’s my sanctuary, I would like to take a break from any distractions.

Besides that, the world is getting more difficult to live in. I don’t remember reading so much about bombings when I was in primary school. There were no incest cases, less killings and pirates in Somalian waters? I don’t even know if there is Somalia (pardon my ignorance back then). And getting out of the closet. And more people dressing like Boy George 9shudders).. But kids these days, they have to deal with a lot of things.

Oh God, I can be a bore. I’m sorry, pardon this old makcik. Let’s talk about something else. Anyways, anyone watching Harry Potter anytime soon?

ouh hi!
it's me again
see how messed up i am?

i shud have not wander near the area of 'dreams'
should have not
should have learnt to body shut up

ouh my God
i'm so guilty
i'm thinking of surrendering myself to the whatitsname court in The Hague

i can't sleep and what happened last night really bugged me
why? why?
omg, it shudn't have happened

if i'm not messing with someone else's life
i'm sure this will mess up mine but i can never turn back time right?

adoi
btw, better be happy because i'm on half day
"you's better be!"

this has to be it
i've said something
which should have stayed inside
forever possible
now, i don;t think it'll be the same again
nothing will ever be the same again

A brick can just be more than a building material. Living in this era, we need to improvise the usage of things that we have. For example, handphone screens can also be used when you want to betulkan your tudung. This is tried and tested of course.

OK back to brick.

The number or snatch cases are on the rise that I shudder at the very thought of walking outside the house swinging my only dear handbag. What if somebody snatch it? I will lose my working pass and my precious umbrella. That will definitely cause a problem.

So here comes the brick. Place the brick inside your handbag. Why?
1. to make it heavy. when it's heavy, you can throw it at the snatch thief if they snatch anything from your friend. Make sure you have a good aim, we don't want people to start suing you left and right

2. If your bag is snatched (of course I'm wishing the opposite to happen), the thief will excitedly open the bag because it's heavy. The thief will assume you had a lot of money. And then they see the brick and they will just throw it away because they do not see the point of rummaging through the bag because it's filled with a brick.

For extra protection, insert pebbles into bag too to make it harder for the thief to rummage into your handbag and such.

3. especially important for those who are always being bullied; a brick in your bag will protect you because when trouble arises, just swing your bag at the bullies. This will be a great exercise for your hands too.

Well, these are the reasons that I can come up with for protection. Feel free to add yours too.

i woke up with a start this morning as i remembered that i have 11 more articles to complete
yes i know it's sunday but still, work has to be done
i was shocked to see someone was doing the story in my queue and i go 'Noooooooooooo!'
reached for the phone and called the person and asked her favour if she can do other queues first
i can't believe it
we were 'fighting' who does which queue
i never tot we'd come to that point
anyways, it was quite a productive weekend too this week
tried coming up with a story because i really miss writing
maybe will keep it for a day or two

btw anne, somebody made a confession that she misses us
check this photo



who tot the day would come anne?

'usah bercerita tentang dumbledore (yang baru). bagi aku, dumbledore (sir richard harris) sudah lama mati'

hari ini telefon berdering (telefon berbunyi ring ring ring. ku angkat, ku jawab, ku tanya siapa. ihsan anne)
ada satu perasaan menyelinap
perasaan yang buatkan emosi jadi stabil
rasanya enak
sama enak seperti pau ayam di-stesen-raja-chulan

rasa itu tidak hilang sekalipun tiket wayang Harry Potter masih belum dimiliki
' 13 atau 14 haribulan ya?'
kalau tak ada
permohonan cuti aku jadi sia-sia

maka dengan itu
'ko tgk mak kau, dah reti makan singgam'

p/s: 13 days to go baybeh!

ingat tak masa sekolah dulu?:

1. selalu buat trick tulisan cakar ayam masa sejarah. contohnya terlupe nama orang yang membuka melaka. ingat dah nama dia macam ade P ..P tapi lupa nama penuh (contohnya). maka dengan hikmat tulisan buruk, berjaya membuatkan nama tersebut nampak macam Parameswara. kalau kroni baik dengan cikgu, mungkin akan dapat markah penuh. tapi selalunya hampa.

2. hari isnin adalah hari yang paling ditunggu-tunggu. bukan sebab tak sabar menimba ilmu tetapi boleh tidur selama satu jam semasa perhimpunan. tidur sebaik sahaja doa habis dibaca dan bangun sebelum doa dibaca semula.

3. kalau tertidur dalam kelas, selalu buat trick konon-kononnya sedang berfikir dengan kusyuk.

4. selalunya buku yang bersusun atas meja bukan untuk dibaca. ia juga bukan ditindih-tindihkan untuk nilai estetika. sebaliknya untuk dijadikan bantal ketika prep petang dan malam.

5. selalunya kalau habis cuti sekolah, macam nak bergaduh dengan emak sebab malas kemas beg sebab tak mahu pulang ke 'penjara'

6. masa Tingkatan 3, pakat ramai-ramai beli plastik keras nak letak kat bawah tudung untuk kasi tudung nampak kemas. lepas tu kene gelak sebab kadang-kadang plastik terjulur keluar.

7. pemadam empat segi adalah amat disukai, lebih-lebih lagi untuk soalan pelbagai jawapan. kalau takde, terpaksa la baca bismillah ke bace fatihah ke (tapi apsal setiap kali pun jawapan die C?)

8. kalau nak cuti sebab sakit mata, letak ubat gigi kat mata

9. kalau nak ponteng riadah petang, letak air panas dekat dahi, buat muka sedih tidur dekat bilik sakit

10. kadang-kadang masa kelas, muka macam tengah baca buku masa prep dengan kusyuk tapi sebenarnya telinga bersumbat dengan lagu (sorok bawah tudung)

Tips to handle little kids

Kids are cute and don’t get me wrong, they are absolute dolls sometimes. And I really mean sometimes. Not when they scamper around, try to trip their brothers and sisters all over the floor and ask about 437,473 questions in one breath.

Here’s a few tips that can save our sanity:

1. If they like asking question, this might work. For example:

“ Mak Ngah, why do you always come back late?’

‘ This is my reason. Repeat after me. Mak ngah..’

‘ Mak ngah..’

‘ had too’

‘ had too’

well, you got the idea. Make them repeat after you for every sentence. If they don’t, stop talking. Repeating after you will definitely drive them mad.

2. Before they can ask you question, ask them questions. And pretend to not know about this and that but careful, you might make them cry.

3. Play hide-and-seek. You can hide in
a) midValley
b) KLCC
c) Sunway Pyramid
d) Sleep

4. Give them a part time job like ‘kalo picit Pak Lang dpt RM 0.50’. But beware, this can cause labour disputes and strikes.

So far, this is what I’ve got (since I don’t have young siblings and my niece and nephew so not live with me). Feel free to add your tips.

My LURVE Affair with shoes. This is an excerpt of our lurve affair


' It was a Friday night and I was totally burnt out. Work at the office seemed to ebb my energy and I resorted to look like a zombie on a Friday night. What a bummer. Everyone around me was having these happy faces as they look forward for an enjoyable weekend. But not me. I fail to think about the upcoming weekend because the realization that I may need to sit for a review soon keep knocking at the back of my head.

I continued to walk or rather crawl across the shopping mall armed with my Debit card. I was lucky that I was paid today or this outing will be totally pointless as I will be resorted to munch on junk food to keep me fueled for the night. Not that I mind but unhealthy eating habit is the last thing that I want to happen to me when my body is already weak with fatigue.

OK, concentrate.

Without me realizing, I walked into a store and walked aimlessly along the shelves. I saw perfumes, handbags and shoes being lined up and I can actually feel myself perking up. This activity has always been a therapy for me. During breakups, bad days, bad feedbacks from the clients and after a bad blind date, even the thought of parting a small amount of money for myself cheers me up. Even if it’s for a Fuji apple, I’d feel my mood getting better.

I marched to the shelf displaying shoes. There were more added spring on my feet. I run my fingers to touch the shoes, caressing the smoothness of the leather and I can feel the moodiness being siphoned. It was as if the shoes became sponges, absorbing all the bad things and bad thoughts in my head.

I stopped caring about the economic crisis. I deleted all the information regarding falling GDP by ASEAN countries by WTO or something. I just couldn’t care less.

I called for the person at the department and handed out the most comfortable-looking wedges I have ever seen since .. urm.. last week. As I put on the shoes, I feel like a new person. Suddenly I’m Ivanka Trump, with no money problem. I’m Megan Fox, the hot sizzling chick. I have no worries in the world anymore.

With my handbag still sitting on my shoulder, I marched in front of the mirror. All that matters then was the wedges and me. The world stopped moving and I became stationary in front of the mirror, unable to believe my eyes.

I figure if anyone can get new shoes everyday, the world will become a better place.

I couldn’t look back after the experience. My love affair with shoes is unbreakable. Sometimes I’d just wander to look at the shoe rack, munching LURVE multigrain chips while admiring my collection of shoes. Just having my mouth exercising through munching the chips makes me happy.

Now, I can truly enjoy my Friday night. And will make sure I much on LURVE multigrain chips before the review. '

I happen to like T-shirts with lines like ‘Runs with Evil Intentions’, ‘Voted the most Flexible by Your Boyfriend’ and such (but wearing the latter will only be totally, utterly inappropriate). And I happen to find this one shirt with “Don’t even think you got chance”. But there’s a slight problem. Its sleeves are too short so I have to wear it with a cardigan. Urghh.

Nevertheless, nothing suits better than this current situation that I‘m looking at.

“Don’t even think you got chance”. Sometimes we fall into the trap of saying ‘well, she/ he will understand me doing this’, ‘ala member, dah la lame gile kawan. Sure die paham punye’. What we always forgot is the fact that everything has a limit. For some very weird unexplainable reasons, I will always love to refer to Hooke’s Law when it comes to the relationship between stress, tension and flexibility. Like Hooke’s Law, the spring attached to the load will snap when the load added to the spring exceeded the spring’s load limit. Same as patience. Test it too often and be prepared to say goodbye. Not take-care-smooch-smooch-goodbye. More like sile-ke-neraka-sekarang goodbye.

And this I believe, applies to everyone. All of us have our own boiling point. I have to admit, that I can be tolerant to some levels and then it will be “Don’t even think you got chance”. So does everyone. Wait, has anyone tested to annoy Dalai Lama yet?

OK, focus.

Like, you want me to be the one who will listen to your woes? “Don’t even think you got chance”.

Like you feel like calling me whenever you want and expect me to make the right noises when you tell me your stories? “Don’t even think you got chance” (noises here means appropriate reaction. Don’t go running with wrong and funny ideas).

Like when you want to turn things round and return to the days when we were the bestest buddies on the earth? OK fine, peninsular Malaysia? “Don’t even think you got chance”.

Just don’t go asking for reasons why I did this and that because I won’t bother to answer. We would love to pretend we are the victim, we are too nice bla bla bla. Well, please, save the saliva already because if we really do consider someone as our friend, we would tell him or her our good news. Not some lame excuses like ‘you’ll know sooner or later’. Clearly not the brightest thing to say as you spend the whole month or so talking about the person you like and when it comes to the good news, you prefer for them to find out themselves.

Please, this is not a game of ‘I don’t want to tell him or her because she’ll be crushed as she likes me’. Something must be very wrong with our brain if that is the case, especially so when the guy or girl helped you to court someone previously.

And then things get complicated and someone screwed up again and again. No one can be that forgiving. It’s even worse if the person forgive but never forget. Chance of getting back as friends, laugh about the silliest of things? “Don’t even think you got chance”

I met a very old friend at KL monorail. Somehow we fell apart. After foundation year, we didn’t see each other anymore. We lost it all, we somehow just became invisible to each other. I tried looking for her for years. I asked people about her but I found nothing. It’s liked she covered her tracks almost to the very root.

Then I met her last month. She said we’d do breakfast. I was excited but there were so many things on my mind (pau ayam, Jared Padalecki, new sandal, Jared Padalecki, Subway, Jared Padalecki) that I failed to fuel my energy towards contacting her. I gave up on the second try when she didn’t text me back.

And then I saw her again. We didn’t really talk because I was so sleepy that morning and she was busy with her phone. That afternoon, I texted her, actually pleading.

‘ Hey, let’s not be strangers and make up for the lost years. What do you think?”. No reply. It can be either that she was trying to say “Don’t even think you got chance” or she just recently stopped thinking.

I guess we can never make up for the lost years. I believe our friendship was lost with the lost years. Despite the fact that we hung out together almost every single night, tido sebantal, lepak atas bumbung makan oreo and stuff like that. Things do just fade away.

It was sad but what can I do? Being in a relationship; whether its friendship or being in love; we have to admit the fact that it’s like playing a kite. You can have the nicest kite, the one with the best design, the most aerodynamic but if there’s no wind, “Don’t even think you got chance” of flying it.

Same goes with friendships. It’s a two-way thingy. If the feeling is not mutual, it’s best to let go. Yes, I was crestfallen because we were really good friends but I have to accept and respect her decision. She surely has her own reasons. I will always wait for her invitation if she changes her mind.

Well, there you go. My very own “Don’t even think you got chance” moment.

anne and carrie
i have sunblock now SPF 30
22 days and counting

selipar looked at me
scratch that
stared at me today
but no progress

omg tak sabarnya operasi klebang whatever (can we decide on this? like carrie has the best ideas)
and seriously carrie
we haven't seen you for a long time
bile nak jumpe lagi?
anne and me misses you so much

saya pernah ditanya oleh qaistudio dan akusegan akan lelaki idaman saya
tetapi waktu itu saya telah dibahan sebab jawapan saya terlalu ringkas
tetapi hari ini, semasa sedang membeli tiket monorail, saya terfikir akan ciri-ciri lelaki yang saya suka
1. die mestilah pandai mengupas buah durian
2. wajib suka shopping
3. perlu sabar kalo saya pilihkan baju kemudian suruh cuba
4. mesti pandai buat saya gembira (bawa saya shopping)
5. mesti suka bercerita sebab saya suka bertanya

oke buat masa ini itu sahaja. mungkin akan terfikir ketika gosok gigi lima minit lagi

(kompom kene bahan pasneh yeh!)

cabaran uutk hari isnin dan selasa:
cuba bertahan dgn RM 10 dalam poket
monorail: RM 2.10 sehala
rapid KL(yang tidak begitu rapid): RM 2
makan tgh hari: RM 3-4
sarapan: RM 1 (mkn la ko cekodok sampai muntah)

hari isnin berjaya
masalahnya pagi selasa ni kalo bole tanak la korek tabung tapi dlm dompet ade Rm2 je skang
bole ke bertahan tanak korek tabung?
dlm TnG ada Rm 2.80

syarat utk cabaran ucchan nanchan ini adalah:
1. tak bole pinjam kat org
2. tak bole rembat duit sepupu yg berusia 14 thn
3. tak bole buat muke kesian mintak sedekah kat makcik
4. hanya bole pakai duit yg bertaburan di dlm bilik

motif susahkan diri: survival course modul utk diri sendiri (mls nak bayar 0.50 kat bank jenama kepala rimau yang akan charge saya sbb dah kuarkan duit 4 kali pada bulan Jun 2009 secara percuma. saya mmg kedekut ktengsbai)

Michael jackson

For the past few years, this icon has lived in embarrassment, humiliation. swimming in the midst on tons of legal procedures, being dubbed as the most stupid sibling (or something). There seemed to be endless humiliation in store for him. Like nobody has anything good to say about him and now he's gone and ...

Suddenly people (mostly media) miss him. Suddenly he is the legend. Suddenly he's the talented guy. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him. I sang along to his songs since I was a little kid and I'm proud to say I still do. Every single time his songs were played on red.fm (silently of course because I don't want to interrupt my neighbours). It's just that I don't get it. One moment people insulted him and now, everyone is saying how great he is and stuff.

I guess it's too late people. And we will never change. We will always fail to appreciate whatever we have. And realise it a little too late that whatever that we had was gone and we missed it sorely.

As for me, I will always feel the most impacted by his 'Black or White' song

Beware of Bank Scams

Everyday, more people use online services for multiple of things. Communications are now mostly done over the Internet, electronic emails replace normal post, which is now known as snail mail..

OK wait. Motif kene tulis karangan macam pemahaman tingkatan 3 kenape?

There is a point actually. About bank scam.

Last few weeks, I received a phone call from someone claiming that I’ve a credit card debt of RM3,000. That was ridiculous because I don’t own that evil plastic and the caller didn’t even address my name. Yes, I’m that vain. If people don’t care to address me, I won’t care to listen.

So, this person will call you to authorize a so-called transaction. Beware because they do not even know you but they are just trying their luck by saying this. And then you go thinking, ‘Wait a minute. I don’t have a credit card. What is this?’

Two things might happen:
1. You might ask ‘I don’t have a credit card. How can that happen?’
2. ‘What rubbish’ and put down the phone and continue listening to radio stations while working.

Or you can choose to sing the most horrible song in the world because you realized that this person is trying to trick you. Hold on to that thought. That’s what they are going to do.

However, some people do fall into their trap and do the No 1 on the list. This is when they are going to tell you that someone is using your name or credit card fraud. And they will give you a phone number claiming that the phone number is Bank Negara’s number. DO NOT fall into the trap because it is not.

Once you call the number, they will be asking for your bank details and such. This is not supposed to be happening because banks will never ask any information over the telephone.

Another thing, please be aware that any wensites offering transactions like maybank2u will have a standard URL with https://klikdisi.com.my. It is Hypertext Transfer Protocol Secure (HTTPS) and is for sensitive and important transactions. So if you doing any online transactions or the sort, do watch out the URL to avoid from scams.

Pelase be reminded that free wireless is literally ‘free’ and vulnerable to attacks. Do not and avoid as much of you can of doing any transactions iin places with free WiFi. Better safe than sorry right?

Ouh crap. Got to pay my bills now. Enjoy your day people!

i have:
16 books to read
supernatural season 4 and criminal minds season 4 to watch
i have five movies to watch
a complimentary movie to watch
a cross stitch project
slacks to alter

so if i spend my time out tomorrow
just bloody kill me

and anne
i heart you
thanks for supporting me

XY looked at his shoes when he looked at XX
mungkin kelihatan XX kelihatan seperti bulb lampu sbb pakai tudung sebegitu?

they met at the lift lobby
they went down together
XX was talking on the phone while XY was looking at XX
looking and seemed to be wnting to engage with a conversation with XX
XX was busy on the phone

XX went down with XY on the elevator
then XX said hi to XY and proceeded to make small talk
'you are going back late huh?'
then they were having heated discussion about Putra or LRT or monorail
in the end XY managed to answer XY's own question
XX laughed in XX's head

they walked together to the monorail station
XY asked about:
'where you live?'
'where do you go off?'
'how do you go to work'
XY tried XY's best to give teh same question

conversation continued

XX managed to ask XY's nationality
XY asked:
'what do you study?'
'how's the slary?'
'what's your job like'
'why did you quit the last job?' ---> repetition repetition repetition
and in turn, XX gave name card to XY!
yeay for that

i watched transformers yesterday. it was seriously cool. i love it and i really do so hope dearest makcik will ajak me out next week. or the other week. it does not matter. i just want to go watch it again.

good and funny lines. love it. and cool robots. and hawt megan fox.

so, done with that
so long

XX= the girl
XY= the guy

scene: at the stairs
character: sang selipar (SS) and yours truly (YT)

yours truly turns around
YT: so, yesterday's game, brazil-italy, which one won?
SS: tak tgk ah. tido

are you stupid? ARE YOU STUPID? ask about the person. not about some frigging qualifying game that will happen in one year duration

*screams in frustration

I was out shopping with a friend yesterday and I was tired. Didn't realise I was that tired until after iftar.

OK, was not supposed to ramble.

So, at the end of the day, we were like so exhausted having to walk here and there and finally wanted to get some coffee for my auntie. I am ok with the idea of walking downstairs (looks at the spider veins on my legs and feigns horror) but she wanted to go on the elevator. Since the Prego in the bag weighed me down (as if I need more support to bring me closer to earth) so I just followed her to wait for the elevator. It's killing us by then, we went out at 1pm and by then it was already 8pm. So we waited. The elevator arrived and of course, the door opened. We waited patiently since the people in there have kids and we don't want to add more trouble to their additional baggage. And when we wanted to step him, the door was closing. And guess what? No one in the elevator wanted to push the 'open' button to let people in. And the best part was, they are parents with three kids. My friend nearly got her hands trapped when the door closed. There were no sensors and its not as if no one can't see that we wanted to come in.

Now I understand it all. Now I can see it all very clearly why we have this problem with all mat rempits, uncontrollable school children, increasing crime rates among school children. Look at the example being set by the parents. People are coming in and you just don't care. You are being too ignorant to just push the button. Was it too difficult? And think about the example set to the kids. Next time people want to come in into an elevator or something, they can just do the same thing. Or even better, push the button to close the elevator's door.

I don't blame educators, I really don't. If this is the kind of example a parent would want to set to their children, maybe we can just stop worrying about everything all together. How can we expect something good from an ignorant set of examples? Say if our role model is Amy Winehouse instead of Stephen Hawking (change at your own will), how can we be so sure we would not say 'Ouh, it's ok to do drugs. We can just be popular and get trophies for it.'

I hereby would like to remind myself not to be so selfish as to do what the couple did. OMG, both the father and mother just stood at the corners of the elevator looking at us with a blank stare, holding the hands of their kids and do nothing.

Please God, don't let me turn into those

'we make ourselves happy
the sky is baby blue if we want to ignore the tiny black cloud on the left side of it
we make our lives interesting
we don't need expensive restaurants after work to enjoy life
we just need to be content
content with what we have even if we have as much as RM250 for the whole month'

thank you o wise one
thank you

on a second note:
i love my friends
they are ever so supportive
and they love explaining things (carrie and anne)
and funny and undersanding
and especially talented in the merepek area

there are lots of things that i want to jot down but the pouring rain wash them away
ouh cool breezy morning
this will be another great day!

note to self:
1. open your mouth and speak"
2. seize the opportunity
3. start the conversation
4. look up and say hi
5. speak you, stoop
6. speak speak speak

ok you get it
God, pelase
i need another chance
please

ouh btw
i so so so love my girlfriends
they are ever so supportive
dan tumpang gembira untuk saye
until the one being across the sea
i so want to cry

Thank You People
for being really great friends
T_T

it came when you least expect it
(apart from the ability of -mengajak-diri-sendiri-dgn-selambe-dan-tidak-malu
it's only lunch
not invitation to the house of something

i'm like .... :D

jam sudah menginjak pukul 1. badan letih, otak penat, otot minta diluruskan di atas katil. tapi seperti ada sesuatu yangmasih belum dilakukan. ada sesuatu yang tidak cukup. terasa akan kehilangan sesuatu. sesuatu yang tidak pernah disedari akan harganya, cuma sekarang baru terasa rindu. sekalipun sesuatu itu masih di sini.

perasaan terasa bercampur-baur. masa sungguh cepat berlalu dan seperti sudah tertulis, macam ada seuatu yang perlu aku sampaikan tetapi tidak terluah.

apa? aku tau apa tetapi aku tau semua sudah agak terlewat sekarang. dan aku dihambat rasa ego yang membuak. ego yang menghalang aku untuk menarik semuanya kembali.

jauh, sudah terlalu jauh.

kali ini aku tidak boleh menyesal. apa saja yang datang, kali ini memang sangat bergantung kepada rezeki.

aku bersyukur dengan peluang yang pernah diberi. mungkin aku yang tersilap dan buta.

empat huruf. empat huruf itu yang sebolehnya ingin aku kongsi bersama satu ungkapan, mungkin akan hanya tinggal kenangan.

cis kau. malam ini kau buat aku terharu lagi

kind but cruel
me: eh you nak jadi PA eh?
die: a ah. ade ke?
me: ada tu mmg ada
me: tapi u kisah tak nak travel?
die: depends
die: kat mane?
me: keje sbg PA pemimpin Hamas
me: oke bye
die: if i get that job, org pertama i akan tembak is you

hahaha

btw, i've finally found a good definition of PMS for guys
it's Pre-Present-Post Mental Sickness
thanks bekas rakan sekerja

I've started to continue freelancing
I figured that I want a lot of things
so in order to get them, I have to work hard
hence, i must start somewhere

I had lunch with a friend and we got to talking about health
well, i miss those days when i can go to the gym almost everyday
ah those days

ok as someone nicely puts it
'you are always bz'
so i need to rush somewhere now

p/s: selipar selipar selipar

i can't sleep
no seriously
my heart is hammering violently against my chest
what is frrigging effing wrong with me?

no carrie
am not on pills

i kind of can't ait for tomorrow but hell
i'm shy
this is going to be awkward

*bites all ten nails simultaneously

i had to admit that this was the very first wedding of one of my schoolmates. and congratulations nadia, if you are reading this.

i never thought that it has been ten years since i saw some of them. and yeah, we are ten years younger but you know, they are still them.

well, some things will not just. it will always remain that way.

and this is the first time that i went to pavilion in baju kurung. it was bearable this time but wow HOT while we were trying to get the tickets for 17 Again. ya...i know. it's zac efron buy hey, he's kind of cute in that movie.

ouh today i was talking to a fren when she said something like takde org mengurat and voila! someone belanje-ed her extra ice-cream on top of our pancake. free ice cream oke? nobody ever got me a free ice-cream. and she as ever blur (and cute), she didn't realize the guy was flirting with her. and he is kind of cute (if you are reading this, yes he's cute. don't deny it).

i'm looking forward to go to the same outlet for freebies. wheee!!

stop it you golddigger.

ok, a fun-filling and quite a tiring day; so i got to go now and wait for grey's anatomy. as usual.

so have a fun day. i can't wait for monday. you know why, carrie and anne

life's like that
one minute its all rainbows and butterflies and before you know it
it mocks at you
jeers and sticks its tongue
but is there a choice?

darling
life is like that
but the good thing is
you'll know where the potholes, twigs, branches and a lot more obstacles
next time, if you see them
you'll know how to react
you'll be prepared

i mean, i'm saying this for me too

how can we appreciate the calm if there's no storm?
how can we really appreciate a rainy day if we haven't face a hot sunny day, all day long?
just sit there and think
take this simple line
'easy come, easy goes'

it's the start of the journey
there's a long way to go
and believe me
you can survive this and you'll absolutely be stronger
smile
though your sight may be clouded by tears
cry
if it'll unload the dead feeling in your chest
do whatever you want to do but you'll survive this
seriously

friends
thanks for the support
and encouragement
and an hour long conversation
u people are dolls

pitt, thanks for being my knight in shining armour
that lunch seriously perked my mood

i'm forever in your guys' debt

saya ada isu dengan facebook. saya merasakan ia tidak berguna kerana komputer riba saya sering tergantung tidak bertali apabila saya membukanya. tetapi pada hari ini, saya dengan penuh semangat waja, telahpun membuat sebuah kuiz yang menawarkan hadiah bagi sesiapa yang boleh menjawab kesemua soalan yang saya berikan.

berikut adalah soalan--soalann saya (yang saya fikirkan dari waktu petang dan ambil masa setengah jam untuk siapkan)

1) Saya paling suka lagu?
a) saya anak malaysia - dr sam (tak bole blah ni. padahal last dgr semasa masih naif)
b) just the way you are - billy joel (lagu thn 1985)
c) flowers in the window - travis (video clip agak ngeri)
d) if you don't want to love me - james morrison 9mcm bese, peberet artist)
e) geek in the pink - jason mraz (encik mraz pun saye sayang)

2) Buku kegemaran saya bertajuk
a) ranjau sepanjang jalan - shahnon ahmad (sedih oke. tp hilang g mane tah buku tu)
b) BFG - roald dahl (i know i know, buku bdk kecik)
c) where the rainbows end - cecilia ahern (sweet sgt-sgt)
d) salina - a samad said
e) Introduction to Physics - Giancoli

3) Apabila saya makan pizza, saya paling suka habiskan
a) nenas ( ke nanas?)
b) sup
c) olive
d) timun
e) pizza crust

4) Saya akan mengatakan ini jika boipren saya adalah jason wade, lifehouse (ni ala-ala soalan bonus gak ni)
a) 'you cannot sing to anyone anymore'
b) 'you are not permitted to sing anymore as of now'
c) nothing. too mesmerized
d) 'you cannot speak, you are only permitted to sing'
e) all of the above

5) Mood saya paling buruk pada waktu?
a) waktu berbuka puasa
b) waktu asar
c) 11.39 malam
d) tengahari
e) pagi

6) Ini adalah impian saya (ni pun ada baiknye saya kasi jwpn terus)
a) pergi ke Champs-Elysse, France
b) menaiki keretapi Trans-Siberia
c) mempunyai perpustakaan peribadi sendiri
d) bercuti ke Necker Island
e) semua sekali sebab saya tamak haloba

7) Jika anda mahu saya gembira, anda cuma perlu beri saya makanan ini ... (dgn jayanya menyembunyikan mknan kegemaran sendiri dr rakan-taulan)
a) Prozac
b) seketul ayam goreng berjenama KFC
c) caviar (ha-ha)
d) kentang goreng
e) twisties perisa BBQ

8) Jenis sukan kegemaran saya adalah
a) berenang (kalo nak buat skang, dlm sinki je la jwbnye)
b) window shopping (bole bakar kalori juga oke)
c) kuak lentang atas katil
d) cari duit dalam tepung
e) berjalan-jalan di tgh remang senja

9) Saya tidak percaya pada kewujudan
a) santa claus
b) kebolehan psikik
c) leprechaun
d) piring terbang
e) hantu

10) Saya mempunyai darah (ni soalan saje tanak org menang hadiah. ha-ha)
a) A
b) B
c) AB
d) O
e) raja

so, i had lots of fun today and again i had that naan. and fries. ahh..the taste of it. and i'm positively tired tho. and can't wait for july.

i am unstoppable when it comes to books
i know perfectly well that i shouldn't be buying the 'Queen of Babble' from Meg Cabot buy no!
i was unstoppable when it comes to books
i was bored and i figured i havne' got the new readers digest
so i walked confidently into a bookstore, with the wishful thinking that i will not buy any books
but i just can;t
and the purchase i made on the book is not those of buy 3 books for 2 or something
it's for the hwole price

ouh and of course i'm fully aware that i have 20 or so books to read
the reason for the increase in number was when i realized that i haven't finished the books i bought back in 2007"
so, i have to finish this one book and the rest of the books to

and you know what?
pay less books is having another clearance sale in july
and this is not good news because before i know it
"i will be marching confidently to the book sale and buying God-knows what
urgh
somebody please tie my arms from picking any books

on another note
i had fun seeing old friends
and talking to old friends
:D

it's the teen angst thingy
ouh yeah
i know
you are free to drool all over the table now

i know i can't see it but i'm positive that my heart has just been trampled by a herd of bulls
and after trampling all over my heart
they threw i in the pond where a huge alligator lives and the alligator chews on it merrily
yes, that's how much it hurts
and why do i get this feeling that the example is inappropriate

'it's just another heartbreak. you'll get better'
right. please get in my shoes. then talk
'you'll be oke. you are given three days to cry over it'
can i take three years?

God
i miss jolie and pitt!!!

my feelings are so jumbled up
i don't know what to do
it's like..it's coming coming coming!
i just could not let go when i really actually want to

you know it's not healthy when you keep comparing what you have with someone to the other person
it's not healthy
but what can i do?
i don't know
i feel like shouting at that person's face 'of course you can't have what we have with other people. every single friendship is unique'
maybe that is the very reason why i become more and more emotional
because you are a no-no yet you keep coming back
it's like my number is on your speed dial

and then i hear yu repeat what i said to you 5 months ago
omg
that is like so dejavu and scary because
you are on my 'No-No' list

i don't know
do you really think each and every relationship will be like this?
the moment you refuse to make it more complicated
the other party will be more than happy to make things complicated
saying 'something is holding me back'
something? something?
it doesn't make it any better when you keep saying 'what wee have is bla bla bla'

no, no
that's not okay
omg seriously
was it the drugs that makes me feel like this?

Riding the recession the shopaholic way

The title explains itself. Shopaholic. Addiction to shopping. And during this dire times, the thought of parting money may not be that appealing to shopaholic.

But sometimes people don’t understand us. Spending money makes us happy, makes us walk on air but what do they know? They don’t understand that our obsession is therapy, our yoga, pilates, meditation and how we socialize.

I understand the difficulty of having to keep the purse to oneself when one is constantly being reminded to ‘save’, ‘careful with the money’, ‘buy what we need’ and so on and so forth. And there is the answer to end all shopaholic miseries. Buy what we need.

Admit it, we need food. Without food, we can’t exist (but careful not to turn it around to we exist because of food). If usually we are more comfortable with buying shoes and clothes, maybe it’s time to change our shopping habits. And believe me, mom will be happy with the change too.

Secret is? Buy groceries instead. Take it as another form of choosing for clothes. It offers us with much more choices in multiple colour and sizes, we will find ourselves dizzy having to make the decision. And there were endless shelves of such products and they can extend to luxury brands too. The economical brand for soap will be along Lux and Johnson&Johnson, luxury will be Crabtree & Evelyn (kindly correct me if this is wrong).

Need to buy something? Pick up the cooking oil. Need something healthy and green? Pick the organic products. Need to buy something and also donate? Pick something from TLC, a Malaysian company that will also contribute their income to those in need.

See? The possibilities are endless. Just don’t stop at cooking oil because you can really help your mum with other things like fridge deodorant (or something), biscuits (I love McTivities), fruits, healthy snacks (can’t get enough of baby carrot), shampoo, toothbrush (I have this addiction of walking up and down the shelf just to see how advanced they have become) and so on. See? You‘ll need it sometime so it’s like insurance. And mum or anyone may not say anything much because it’s groceries, it’s essential.

So, have fun tiding the recession waves. The chip demand in Singapore is increasing and this may be the sign of recovery. Manufacturing industry will be hit the hardest during the recession to chip demand = manufacturing demand. See the connection?

OK. Got to get ready for a brand new day. Have a nice day people!

Who ate my tuna bun?

No, that was me trying to mislead you people. And I know one person will be mad at me and say ‘Can you stop being an elephant (as in remembering all things that happened. Bwahaha!) What I want to say is…I love being a Malaysian.

No, honey. This is not sarcasm. And no buddy, no political remarks or reviews here. I’m bored to death about it. Sorry to burst your dream bubbles so early.

I have no idea how many languages there are in Malaysia and mind you, this is just based on me staying in KL, not moving to other parts of the beautiful country. Some of us speak Bahasa Melayu, English, Chinese and Tamil. And in my honest opinion, there are other languages being spoken too. Please, if you may so kind to remind me, do jot down the other languages we speak apart from dialects. But what strikes me the most was, despite out differences, our inability to pronounce certain words in a correct way, (I have trouble saying inferiority complex for example. I will say it inferity cornflakes) we will always find a common ground to speak in one language.

For example, a friend of mine has this language barrier with his grandparents. He is a Chinese but he didn’t speak Cantonese or Mandarin. He speaks English at home and Bahasa Melayu. And in order to communicate with his grandparents, he uses Bahasa Melayu because that is the only language that they can understand.

Isn’t that great? Despite our differences, we will always be able to settle on a common ground.

I love kedai mamak. Speaking from experience, one of the places that I can agree with when having several people of different races, background and sanity levels (I’m not kidding) is mamak stall. It’s like this universal place where everyone can sit and eat and drink. I’m not saying that we can’t dine in places like KFC but we just had to bond over a glass of teh tarik or something.

Bless the mamak stalls in Malaysia. Now I’m craving for a tall glass of the tarik. Gackt!

And the most important thing…Malaysians love food! It’s amazing how people can go on and on about food while having food in their mouth. Ok maybe it was just me and my colleagues. There will always be free food every week that I think my work hazard has to do with expansion of the waist line.

Never mind. Will start buying them cholesterol-laden food so they will be the ones who are bulging with food. If I can’t be thin, they have to be fat right?

OK then. Enough fooling around. Get back to work. Yes, yours truly is working on weekends. So tade life.

Boys will always be boys and of course, girls will always be girls.

Too often we see girls cry at playgrounds when they play with the boys. OK maybe that was during my time because nowadays kids are usually confined in their room with their PS2, PSP and what not. I’m not sure on the latter because I made that up. But back in those days, girls cry a lot when boys were in the playground. Sometimes, it was because the boys are big bullies and we know of their reputation. Most of the times, the boys were our friends but still we cry.

Why? They tend to get physical. A pat on the back is nice. A shove into the drain is not generous. And the attempt to trip someone is of course, calling for war.

But that’s it. Boys will never get it. Boys will never understand that while we may try to rough up, actually we hate being pushed, shoved or boxed. It hurts. And getting someone hurt is not the best way to make friendship.

That was why girls have the tendency to resort to games like jongkang-jongket and waited patiently for the swing to be empty because we are not rough and our ideal way of playing does not involve physical contacts (which are of course, almost to the brink of violence). It was just not us. Boys tend to punch their buddies a lot because they enjoy it. Girls don’t do that just because we don’t. We don’t understand why you have to get physical (again, almost to the brink of violence) and please, we don’t need it anyways. Girls are gentle creature, in case you haven’t noticed from all the domestic violence posters.

When I was a kid, I never had the chance of mingling with the boys. I was grounded since I was small (and still have curfew until now). I was never the receiving end of the multiple shoves and pushes and thank God for that. But as of recent, I have finally understood why girls cry a lot when they were playing games with boys.

Because men, boys, guys, they tend to get physical; unaware of their own strength. Sometimes your playfulness are equivalent to a little lion cub (imagine those sharp teeth and claws). It’s like going on a scuba diving lesson with a shark, like going hunting with a panther, like trying to walk through a shopping mall with lots of SALES sign with a shopaholic. Ok that one does not apply.

Well in a nutshell, boys will always be boys. Their idea of fun will never change from kindergarten up to their 30th year on earth. Their playfulness will never cease to be dangerous. And girls will always be girls. We will always feel hurt and confused by the shoves and pushes.

Point in writing this: I was just bored. I was confined in the room working. I need therapy like writing. But do share with us your experience. It might be of handy.

I don’t believe that Malaysia does not have 4 seasons. We have musim banjir, musim tengkujuh, musim kemarau and pilihranraya (it’s sound so much crude when you use Bahasa instead of English). And now, we have kemarau. Its scorching hot and I felt like melting once I stepped outside of my building. Wait. That may not be due to heat. Maybe I am a vampire.

OK kidding.

Its imperative for us to save water at this moment. So, here are some things that you might want to do during this season.

1. Cut your frequency of talking. Save your saliva.
2. Move less because movement will create sweat and you’ll lose water in your body. Then you’ll have to consume water and do you realize that our dams are short of water at this time because there is no rain? See my point?
3. Cut your bathing frequency from twice to once during weekends. I realize its not logical to do so during weekdays if you are working.
4. Instead of using the bath tub, use shower. Maximum 3 minutes. Soap yourself, brush your teeth and wash your face at the same time. And tell us if you are able too because frankly, I’ve never tried it. Can’t wait to hear the result.
5. As I said before, we might want to cut on the water intake because everyone are short on water. Hence, cut your movements too. If usually you drink water and stop at the pantry, read an article or two and then walk to your friend's table for a chat, cut it all. Email you friends. It’s much more convenient that way.
6. If you always walk to the toilet located in other floors because you want to stretch your legs, stop doing it. Go to the one on the same floor. You can’t possibly gain weight in this global sauna. Ouh wait, that was me going to the 14th floor toilet. Thi hi hi. Cancel that
7. Thinking makes us tired. When we are tired, we drink. So, stop thinking.
8. Eat things with high water content. Meaning: let’s ditch all our diet and eat ice cream because the ice will melt in our mouths and there you go! Water.
9. Spend as much time possible in a building with air condition. Better still if the temperature can be mimicked similar to the North Pole.
10. Get yourself hypnotized. Make believe (until you believe that there is no heat).

So there you are! Ten simple, do-able steps. So have fun trying people and save the water.

Crap, they say the heat will stay until September 2009.

breakfast is the most important meal of the day because it gets you started. skipping breakfast is not the best or ideal way to start a day, albeit you are a worker, employer or who sits idly in the house (read: grape planter. mcm wujud la kan term tu).

Everyone's diet is different. If we live in Singapore, the choice off food for breakfast may be different, in China another thing, India another meal will be eaten during breakfast (and I'm thinking about capati. darn).

Nevertheless, it is best to consume high energy meal during the start of the day. Preferably, I would not like to eat something with oily content like curry puff or nasi lemak. OK once in a while is acceptable like twice a week but not every single day. I would not like to slump on the table in front of me, especially during weekdays. I usually opt for something with high wheat content like wholegrain sandwich. Not usually, I can say almost every day with some exceptions on days i feel like eating pulut kuning. Yes, I had pulut kuning for breakfast. Pulut kuning and rendang daging. marvellous.

Why do I have the feeling that this entry has turned into some information-laden-wannabe kind of entry? Point being is, I don't usually take the food made from home because usually it consist of oily food. Of course, with the exception of curry puff and roti sardin (which is actually oily but hell, it was so good, i almost cried). And i can actually see the expansion of my waistline so I prefer those while wholegrain in the morning. I don't hate your cooking grandma, I just HAVE TO resort to other food.

ok dengan beria sekali menulis blog ini dengan harapan nenek atau atuk akan membacanya ke?

But before I forgot, Happy Mother's Day nenek and emak. Thank you for everything.

I have too much time in my hands

Need proofs? I have been thinking about useless things and things that really do not need noticing

1. Why does boy bands and girlbands (do you even have that term?) have a lot of members
My theory: because they can’t really sing. Having a lot of members means that they will have one who can sing fairly good, not really good, horrible or can’t sing at all. Hence, if the lead singer can’t really sing, the terrible singing quality of the other members will make the singer end up looking like he or she can sing quite good.

2. Continuation of the above question
My theory: there will be one or two seriously good looking or hot member(s). These good looking ones will be the one who will attract the buyers.

3. As kids have the tendency to change their name to some trendy nicks to be used online, I will be naming my kid D4ni37 as in Daniel. So, he would not have to change his name online. He only needs to use the given name as a nickname.

And I will be naming my daughter Thoraya but of course it will be pronounced as Suraya. It’s just that I changed the spelling of my name to look a bit unique online. So I am actually doing her a favour.

I hear someone say ‘Have mercy on your unborn child’ but I’m just trying help this little guy and girl.

O boy. My kids will be beaten to pulp in the playground. They will even have to turn into bullies to defend themselves.

4. I hereby conclude that free food at the office does not count as calories. The free foods in the office (namely cakes, biscuits, chocolates (from Dubai T_T) , butter cakes, sesame buns etc) are nothing. They are free food and do not contribute to the expansion of the waistline.

See? I have too much time in my hand. Why do I even bother thinking about all these stuff, I seriously have no idea. I have nothing else to do, apparently. And my brain has this ability to think multiple stuff when I was busy doing work at the office.

Bukan yang kita jangka

‘Ye kak. Nak minum ape?’ pelayan itu bertanya ramah-tamah. ‘Eh, sorang je?,’ pelayan lelaki berambut perang bertanya lagi setelah menyedari siapa aku. Pastilah susah untuk melupakan wajah ini yang hampir setiap hari duduk di sini menikmati sarapan pagi.

Mata kau dah kenape? Tak nampak ke kedai makan ko ni penuh dengan orang? Aku datang dengan diaorang la sebenarnya. Saja aku duduk sorang-sorang kat meja ni. Salah ke?

Malang sebab itu cuma bisikan hati aku sahaja. Tak terluah dek mulut aku

Aku senyum. ‘Biasa,’ sambil tangan dengan pantas membuka suratkhabar yang sebenarnya lebih layak untuk aku buat alas tempat duduk sahaja.

Aku arif benar dengan maksud soalan tersebut, faham dia ingin bertanya tentang apa. Aku cuma tidak mampu berhadapan dengan soalan Si Rambut Perang tentang Hafiz. Aku tidak punya tenaga untuk bersoal-jawab dengan sesiapapun tentang di mana Hafiz. Di mana teman lelaki aku yang selalu aku usung ke sana ke mari.

Mungkin sebab itulah emak berpesan supaya jangan asyik masyuk bercinta. Sebenarnya, ayat emak berbunyi begini:

‘Ha, masuk yunibersiti tu jangan mengada-ngada nak berboipren-boipren. Habiskan belajar dulu. Karang boo! sana boo! sini dengan boipren. Lepas tu tak habis belajar. Satu hape pun tak jadi.

Sibuk sangat bercinta sampai lupa dunia, mak bapak, adik-beradik. Ingat sikit, kamu tu perempuan. Ape-ape jadi nanti susah. Sayang ke orang ni berpada-pada. Biar dia sayang kita lebih, jangan kita sibuk nak bergolok-gadai sebab dia. Nanti jadi apa-apa, kite yang susah.

Fokus ceramah selalunya berubah-ubah. Kadangkala ia akan lebih kepada aku. Kemudian, ia beralih pula kepada kita. Kadang-kadang emak juga berusaha untuk memberi fokus kepada pemanasan global.

for more: register and click here

I’ve been having this feeling of becoming an android because I have resorted to placing things into my eyes. I know I know, I was slow on the uptake of contact lenses. I thought I would not be wearing it anymore after ditching them nearly eight years ago. Wow, that’s a really long time.

So my astigmatism has increased. Doubled in fact. It has been hindering my eyesight for quite sometime but I always had a good reason of not going to the optometrist. I’m busy, I want to get home early, I’m too hungry-so-I-went-for-dinner-and-the-store-is-closed-when-I’m-done and global warming. OK, that last part was really a pathetic excuse.

So I went up to check my eyes and I really have to embrace myself because I have long realized that my eyesight was failing. I just don’t want to go and check it, that’s why. Furthermore, the spectacles I’ve been wearing was one from four years ago or so.

As a result, I had my very first Toric lenses. Darn, I hate having to struggle to put the lenses in my eyes, especially the right eye. Grr!

But it does actually feel better. I mean, I don’t have to deal with the empty spaces when I’m wearing glasses. It makes me feel better. But of course I had to be really careful in terms of taking care of the lenses. Well, it is something to be placed inside the eyes and stay there for at least eight hours. So, I have to be really careful. Dirty hands are a big no-no and nails had to be kept clean (looks at the nails and make a mental note to go cut it after coming back from the movies).

Ok, got to get ready.

On another note: saw Conan yesterday. Yey!

i know you are reading this
no, there will be no sorry
and maybe we can fight over the phone AGAIN like yesterday

looking forward for your phone call AGAIN

and yes, i have the capability of being sad because i'm a human

can't wait for your call AGAIN

(ye mmg PMS maka perlu marah tak tentu-pasal. dan perhatian, jika anda merasakan entry di bawah berkaitan sayangi diri anda seperti sayangi sungai anda adalah untuk anda, besar kemungkinan anda salah kerana saya juga selalu ingin sesuatu yang saya tiada seperti seorang teman lelaki. kita semua mmg makhluk yang menyedihkan)

The stupidest thing on earth

In my honest opinion, hating oneself is the stupidest thing a human can do. Hating, degrading, self-depreciating; are all the biggest sins in the world. Especially when we do want people to like us back.

Imagine hearing one say this: I hate myself. I'm stupid, I have a miserable life, I am not beautiful and so on and so forth.

This is what I might think: ouh, she or he must not love themselves. Hence, it is ok for me to say hate them too like saying 'yah, you are stupid'.

(Usually I don't say that because I don't want to be the reason for someone to kill themselves or something. Of course I will say things like 'don't say that. You are nice')

I believe that everyone is nice inside. Regardless of how cruel one can be but I know they are something nice about a person. There were many examples of it. Even companies have Corporate Social Responsibility program because they want to give back to the community for things that they might have missed out. Even a bad person might feel pity for a kid and that is something nice too.

I know I don't read that much motivational books but I just want to take something from Don't be Sad by 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni.

' You think about what you do not have and are ungrateful for what you have been given' (page 29).

Now just stop and look at yourself for a while. Switch off the monitor for a while but this is not adviseable for those using laptop. What do you see? Ok even if you do not want to switch anything off and look into a mirror, look at your fingers. Can you move them? If you do, say 'I'm grateful for my fingers'. Now look at your wrist. Can you turn them this way and that? If you can, you are now free to say 'I'm grateful for my wrists.'

Now pinch your finger. Can you feel the pain? If you can, say 'I'm grateful for my working receptors'. Without realizing, the tiny little receptors are extremely important because they help us to note that the kettle is hot and the water is hot so we won't be burnt alive. See? There are at least three things that we can all be grateful of without even needing to go for a medical check-up. How can we hate ourselves that way?

There's at least one thing that we can love about ourselves. Sometimes we found ourselves being silly and hating it, being fat and hating it and being boring and hating it. Now remember that foolishness are not stupid. Sometimes they can turn out to be cute too. No, I mean it. Sometimes when you blurt something out like a kid does, it becomes cute. But if it doesn't make you cute, laugh at it because later, you will look back at the memory and laugh at yourself because it was funny.

I knew someone who accidentally claimed something about Bandar Planet when he was actually referring to Bandar Satelit. Some geography thingy. We both realised it was wrong and I know he was embarassed about it but did he push me onto an incoming bus just because I laughed at him? No, because he knows that we will be looking back at the memory and laugh at it.

OK I made that up. I didn't know if he will look back at it but at that moment, he himself laughed at his silliness.

Fat. So what? Would you want to be a model and be skinny and wear all the nice clothes in the world and live in constant hunger, having to stick your finger or your toothbrush down the throat after having macaroni and cheese? That's torture. If our body is not made as a skinny-sized model, let it be. I know I can't be skinny but heck; Real Women Have Curves (matilah curik tajuk movie). (note: not all models have to starve themselves tho).

Boring? Ok sometimes we can be boring but maybe, instead of trying to hard to become the center of attention, why not just listen to what people say. Stop and listen for a while (ok stop and stare pun bole but honey, it's rude to stare).

I know we can find something that we do like about ourselves. I know that I'm a good listener. I will try to stay awake during Pillow Talk (and when it comes to my turn, everyone fell asleep). And I know that is a very important attribute because it helps people to come my way as in being connected. That is my pride because too many times, people keep talking about themselves without wanting to know about the other person. So, I like that about myself.

Please ouh please, let us all try to be positive and a bit nice to ourselves. We are all special inside because God will never ever create anything without a reason. Some people say that you can do nothing with your wisdom teeth. That's a lie because I have one wisdom tooth on the upper gum and none in the lower gum, on my left jaw. I removed it five years ago because of some complications. And the effect was, my jaw ached for days if I try to eat meat, liat or not. Yes, that is my own experience.

And I think it is great to note that:

If we don't love ourselves, how can we expect people to love us?

i miss my friends
i really do
i miss them so much although i haven't seen them for like two weeks
ouh yes, if i were given the chance to maary them
i'd jump at one heartbeat
but they are girls (and angie rejected me thrice)

so i finished another book on nanny diaries. Pitt said it was made into films but of course, i didn't know it.

The book was about a girl who worked as a nanny at Mr and Mr X. unfortunately, she fell into a deep and rather not--so-nice trap as the family itself is struggling with their own problem. what with grayer missing both his parents and all the focus given by Mrs X at the wrong places.

Classic parents who have too much money, they tend to leave everything to the nanny and expect the kids to being accepted to some colleges at the age of 4. the result and reality was unnerving (although i do wish that it was not reality). When the kid was urinating in places that he shouldn't be, the mum was concentrating on where he should be peeing, not the reason why he was doing that in the first place.

Then nanny was shocked by the fact that there were someone else besides Mrs X when Mr X was at home. And she was somehow sucked into the problem.

in the end, those with money will always win. and that was really disheartening.

Ok so that was the review that I was supposed to do about last week. i know, I'm a great procrastinator.

I did it! I finished my cross-stitch project! I’m so happy. Ok not really because my back and my leg still hurt a bit. But hey! I managed to finish it.

My F----ing Birthday by Merril Markoe.
The book takes us through a journey of the characters birthday yearly, up to her 41th year. Firth, the mother was there and then she passed away. And her father dated other women while the character herself is going on a rollercoaster ride of a relationship, slipping in and out of one relationship after another. She had a bad relationship with an overly critical mother which did no justice on her self-esteem.

It is quirky, funny and the message is: you lead your life. It was seriously funny, I find myself laughing on the bus.

It’s recommended for girls who wish to have a good laugh on their singleness and take a look at what are they doing,’ am I really letting this guy walk all over me? Is this just lust?’ and things like that. It was cool to read something that sounded like self-development book (on how not to be a pushover) that does not sound so stiff.

Ah, well. Back still hurts. So, Angie and Brad, when are we dating again? Online I mean.

Next project: stitch something for Emak. And frame it, you lazy bum.

it's a monday morning
no i'm not working and i woke up to the brush of soft fur at my feet
yes, it was a cat
i tot it was something else.

bliss
i love coming back to one place that'll accept me no matter what
and i eat
i honestly eat to my heart content.

ok mum is trying to engage me into a conversation
it'd better stop before she felt left out.

i just can't
i just lose control
20 books
yes, that's how much books i bought today

tp sebenarnya, tade org nak pegang je
kalo ade mau aku borong lagi

tengs si cantek teman ai hari ni
ai rase disayangi

p/s: entry ringkas sbb super sebok

i set up an office in my living room
yes, a mini portable office

i was feeling pretty mixed up on that
should i be happy so i don't have to go back realllyyyyy late everyday?
or just be really unhappy because i don't get to do my favorite activities on sundays (read sleep eat sleep)

but today
i do feel good
because i get to go back earlier
and spend quality time with the family
so..smiles

It was 8.25pm and everybody at my house seemed excited. Apparently, they have been talking about Earth hour for several days. Ok fine, I’m bad. I thought they would not care but they did. Which is actually a good thing after all. And now the Earth hour is effectively over and I’m typing this piece with the light on.

It’s not much. An hour will not do much. It does not even make up for all the rubbishes, wasted power and those thing that I’ve been littering all my life but I do believe that we should start by starting. I do think it’s more like a hype, similar like the organic hype. Ya, I know, I do think that way but I’m so whatever right?

Had great fun at the party at Cassie’s sis. Great food, great stuff. Great activity. I’m covered in soot, stank of smoke but whatever. I’m just happy. And Kate, the birthday boy loved our presents.

Ok I’m positively pissed about this connection. I have been trying to connect since 9 and just finished an hour conversation when it finally connected. But now I'm just tired and pissed. Urgh

took this from mak hayam terlampau's (yang hot dan seksi). time to learn about myself.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
(i wish la kan? i can't even solve this problem that i'm having now)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
(anything as in anything? that does not sound good)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
(and i'm predicting that will not happen in the coming ten years)

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
(and why am i dating girls then?)

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
(i shudder to think about my pointer though. i prefer practical stuff)

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
(and i wonder do they have an opening as time-waster?)

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
(urm hum. ok this sounds a bit true)

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
(wow. so, can i just wear kain batik and T-shirt bodo to office now?)

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
(mature? yah, i know. i wish la)

ni sape create kuiz ni? tah sape-sape punye analisis la yang aku dpt ni.

takpela. hiburan waktu tgh hari what

It never crossed my mind that a movie with Owen Wilson in it will be sad. Seriously.

This is a movie about life, married life in fact. John (Owen Wilson) and Jen (Jennifer Aniston) started their life during a blizzard and both proceeded to work their marriage together. First, Wilson secured a job as a small time-reporter before proceeding to write a column. They got a puppy which they dubbed as 'clearance puppy' and from there on, the story unfold.

Marley, a Labrador, was continuously called as the worst dog in the world ever. But still, the family love them. He was there during the miscarriage, first son, second son and the 'whoops' daughter. It was there when Sebastian (Eric Dane *drools)tried to score chicks and of course, when the neighbour got stabbed.

It's drama, not much of funny lines but enough dosage to make people laugh. Especially Grogan's boss. It's like a walking irony.

Despite the fear for thunder, hyperactivity, naughtiness and all, the family learnt how to stick together and survive it all with the dog. And I can't believe that I actually cried when they buried Marley (OK fine I cried. The first movie that made me cry was I Am Sam. Luckily I watched it alone or someone would have called me a wet blanket. Wait, I think that person did call me that).

There were fights, colicky and disagreements. The food has to be put on the table but there is actually more to life. And one will never know where the inspiration might come from. Despite that, it is very very important to keep the eyes open and ready to accept the signs.

Thus, I'm taking this opportunity to everyone that has shared their thoughts on my previous blog entry, as well as those who read it. Reading the comments helped, I kid you not. And especially to Carrie who spent a totally cool evening yesterday (don't make me hate you for reviewing Mills and Boons novels. You just want to annoy the hell out of me right?). And Meg Cabot helps (although it made me puke all night yesterday because I was reading it on the train and maybe something is wrong in the Tom Yam Noodle. Whatever, I survived the night). But why don't MPH Subang Parade sell other Cabot's books? It's a crime not to sell other titles.

OK, enough babbling. Got to do Queen of Babble thingy with a good friend.

Midlife crisis can occur at any time of the year and the period it lasts ranges from one person to another. I for one, is having trouble coping with it.

Cited from wikipedia: "Midlife crisis is a term used in Western societies to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" of life, as a result of sensing the passing of youth and the imminence of old age."

I'm having doubt and a lot of thinking. Its as if my whole being and energy are being invested at the workplace. Quality family time becomes less and less, I smile less frequently at the office and many things do not excite me anymore. I realize I had too many books, clothes, opportunities to laugh but still I sigh. I'm just tired and sore. I just need time to sit down, type the stories I have in my head here and be happy. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen soon. My time, my life, me have to be constantly divided for different things that I just want to scream 'STOP!' and let the passing time freeze.

Keep on dreaming baybeh.

I know I know, the work pays the bill. But that's it, where does it go from there? I'm having doubts, serious doubts about me now. I don't see me moving forward, instead, I'm progressing backwards, thinking about working in bookstores and stuff. Like a friend nicely put, 'You've lost the drive' (or something along the line. I was too busy rearranging excuses to skip work today in my head than hear the friend speak).

I am thinking about moving to Penang. To leave everything behind and skip this all. What this hollow feeling didn't tell really is whether I will miss my friends; who stood thick and thin. This thought doesn't fell like a phase. I'm actually looking, judging, drawing the pros and cons of the choices. I'm just tired.

What is the point of rushing when there's more to life? Why do we have to run after buses, taxis, trains and LRTs when we know the job will always will be piled high on the table? Why do we thrive to buy the most expensive bags, shoes and shirts when at the end of the day, they will just wither away?

I lost the competitiveness, the drive, the will to creep out of this deep, plunging, sinking feeling. I know something is not right but I can't place it (no, it's not getting a boyfriend or a partner. I'll be whining and complaining and being demanding that getting into a relationship will be an absolute disaster). I know something is missing; it's not my toe, my finger or my nose but I don't know what it is.

I spend most of the time trying to escape from this feeling. I went out nearly daily, hang out with different but same circle of friends, watch movies after movies and turn pages after pages of books but still, the serious self-doubt will not leave me alone. It drives me mad because I fell helpless, not knowing to do anything. No matter how hard I told my life to get back on track, it just wouldn't. Ouh right, I was the one who is supposed to do that.

I'm trying to find meaning not to run away from this place, this job. I'm raking my brain, just trying to hold on to it. Maybe I do seriously need a break. Switch the phone off and run off somewhere without electrical appliances.I am just frigging-effing-tired.

I don't know how long this will go on but please, if anyone, any of you know the cure for this crisis, I would love to hear it.

P/S: if i can just find time to type the story that I so wanted to type since last year, it would really be a great help.

wednesday, 11 March 2009
A: so, the town that you lived in, was it an industrial town?
B: yes, it was
A: was daimler-chrysler based in your town
B: no, but audi is. our town is called 'bandar planet' for other towns. you know right?

I put a totally blank face

B: ouh, you didn't learn it before?
A: omg, you make me feel like a bimbo
(whines for half a minute)
A: wait, you mean bandar satelit not bandar planet right?

B laughed enthusiastically. B actually had the audacity to tell me that I didn't actually learn about it. helloooo...it's geography of course i studied it before.

but that didn't stop me laughing. it just slipped out of my mouth. i didn't intend to laugh at B like that but bandar planet? what? that is like so frigging alien.

darn it. i have to go back. i'm like so effing sleepy. got to go back and continue john tucker must die

i actually typed something based on the change of the headline but no, it didn't come out. maybe it was a sign from god not to hate John Tucker. will i follow it? you wish and keep on wishing. i hate john tucker like i hate my mobile phone during work. yes, a love hate relationship.

so, it's settled that:
Zill will now be known as Carrie, the brainy-blonde
Azu-rin will be Kate, the new hot girl
while I am Heather.

Well Zill @ Casey wanted to be Beth (Sophia Bush) but in the end nobody got the chance to be one because it's useless to fight.

and this will be one of the silly things we do. who's john tucker? well..it's for the three of us to keep a secret and no one will find out.

Carrie, I didn't manage to smile to anyone yesterday. People looked at the wall instead of looking at me.

On another development:
I pissed somebody off I think. I was the one who was pissed off at first but it ended up being him who got pissed off. Weird huh?

But I'm still pissed. Hate is a very strong word. Let's make it fun and never find a word for this tiny, blinding, flash of hot anger near the heart. Deal?

report: end of working day 1

i failed with grandeur. i smiled to my sandals and failed to smile at two girls walking from their toilet to their respective offices.

Carey, plis lempang sekali mcm kamu lempang Jane (Katherine Heighl)

i'm smiling and still smiling. afterall, i had the best companions with me who will always always support me, regardless whatever may befall on me. i'm so very glad that i meet them.

through laughter and tears, through thick and thin.

wah, berfilosofi gitoo. akak ni kenape kak? dah buang tebiat eh?
jawapan: akak under influence ubat batuk. bukan beli punye okeh? doktor kasik

i'm still coughing and its going to be 2 weeks tomorrow. i secretly think that i'm allergic to smoke as in cigarette smoke. someone alleged that i lied when i accompanied that person for a cigarette break. hey, i was ok five years ago. how was i to know i suddenly developed this allergy? ok maybe i was allergic to all the memories. there's a lot of maybes and i can go on and on and on about it. maybes that are particularly linked to the thing that happened five years ago.

another note: i have Casey in my life. the casey as in 27 Dresses Casey who will slap me back to reality. the Casey who is practical, down-to-earth, thoughtful, funny, caring, realistic and ever resourceful casey. of course, the name will be zill but she slapped me back to reality that i have the urge to call her casey starting yesterday. i mean, she 'slapped' me, not quite literally.

and we settled on the part where this is a lesson to make me a much better person. to practise patience as well as all the things that we learnt through the alchemist. so far so good. i don't really think the self-destructing period will be so much needed.

and i have a new mission, thanks to Casey. the new mission is smile. be nice and smile. be approachable and smile. Casey said smile to everyone. well, i only have the capacity to be nice to at most five person per day (i expect Casey to comment on this. wheee!) maybe not five. omg, i never realise that smiling is a chore. at this point yes, i realise that smiling is not easy for me. like a friend said, org mesia mmg tak peramah melainkan dengan org luar je. darn it, i'm not even nice to foreigners *cries.

ah, lunch break is over in a few minutes. got to make the trip upstairs (and hopes that someone will...nevermind). am looking forward to meet Casey today. Mrs Bloomwood tomorrow and dear girlfriend on Thurs. wow. bilenye ko nak beli tiket pegi penang ni? ishk

waktu: 6.40 pagi
tempat kejadian: dapur umah sendiri

atok: ko cukup rehat ke
saya: cukup *gosok-gosok mate. baru bangun la katekan
atok: ko balik pukol 11, bangun pukul 6 pg
saya masih terpisat-pisat
atok: ada tempat rehat ke kat sana? cukup ke rehat

ok fineeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i get it. i tak dating dah pasneh

this is the part when i'm lost for words
when i'm not feeling it
the word flows like a river
but this time around
i am at lost
mr A-Z, can you lend me your wordplay?
ok, obviously merepek

21 February 2009
i marked it on the calendar and was even giddy to the thought of waking up to see the two wackiest babes
ha-di ha
it was in fact the best day for last week
(seriously azu-rin, i know you are reading this. dating padalecki is not even close compared to hanging out with you guys)
we did go climbing the mountainous MMU
i can't believe it was so different now
and we took some pictures because we apparently were not as 'gila' as we used to be
if not, we will be taking tonnes of pictures
there were 'memutar kenangan' moments sambil makan fish and chip yang agak best but not quite there yet
and looking at the sakura in front of the library is bliss
well not really sakura but what the heck.

and we turned alamanda into hyde park for 5 mins
hyde park la sangat
tajam ooo rumput die
sebelum tu bertemu konsep bali (siries aku mcm tokleh tahan ok tang ni. tapi terlampau sensitip dan mampu menyebabkan pembunuhan jika diterangkan di sini)

i just want to say thank you so much to azu-rin and zill
you made my day
for the whole week at least
azu-rin for the 'konsep bali' and zila for the medicine
you should submit the suggestion to include that minuman kulit rambutan dalam fear factor
bole kite menang sesame
ok i broke my back sitting on this chair (bukan brokeback mountain)
and thus, i would like to say tata

mood: putar kenangan mode. the 'other' kenangan obviously *blushes

It's noon and I'm still massaging my pounding headache over the hangover that was never there. With two tall glass of Nescafe. And I do think that I need another one.

The past few weeks have been like a roller-coaster journey. Discovering someone who is so similar and so alike was both unnerving and exciting, dizzying and fun. Despite the fact that we started on an extremely rocky boat, we managed to pull it off nicely. Sufficient to say that I've never had this much fun for an extremely long time.

I first thought it was just me that managed to get along with a friend really well. And then things started to unfold and I realized that we are alike. Not in terms of having many things in common but we have the same habit, we believe in the same philosophy and we like talking about facts. Put aside the love for books, music and movies, it's not difficult to enjoy yourself when you are with your twin. Ouh yes, I think I've found my twin. Which is great, despite the random scariness it bring once in a while.

It's also good to know that the other party was having fun. The biggest compliment will be 'you are fun to be with'. Believe me friend, the feeling is mutual.

But I do think fun is good in small doses. I feel drained right now and God knows why when I need all the energy I can muster in a day. Of course I crave for fun but too much of something is never good. We tend to lose track of time when we start opening our mouths and that can seriously lead to late nights, which is equivalent to disaster.

I think I need to take charge of my life right now. I know this feels good and it's good to feel good (ok, I'm talking in riddles) but I think I have to put a brake somewhere. God, give me strength to resist touching my phone at 5pm. I can resist everything except temptation (Oscar Wilde).

I'm tired, I feel drained and I can't stop coughing. Which is so totally uncool.

Crap, I have to check if I've passed my virus to my twin.

my body is sore, from the waist down. but not to the point of having to apply for MC, thank God. must be from the excessive sitting while watching fishes in the aquarium yesterday. we sat there doing nothing but looked at all the different species swimming, to the point i feel like nodding off. but luckily it didn't happen.

it's actually very unnerving to meet another you who has the same thoughts, wishes and dreams. seriously. i never thought it will happen or i will meet the other twin but it actually happened. the more i got to know this friend, the more i tend to be surprised. a joke that turned out to be too real.

i have no idea whether it is a blessing or something that i should be worried upon.

Ok, monday has just come to an end (in terms of office hours). i'm having sore throat and my feet are like leads. need to go back ASAP because i don't trust my legs anymore

i hate ships, vessel, ship building, conversion, chartering. but not really. darn it. love-hate relationship di tengahari yang kames.

it's either i have been awfully busy or awfully lazy to type something this whole time. i don't know which but it doesn't matter. life's good, missing SOPOP like nobody's business. I haven't seen Zill for two weeks and it feels like losing an arm. And I haven't talked to si comel yg mempunyai toshi for like two weeks and i'm losing my ten-hour sleep. now, i sleep like 6 hours daily. result? i have panda eyes.

Speaking of panda, i was approached by the representatives from WWF on tuesday in MV. I was there with a friend who wanted to pick up lenses. I was already not in a good state on that day and the pouring rain didn't help. it was already 9pm and i oh-so wish to get sugar high that day that i don't see the point of stopping for two-minutes to hear about WWF. i even offered my card for her to give a call because i was rushing at that time. maybe she didn't realize that i looked bored and sumpah-penat-gile-lps-balik-keje. i refused to stop and now i'm said to be panda-hater. whatever panda-lover. you are killing the bamboos by purchasing bamboo-based socks.

zill said that i'm anthony bourdain in the blog and can be jerry seinfield when i talk to someone one-on-one. well, it's an honour because i like anthony bourdain. ok fine, i'm weird.

az-u-rin was asking when is the next road-trip going to happen. i can't wait, really. destination? i have no idea. and we have like two weeks to plan. this saturday has been totally ruled out. it's valentine's day and it is going to be packed. no, i have nothing against it because i'm committed to being single. it's just that it would be a mad rush out there. and going on a road trip on sunday may not be a good idea because energy recharging time for monday's blue may not be sufficient.

so, i don't know babes. suggest a time and i will free my schedule. for both of you, anything i will.

other than that, again, life has its own miracles. my heart is still in penang with the small boy but i think it will get better over time. other than that, i'm just going with the flow. what's the point of agonizing over things you can't control when the thing you should be controlling is yourself?

reading: angels and demons (for the preparation of the coming soon movie)

i'm finally up, like really seriously up
i slept like two hours in the train (note to self: next time try to get the one with bed) and had to wait at the train station like an hour
charming and fun (and that's sarcasm)
but the idea of getting out of KL excites me so much so that i did like quite a number of mistakes
i typed railway construction instead of road (org tau la kan ko naik ketapi)

and exactly on this date a lot of people called and some wanted to meet
the time when i forgot to bring my charger here
darn it

but one thing that strikes me the most is the fact that i'm still an impulsive person who does the thing that pops onto her mind instantly
the one who'll wake up and decide 'i want to be in seremban today)
it was kind of cool and creepy in a way

speaking of creepy
i think i've found my twin
like we believe in the same philosophy
our moles are nearly the same
it's almost frightening
ok i'm babbling

my cousin wants to walk around the village
not that i don't want to but its 2pm
panas weih

so, i need to get my ass off this table (thanks cousin for the internet)
i think i should search for food

so long people
have a happy weekend
i know i will
my mom and i are rating and commenting on the ghost story on Astro