Memory: 11

Hanna tried to keep a straight face. Tasnim understood what that meant. Not knowing what to say next, Tasnim took a sip of the black coffee in front of her. She was then transported again to a memory that did not seem familiar.

' Really? That's how you think love should be?' the undergraduate Hanna asked Tasnim, a sceptic tone apparent.

Tasnim has always avoided confrontations. If anything, she chose to agree to almost anything that Hanna said. It was so much easier to do so rather than facing the fact that they were at odds.

' Really?' Hanna asked again.

' I mean, maybe she did not know that the husband is unwell. At first!' Tasnim added when she saw that Hanna was about to pounce on the statement. ' maybe she just got to know about it long after that and it was way too late. They were married already.'

Hanna seemed to be absorbing the information, sitting on the couch with a hand under the chin.

' Hurm. Couldn't she escape?'

' But they are married!' Tasnim tried to drive the point further.

' Ok. Yeah, that would not be too easy,' Hanna said slowly. ' Ok, I get you. It's those who knows what's going on and still decide to go through with the person.'

' But, we don't know. Maybe that person has their reasons!' sensing triumph, Tasnim tried to sell her idea.

' Reasons or excuses?' the plan seemed to backfire. ' It is fine as long as the person is strong enough to carry the other person but this is modern age, we are the NINJA generation...' and Tasnim's mind glazed over.

Ah NINJA generation. No income, no job, no assets. Hanna's argument will make sense as she will the launch into another lecture on economics.

So, here was where Tasnim kind of freaked out. Hanna's approval will be important; that was what people expect from close friends. And now, Adam was having this.

' Aneem?' Hanna touched Tasnim's arm. Suddenly, Walk Away from franz Ferdinand filled the space. Saved by the bell.

' Hanna, my mom,' Tasnim gestured to the phone before heading out to the balcony. A smile hung by her lips.

Memory: 10

‘ You have got to stop, Aneem,’ Hanna’s voice hit her eardrum.

‘ What? I didn’t..’

‘ I know what you do. You still check up on him through his friends,’ Hanna’s voice was grim.

Tasnim kept quiet. She knew she has lost this.

‘ Why Aneem? Do you really have to do it?’ Hanna asked, with a resounding plea.

‘ You would not understand,’ and Tasnim ended the call.

Who would have understood? Adam was gone, without a trace. At least, with the others, Tasnim knew that they had to break up. But this one vanished into thin air.

Her phone kept on ringing but Tasnim ignored the call. It was too much for one night.

Yes, she admitted that she was wrong. It was a crime to actually look through the social media account of Adam’s friends to find out if he was ok. She should have just ask them politely but…

It was complicated. Or, it was made complicated by both of them. Tasnim preferred to wait a little bit longer before being introduced to Adam’s friend. What can Adam do but to comply.

‘ You know, just my good friend,’ Adam stirred the black coffee sitting in front of him.

‘ When?’ Tasnim can feel beads of sweat on her back. This was getting serious.

Adam looked at Tasnim’s face, as if reading what she was not saying from her expression. Tasnim, sensing that she was being sized up, smiled cheekily.

‘ Soon,’ Adam continued with the coffee.

But soon never came. 

Memory: 9

Monday, the busiest of any days in the week. Tasnim threw her bag on the floor and spread herself on the cold wood. Just one thing played on her mind. Their memories.

Suddenly, Tasnim was interrupted by a phone call. Her phone rarely rings so it took her really by surprise. Half of her was hoping that it will be Adam but half of her knew it could not be him.

True. Khalid.

‘ Assalamualaikum,’ Khalid voice was in control, like always.

‘ Waalaikumussalam,’ Tasnim answered. At least it was a familiar voice. She instantly relaxed.

‘ Where are you?’ Khalid asked, as if anxious.

Tasnim laughed.

‘ What? What have I said?’

Tasnim laughed a little bit more before answering. ‘ Do you remember what Madam Samia said during our French class?’

‘ She said a lot of things. That one I can confirm.’

‘ She said that the French call mobile phones as tu est où? Where are you? Exactly what you asked,’ Tasnim said between giggles.

‘ That was random, Aneem. Too random,’ Khalid said after a pregnant pause.

‘ I’m sorry. Could not help myself,’ Tasnim stopped giggling but she was not sorry. Khalid should know that she said the most random stuff on earth.

‘ No, don’t. You don’t have to be sorry.’

‘ I am home, by the way.’

‘ Ouh. A bit early, aren’t we?’ Khalid asked, like a concerned brother.

Tasnim sighed, audibly.

‘ Don’t, Aneem. If you think you can’t, don’t push yourself too far. You will get burnt out.’

‘ I keep seeing him at the places we frequent.’

Khalid kept mum.

‘ I can see him approaching with that smile of his. I can even see the dimples. I can almost remember him in every outfit. It’s…’ and the waterworks came.

And Khalid, like every other male has no other option but to say, ‘ Aneem, I really cannot understand what you are saying. Can I call you back in a few minutes?

It was true. Despite the brief relationship that they had, Tasnim can almost recall everything about Adam. The way they avoided each others in the morning, scared that the colleagues will find out and how they gleefully waved at each other in the lobby when no one was around.

And then everything stopped. Adam no longer said hi to Tasnim. No more playful invitations to breakfast or lunches because they both know it was too early.

Of course, there were no more morning messages.

‘ Adam, where are you?’ 

Memory: 8

Lunchtime was a private time Tasnim. Usually, it was just her enjoying the lunch. Sometimes, Hanna got out of her 'cave' for a quick lunch with her. Tasnim's officemates had long given up on asking her out for a meal.

Late lunch was always so much easy for Tasnim. There was no need to fight for space in an elevator as well as in any cafes. Not that she went to cafes anyways but she just loved the option.

Tasnim rarely met anyone from her office while she was out for lunch. Even if she did, they mostly don't have much to say; she preferred to keep everything professional. Usually, she bumped into familiar strangers.

Except for one guy. Tasnim always bumped into him; either alone or with a few of his friends. Sometimes, she noticed that the guy looked sideways at her. Of course, out of practise, she ignored that. Sometimes, she noticed that the guy looked at her while she was talking to someone. It got really annoying but Tasnim knew she cannot stop anyone from staring. Rude; yes, but as long as he did not violate any personal space, she just brushed it away.

They bumped into each other quite a lot, now that Tasnim thought of it. At one point though, he ignored her completely. But what can she do, he was at liberty to do what he liked.

And that was when things got weird. Tasnim got a feeling that people were looking at her. Not just the guy's friend, some other people too. That just drove her further inside he own shell. She was not comfortable with stares and was even more uncomfortable when she felt people sizing her up before attempting to say anything to her.

' Yes,' Johari answered when she asked about all the stares she received from Adam’s friends. So, Tasnim was not paranoid. Adam has been waiting for the coffee incident to happen and has been looking at her for a long time.

Tasnim swallowed something that was almost similar to a brick blocking her throat.

' So, everyone knew but me?' Tasnim asked, her voice raspy. They seemed to be talking for nearly an hour, Tasnim doing most of the listening. Actually, it had only been about twenty minutes.

' And you guys going out..'

' It was just for coffee,' Tasnim defended herself. Not so much as convincing Johari who was Adam's friend but more to herself.

Johari let out a weak laugh. ' Adam warned that you might do that. Anyways, that, we all knew.'

Tasnim could not believe her ears. Their coffee sessions, she kept it hidden from everyone in her office. She was not too keen on having any of them teasing her if they bumped into Tasnim and Adam while going out. Not only that, it took nearly two weeks before she had the courage to tell Hanna and Khalid. To be fair, she was always on edge while talking to Hanna. She kept looking for an opening to talk about Adam.

‘ Wow..’

‘ You know, Adam was so much better when you were there,’ Johari added, with a chuckle.

‘ But I didn’t do anything.’

‘ Maybe you didn’t need to,’ Tasnim was confident the last line was said with Johari smiling. 

Sweet escape: Gili Trawangan

  I know I hurt my leg but we have been planning the trip for so long. People go to Bali all the time but I was psyched since we were going to Lombok!

Yes, we saw the place in the newspapers for all the wrong reasons. I'm not going to lie; I had a bit of a doubt before going to Gili Trawangan but I was excited too because it was one of the places famous among divers.

Well, I can see why Gili Trawangan is popular.

                                                     From the place that we stayed

We departed from Padang Bai after two days in Legian street. We were pretty exhausted already as we have just finished our rounds on Tanah Lot and what not and going to Gili Trawangan was supposed to be a treat.

The journey took about one hour and a half and we managed to sit at the back of the boat. Right before we fell asleep because we were so tired.

We arrived around 11 am and after abandoning our bags in this beautiful Villa Kayu in Gili Trawangan, we went searching for a boat that will be willing to take us out for snorkelling. of course, Yours Truly will just be on the boat because of her ankle but we can always lower down the camera into the water after setting the timer.

well, no worries though. there are plenty of glass-bottomed boats in Gili Trawangan. so, I can still see the fishes although I had to stay in the boat.

the water was so clear. i want to cry now.

                                              outsourced the task to take pictures to a friend

Kite-surfers in Gili Meno. We met the guru there.

Sunset in Gili Trawangan but we were too tired to actually go and watch the sunset.

Lobster for BBQ in Gili Trawangan. But we were full already. just went for coffee Lombok. Or was it Bali coffee?

Sunrise in Gili Trawangan. At about 5 am (Malaysia time). It was really windy and the wind chimes sounded so nice to my ears.

                                            the private pool. foot still injured. still cannot swim.

and then we went out for a walk (while the others were still asleep)

i miss this :(

presenting to you pokok kekabu 

horsecarts everywhere

yes. look up for Villa Rumah Kayu 

horsecart again!

we were about to leave Gili Trawangan

apparently, this place is very popular among the whites. we felt like we were not even in Asia. Gili Trawangan is a haven for divers and such and God's will, I will come again. AirAsia is now offering flight to Lombok so yeay!

Memory: 7

Hanna opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish out of its bowl.

'He stalked you,' said Hanna with a finger pointing at her face, as if accusing Tasnim of a crime that she was not responsible for.

Tasnim cannot help but laughed despite the fact that she was crying a mere ten minutes ago.

' No. He was not stalking me. He was just..'

' Whatever it is, he was a stalker. Wait, maybe he still is,' Hanna seemed to be carried away with her imagination.

' Babe, he is unwell,' Tasnim laughed, sadness was unmistakable in her voice. ‘ Maybe that was why..’

' He is good looking. Am I right?' Hanna folded her arm.

' Well, good looking maybe...' Tasnim smiled, a little bit shy.

' Huh! I thought so,' a smug look on Hanna's face. Tasnim could not help but smile again. ‘ Must have been or you’ll be filing restriction orders long ago.’

Tasnim giggled a little bit more.

' How come you have kept it so long?'

Tasnim did not know how to answer that question. She was scared, not knowing what to do. What would Hanna say? What would Hanna think of her? What about their future? Is he ever going to...?

' If I told you, it would become real,' Tasnim explained. The same pain accompanied her explanation.

' So what if it becomes real?' Hanna inched towards Tasnim, her voice one notch lower.

' I am scared. I am ashamed. I was so excited the last time I was in a relationship,' this time Tasnim cried.

' Cupcake, that was aeons ago. And we were all young and stupid,' Hanna embraced her bestfriend.

A muffled voice replied, ' but not you.'

' Says who, honey. Says who?'

Hanna let Tasnim cried herself to sleep. It was lucky that it was Saturday afternoon.

' How is she?' Khalid texted Hanna.

' I expect more waterworks in these few days.'

Hanna looked at the sofa. Tasnim slept with puffy eyes. It was not the most amazing sight.