Memory: 6

' I know a lot about you.'

The line shut her up. How on earth?

' From our colleagues.'

Tasnim's brain experienced some kind of a stump.

' Huh?' was all that she typed on the message function on Facebook.

' He has taken a liking on you long time ago.'

' Oke wait. This is a lot to take you know?'

' Ok. I understand.'

For the past few months, Adam has been acting all funny. At times, when they crossed path, Adam said hi. Other times, he acted like they were strangers. It left Tasnim dumbfounded.

Until two months ago, Adam when missing from work completely. Tasnim did not know what to do, who to refer to and such. Despite the fact that they always meet, their friends were kept at dark. Two months were too early for both of them.

It was not until the day she realised that one of Adam's friend made an appeal on his page for him to come home. By then, Tasnim was no longer able to contact Adam. Calls went straight to the voicemail while messages on social media were left without reply.

It was time to look for Adam and she initiated the conversation. Now, she kind of regretted it though.

' Look. There's a lot to talk and this will take sometime to type. Give me your number and I will call you.' It was Johari, one of Adam’s closest friends.

Tasnim slumped back into her seat.

' What kind of can of worm has I opened?'

The call came and left her even more flabbergasted.

Memory: 5

The sun streamed through the windows onto the kitchen floor. The kitchen was deserted and the house awfully quiet. Tasnim knew she woke up late and suspected her mother went out to the market. She felt bad for not being able to keep her promise yesterday.

Being the only daughter had several advantages. Tasnim was the closest to her mother and they were almost inseparable. Two of her other brothers were already married, leaving only her behind in the house that they grew up in. She had no problem with it as her older brother lived nearby. Hence, help was not far during emergency although she prayed hard that would be unnecessary.

Tasnim took a place at the end of the table, staring right outside the window. There was a buzz of activity outside, blaring horns, chirpinh of the birds and voices of the neighbours. It was just seven in the morning but their neighbours were early risers.

Except her.

Smiling to herself, Tasnim got up towards the stove. She knew that her mother will always have a steady supply of hot water and reached for the coffee in a jar.

Once she touched the jar, Tasnim was transported to a new place.

' Black coffee, please. No sugar no cream, boss,' Adam ordered with the cashier behind the counter. The girl just nodded, as if on auto-pilot. It was before eight in the morning. It was understandable to some that was too early.

Tasnim turned to stare at Adam.

' Just coffee?' Tasnim asked, her eyes wide. She already placed her order of sugarless tea.

' Yes. Why?' Adam answered while staring into her eyes.

' That was what I actually have daily at the office,' Tasnim was surprised. It was rare to find someone who had the same taste. Khalid once complained that Tasnim had a dead tongue because of her penchant of sugarless, cream-free coffee.

' I just don't like the taste of coffee mixed with something else in the morning. Thank you,' Adam reached for their drinks before putting it on a tray. ' There,' he pointed to a direction using his mouth.

' I guess I am just weird like that,' Adam took out their toasts before setting it down on the table.

' Just in the morning? Or..'

' Most of the time just in the morning. Usually, I drink those stuff that we drink at other times.'

Tasnim bit into her toast. She wondered what would Adam say if she said that she was of the same opinion.

' You?' Adam took a spoonful of his porridge.

' Just a kickstart in the morning. I need the extra boost,' she wiped the breadcrumbs on the table.

' Drug addict,' Adam teased.

' Hey! You are no better!'

And Adam laughed. Ouh how she missed that laughter.

Tasnim remembered the first day the started talking but not the first time they met. Apparently, the coffee incident was not the first time that Adam saw her.

‘ He has already been eyeing you for a long time…’

Memory: 4

Despite the fact that it was Thursday, this particular shopping mall seemed to be filled with people. Tasnim sneaked a look around while not getting caught by not taking off her shades. It was much easier that way. There was no need to hide her puffy eyes.

Tasnim smiled at the staff behind the counter. She knew the face but never bothered to look at the cashier’s name. There was always something else to do while waiting for the coffee.

‘ You are always busy,’ Adam said with a smile, right before he sat in front of Tasnim.

Tasnim looked at the table in front of her. There was; of course, the mandatory iced coffee, an iPad and a notebook. A pen was abandoned beside another leather bound notebook. Her bag was left open, exposing another book that she intended to write if she was free.

She was about to retaliate but figured out maybe that was unnecessary.

‘ Well, I had to fill my time while waiting for a certain someone. Don’t you think so?’ Tasnim teased. She knew Adam just came back from the office. He popped in for some accounting files.

‘ What’s that?’ Adam leaned over to peek at the notebook Tasnim was writing on, ignoring her question.

‘ Ouh nothing,’ Tasnim quickly snapped close the notebook.

‘ Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,’ Adam smiled while taking a sip from his coffee. It was Americano. Always Americano when they visited this place, which Adam introduced to her. ‘ I’m just…you know, curious.’ Adam peered from behind his spectables.

Tasnim felt herself blush. ‘ Urm..I was writing…’ she mumbled. It was embarassing to be caught in the middle of her work while it was even more difficult to explain what she was doing. It also felt a little bit like intrusion of privacy although she was sure that it was just a question to pass the time.

‘ Pardon?’ Adam asked while smiling, revealing a dimple on his left cheek.

‘ Write. A story,’ as usual, Tasnim’s speaking ability will be reduced to that of a small child everytime she saw the dimple.

‘ Ouh so you are a writer?’ Adam pushed aside his coffee and put his elbows on the table.

‘ No, it’s just something that I like doing. Hobby,’ she looked down at her shoe. It was never easy to tell people that she has always loved writing. Everyone will assume that she wants to be a huge successful writer. Not that she did not want to but Tasnim knew it was too difficult. It was a mixed feeling, really.

‘ What do you usually write?’

‘ Usually fiction. Sometimes, things that I see,’ Tasnim paused. No reaction from Adam so she decided to continue. ‘ Basically, my daily life. Fiction perhaps but these days I’m quite busy so I try to keep it really short.’

‘ Daily life. Fiction. Love?’ there was a cheeky glint in Adam’s eye.

Tasnim rolled her eyes and immediately regretted that. ‘ No, not my cup of tea. I can never write about those stuff.’

A silence hung between them. It was heavy and felt like it should be filled with some flirting but they did not act on it.

‘ I’ve always been amazed by people who write,’ Adam said with a smile, breaking the silence.

‘ Why?’ it was Tasnim’s turn to be curious.

‘ I don’t know. How can someone get an inspiration from, say..coffee?’

‘ Aneem?’ the voice jerked Tasnim back to reality. It was the voice that she missed the most.

A smile that have long deserted her face re-emerged for a split second. Tasnim felt her heart sank when she realised it was Sufee, the barista, who called her to indicate her drink was now ready.

‘ Your iced Americano, Aneem,’ Sufee said.

‘ Thank, Sufee,’ Tasnim accepted the drink, trying hard not to cry.

Sufee, on the other hand, stood rooted behind the counter with a slight look of amazement on his face.

Americano. Iced Americano.  

Pisau vs Potato Peeler

Rambut Aya yang beralun diusap oleh Kat dengan perlahan. Kasihan, sisa air mata masih tampak di pipi yang gebu itu.

‘ Aril panggil pipi pau black pepper mushroom,’ Aril pernah berkongsi dengan Kat satu masa dahulu. Satu masa yang dirasakan sudah lama berlalu padahal baru beberapa bulan.

Sedu-sedan Aya terdengar, jelas. Gadis ini terluka lagi. Entah apa pula kali ini.

‘ Aya…’ Kat memanggil lembut. Adiknya yang seorang ini nampak lain benar sejak pulang dari kuliah sebentar tadi.

‘ Ya, kak,’ Aya terus beralih untuk menghadap Kat. Pandangan Aya jatuh pada perut Kat yang membulat. Ada sinar di sebalik mata yang sembap.

Kat tersenyum. Aya seringkali nampak gembira melihat perut Kat yang semakin membesar. Seolah-olah tidak sabar untuk bertemu anak saudaranya nanti.

‘ Nak pegang?’ Kat bertanya, manalah tahu boleh bawa ceria sedikit pada Aya.

Aya mengangguk laju. Selalunya dia takut benar untuk menyentuh perut Kat. Dengan wajah teruja (bercampur takut-takut), Aya menyentuh perut Kat.

‘ Uh!’ Aya terjerit kecil sambil Kat tertawa.

‘ Nampaknya dia tak sabar nak jumpa Maksu dia ni,’ ujar Kat.

‘ Dia selalu tendang ye, kak?’ Aya bertanya, nampak sudah lupa akan kedukaannya tadi.

‘ Kalau dengan abang Afiq, selalu. Bakal jadi ibu saudara kesayanganlah, Aya nanti,’ Kat mengenyitkan mata. Aya tertawa, sedikit serak.

Bila tawa mereka reda, Aya duduk dengan kekok. Tubuh gadis itu disandarkan ke dinding hingga kaki berlunjur di depan. Sepi mengisi ruang kosong di antara mereka berdua. Kat tidak mahu bertanya, biarlah Aya yang buka mulut sendiri.

‘ Tadi, kami berselisih faham,’ Aya memulakan bicara dengan suara rendah. Kat masih mendiamkan diri.

‘ Kak..,’ ada getar di hujung suara Aya.

‘ Ye, sayang?’ Kat membetulkan rambut Aya.

‘ Kenapa orang yang kita sayang boleh lukakan hati kita?’ air mata Aya laju mengalir.

Kat terdiam. Betul, kadang-kala kalau bergaduh dengan Afiq, inilah yang selalu difikirkan. Bukankah bersama dengan orang tersayang sepatutnya menggembirakan? Mungkin benar. Tetapi kita terlupa…

‘ Aya, kita selalu kupas ubi kentang kan?’

Aya cuma mengangguk dengan mata berkaca.

‘ Aya pakai pisau apa?’ Kat menduga lagi.

Mata Aya membulat, tidak pasti di manakah arah tuju soalan ini. ‘ Pisau untuk kupas kentanglah, kak.’

‘ Bukan pisau biasa?’

Aya menggeleng. ‘ Kenapa tidak?’ Kat bertanya, ada senyum nakal.

‘ Sebab bahaya. Nanti terhiris jari. Pisau untuk kupas kentang lebih selamat.’

Kat tersenyum.

‘ Aya, cuba lihat ini,’ Kat mengunjukkan tangan kanan. ‘ Nampak tak parut ini?’ ada satu garis putih di bahagian ibu jari Kat.

‘ Kenapa kakak?’ Aya kelihatan cemas.

‘ Inilah hasil potato peeler. Kakak terhiris kulit sendiri masa tolong Mama,’ Kat mengusap parut di jari.

‘ Ish. Sakitnya,’ Aya menyeringai, seolah-olah dapat merasakan kesakitan Kat. Ya, memang sakit. Sekalipun ia terjadi sewaktu Kat berusia lapan tahun, ngilu dek mata pisau masih terasa. Masih teringat baju kurung yang basah dengan darah dan raungan Kat yang memenuhi rumah.

‘ Sayang, pisau yang kita sangkakan paling selamat itu pun boleh lukakan kita. Pisau tidak bernyawa yang kita kawal sepenuhnya, apatah lagi orang yang kita tidak boleh kawal,’ Kat memegang dagu Aya. Aya terdiam.

‘ Tak mengapalah, Aya. Tidur dulu. Nanti esok pagi fikir semula,’ Kat bingkas dari katil adiknya.

‘ Kak!’

Kat sekadar memalingkan tubuh.

‘ Terima kasih,’ Aya tersenyum. Kat sekadar mengangguk lalu menutup daun pintu bilik Aya. 

Memory: 3

3

‘ Lunch?’ a text from Hanna. Tasnim sighed. As usual, she left the text unanswered.

They were good friends. They practically grew up together and understood each other.

‘ Like sisters that you never had,’ Hanna winked at Tasnim during one of the many birthday celebrations they had. It was the first time Tasnim was introduced to Khalid, one of Hanna’s classmates.

Despite the time that they spent apart; like the time when Hanna decided to do the working visa job in New Zealand, their friendship remained intact. Either when Tasnim was away or Hanna left Malaysia for travelling or with family, they exchange long emails. Not one but several in a day. They were like soulmates that needed each other.

Both Hanna and Tasnim can share stories as well as silences. That was what Tasnim needed. Unlike Hanna, Tasnim was not very good at expressing herself. She may laugh and smile but God only knows if she was crying inside. Hanna was like the older sister, always taking care of Tasnim. It was a good match as they both complement each other.

Admittedly, Tasnim’s luck in the relationship department was always disappointing. Time and again, Hanna will remind her to ‘save yourself’.

‘ Save yourself while you still can. Because I believe that you could have avoided what I went through.’ Yes, a bad breakup that wrecked Hanna. It has been nearly two years but some scars went too deep.

Sometimes they disagree on stuff. Sometimes they agree to respect each others’ disagreement. Sometimes they fight, Tasnim with the silent treatment but they can never live from each other too long.

That was basically the reason why Tasnim cannot keep things from Hanna and vice versa.

‘ Like Adam,’ Tasnim’s hand flew to her mount, realising that she did it again. A sharp pain can be felt in her chest. It physically hurts to remember about that one person.

‘ He made you happy, you know,’ Khalid said, trying to look non-chalant. Sometimes, Khalid dragged Tasnim along for lunch and such as they happen to work on the same floor.

‘ Operative word ‘made’,’ Tasnim continued to stare at her plate of rice. And Khalid went speechless.

Like a bad tape, the memories continued to flood. Tasnim decided that she will have to ditch Hanna, again. She just needed time for herself.