Old school

in the middle of KL and we still have this. lucky yeah? 

just had to put this one up. taklah kodi sgt raya kat KL :P

Half-filled

the same old argument; half empty or hall filled? i am taking the more positive note of saying it is half-filled. What is half-filled? my year. pardon the usage of half, I am aware that there are only a few days left before we step into another year (given that the world did not end in December 2012 *pun intended). 

looking back, I dreamed of this before. not dream, more like wishing to have most of the things that I have now. In that case, I want to dream big. If I don't hit the star in the sky, I might hit the mountain. Mount Everest is good enough, no? 

By the way, this was among the trays of cornflake madu that I made. loved it (so much so that I cannot stop eating it). Bad habit. 

See, that was another thing to cross off my to-do-list. half-filled :)

Letih

[ pinjam kucing sepupu (mungkin si bertuah inilah yang selalu buang air besar di depan pintu bilik saya *sekeh)] 

seperti biasa, akan sampai satu tahap di mana saya akan terasa burnt out. Ini biasa terjadi bila kerja menimbun dan terasa tidak cukup masa untuk diri sendiri. 

Dulu, waktu mula-mula kerja, saya selalu fikir bahawa kita mesti kerja keras. Tidak perlu rehatkan diri sendiri, tidak perlu bercuti untuk recharge. Setelah beberapa lama, saya dapati ini adalah tidak bagus. Kenapa?

Kita ini macam mesin. Kalau mesin digunapakai terus-terusan, pasti akan rosak juga. Kadang-kadang enjin mesin perlu dihentikan. Sekejap pun jadi. 

Ah susah sangat. Kalau kita tidak cukup tidur, daripada mood elok boleh jadi jahanam kan? Daripada elok-elok cekap memandu, skill memandu boleh pergi ke laut dibuatnya kalau mengantuk. 

Kerja pun begitulah, pada pendapat saya. Perlu rehat, ambil angin, bercuti dua tiga hari di kampung misalnya. ataupun ke pulau. mana-manalah. 

Ahaiii...lambatnya masa berlalu :(

Nanny-in-training

nampak tidak bayi yang mempunyai pipi yang sangat mengagumkan itu? Ya, itulah Nafiz (mama dia yg pakai tudung polkadot yang saya suka itu). Comel tak comel tak? Oke jangan jawab. Memang comel nak arwah mih mih mih. 

Ini diambil pada 11 Ogos 2012. ye, mama Nafiz dan ayah Nawfal (tiada di dalam gambar) belanja makan-makan sempena hari ketuaan saya (ehem). maka, dapatlah jadi Nanny-In-Training untuk Nafiz ini (baca si pembuli). 

best kan? dapat buli dia sambil dibelanja pula. saya tau siapa yang akan jeles. untuk mengelakkan kena santau, tidak perlulah saya sendal nama mereka di sini. hi hi. 

12 tahun

[ delayed entry - 11 August 2012 ] 

Setiap perhubungan ada ranjaunya sendiri.

Saya rasa sangat bertuah kerana kami masih di sini; dua belas tahun kemudian. Dulu, dua budak cuba menjadi dewasa. Kini masih lagi berperangai mcm budak-budak, bezanya sudah layak sangat jadi dewasa. Sudah dewasa pun sebenarnya.

Dua belas tahun bukan sekejap. Bukan sekali dua kami bergaduh. Tetap kami masih di sini.

Sidekick, you are the sister that I never had.

Celebration

[ delayed entry 10 August 2012. Mak bz nyah ] 

Words cannot describe how lucky I feel today.

For managing a totally eventful year; a year of ups and downs, of tears and joy, of staying out and in hospitals. I can't even start saying how lucky I am to be able to live to this day.

Thank you for everything. I guess I am still lucky in getting wishes and whatnot today. It was indeed a joy to read everything that was sent today.

But most of all, thank you Emak; for bringing me into this world.

P/S: I had a suspicion that Emak went a bit emotional on the note ;).

Langkah

 

itu hari ada orang cakap:

' bayangkan kebarangkalian A bila kita membuat keputusan untuk memilih A. dapatkah kau bayangkan jalan kita hari ini kalau kau pilih B? dan kemudian C? terlalu banyak kemungkinan yang ada' 

A, B dan C mungkin adalah berkaitan dengan kerjaya. Siapa tahu. 

Saya membayangkan kalau dulu saya ambil keputusan tidak mahu tinggalkan Cyberjaya. Apa yang akan terjadi? Atau mungkin masih bekerja di pejabat pertama di belakang Pavilion (pasti banyak cerita hangat). Tetapi saya pilih untuk berada di sini. 

Pilihan. Bersyukur kita mampu membuat pilihan. 

Ini mengingatkan saya kepada apa yang terjadi semalam.  kita semua berhak memilih. mungkin dia memilih untuk bersama yang itu. seharusnya dia sedar bahawa menghulurkan hati kepada seseorang seolah-olah membiarkan kita mati. bila kasih sayang sudah habis direnggut dan hati dipulangkan, marah benar nampaknya. 

marah hingga jadi drama. drama murahan yang semua orang tonton. bukan sejam dua, malah sudah lebih kurang tiga hari drama ini berlangsung. habis telanjang cacat cela ketika bercinta. yang dulu tidak kisah (seperti hingus meleleh sampai ke dagu), hari ini mengungkit tak cukup tanah. jangan marahkan tukang sorak kalau anda sengaja bergaduh di tengah-tengah orang ramai. 

nak kata budak-budak, masing-masing dah boleh jadi mak bapak budak. kelakar ada, nak kasi penampar pun ada. 

bertempik, bersorak berhari-hari hanya menampakkan kebodohan diri sendiri. aku pernah buat sekali, malas nak buat lagi. hodoh sangat rupanya. 

awak pernah pilih jalan itu. tanggunglah akibatnya. belajar untuk jadi dewasa. 

pesanan untuk saya.

Sandakan Death March route

Location: Sandakan war memorial

There was nothing at the location. No one was there except for us and also the taxi driver. The location seemed a bit eerie and I couldn't bring myself to head to the Prisoner of War (POW) camps located at the back of the location. 

It was disheartening to see all the leftovers from the war. There were pictures of tickets to so-called concerts (what comes to mind was my life at a boarding school where we have to pretty much come up with our own entertainment) as well as pictures of soldiers smiling, not knowing what awaits them ahead. 

There were a few devices left from the era but it was taken vertically so you see, I am too lazy to turn them over. That explains the absence of it. 

There were certain sadness clinging in the air. I cannot imagine the life that POWs had to spent at this hilly camp. I thought I had the stomach to walk down the memory lane but I didn't. 

We stopped at the camp on our back from Sepilok. 

War Memorial

Location: Kundasang (pretty popular sign among the visitors, I was told)

I have to admit that I was only aware of the Death March in Ratchnaburi when in reality, there is another march here in Malaysia itself. This is the end of the trail for the death marched that started with 2,000 over armies and ended up with only six (correct me if I'm wrong). The trail started from Sandakan (45 minute flight from KK) so just imagine, walking in night and day. Based on the history written in Kundasang, the month happened to be the wettest (is there such a word?) for the year.

The only motivation was the end of Japanese armies' bayonet. Those affected with diseases or wounded are left to die (or shot).

There is a plate lining the names of the dead and missing armies from UK, Australia and of course, local people. It broke my heart to read the names of the missing soldiers when they can easily be very young. The oldest victim was about 50 over and he was the oldest.

There are not many WWII survivors left in the world. My grandfather came from the generation but he wasn't an army. Although the sad story is not for sale, I do believe that we should keep this for the next generation.

And now, where is the collection of WWII memoirs that I purchased months ago?