It was early in the morning and oddly, I arrived at the office extremely early on that day 9 I woke up at five because I was so effing hungry). Like normal, I started the day with a tall glass of coffee when Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours' started playing in my drawers. Well, unfortunately it wasn't my singing drawer but it was my phone.

A call from a very good friend. I took a sip of coffee and answered the phone. She might need me to look into the map for some directions again. But no, she was involved in an accident.

I figured if she calls me this early, the accident might be pretty serious and she might need help. So i proceeded to talk to her, bearing in minds all the kind words that I'll have to say. Consoling words coupled with soothing tones.

Apparently, she was ok and only her plate number had to be sacrificed. But i know she wanted to tell something more dire than the accident so I proceeded to get out of the office and ask about further details on what happened to her.

' The guy who hit my car was around fortyish, with grey hair and all,' she said.

'OK,' I was wondering where this story will be heading to. What does grey hair has to do with the rest of the story? how did the grey hair came into the picture? (read: apa kaitan rambut kelabu dalam ini gambar?)

' And he called me kakak.'

Heh?

' Maybe he was trying to be polite. you know,' I knew what was going to happen next.

' Nooo....he's old. And i don't like being called kakak by someone who's old.'

' Err..don't you think this should not be the focus of the story? Like getting involved early in the morning should be the main focus?'

' Yes it is. But being called kakak by someone who's older than you, IS a TRAGEDY!'

I rest my case. I love my friends. They are funny and sometimes might be a bit weird. I love my fun-filled, happy, cheery, weirdo friends.

The dialogues may have changed. The author suffers from amnesia.

The journey might have started before 24 July 2009, Friday, itself. I was so excited that night that I stayed up quite late, not being able to sleep. We (three of us) were going to Melaka for out first road trip.

In the midst of all the excitement, I managed to pack (after changing bags for nearly three times), and the next morning, was just in time to wake up and made it to the designated meeting place in time. In fact, I was early (which is what I wanted because waiting for the Putra at eight something in the morning can be considered as an achievement because every body needed to go to their offices).

We had McDonald for breakfast because I had these vouchers that offers RM4.50 for a breakfast set. It was cheap and I was trying to budget so it was just perfect. And then we head to Cyberjaya (after quarreling about the importance of heading to Cyberjaya since we need to arrive in Melaka at about noon). Got ready and sang along with Michael buble and the Carpenters and head to Melaka. Was still giddy at the time.

We had a foundation for this trip called Build Me Up, Buttercup (I may have accidentally picked the name, I can’t really be sure). This will serve as a fund to cover the expenses there like toll, petrol, accommodation and outings. It made our lives easier as we all pitch in RM250 per person. And starting from Ayer Keroh toll, Anne started keeping tab of the expenses.

We arrived at about 1245pm on Friday and we had to kill time before checking in into Fenix Inn (RM 158 for Deluxe room (kenape kene buat promosi kat sini)) so we decided to go to the zoo. I may have meddled in the decision to head to that place anyways.

It was during Friday prayers so that may explain why the zoo was quite deserted. It may have been better than the Zoo Negara in Klang Valley that I remembered. The zoo had quite a number of animals and we can see the name of sponsors for the animals. I ws excited because we were able to take pictures with sun bears that are just so adorable and cuddly that I feeli like jumping into the cage and hug them one-by-one.

Ceria sungguh wajah kanak-kanak pegi zoo

' Welcome!' says Anne (says ke? sengih je kot)


Trying to become Steve Irwin : 'Hey, look! Buaya!'

Tak paham kenapa muka mesti begitu teruja.


i was actually tring to "interframe" into the picture but to no avail


Ini Dekan oke. Nama die sgt macho kan? (we only got the picture of the name. not the animal itself :D

No, don't ask me. I don't know whether I was trying to take Zill's picture or the Cabybara's

I was wearing slippers made from cow skin. And we took the pictures beside bull's cage. I was afraid the bull can smell the cow skin I'm wearing and mengamuk (like cows and bulls are related 'kenapa kau pakai sedara aku?' punya mengamuk' got it? no? good) Hence the kaki patah.

Look at those goatee's. Macho gile oke

We were supposed to take the pictures of the giraffes but it was too hazy

These sun bears are sponsored by A&W's. Good choice

AAACCKKTT! Public harassment (but actually it was my fault. the sign said that the horse might bite. but luckily it didn't got a chuck out of my back (though that can reduce my weight))

Wajah penuh impression. Tetapi kenape Zila mcm co-ol saje?

' Welcome to my house people. Ha masuk-masuk. Kasut tu celup dlm air depan pintu pagar ni ye. Jangan lupe'
Ade org ckp the name of this animal is Powertek Berhad. It's actually sponsored by the company

Posing jgn tak posing

' Hi, tengah buat ape?'

This is the star of GI Joe's star: King Cobra
Expression : Priceless
Ouh no. I was not trying to commit suicide

i was too engrossed with this sight. This should be the perfect picture for the banner instructing everyone to queue up when they want to go on a train

'jika kura-kura boleh beratur, kenapa anda tidak?

Zila must have said something really funny which I clearly can't remember


There were only two elephants by then. Mighty elephants. I like elephants but these have chains on their legs. Pity them :(

Arrived at our place for the night. Actually we are about to go out again

to be continued

Hi! yes i know it's 5 something in the morning but I can't sleep. maybe because i forgot that i was supposed to watch pendekar bujang lapuk yesterday. talking to an old friend on YM made me lose an hour just like that. yes, a good one hour.

so, what am i doing trying to ramble this early in the morning? well, i have no idea too! but i guess i will just come in early (if the bus doesn't buat lawak and come late).

I just don't understand. everyday i'll reach home at such a late time that i will just two hours to myself. and although you might think two hours is enough, think again. i barely have time for myself (merepek bla bla bla) and for my family. sometimes igo one week without seeing my auntie who lives in the same house. it's almost sad to think about.

and also my copusin. yesterday i gopt like 2 minutes to bully him only. and before i know it, he'll be lepaking in MV all day and I will not meet him at all.

ah time. they fly away so fast, it's almost unfair. and now i should go take a bath and try to race it to the office

hey! ni ape pagi-pagi pun broadband mcm gamp ni?

after ten minutes
ouh yeah, i woke up because i was too hungry

just got back from mlk and according to carrie, we spendt 55 hours together. i'm never good with numbers anyways
carrie and anne, i've started writing our post so getting the pics this week will be great

anyways, i got the shock of my life to see someone said something
like 'ok i take whatever you do'
like HELLOOOOOO???!!! was it my fault anyways? it was not something i look out for
whatever
i had fun last weekend
apart from having a gazillion packed gogol
now i can eat dodol at anytime of the day
yay!

hi i'm in melaka
just got back from
1. dataran pahlawan - brunch, window shop
2. take pictures with st paul's figure at a famosa after having mcD
3. river cruise
4. eat sup ayam yang -omg-plis-sedap-gile-berpeluh-peluh-pun-nak-habiskan-juge

haven't stopped walking and my legs are crying out for pain but what the heck, it's a holiday.

and all around the inn, i saw lots of places for massage. seriously. and i noticed melaka has lots of eye care centres. mcm nak kasi sign kene pegi beli cermin mate or something

oke nak pegi mandi dah
lain kali akan bertemu lagi. woohoo!

i'm typing this away in such giddiness that i've never known before. ok this is the first time that I'm going to be travelling with the girls. the things is, the bag is bulky and seriously, i'm like so very malas to pack another bag. and i can never understand how people can ever pack light. i mean, there's clothes to make you look chic and funky, and there's one to make you look selekeh, and looking relaxed. if i didn't prepare for this occasions, how am i supposed to know that the occasion may come up?

i mean, consider
morning: wants to look relax but fun and entertaining. a bit tousled haired, having that fresh day look (grey shirt, small polka-dot tudung)
morning: all prepared and groomed and ready for a great day (pink shirt and striped tudung)
morning: looking great, fresh faced and excited (possibly red shirt)

see? and that's morning. we haven't considered afternoon (cute while scouting for jejaka pergi dan balik semayang jumaat).

btw, the bulky bag may be contributed to the free towel when i bought the sandals (they are nice and comfy anne!). and i envy anne. she's so bijak. she just bought one small case of johnson & johnson containing all the essentials; shampoo, lotion, soap and talcum. should have copied her.

so, off now people. can't wait for tomorrow to come. i'm equipped with all the vouchers that i can find (padahal free kat opis). won't be here during weekends so take care and here's another part of my story
1st part
2nd part

Aku hanya ketawa. ‘ Siapa kata aku tak maafkan kau?’

‘ Tapi kau tak call aku pun.’

‘ Aku yang kene call ke? Salah ke kalau kau yang call? Apsal pulak nak berkira? Kalau kau kawan aku, kau tak perlu setkan sistem giliran.’

Sengaja tidak aku tamatkan ayat itu dengan pernyataan ‘kalau kau nak cakap dengan aku, kau call je la’ kerana aku tak mahu dia mengatakan aku tidak akan mengangkat panggilannya. Memang sengaja aku rancangankan supaya jadi begitu.

‘ OK sorry,’ suaranya mendatar. Kalau dulu, aku rasa kasihan tetapi tidak kali ini. Cukup-cukuplah aku perlu melayan sikap tamak dia.

‘ Nita, tak boleh ke kita kawan macam dulu?’

‘ Kau nak kawan macam mana ni?’ Lelaki yang seorang ini betul-betul buat aku gila. Kenapa perangainya macam perempuan? Emosional terus-menerus.

‘ Macam dulu. Kau maafkanlah aku Nita.’

Letih, letih aku layan dia begini.

‘ Nabi pun ampunkan umat,' ada senyum bertenggek di pinggir bibirnya.

‘ Aku bukan nabi,' senyum yang baru hendak terbit itu terus hilang. Mungkin niatnya untuk berlucu. Maaf, aku tak mahu layan.

Jelas sekali Azfar terperanjat.

‘ Ada apa-apa lagi? Aku nak balik. Sekejap lagi Spongebob Squarepants nak mula kat TV9.’

‘ Nita, janganlah macam ni-‘

‘ Kau ni tak habis-habis dengan perangai tamak kau kan? Kau memang takkan sedar apa yang kau ada sampai kau hilang bende tu kan? Aku bukan tak tau haritu kau mengorat junior kau. Aku tau sebab apa kau tak datang untuk birthday aku walaupun kau dah janji. Lepas tu kau tak dapat dia, kau nak datang balik kat aku? Aku kawan kau je, weih. Aku bukan bini kau jadi ingat, kepulangan kau aku takkan sambut with arms wide open.’

Aku seluk saku dan keluarkan not RM10. Aku sudah bersediia untuk aksi yang sungguh dramatik di mana aku akan meninggalkan dia terlopong di meja ini, bersama milo aisnya yang masih bersisa.

‘ Takde orang yang boleh jadi pemaaf sampai tahap tu sekali. Dan ingat, kau teruskanlah perangai kau macam ni. Aku ucapkan tahniah siap-siap sebab kau bakal terlepas apa sahaja yang berharga dalam hidup kau. Teruskan dengan sifat tamak kau ni.’

‘ Aku harap kau janganlah buat macam ni lagi, Azfar. Aku tau semalam, kelmarin dan hari sebelum tu kau ada datang kat sini. Get the message; aku tak nak kawan dengan kau, macam dulu.’

‘ Kenapa Nita?’

‘ Sebab takkan ada orang lain yang boleh jaga hati kita macam mana kita jaga hati kita sendiri. Kadang-kadang kita kena bertindak kejam untuk jaga hati kita sendiri.’

‘ Selamat tinggal. Kalau tak cukup duit ni untuk makanan aku, kau tambahkanlah.’

Aku bangun dan letakkan wang kertas itu di atas meja. Aku pandang wajahnya dan senyum sebelum aku berlalu pergi.

Ya, aku lega.

I couldn't take it that Mom didn't use the bag that I bought for her previusly. she claimed the bag to be 'too nice'. i bought it last year so I deemed the answer to be invalid. Then I asked my bro to go to the nearest Parkson. Mom had to endure a 30-min shopping session with me. with me rejecting all the bags that she picked up because they are tote bags. And i know Mom wouldn't want to carry tote bags.

_ _

i am sick today. Still got sore throat but feeling a lot better. Just can't wait to see Anne and Carrie later. Thi hi hi

So, here goes another part of the story tthat I wrote previously :

Aku pasang muka tidak berperasaan.

‘ Apa sebenarnya yang tak kena, Nita?’ aku rasa janggal kerana aku seperti dapat mendengar nama aku diselitkan dalam setiap baris ayat yang keluar dari mulut Azfar. Ouh kecuali apabila dia memesan minuman.

‘ Banyak Azfar. Sebagai contoh, pemanasan global,’ aku angkat tangan sedikit ke atas. Sengaja mahu mengalih perhatiannya.

‘ Nita.’ Nada memberi amaran.

‘ Mereka tidak jumpa lagi penawar untuk kanser.’

‘ Ni-‘

‘..dan juga AIDS.’ Aku sengaja ingin dia marah. Aku sengaja mahu lihat sejauh mana dia boleh bersabar.

Keluhan keluar dari mulutnya. ‘ Nita…’ suara itu kendur.

Aku ambil penyedut minuman dan aku biarkan ia hinggap di bibir aku. Sengaja aku buat begitu sedangkan tidak setitis pun air menjengah ruang kerongkong. Itu tanda aku tidak mahu berbicara dengan Azfar.

‘ Apa yang-‘

‘ Aku rimas Azfar. Aku rimas bila dengan kau. Aku rimas dengan kau yang asyik-asyik menganggu, mencabul ruang privacy aku. Kau ingat aku ni tempat kau hilangkan bosan ke?’

Azfar terpelongo dengan pendedahan itu. Aku kira, lori 18 treler boleh membuat pusingan U dalam mulutnya.

‘ Apa perasaan kau kalau aku telefon kau, ajak kau keluar lepas tu tak sampai lima minit kau telefon cakap tak jadi jumpa? Entah berapa kali kau buat macam tu sebab kau ada janji dengan orang lain. Janji yang kau buat selepas kau janji dengan aku’

‘ Aku mintak maaf-‘

‘ Berapa kali kau nak ulang? Taik telinga aku ni dah naik cair dengan ‘maaf’ kau yang tak bermakna. Kalau sekali dua, aku boleh terima lagi tapi ini dah tak tau kali keberapa.’

‘ Serius-‘

‘ Aku tak peduli kau serius atau tak. Sebelum kau buat, kau sepatutnya fikir. Kau kata kau rapat dengan aku tapi ini adalah kali pertama kawan-kawan aku buat aku macam alas kaki. Nak ambik, tak nak letak tepi.’

‘ Sampai begitu sekali kau rasa, Nita?’

‘ Habis Azfar? Kau nak suruh aku rasa macam mana?’

‘ Tapi kau tak marah-‘

‘ Azfar, kau nak suruh aku mengamuk masa tu, di saat itu juga? Memang kau tak kenal aku sebenarnya. Aku sendiri dah cakap yang kesabaran aku makin tipis. Takkan kau nak suruh aku cakap banyak-banyak kali?’

Senyap.

‘ Ouh maaf. Aku tak cakap sebaliknya aku taip. Tapi, takkan lah itu pun kau tak boleh faham?’

‘ Aku tak sangka yang-‘

‘ Yang apa? Yang hati aku sekeras ini? Yang aku sedegil ini? Selama berapa tahun ini, sila kira berapa kali kau buat taik macam ni dan apa tindakan aku? Kau lupa agaknya, orang yang paling senyap itu la yang paling serik kalau terkena.’ .

‘ Kau ingat kau boleh lepas dengan semua tindakan kau sebab kita kenal dari sekolah sampai sekarang? Kau tau tak sakit hati aku bila kau tuduh aku munafik bila kita tak jadi jumpa, bila aku sibuk dengan mesyuarat? Baik, kalau begitu, fikir balik samada kau munafik atau tak masa kau cancel janji kita itu hari.’

Aku ingat lagi hari itu. Hari yang istimewa untuk aku. Hari lahir aku yang ke 22. Azfar berjanji untuk bawa aku pergi ke satu tempat yang istimewa. Dua minggu sebelum tarikh tersebut dia sudah mengingatkan aku untuk melapangkan hari tersebut. Aku tolak semua ajakan teman yang lain; Elle, Razif, Fikri, Wan dan Zahir. Aku juga terpaksa minta maaf dengan Along dan Acik sebab terpaksa memaksa mereka awalkan sambutan hari itu.

‘ Azfar ajak keluar la eh?’ Along sekadar tersenyum, kenal benar dengan kau.

Aku cuma mengangguk dengan mulut penuh dengan kek buatan Mak.

Alih-alih, Azfar hantar pesanan ringkas minta maaf kerana terpaksa batalkan janji. Aku terus teringat pada cadangan Wan.

‘ Ala kau dah dibook ke? Kita orang baru ingat nak bawak kau pergi Cameron Highlands. Kau asyik sebut pasal strawberi je. Baru nak paksa kau ambik cuti dan pegi sana.’

Aku rasa sakit hati. Sakit hati sebab aku terpaksa luangkan masa khas untuk Azfar dan tiba-tiba dia batalkan sahaja dengan cara tak bermaruah. Pesanan ringkas. Kenapa kau tak hantar saja surat menggunakan kihdmat Pos Malaysia? Sakit hati sebab aku letakkan prioriti untuk Azfar tetapi apa yang aku dapat?

Sejak daripada saat itu, aku tong sampahkan sahaja semua yang pernah Azfar katakan. Dia tidak pernah hargai persahabatan kami sedangkan bagi aku, itulah yang paling penting.

Tidak, aku tak pernah berniat untuk mengungkit apa-apa tetapi kalau dia terus-terusan begini, aku tak mampu bersabar.

Azfar di depan aku membatu, memandang permukaan meja.

‘ Tak boleh ke kau maafkan aku?’

right now i'm smiling
because sometimes, you have to lose to win
and i won

i received a text yesterday that made me smile
actually made me wonder what make the other person think that someone can be so forgiving?
forget that she was once treated like a doormat
an on-call friend
now that he has no girlfriend
he was wishing that she will continue to become his friend
the person who he threw away, he purposely forgot to tell that he is already with someone
she who helped him court a girl

no one can be that forgiving
and she thought he'd understand that the bridges between them were burned
but noooooo....he don't understand that she needed space (not MySpace)
he made the mistake of asking sympathy
and she had to tell the ugly truth
she didn't mind but she knows he will be sad
well, careful what you wish for

Aku bukan alas kaki kau...

‘ Nita.’

Ah, sudah. Datang pulak mamat ni. Semalam Haji Usop cakap mamat ni datang jugak kat sini. Tapi tak pula dia bertanya pasal aku. Mungkin dia tak tau yang aku kamceng dengan Haji Usop.

Tanpa dijemput, pemilik suara tersebut melabuhkan punggungnya di kerusi yang terletak di hadapan aku. Sekalipun pandangan aku terus tertancap ke arah udang yang menghuni bihun sup aku, aku pasti punggung itu bersalut jeans Levi’s bewarna biru pekat, seperti biasa. Apa yang tidak biasa adalah kehadiran pemilik suara itu tidak aku jemput pada petang ini. Tidak seperti dulu atau secara tepatnya, tiga bulan yang lalu.

‘ Far,’ aku cuba lontarkan suara sekalipun sudu mengekang bukaan mulut.

‘ Azfar,’ tenang sahaja suara itu membetulkan sebutan namanya.

Sejak bila pula pandai berkira? Tetapi persoalan itu hanya tinggal di benak, tidak terlontar lebih daripada perimeter kranium kerana aku cuak kalau-kalau perbuatan aku itu bakal buatkan Azfar mengamuk di kedai Haji Usop.

‘ Azfar.’ Aku betulkan sebutan namanya. Pandangan aku halakan ke arah wajah Azfar. Wajah yang sudah lama tidak aku lihat. Kurang lebih sudah empat bulan.

Tetapi petang ini wajah itu begitu serius. Kalau aku tidak kenal betul dengan Azfar, pasti aku akan mengatakan Azfar ini orangnya garang. Padahal Azfar tidak begitu. Aku tahu dia kurang senang tentang sesuatu. Dan sesuatu itu sangat-sangat aku ketahui.

Mata kami masih bertentang. Sebetulnya aku tidak begitu nampak matanya kerana cermin mata aku letakkan di sebelah mangkuk bihun sup untuk memudahkan aku menikmati hidangan kegemaran aku itu. Jadi, tiada langsung rasa malu ataupun janggal sekalipun apa yang bersarang dalam hati aku kini adalah perasaan campur, meluat dan culas untuk berhadapan dengan Azfar.

‘ Kita makin jauh, Nita.’

Ayat itu buat aku tersentak. Sudu yang sudah setengah jalan ke mulut, tergantung di udara. Bagaikan babak di dalam filem, angin pun bertiup ke arah kami, menutup wajah aku dengan rambut separas bahu. Dan ayat itu sendiri macam skrip filem murahan. Aku hampir tergelak juga memikirkan hal tersebut.

Aku tidak tahu apa jawapan yang patut aku berikan terhadap kenyataan tersebut. Malah, aku tidak pasti jika kenyataan tersebut memerlukan sebarang komentar. Entah, aku jadi serba tidak kena. Duduk aku di atas kerusi plastik bewarna biru itu jadi menggelisah. Titik-titik kecil mula menjengah dari dalam epidermis di bahagian dahi. Sekalipun demikian, selera makan aku masih belum tertutup.

‘Buat kerja biar habis,’ itu pesan abah. Maka dengan itu, akan aku kerjakan bihun ini sehingga habis!

‘ Bos! Milo ais satu.’

Ah biar benar Azfar. Takkanlah kau mahu duduk di sini minum bersama aku? Tak malu, datang kau tidak berjemput.

‘ Minum je?’ Kenapa itu yang aku tanya? Mulut aku memang pembelot. Lain yang terlintas di benak, lain pula yang terluncur dari bibir aku.

Azfar tersenyum tetapi jelas, senyuman itu tidak sampai ke mata. Nyata, senyuman tersebut sekadar mengisi ruang kosong yang sepi di antara kami dan tidak ikhlas. Aku nampak kerana cermin mata telah aku sangkutkan semula ke batang hidung.

Astaghfirullah. Aku berburuk sangka.

Lama ditenungnya aku, seolah-olah ingin memastikan samada aku bergurau dengan pelawaan tersebut. Aku pula sengaja ingin melawan bertentang mata dengan dia. Entah di mana aku dapat keberanian itu hari ini, aku tidak pasti. Tiba-tiba aku tersedar maka aku larikan pandangan condong sedikit ke sebelah kanan. Aku tidak mahu dia menyangka aku rindukan dia juga.

‘ Mana kau hilang, Nita?’ soalan aku tidak berjawab sebaliknya Azfar melontarkan soalan lain pula.

‘ Ade je kat sini,’ tangan aku sibuk memintal tisu di tangan. Lunyai jadinya. Aku hanya ingin mengisi masa lapang kerana teh o ais limau aku masih belum bersentuh sekalipun aku tidak mahu mengadap wajah Azfar tika ini. Rsanya aku mahu lari sahaja kerana wajah itu, aura dan tenaganya buat aku rasa jelak.

‘ Kau faham apa maksud aku kan?’ tangan kanan Azfar diletakkan ke atas meja. Aku lihat ada sebentuk cicin di jari hantunya. Aku hampir tersenyum mengenangkan yang Azfar sudah berubah. Dulu, dia tidak akan mengenakan cincin sebegitu. Biarlah, sedangkan pantai pun berubah inikan pula manusia. Lihat saja aku sendiri, petang ini berjalan seorang diri ke kedai Haji Usop dengan rambut separas bahu dibiar sahaja, tidak seperti selalu. Berikat kemas gaya ekor kuda. Sebaik sahaja bangun daripada tidur, hati berbisik hari ini adalah hari gembira buat aku maka aku ubah sedikit penampilan yang sedia selekeh. Cuma aku agak musykil samada kata hati aku itu akan terus-menerus jadi kenyataan dengan kehadiran Azfar kini. Kehadiran Azfar yang sebenarnya begitu merimaskan.

‘ So, what’s up?’ sengaja aku lontarkan soalan dalam bentuk bahasa asing. Aku masih lagi terpengaruh dengan drama siri Friends yang aku tonton tanpa henti dari jam 8 pagi hingga 12 tengahari tadi.

‘ Kau mengelak dari aku Nita.’ Sekali lagi aku diibebani dengan kenyataan dari mulutnya. Aku tidak suka keadaan ini kerana ia tidak memberi aku sebarang ruang untuk mempertahankan diri aku.

‘ Kenapa?’ Akhirnya Azfar, akhirnya! Akhirnya kau tanya juga soalan itu. Tanpa sedar, aku mengulum senyum. ‘ Kenapa kau senyum?’

Tiba-tiba aku rasa darah aku mendidih. Jangan tanya bagaimana dan kenapa tetapi tiba-tiba aku terasa ingin dibenamkan sahaja garfu di tangan aku ke leher Azfar sebaik sahaja terdengar soalan itu.

‘ Ouh sekarang aku dah tak boleh senyum la? Kenapa? Bakal mendatangkan bahaya kepada negara ke?’

‘ Bukanlah maksud aku begitu?-‘

‘ Bagus. Ha baik kau cakap je apa yang kau nak,’ lancar sahaja ayat itu keluar dari mulut aku. Marah yang aku simpan selama ini tiba-tiba sahaja meletus. Seperti cendawan selepas hujan, seperti pemeras ugut yang bersembunyi di balik lorong sunyi, menjerkah mangsa yang tidak tahu-menahu apa-apa. OK mungkin itu tidak berkaitan tetapi orang yang marah, jarang rasional.

‘ Aku rindu kau, Nita’

-bersambung-

I would like to sit down with mom and talk to her what she feels living in this world. I wonder if she will stare at the wall behind me and say, ‘ I long for the time when things are a lot easier. Like talking means literally talking.’

And then I’ll go, ‘ Mak, that is so true,’ while munching on her delicious curry puff.

Don’t you think so? I mean, the part when life in this era is a lot more challenging. Like the example given above. Talking is no longer literally talking. I wrote an email to my friend yesterday saying that I had a conversation with a long-lost friend. She emailed back asking if I was talking to this friend via the phone. If you read it once, you will say ‘ of course lah she has been talking on the phone’ but wait there a minute. This is the era where people are using computers for almost everything. This is the time when kids as young as 8 (or younger, I don’t know) have mobile phones. And yeah, this is definitely the era when talking don’t really literally mean talking.

Sending instant messages are dubbed as talking by some group of people and that include me.

Sending short text messages too. As well as email. So you see, it is difficult to say something without having to explain. It’s difficult don’t you think so? Like:

‘ Babe, listen. I finally talked to the guy! He-‘

‘ Wait, as in talking or on the phone?’

‘ On the-‘

‘ Or you guys were on IM?’

See? Intricate small details that should not be a problem in the last ten years. But of course, we really cannot avoid from being dependent on this devices like handphones, notebooks, computers, PDA and so on. For example, my auntie is growing more and more dependant on mobile phones. She has lost the ability to wake me up using her normal method. Instead, she wakes me by texting me. I, the bellproof person who didn’t realize for two whole years, the siren will be switched on to wake up the whole school. It’s not as if she cannot just scream to wake me up (as if it’s not normal to have her screaming to her son who usually sits not 5 meters from her.)

And she really had to text me telling that ‘nasi ada kat umah makcu’ although she can again just shout it. And the same goes if she wants me to open the door at night. Well, you get it. And I don’t really like bringing my handphone here and there in the house because it’s my sanctuary, I would like to take a break from any distractions.

Besides that, the world is getting more difficult to live in. I don’t remember reading so much about bombings when I was in primary school. There were no incest cases, less killings and pirates in Somalian waters? I don’t even know if there is Somalia (pardon my ignorance back then). And getting out of the closet. And more people dressing like Boy George 9shudders).. But kids these days, they have to deal with a lot of things.

Oh God, I can be a bore. I’m sorry, pardon this old makcik. Let’s talk about something else. Anyways, anyone watching Harry Potter anytime soon?

ouh hi!
it's me again
see how messed up i am?

i shud have not wander near the area of 'dreams'
should have not
should have learnt to body shut up

ouh my God
i'm so guilty
i'm thinking of surrendering myself to the whatitsname court in The Hague

i can't sleep and what happened last night really bugged me
why? why?
omg, it shudn't have happened

if i'm not messing with someone else's life
i'm sure this will mess up mine but i can never turn back time right?

adoi
btw, better be happy because i'm on half day
"you's better be!"

this has to be it
i've said something
which should have stayed inside
forever possible
now, i don;t think it'll be the same again
nothing will ever be the same again

A brick can just be more than a building material. Living in this era, we need to improvise the usage of things that we have. For example, handphone screens can also be used when you want to betulkan your tudung. This is tried and tested of course.

OK back to brick.

The number or snatch cases are on the rise that I shudder at the very thought of walking outside the house swinging my only dear handbag. What if somebody snatch it? I will lose my working pass and my precious umbrella. That will definitely cause a problem.

So here comes the brick. Place the brick inside your handbag. Why?
1. to make it heavy. when it's heavy, you can throw it at the snatch thief if they snatch anything from your friend. Make sure you have a good aim, we don't want people to start suing you left and right

2. If your bag is snatched (of course I'm wishing the opposite to happen), the thief will excitedly open the bag because it's heavy. The thief will assume you had a lot of money. And then they see the brick and they will just throw it away because they do not see the point of rummaging through the bag because it's filled with a brick.

For extra protection, insert pebbles into bag too to make it harder for the thief to rummage into your handbag and such.

3. especially important for those who are always being bullied; a brick in your bag will protect you because when trouble arises, just swing your bag at the bullies. This will be a great exercise for your hands too.

Well, these are the reasons that I can come up with for protection. Feel free to add yours too.

i woke up with a start this morning as i remembered that i have 11 more articles to complete
yes i know it's sunday but still, work has to be done
i was shocked to see someone was doing the story in my queue and i go 'Noooooooooooo!'
reached for the phone and called the person and asked her favour if she can do other queues first
i can't believe it
we were 'fighting' who does which queue
i never tot we'd come to that point
anyways, it was quite a productive weekend too this week
tried coming up with a story because i really miss writing
maybe will keep it for a day or two

btw anne, somebody made a confession that she misses us
check this photo



who tot the day would come anne?

'usah bercerita tentang dumbledore (yang baru). bagi aku, dumbledore (sir richard harris) sudah lama mati'

hari ini telefon berdering (telefon berbunyi ring ring ring. ku angkat, ku jawab, ku tanya siapa. ihsan anne)
ada satu perasaan menyelinap
perasaan yang buatkan emosi jadi stabil
rasanya enak
sama enak seperti pau ayam di-stesen-raja-chulan

rasa itu tidak hilang sekalipun tiket wayang Harry Potter masih belum dimiliki
' 13 atau 14 haribulan ya?'
kalau tak ada
permohonan cuti aku jadi sia-sia

maka dengan itu
'ko tgk mak kau, dah reti makan singgam'

p/s: 13 days to go baybeh!

ingat tak masa sekolah dulu?:

1. selalu buat trick tulisan cakar ayam masa sejarah. contohnya terlupe nama orang yang membuka melaka. ingat dah nama dia macam ade P ..P tapi lupa nama penuh (contohnya). maka dengan hikmat tulisan buruk, berjaya membuatkan nama tersebut nampak macam Parameswara. kalau kroni baik dengan cikgu, mungkin akan dapat markah penuh. tapi selalunya hampa.

2. hari isnin adalah hari yang paling ditunggu-tunggu. bukan sebab tak sabar menimba ilmu tetapi boleh tidur selama satu jam semasa perhimpunan. tidur sebaik sahaja doa habis dibaca dan bangun sebelum doa dibaca semula.

3. kalau tertidur dalam kelas, selalu buat trick konon-kononnya sedang berfikir dengan kusyuk.

4. selalunya buku yang bersusun atas meja bukan untuk dibaca. ia juga bukan ditindih-tindihkan untuk nilai estetika. sebaliknya untuk dijadikan bantal ketika prep petang dan malam.

5. selalunya kalau habis cuti sekolah, macam nak bergaduh dengan emak sebab malas kemas beg sebab tak mahu pulang ke 'penjara'

6. masa Tingkatan 3, pakat ramai-ramai beli plastik keras nak letak kat bawah tudung untuk kasi tudung nampak kemas. lepas tu kene gelak sebab kadang-kadang plastik terjulur keluar.

7. pemadam empat segi adalah amat disukai, lebih-lebih lagi untuk soalan pelbagai jawapan. kalau takde, terpaksa la baca bismillah ke bace fatihah ke (tapi apsal setiap kali pun jawapan die C?)

8. kalau nak cuti sebab sakit mata, letak ubat gigi kat mata

9. kalau nak ponteng riadah petang, letak air panas dekat dahi, buat muka sedih tidur dekat bilik sakit

10. kadang-kadang masa kelas, muka macam tengah baca buku masa prep dengan kusyuk tapi sebenarnya telinga bersumbat dengan lagu (sorok bawah tudung)

Tips to handle little kids

Kids are cute and don’t get me wrong, they are absolute dolls sometimes. And I really mean sometimes. Not when they scamper around, try to trip their brothers and sisters all over the floor and ask about 437,473 questions in one breath.

Here’s a few tips that can save our sanity:

1. If they like asking question, this might work. For example:

“ Mak Ngah, why do you always come back late?’

‘ This is my reason. Repeat after me. Mak ngah..’

‘ Mak ngah..’

‘ had too’

‘ had too’

well, you got the idea. Make them repeat after you for every sentence. If they don’t, stop talking. Repeating after you will definitely drive them mad.

2. Before they can ask you question, ask them questions. And pretend to not know about this and that but careful, you might make them cry.

3. Play hide-and-seek. You can hide in
a) midValley
b) KLCC
c) Sunway Pyramid
d) Sleep

4. Give them a part time job like ‘kalo picit Pak Lang dpt RM 0.50’. But beware, this can cause labour disputes and strikes.

So far, this is what I’ve got (since I don’t have young siblings and my niece and nephew so not live with me). Feel free to add your tips.

My LURVE Affair with shoes. This is an excerpt of our lurve affair


' It was a Friday night and I was totally burnt out. Work at the office seemed to ebb my energy and I resorted to look like a zombie on a Friday night. What a bummer. Everyone around me was having these happy faces as they look forward for an enjoyable weekend. But not me. I fail to think about the upcoming weekend because the realization that I may need to sit for a review soon keep knocking at the back of my head.

I continued to walk or rather crawl across the shopping mall armed with my Debit card. I was lucky that I was paid today or this outing will be totally pointless as I will be resorted to munch on junk food to keep me fueled for the night. Not that I mind but unhealthy eating habit is the last thing that I want to happen to me when my body is already weak with fatigue.

OK, concentrate.

Without me realizing, I walked into a store and walked aimlessly along the shelves. I saw perfumes, handbags and shoes being lined up and I can actually feel myself perking up. This activity has always been a therapy for me. During breakups, bad days, bad feedbacks from the clients and after a bad blind date, even the thought of parting a small amount of money for myself cheers me up. Even if it’s for a Fuji apple, I’d feel my mood getting better.

I marched to the shelf displaying shoes. There were more added spring on my feet. I run my fingers to touch the shoes, caressing the smoothness of the leather and I can feel the moodiness being siphoned. It was as if the shoes became sponges, absorbing all the bad things and bad thoughts in my head.

I stopped caring about the economic crisis. I deleted all the information regarding falling GDP by ASEAN countries by WTO or something. I just couldn’t care less.

I called for the person at the department and handed out the most comfortable-looking wedges I have ever seen since .. urm.. last week. As I put on the shoes, I feel like a new person. Suddenly I’m Ivanka Trump, with no money problem. I’m Megan Fox, the hot sizzling chick. I have no worries in the world anymore.

With my handbag still sitting on my shoulder, I marched in front of the mirror. All that matters then was the wedges and me. The world stopped moving and I became stationary in front of the mirror, unable to believe my eyes.

I figure if anyone can get new shoes everyday, the world will become a better place.

I couldn’t look back after the experience. My love affair with shoes is unbreakable. Sometimes I’d just wander to look at the shoe rack, munching LURVE multigrain chips while admiring my collection of shoes. Just having my mouth exercising through munching the chips makes me happy.

Now, I can truly enjoy my Friday night. And will make sure I much on LURVE multigrain chips before the review. '

I happen to like T-shirts with lines like ‘Runs with Evil Intentions’, ‘Voted the most Flexible by Your Boyfriend’ and such (but wearing the latter will only be totally, utterly inappropriate). And I happen to find this one shirt with “Don’t even think you got chance”. But there’s a slight problem. Its sleeves are too short so I have to wear it with a cardigan. Urghh.

Nevertheless, nothing suits better than this current situation that I‘m looking at.

“Don’t even think you got chance”. Sometimes we fall into the trap of saying ‘well, she/ he will understand me doing this’, ‘ala member, dah la lame gile kawan. Sure die paham punye’. What we always forgot is the fact that everything has a limit. For some very weird unexplainable reasons, I will always love to refer to Hooke’s Law when it comes to the relationship between stress, tension and flexibility. Like Hooke’s Law, the spring attached to the load will snap when the load added to the spring exceeded the spring’s load limit. Same as patience. Test it too often and be prepared to say goodbye. Not take-care-smooch-smooch-goodbye. More like sile-ke-neraka-sekarang goodbye.

And this I believe, applies to everyone. All of us have our own boiling point. I have to admit, that I can be tolerant to some levels and then it will be “Don’t even think you got chance”. So does everyone. Wait, has anyone tested to annoy Dalai Lama yet?

OK, focus.

Like, you want me to be the one who will listen to your woes? “Don’t even think you got chance”.

Like you feel like calling me whenever you want and expect me to make the right noises when you tell me your stories? “Don’t even think you got chance” (noises here means appropriate reaction. Don’t go running with wrong and funny ideas).

Like when you want to turn things round and return to the days when we were the bestest buddies on the earth? OK fine, peninsular Malaysia? “Don’t even think you got chance”.

Just don’t go asking for reasons why I did this and that because I won’t bother to answer. We would love to pretend we are the victim, we are too nice bla bla bla. Well, please, save the saliva already because if we really do consider someone as our friend, we would tell him or her our good news. Not some lame excuses like ‘you’ll know sooner or later’. Clearly not the brightest thing to say as you spend the whole month or so talking about the person you like and when it comes to the good news, you prefer for them to find out themselves.

Please, this is not a game of ‘I don’t want to tell him or her because she’ll be crushed as she likes me’. Something must be very wrong with our brain if that is the case, especially so when the guy or girl helped you to court someone previously.

And then things get complicated and someone screwed up again and again. No one can be that forgiving. It’s even worse if the person forgive but never forget. Chance of getting back as friends, laugh about the silliest of things? “Don’t even think you got chance”

I met a very old friend at KL monorail. Somehow we fell apart. After foundation year, we didn’t see each other anymore. We lost it all, we somehow just became invisible to each other. I tried looking for her for years. I asked people about her but I found nothing. It’s liked she covered her tracks almost to the very root.

Then I met her last month. She said we’d do breakfast. I was excited but there were so many things on my mind (pau ayam, Jared Padalecki, new sandal, Jared Padalecki, Subway, Jared Padalecki) that I failed to fuel my energy towards contacting her. I gave up on the second try when she didn’t text me back.

And then I saw her again. We didn’t really talk because I was so sleepy that morning and she was busy with her phone. That afternoon, I texted her, actually pleading.

‘ Hey, let’s not be strangers and make up for the lost years. What do you think?”. No reply. It can be either that she was trying to say “Don’t even think you got chance” or she just recently stopped thinking.

I guess we can never make up for the lost years. I believe our friendship was lost with the lost years. Despite the fact that we hung out together almost every single night, tido sebantal, lepak atas bumbung makan oreo and stuff like that. Things do just fade away.

It was sad but what can I do? Being in a relationship; whether its friendship or being in love; we have to admit the fact that it’s like playing a kite. You can have the nicest kite, the one with the best design, the most aerodynamic but if there’s no wind, “Don’t even think you got chance” of flying it.

Same goes with friendships. It’s a two-way thingy. If the feeling is not mutual, it’s best to let go. Yes, I was crestfallen because we were really good friends but I have to accept and respect her decision. She surely has her own reasons. I will always wait for her invitation if she changes her mind.

Well, there you go. My very own “Don’t even think you got chance” moment.

anne and carrie
i have sunblock now SPF 30
22 days and counting

selipar looked at me
scratch that
stared at me today
but no progress

omg tak sabarnya operasi klebang whatever (can we decide on this? like carrie has the best ideas)
and seriously carrie
we haven't seen you for a long time
bile nak jumpe lagi?
anne and me misses you so much

saya pernah ditanya oleh qaistudio dan akusegan akan lelaki idaman saya
tetapi waktu itu saya telah dibahan sebab jawapan saya terlalu ringkas
tetapi hari ini, semasa sedang membeli tiket monorail, saya terfikir akan ciri-ciri lelaki yang saya suka
1. die mestilah pandai mengupas buah durian
2. wajib suka shopping
3. perlu sabar kalo saya pilihkan baju kemudian suruh cuba
4. mesti pandai buat saya gembira (bawa saya shopping)
5. mesti suka bercerita sebab saya suka bertanya

oke buat masa ini itu sahaja. mungkin akan terfikir ketika gosok gigi lima minit lagi

(kompom kene bahan pasneh yeh!)