Memory: 26

As hard as it may seen, Tasnim was left to swallow all of the things she once said to her friends. About finding her own happiness, loving yourself first and all that psychobabble. It was time again to be happy. For over a year, she let her happiness to depend on someone, it was finally time to let go.

It was becoming worse with Adam. Tasnim tried to back off a little, to see if Adam is still interested in her. Instead of trying to make connection, Adam did not seem to do anything about the fact that Tasnim was no longer making any effort to talk to him.

Even worse, Adam avoided her when she tried to pull back.

It hurt, she was not going to lie.

‘ Now I know where I stand,’ was all that she could tell Hanna.

‘ He is volatile, it’s not worth it. And you can hardly change a habit of a lifetime.’

Strangely enough, there was no tears this time. 

Memory: 25

Days turned into month and from almost daily messages, Tasnim went down to a message every two weeks. Even then, there were hardly any replies.

It was at that point that Tasnim became pissed.

‘ Hey, this is a nice surprise!’ Johari took the chocolate cake from Tasnim’s hand with a huge grin.

‘ Wait until you taste it,’ Khalid chipped in.

Tasnim just laughed.

‘ Ready made mix?’ Johari asked while opening the transparent container.

‘ Eh, hello!’ Tasnim said while trying to give Johari The Look.

‘ I can assure you she made everything from scratch,’ this time Hanna joined in.

At that, Johari looked at Tasnim’s face, a tad too long perhaps. Tasnim, on the other hand, refused to find the answer to what that look meant or even care.

‘ Coffee anyone? Name your poison, ’ Khalid saved the moment that was starting to become awkward.

From just talking about a mutual friend, Johari has turned into some kind of a good friend to Tasnim. It has been quite sometime since they met so, it was just proper that Tasnim asked Johari out for a drink. She made Khalid and Hanna tag along, for the fear that she would again try to ask about Adam.

It was fun catching up to Johari and he got unsurprisingly well with Khalid. There were some hesitation on Hanna’s part but at the mention of travelling, the cold surface of her started to melt.

Nobody realised it was very well into the afternoon. As all of them would be working tomorrow, they decided to call it for now.

‘ See you again, bro,’ Khalid clapped Johari’s back.

‘ Sure. Maybe futsal, one of these days?’ Johari returned a genuine smile. Before Tasnim could move towards the counter, Johari almost ran into a table to walk with her. Hanna and Khalid pretended nothing happened and continued to pretend they needed to find their things on the sofa.

‘ Tasnim!’ Johari tried to call out while not trying to shout either. She turned around in surprise.

‘ Yes?’

But Johari didn’t say anything.

‘ Speak up, Johari,’ Tasnim tried not to laugh while handing out red notes to the cashier. Her treat.

‘ Adam..’ Johari let his voice trail off.

Tasnim just smiled while shaking her head.

‘ I’m sorry,’ there was sadness in his eyes, as cliché as it may sound.

‘ It was hardly your fault.’ 

Dia: Di Tepi Lif (2)

Seperti hari-hari biasa, dia bersandar gaya santai di tepi lif. Dengan buku di tangan, dia tenggelam dalam pembacaan sendiri; bukan seperti perempuan lain. Sebelah kaki disilangkan, bahu kanan menghimpit dinding lif. Senyuman yang sentiasa bersedia untuk muncul sentiasa bergayut dengan hati-hati di pinggir bibir.

Pali betulkan beg di bahu kanan yang menyorok. Si dia di depan mata yang masih belum tahu namanya nampak lain hari ini. Selalunya, tiada kaca mata di hidung si genit itu tetapi tidak hari ini. Sepanjang Pali memerhatikan dia, ini kali pertama dilihat perempuan ini berkaca mata.

Sejenak, si dia yang tidak bernama mengangkat muka, seolah mencari sesuatu. Maka, terlihatlah mata si gadis yang tidak bernama nampak sedikit sembab. Lingkaran hitam di bawah matanya pun nampak lebih jelas daripada biasa.

Akal Pali ingin angkat kaki, berdiri di sebelah si dia bertudung merah gelap dan bertanya tetapi hati Pali dihimpit rasa ragu.

' Bagaimana kalau dia rasa aku menakutkan dan terus elakkan diri daripada aku?' Pali bertanya sendiri sambil mata tidak lepas memandang si dia.

TING! ' Excuse me!' dan seseorang menolak Pali, menyebabkan dia tertinggal di belakang. Si dia sudah lama melangkah jauh ke dalam lif. Pali cuma mampu memandang.

Memory: 24

‘ Aneem, it’s like a broken china,’ Hanna said, without so much as hiding the tiredness in her voice.

Tasnim bit her lower lip while walking beside her good friend, trying hard not to cry.

‘ What do you do with a broken china?’ Hanna asked while holding up a lettuce in her hand.

No answer from Tasnim because both of them already knew the answer.

‘ You know what, you might lose something that has been staring in the face for so long if you keep doing this. Do you really want to do this to yourself?’

Instead of looking at a tomato, Hanna stared at Tasnim’s face.

‘ If it hurt you this much, why not walk away? Why not do it while you still have love for yourself?’

It took all of Tasnim's dignity not to bawl out in the middle of hypermarket. 

Dia: Di Tepi Lif

Seperti hari-hari biasa, dia bersandar gaya santai di tepi lif. Dengan buku di tangan, dia tenggelam dalam pembacaan sendiri; bukan seperti perempuan lain. Sebelah kaki disilangkan, bahu kanan menghimpit dinding lif. Senyuman yang sentiasa bersedia untuk muncul sentiasa bergayut dengan hati-hati di pinggir bibir.

Memerhatikan dia boleh bikin leka. Lupa seketika sakit hati dan kaki menunggu lif yang lama. Selesa benar dia dalam dunia sendiri hingga tidak pernah terfikir dia yang tidak pernah melakukan apa-apa, sebenarnya turut mengusik dunia orang lain.

Liana berpaling melihat Pali yang berdiri di sebelah kanan, mata masih tidak lepas memandang perempuan berselendang panjang yang sedang berdiri di depan mereka. Kawan sepejabat Liana sendiri sedang tersengih sambil mata tidak berkelip.

Rusuk kiri Pali ditolak perlahan oleh Liana dengan siku. Sedikit pun Pali tidak berkalih pandang. Cuma 'Ish!' yang terbit dari bibirnya.

' Lama sangat kau tengok anak orang tu,' Liana berbisik perlahan. Pali masih meneruskan aktiviti yang sama.

' Tegurlah,' Liana menggiat lagi.

' Seganlah,' kali ini Pali berpusing mengadap Liana sambil tangan kanan melurut rambut. Jarang sekali terlihat senyuman malu-malu Pali, tidak pernah sebenarnya.

Liana cuma mampu ketawa. Di telinganya seolah terdengar hati sendiri tercarik luka.

Kalau sahaja senyum itu kerana dia...

Memory: 23

Glances became awkward glances. Supposedly smooth conversations became almost an act. There were no longer grace in their conversation. Everytime Adam glanced Tasnim’s way with the almost schoolboy shyness he had, Tasnim had to hide a smile. At night, that smile turned into millions of questions. And it rarely varied from one night to another.

Would they return to the way it was before? Would the memory piece back and they will be able to continue as it is?

Tasnim tried to text Adam but answers were sporadic in nature. At times, it felt like he wanted to say something but decided that a full-stop was sufficient. At other times, there were just a single word as an answer. Sadly, there were times when they were no answer at all.

People have said she was stubborn. Others say she was a fighter but this was a fight that she had to do alone. It was not that she really needed someone else’s approval (she needed that too) but the worst part was it was as if the other party were not willing to take part in the part.

She almost always forgot to remember that Adam no longer called her; something that he always did before the fateful day.