I sleep a lot and when I sleep, I'm literally dead to the world. As in seriously. To wake me up will be a humongous effort. Back in school, I only heard the siren waking us up in the morning twice for the whole two years. And yet, I slept just beside the window. A miracle.

Apparently, the duration of us sleeping does not justify that we will be fresh in the morning. Actually, the quality of hour sleep are determined the moment photon of lights enter our eyes. In simple words, in the morning.

There is actually techniques to be a better sleeper. Well, although you might cringe and think that needing sleep is a sissy act, think again. People get grumpy when they don't get enough sleep. Ask those working on graveyard shifts like those working in a hospital. Lacking sleep will lead to disasterous things, to the point of worsening a patient's already deteriorating health.

1. One hour
just to wind down. Get this 60 minutes to turn from the person who can do everything to be someone who needs sleeping. But living in this fast-moving world, we find ourselves not being able to shut down for an hour to focus on getting a good night sleep. Women especially, put others need in front of them. They do household chores, chasing the kids around the bedroom and those who are working will be sitting in front of the computer doing things that they thought necessary but can actually but done tomorrow.

Quit chatting on the Internet, off the email reminder on and distance yourself from your mobile phone. Do something else relaxing instead like reading or even listening to the music.

Most of us are workaholic without us realising. But try not to work too late as your body will not be able to adept so fast to the idea that 'I have to rush home, change and sleep.' Anything left on the table can be done tomorrow.'

2. Schedule
We are creatures of habit so why distraught the cycle? Open your eyes and pull yourself out of the bed at the same time. Thus, it will continue to tell that 'This is 7 am and I'm supposed to be up' and 'This is 11.45 noon and I shouldn't be mapping a Nigerian river on my table'

3. Be Zen
as in be calm. Exercise, enjoy life and be grateful for it. Miserable face leads to miserable life. Practise yoga, taichi or whatever it is to lead you sleep.

Enjoy life and be silly with your friends. And don't forget to be grateful for every breath you take. Putting yourself in Zen, will give you a very good night sleep.

4. Block gory details out of your mind
Believe me, the Stephen King character in his Needful Things won't just disappear if you decide to continue reading tomorrow. The gory storylines will definitely hinder you from falling asleep the moment you put your head on the pillow.

So, these are some of the steps that might help you and me from dozing of on our tables. Like seriously, the keyboard looks very inviting and comfy.

Resource: Be Smart, Feel Sexy and become slimmer with a better night's sleep, Reader's Digest July 2008

Thank you Dunkin' Donuts
..for letting me down continuously, every single day. You open at 7am and yet

The girl: The doughnuts have not arrived, sis
The other girl: The bread is not here yet
The other-other girl: The cookies will be here at 8 something

So, why care opening the shop at 7am then when it's literally impossible to buy anything T_T? It's not that I hate you but I seriously think it's a lost-lost situation on the customer and the outlet itself. Customers can't buy anything and outlet can't make profit. And yet the employees have to rise in the wee hours just to open the shops.

OK maybe that's not the situation but I think they shouldn't give me false hope; trutting anxiously to the outlet thinking how the strawberry-filled doughnut should taste in my mouth. And longing for a sip of coffee (sorry sis, we ran out of the container's cover).

Almost everyday, I will emerge from the KLCC station and look at rows and rows of doughnuts and end up in frustration. And still they put up the sign Open at 7. And I so want to have black coffee and doughnut; it's maddening.

I am purely rambling as I oh-so-love the doughnuts. And I'm like extremely hungry in the morning that I keep picturing all kinds of food from biscuits, cakes, McDonalds, curry puff, pulut kuning and everything. Maybe it's the sandwich, the air or the football talk (Russia, ko tak payah main la lain kali. Baek kasi pasukan TNB je main. Haha tak memasal).

Until they put down the sign, I will continue to hope on eating doughnuts in the morning. Somehow or rather, I'm just powerless when it comes to food. Totally, utterly powerless.

Ten
Neuf
Sepuluh
Ten years of knowing you.

How time flies
Of course
We barely uttered two lines in school
But fate meddled and here we are again
Ten years post-Kuala Selangor Science Secondary School
Thanks for the friendship, friend.

Happy birthday, Jo
I know it's a bit too late
Happy birthday, Jojot
But who says everything is too late
Happy birthday, jejaka berambut megi
A merry, happy one past the exact date.

There's always a first time, Jo
Remember that
This is just a small token of our appreciation
As small as a delicious kurma/ date.

One is deemed to be happy
One must be appreciated
One shall not have to sacrifice it all
And let his or her life scattered.

So
With this
I hope you'll have many, many happy days ahead
Of course
Waaaaay past the due date.

I'm a teeny-wheeny bit furious (apart from being so bloody happy for Germny's victory). So, it seems that it's my fault again for playing along with the jokes, teases and stuff. It's not like I started doing it yesterday. It goes back way way...let me see, more than ten years?

Ah, but why should people care? If I have to be part of their entertainment, I guess I have to just learn to ignore.

And sorry my dear Elle, I think that whatever I don't know won't hurt me. And I'm so not going to find out on the thing that you said. Whichever part that was. Ha-di-ha.

On a merrier note, O-M-G azurin. Do you know that you are so effing funny? And did I tell you that the guy arranging the books in MPH had to go somewhere to laugh when he overheard us talking on the phone (I didn't realise he was there). I mean, I literally cried hearing you cracking jokes.

So my dear, I believe someone sent you an invite to KLCC this weekend. For the PostGraduate Fair Asia.
Venue: KLCC
Opening hours: 12-6 pm
Admission: Free

Buzz us if you want to go alrite?

1. If God wants us to be pencil thin, He would have not created chocolate fudge and ice creams.

2. Your cat won't care how you look.

3. Diet is Die with a T.

4. Observe rich people around the world. Are they like model-like thin?

5. People around the world are starving because they don't have food. As we have abundance of food, why should we starve ourselves?

6. Malnutrition could lead to slowness of thinking. Eat more, we tend to think faster.

7. "I indulge in food in order to crawl out from misery'

8. "I'm not over-indulged in food! I'm practising my tastebuds so it will keep on functioning'

9. I don't want to be pencil thin because Latino women are curvy and they are oh-so-hot.

10. "I'm trying to qualify as plus-sized model"

11."I try to complete the five steps of the food pyramid. 1 meal equals to 1 food group. I'm so not overeating'

12. "I'm supporting the food industry which generates the country's economy and will drive us to emerge as a more modernized country"

13. Love handles are the in thing now.

How time flies (and how often that I use those words). A few more days and it's going to be seven months into 2008. So far so good. I can safely say the past six months have been pretty swell.

Job wise, I can say that I'm now working for a job that I like, which I know is good. It's true that there's more to a job. But we spent nearly nine hours in the office and for one to just suffer without any satisfaction in the office can be quite cruel. Imagine ourselves suffering day by day, thinking how to get out of the job that we hate. I know the picture, it's not good. Merely at the age of 25, the doctor nearly pronounced me as having high-blood pressure. Goodness gracious.

Looking at the personal point of view, I'm happy. Being alone does not mean one cannot be happy. There are lots of small things to be enjoyed and I think one should not overlook it.

I have great friends and I just love kapasitor. I don't have to buy books so much with their contribution. And they offer great variety and that makes it even better.

I can't say that I'm financially sound but I'm find knowing that I'm making plans for retirement. Of course, we can never predict what we can't control but it won't hurt to be prepared. And I can breathe easy knowing that I have insurance policy right now to secure my family or me in the future. You can never know what will happen but hopely it won't.

And I finally get the chance to spoil my cousins, which is totally swell. Nothing beats the happy smile or the excitement they show when we plan something. All in all, it's just great.

Of course, the downside of this year is the fuel price hike that makes me stop in my track of getting a laptop. But I guess with just a little patience, I can get what I want. And patience is virture (though secretly I'm just a little wee-bit impatience). And I only learnt like 25 mandarin characters up until now. I mean I know I should be pushing harder to learn more but it seems that there are like so many things to catch up i.e reading, socialising, working bla bla bla. And I actually need a computer at least to start on my French.

And the plan to further my study is still there. Hopefully it will be realised in a moment. God, I wish I can do it just like right now.

And i miss writing on kapasitor. There are like so many things that I need to update and write but then again, time is short.

I wish I can write more and as I've just found out that someone typred 'ape itu saiko ' to get to my blog, I just want to say this. Saiko is the state where people have gone bonkers and no matter how much you try tto talk to the person, they just wouldn't care.

And with that, I'm sending a smile and ending this post with a reminder on Postgraduate Fair in KLCC on Saturday. Ta~

I'm tired of telling 'No there was nothing there'
I know I'm stubborn beyond words
But I'm not in denial
This I'm sure.

I know I shouldn't cave in
But I have nothing in this whole wide world,
Just privacy
And I guard it like my life,
Or like my Padalecki,
Have I sinned for doing that?
Now you tell me.

I hope this is not the end
(Monsieur A, don't smirk!)
And be very merry happy people.
Make sure you do.

Good if you don't understand this
Because I never understood your jealousy;
Your questions about us;
Your assumptions about us;
The rumour flying around about us;
Je ne comprend pas.

I'm just effing, frigging tired...

The start to very happy days is now here. Well, a stupid idiotic smile is again plastered on my face.

On a not-personal note:

Over a year ago, I was approached on Rapid KL Bus by a man that I could've easily called an uncle. He was actually in Semenanjung on a holiday.

I was carrying tons of plastic bags with foods inside. Well, being a student back then, it's the best that I can ferry as many food as I can back to Cyberjaya. The first thing that he said was:
'Jangan biar makanan kena matahari, nanti cepat rosak,' I remembered obliging to his words and moved it away somewhere.

And then, he started talking. He was actually a Sabahan, came to KL for a holiday. He was alone and he not too frail but.. ok I guess so-so. For some reason, that conversation etched permanently in my head.

He was telling me about his state, the poorest state in Malaysia. I was about to retort since we have so many donation programmes to help people all over the world, how can that be?

He was agitated. He felt left out. Somehow, he felt like an outsider although he was actually a legal Malaysian. They were suffering from high prices of goods and yet, he said that there was like no effort was given to them.

I was dumbfounded. My eyes were transfixed. I'm here sitting in a bus, laden with food products that I dare not count the amount and yet this uncle, eating jambu batu, is telling me everything about his state. He was sad but there were no anger. He was just sad.

'Why do we have to help people out of Malaysia when people in Malaysia itself needs help?'. I was lost for words. I can't say anything. Up until this very moment, I can picture him saying those words, with regret filling his eyes. I choked on something like hot liquid rushiing out of my throat. I don't know what to believe but I do believe he was telling the truth because he didn't beg for money. If he did, I knew he was trying to take advantage of me.

Apparently, what he said was true. Today, front page of The Sun stated 'Sabah Bombshell'. Words like poorest state, no efforts, no plans and etc were peppered across the page. And I stare at it, knowing that what he said back then, was so very true.

But I am unable to do anything. I don't have any power. I have no title (except shopaholic) and I have no money (except this RM2 in my wallet for today's LRT fare). I think it's unfair. And the belief that political talks are more-or-less crap is beginning to thicken in my mind.

I mean, how can this be? We are not a poor country. I mean, we have countries coming to our KLCC every now and then, with the HALAL showcase and whatnot (meaning that on the global level, other nations actually know us) so how there be cases like this?

I have to say I believe what was said in the newspaper. And please government, I plea, these are the people that make up this country, isn't there a way out for this?

5 hours after I looked at the newspaper, the uncle's face still etched in my head. And I hate this powerless feeling.

Entah kenapa, ramai orang kata malam itu menyimpan seribu rahsia. Rahsia yang tak terungkapkan. Sudah digali, cari dan gali lagi, persoalan masih tidak terjawab.

Jika setahun dulu, malam itu waktu terbaik untuk bersosial bersama teman-teman (baca: melompat dari satu kedai mamak ke satu kedai makan). Kemudian, pulang bersantai (baca: anyam ketupat depan TV, bergosip sampai pagi atau layan movie). Cuma sekarang, malam makin sepi. Seawal jam 10, mata sudah makin kuyu. Cermin mata sudah lama terperosok ke bawah bantal.

Kata orang, malam waktu paling sesuai untuk mencari diri sendiri. Malam adalah waktu terbaik mencari inspirasi, menyusun kata-kata buat seorang yang dipuja malahan terbaik untuk mendrafkan belanjawan bulan hadapan (mungkin si dia ingin berlucu). Sepertiga malam pula sesuai untuk mendekatkan diri pada yang Esa (cuma lewat ini, rasanya lebih ramai yang mata tertancap ke TV).

Semalam, mata berat tetapi aku resah. Badan penat tetapi dudukku sering berkisar. Huruf menari-nari di depan mata hingga apa yang dibaca satu pun tidak tertangkap dek neuron. Maka, setengah jam yang dihabiskan di atas katil untuk menelaah itu, membazir begitu saja.

Kerana suaranya terngiang-ngiang dan tawanya mengisi ruang kosong empat segi berwarna hijau. Serasanya setiap data yang diproses ke otak terbantut kerana perlu beri laluan kepada ulang tayang wayang yang tidak pernah terjangkakan akan tetap lekat, kejap dan padu di minda.

Mungkin sudah fitrah makhluk bernama perempuan, yang emosinya tidak bisa terguris, untuk menghabiskan hampir sepanjang hari memikirkan tentang si dia. Apalagi kalau kenangan itu benar-benar mengusik, menyuntik humor dalam keadaan separa sedar. Seharian senyum tak lekang di bibir, padahal kerjanya cuma baca berita dan tulis semula. Entah apa yang lucu bila baca kertas kerja tentang penggunaan kredit card di Singapura atau pembentangan belanjawan untuk import minyak oleh Iran, mahupun pembinaan hotel di Vietnam oleh IHG. Mujur juga tiada siapa yang perasan atau akan ada saja mulut-mulut yang bertanya soalan-soalan yang aku kira sukar sekali untuk dijawab,'Teringatkan buah hati ke?' ('Takla. Buah catur. Tak pon buah-buahan)

Bila fikiran menerawang jauh, mata makin sukar ditutup. Entahkan permainan apa yang gila begini. Bisa buat aku tak lelap mata hingga pagi. Sudahlah jam 6 sudah mahu angkat gayung, siram air sesejuk embun ke tubuh, jam 1 pagi masih tenung siling dalam kegelapan, seolah-olah cuba membilang bilah kipas yang pastinya cuma ada tiga. Telinga tertangkap bunyi muzik dari bilik sepupu tetapi malam semalam, ia langsung tak beri kesan. Selalunya darah akan mendidih bila dengar muzik sebingit itu jam 1 pagi. Tapi tidak semalam.

Kerana aku tahu, mata nyalang terbuka bukan sebab sesuatu yang ada di depan mata. Tetapi sesuatu yang jauh di mata, yang sebetulnya aku sendiri tidak tahu di mana.

Ini semua gila. Di saat aku merasakan aku punya kuasa sepenuhnya atas hidup aku sendiri, kemudian ini terjadi. Buat aku nanar. Resah. Libanglibu. Ah, rasa semua.

Tiada apa lagi yang boleh ditidakkan. Entah, tak tahu .. sebetulnya aku tak mahu tahu.

Akan tersungkurkah aku, mengalahkah aku, atau akan percayakah aku pada kenyataan yang pernah dilontar seseorang satu masa dulu : Kamu tidak boleh pilih untuk mencintai sesiapa. Dan untuk membendungnya, mustahil dilakukan.

Saat itu, aku paling lantang menentang kenyataan. Aku yang paling kuat menidakkan ayat itu. Kerana aku sangat-sangat percaya bahawa kita punya seratus-peratus kuasa untuk mengawal, mengemudi perjalanan hidup ini, hatta soal hati sekalipun.

Maka hati jadi tambah resah. Kerana diusir tak mahu pergi, dihalau tak mahu lari.

Tuhan, berikan aku kekuatan untuk menangkis mainan perasaan ini.

I have sinned. I have done something totally wrong and uncool. God, how can this be?

I guess it's the chase. The chase that I was attracted to. Like for an example, when I want to buy an MP3 player, gawking at it on display gives all the illusions that this will be the MP3 player, the one that will totally be the solution to all my song problems, the one that can provide me great FM stereo, save my wallet and give a smashing audio. And I keep on looking and staring at the MP3 player. It held many empty but glory promises. But it was fun and thrilling. Imagine the adrenalin, the longing and the need for the MP3 player.

OK fine, my heart is aching. A happy yet somewhat idiotic smile hung on my lips. Like it won't go. It never did. Darn. This has been the greatest 19 hours of my life.

God, luckily The Babe is not in the same office as I do. It would be disasterous. We will spend the day laughing and I will not be able to look her in the eyes, we will end up laughing till we tend to be very close to puking.

I'm torn. Denying it will mean piling more evidence in front of me. But agreeing will only create hope. Well, the less you expect, the lesser chance of being hurt. I believe in that.

I know it has been a wee too long. But agreeing will put my fragile heart to test. I know I will crave for something and to take a bite out of that thing, will be like biting the Forbidden Apple.

Imagine the succulent flesh, the oh-so-sweet smell and imagine the crunch when you bit into it. Seductive. It's just .. indescribable.

This chase I'm not sure whether it just started or has been going on for a while. But at this moment, I know I kind of like it.

O-m-g, the chess game has started. Waaaa!

Beware! Your Boss Can See What You Are Doing

Not recommended for those having high proficiency in IT security or have wide knowledge in IT surveillance.

It's another day in Anne's life. She commutes from home as early as 7.15am and rushes to open the office. she went to the coffee and enjoyed her solitude. And as usual, she logged on to the Internet and starts reading what her friends are writing. As she was too engrossed in it, she finished reading at 9.20 am and starts working. Anne never thought that her superiors will find out about this activity, which happens almost daily. At times, she will be surfing the internet one hour well before lunch. Anne was sure that no one will notice what she did as she sat at the very corner of the office.

And of course she was really shocked to receive a warning letter on her Internet activity. Apparently, her employers are watching what she was doing, without having to look over her shoulders. Every activity she carried out was monitored.

Usually, offices install IT surveillance system on their network. This is to stop employees from visiting sites with abusive and offensive contents. And some just block community portals like facebook and MySpace; just to make sure the productivity of the employees are kept at the maximum.

There is a good reason why employers monitor what their workers are doing on their computer. Every time spent working or surfing was recoded, so as the keystrokes and log downloads. This means that you can be sitting at the very end of the cubicle and emailing your girlfriend or adik angkat or tok penghulu and you think your superiors will not notice when clearly they do. Some employers even took the step to install an IT surveillance system that can capture the snapshots on what employers are doing on their computer.

In terms of keywords, the IT surveillance system look for offensive keywords and such. The reason for this is some of the sites that contain adult-content comes with virus so stopping employees to visit the sites will save the employer from lots of trouble.

Of course, sending malicious stuff over the office email spelled trouble (you will be very surprised to find some people actually did this). However, this does not mean whatever we write on the Gmail or Yahoo accounts will be safe. Every keystrokes are monitored so the easiest way to do, refrain from talking trash about your employer. It's just too dangerous and not worth it.

To say this is unfair is going a bit too far. Most of the enterprises and companies state in their contract and agreement that there are some regulations on Internet usage and such. If, for some reason or another, the employer failed to elaborate on the regulations, take the initiative to ask as in this case, ignorance spells trouble, not bliss.

To be continued

The front page of The Sun today showed a picture of two kids holding swords, hanging in mid-air in China. That was exactly what I had in mind when Grandpa first enrolled me into a Taekwondo class.

At the age of 9, when I tied that white belt to my waist, I had the pictures of Masters jumping, kicking and smashing rocks. I was excited thinking that I may be able to do this one day when I learnt all the basics.

It was fun to learn all the kicks, stances and punches. As time goes by, I moved from the back of the line to the front. The sneer and jeer I received from my fellow classmates, I pushed aside. I couldn't care what they say. I mean, they have computer classes and all so what's wrong with going to a Taekwondo class.

What I liked most during the classes was learning new Patterns. I'm really not into free sparring because I hate fighting (make peace, not war!). But one-step or three-steps sparring are among my favorites. I was thought on how to counter-attack the opponents.

Silly me. I thought the moves are being fixed and I couldn't change it at all. But I was wrong. It really depends on your creativity. And that makes it even more interesting.

I've demonstrated the things that I learnt a few times. But breaking things like stones and wood are certainly not my thing.

When I got on to secondary school, sadly, there were not offering Taekwondo classes. By then, I was still anxious to move on to grab Black Belt and move to First Dan. I'm already having Senior Brown. Well, it never happened because I realized that if there was a class on Taekwondo, I will have to fight boys! So, no. I was idle for 3 years.

How I missed it. I practised a few kicks in the comfort of my own room but that was it. No running 10 laps, doing that 'crab exercise' and such. I miss those warming up sessions and 'correcting your stances' sessions.

When I was 16, the chance came for me but I lose some of the flexibility that I had back then. Doing exercises became more challenging. I sweat at the very effort to touch my toes while I used to do it pretty easily. But the ability to stay balanced, stayed. I never got on.

And I continued in uni. By then, I was adamant that I'm not going to get Black Belt. Because I enjoy the process of learning but not having to fight others. If I were to take the test, there will be a session on free sparring whereby i will have to spar at least three people from Green Belt and above (at that time, not sure about now). So, I quit after sometime.

I was quite amazed to find out that it's easy for me to balance myself. I guess that's the 'fruits that I reaped' from years of training. I still have problems to touch my toes. And I noticed those that I know, who learnt martial arts, have good reflex. Like really, really good reflex. One shot of the arm in front of their face and they'll block it. Me? Not a chance. Too slow. Blur. A complete dreamer.


Looking back at the picture, I realised that I really missed martial arts.I went to Silat classes a few times but (no offense), I really don't think I suit learning at night, in open air (only applies to the classes that I went to so no offense again!). I would like to go through the Takwondo training again, looked at the instructor giving instructions and hear the shouts reverberated across the room. There will be 'target' laying around where you'll be practising your Front Kick, Side side kick, Backthrust and Turning Kick. There will be handsized black target to practise your Chopping Kick (which is certainly an advantage for tall guys) and Swing Kick.

I miss gaping open-mouthed at seniors performing their patterns. And the part when the session ends and everybody bows at the instructor, saying thank you in one voice.

I'm still looking at the picture but I know, it's maybe way too late for me to go on with classes like that. but i was happy that I once when through it and had the memories of it.

'He has the reputation of A Player,' said A during lunch.
'But he's serioulsy wants to to know you,' B said, in full concentration of stabbing her piece of tofu.
'and you believed that?' A's squinted her brown eyes. When B nodded, A bellowed with laughter.
'Shh!' B hissed, clearly panicking to be seen with a demented woman.

As it happens, when one has the reputation of being a player/ casanova and what not, it seems almost impossible to get a sensible person to date them. The title seems to be stamped on their forehead and will continue to be for very, very long unless they are able to cover their track history.

Although it is quite interesting (and fun to know that someone actually likes you), keeping them hanging around is not good for them. We are only feeding our ego on that in knowing that someone will always be there for you.

But what happens when you got interested in someone then? You were seen everyday going out with another guy, sitting and chatting like a couple or seen carrying shopping bags and handbags for girls. The time arrives for you to know someone that apparently you like so much. You spend your nights thinking of them, talking nothing but them and then it's time to test the water. Then, failure strikes.

'I don't trust you. You date different guys/ girls every single day. You can't expect me to believe you right?' This translates to disaster. Gone were the investment of phone calls, SMSes and MMSes. Gone were the hopes that once burned in your chest.

You may have the number for every girl in the town but still you are unhappy. Although one may want to be choosing for their perfect one happily, it seems that the practice of 'I'm open to dating with anyone' can turn to be a disaster. Maybe many hearts were broken along the way and then it's our to time to be broken-hearted.

There's a difference of having many friends and having many special friends. I mean, if you start talking on the phone like there's no tomorrow, talking in a voice that people standing beside you can't hear (ni kes ckp meleweh) and smiling like a mad person, that's the tone of talking to a special someone. So take note if the guy or girl that you know does this to every single person they called. I mean, it's just logic right? If you were talking to a friend, normal friend, why la ckp mcm lembut gigi dr lidah right?

And I believe normal guy friends won't help to carry your one plastic bag when you buy a sandal in Vincci. Unless you have purchased the whole Isetan in KLCC, then they will help you (after much grumbling and complaints and grunts). Look out for this sign also.

Sometimes we did all this without noticing. Sometimes we get too close to a person because we are very comfortable with them (Like In Over Her Dead Body). Sometimes we just get carried away. But the proud bearer of the Player or Casanova title might have to watch their back. Imagine losing a cool, hot and intelligent chick. Or a decent, sweet and thoughtful chap. Wow, that can be a blow.

To A, I salute you. You've truly become a matured woman.

From me, I want to say sorry if I happen to do all those things (but I'm not seeing anyone right now so .. application is open. ehem!)

And while I leave you with this empty rambling, I'm going to continue to listen to the prediction over Czech Republic's fate in Euro 2008. Waaaa!!!! Why did you guys lose? Why why?

Abah.. next month wil be your first year of moving to a new place. We sorely miss you, we really do. But none of us except Mak has the courage to open our mouths to talk about you.

There's hardly a day passed without me thinking about you. Although I don't live with you, it doesn't me that I don't love you. I'm your daughter, your one and only daughter and of course I'll miss you. I am missing you right now.

As you move on, we have to move on too. Being the only girl in the family, brought the spotlight right up to my face. Mak wants to see me strong, as a source of her strength and I need to be strong to drive the guilt of not having to stay under the same roof as you.

If I have found out that you are going to go twoweeks being before my graduation, I'd begged for Grandma to stay with you.

If I'd known that I wouldn't be seeing you after your birthday, I'd do anything to rush back to your side. But I didn't, nobody did.

I tried to laugh, to stay strong and just carry on. But when the night comes and emptiness fill the space, there will always be a gaping whole in my heart. And I stand in front of the mirror to see your smile, on my face.We have the same smile. And a very comfortable feeling settled in my heart.

But yesterday, someone pulled the trigger about the man that I look up to and love. A lump formed in my throat and tears welled into my eyes. My name and your name was there smack on the screen. And words failed me. But I know I couldn't and shouldn't shed a tear in this place. But still, the lump stayed.

Of all the days that I tried to be the strongest, I became the weakest yesterday. Tears flowed but surely invisible ones. My heart bled, still I tried to smile. I played with Wan and tried to shoo that hot liquid. And I know you'll be proud because I managed to do it.

And then came the time when not a soul was seen on the street. Lights were supplied by bulbs, powered by artificial source of energy. I tried thinking of our happy thoughts and reminisced on the days. The magic of memory; it will never fail us. One by one scene filled my brain, up until the moment my lips kissed your cold cheeks. Still, your gentle voice filled the air.

Gathering my strength, I walked up to the mirror to see your smile. But it was crooked, disturbed and unproportioned as a pool of hot fluid filled my eyes.

Thanks to the advent of the Internet, we are now able to communicate and correspond with each other faster. We can even talk to out friend in Manila or Botsvana without having to use the telephone because of the Voice Over Internet Protocol. It's easy and cheap and we can talk until we drop (unless the connection got disconnected).

Apart from that, finding a job is getting easier with the Internet. With just one simple click, you can submit your resume and just wait for the phone call. If it does not get through, you will be notified through the same media; the Internet, without having to wait and keep on waiting. As soon as we know the answer to the application, we continue our search on the World Wide Web for other jobs.

If we are getting savvy on the Internet, we have to remember this is also the case of our future employers. Everything that we post over the Internet can and may be seen by our future employers. The night that we partied till we drop on our graduation night or the one where we were posing in an.. er controversial ways, is not private. The whole world who gets on the Internet may be able to see whatever we post on our favourite communities, be it Fotopages, Multiply, Facebook or even Friendster.

Most companies want their workers to be of sound judgement. And imagine what they think when they see Khalil's picture trying to drown his cousin or such, it will display a not so good judgement of the young fella. Not surprisingly, he may be able to lose the opportunity to get the job.

The solution to this is shutdown everything. Delete everything that you've posted on the Internet.

Naah..kidding. It's not that hard, really. If we are lucky (or rather unpopular), our names will not appear on Google. That way, what we could do is to set our profile on online communities to be private. This way, the risk of being seen and scanned over the Internet will be reduced.

Google our names frequently. We may accidentally posted something on someone else's profile that came back to us and cause us the biggest fright of our lives. If it onvolves a certain email address, try to change it to another one.

On the subject of email addresses, sometimes the attempt to appear funny may stretch too long that we tend to forget that imasloth@gmail.com or havdhots bla bla are not meant to be given to our employers. A sensible thing to do is to be sensible and pick a more 'normal' emails that can save us from the trouble.

There are people who work for a charity organisation and such and cannot set the seting to be private. Well, keep monitoring your comments and posts as sadly, you will be held responsible for anything being posted by your friends. Its up to you how to carry this out whether by asking them nicely or just disable comments.

Honestly, I've never perceive the importance of screening what I put on the Internet but as I read the Reader's Digest for June 2008, I realized so many things that can put my future in jeopardy (luckily using different email addresses).

These are just some of the tips that I am able to jot on after reading the article 'How to Click and Clean?' on Reader's Digest June 2008.

*sources from the said magazine

o-m-g. it's neraly like a year. and a year also has passed since my graduation. a year since I left Cyberjaya.

this year, I'm in for a shock. I never give recession, economic downturn or whatnot as a shot. I never cared about it. Back in 1997, I couldn't careless about it since I worried only about PMR. No, that wasn't the truth. i studied a month only before exams.

Wow, more than a decade has passed.

Neways, the recession is back to stay. Ok, that sounded to cheery. I didn't mean too. I was actually waiting for it last year because the cycle was like 8 to 10 years. What I failed to notice was it's already happening in the US and has not hit those in Asia counterparts just yet. And now, as in June 2008, we are taking blow after blow of it.

Price hikes, fuel price hikes, my auntie complained about the 5 bucks increase in school bus fare, and the oil price is seen to increase again. Apparently, it's not only us. Everyone in the whole wide world is feeling the pain.

But, I just did an article on Uttar Pradesh Government cutting fuel price by Rs 1. I mean, if they can do that, will it be possible to do it so here? I know that job security is nearly non-existent but if everything shoots up, investors will pull back right?

Oh God. I hate something that I can't control.

Anyways, this is a comeback to me. I have been writing in kapasitor for quite a while and will now continue to post here and also there. Well, wishing everyone (if there's anyone reading) a very good day. stay tuned

You can go to kapasitor by clicking this link