Abah.. next month wil be your first year of moving to a new place. We sorely miss you, we really do. But none of us except Mak has the courage to open our mouths to talk about you.

There's hardly a day passed without me thinking about you. Although I don't live with you, it doesn't me that I don't love you. I'm your daughter, your one and only daughter and of course I'll miss you. I am missing you right now.

As you move on, we have to move on too. Being the only girl in the family, brought the spotlight right up to my face. Mak wants to see me strong, as a source of her strength and I need to be strong to drive the guilt of not having to stay under the same roof as you.

If I have found out that you are going to go twoweeks being before my graduation, I'd begged for Grandma to stay with you.

If I'd known that I wouldn't be seeing you after your birthday, I'd do anything to rush back to your side. But I didn't, nobody did.

I tried to laugh, to stay strong and just carry on. But when the night comes and emptiness fill the space, there will always be a gaping whole in my heart. And I stand in front of the mirror to see your smile, on my face.We have the same smile. And a very comfortable feeling settled in my heart.

But yesterday, someone pulled the trigger about the man that I look up to and love. A lump formed in my throat and tears welled into my eyes. My name and your name was there smack on the screen. And words failed me. But I know I couldn't and shouldn't shed a tear in this place. But still, the lump stayed.

Of all the days that I tried to be the strongest, I became the weakest yesterday. Tears flowed but surely invisible ones. My heart bled, still I tried to smile. I played with Wan and tried to shoo that hot liquid. And I know you'll be proud because I managed to do it.

And then came the time when not a soul was seen on the street. Lights were supplied by bulbs, powered by artificial source of energy. I tried thinking of our happy thoughts and reminisced on the days. The magic of memory; it will never fail us. One by one scene filled my brain, up until the moment my lips kissed your cold cheeks. Still, your gentle voice filled the air.

Gathering my strength, I walked up to the mirror to see your smile. But it was crooked, disturbed and unproportioned as a pool of hot fluid filled my eyes.