Alter ego speaks

When the Internet goes off..when the Internet goes off

..Ucu goes crazy (this is Ash, not Ucu). I swear pimples took over her face in less than five minutes. Its like there wa a pimple party on her face or something. I saw one shaped like a carousel on her face. Yeah I know, I am looking for trouble but I just can't help it. Ucu was being pretty acidic the whole of last week. Going home late (as if its new) and going home with a pulsating vein at the side of her head that looks as if its going to explode any second.

That woman, is a serious case of Internet addict.

Her waists increased by a few inches because she can't get on the Internet the whole week. She just keep popping food into her mouth as if its some kind of pop corn, except they are more fattening. And then I can imagine her grumbling of not finding her size. I mean, who the hell wears a size 12/ 14?

Where was I? Ouh yeah. She actually woke up in the morning listening some loud, noisy and crazy kind of song. Apart from her disastrous wardrobe, she has terrible taste for songs too. I mean, Frank Sinatra? Is she like 95 or something? Euw. And she was like really grumpy, huffing and puffing whenever she was not munching. Remember chipmunk? When they have nuts in their cheeks and non-stop munching? That was Ucu last week. All because the Internet was down. She just can't get over it. She carried this slogan 'All food are comfort food' and just give me that Linda Blair look when I said there's more to life and suggested something about cruising the malls. Ouch.

And cracked jokes like 'I feel like throwing my shoes at the ISP' and went off laughing like a hyena with her side kick. OK, its funny but the way they laughed at is was equivalent to an internationally known joke that I do not know off. What's up with the joke anyways? I'm sure its not important or I might have saw it on TV. When I asked her, she said something like 'Having your blonde moment eh?' What is wrong with her? I am blonde so every single moment is a blonde moment. What was she trying to imply?

She even got up as early as 4am to check email on her phone. No wonder she was forever sleepy in the morning. Like, she can actually wake up just to wait for the page to load and stuff. When I asked, she said it was something about Kapasitor being featured for Youth 09. What is this Kapasitor really? That thing really got hold on her. It's like, she can't get away from it. Come on, who waits an email for some event. I'd rather wait for an email from the hot looking guy next door. Not that Ucu realizes however. She's like totally oblivious to that kind of stuff and walks on such a straight line that she doesn't care what happens around her. Not like she need to. I'd bury myself if I have her fashion sense, her song taste and her movie list. Don't get me started on hobbies. She's a bookworm, actually love board games and loves to sleep. I can agree on the latter but definitely not the other two.

And she forces me and reminds me of the Youth 09 almost daily. It's like nearly two weeks away but she just can't get over it saying that it's a way to network and stuff. Miss, I network with those hot looking 30-ish guys with think wallets. I think youths are fun but I'm not into those Foosball, Basketball Challenge, Caged futsal and stuff. Thanks but no thanks. I exercise when I shop only. Maybe if I have the time, I will check it out here.

Ouh I can sense her coming. Better log off the system before she breathes fire. Ciao~

Hi, this is Ash speaking. No, I don't know why I logged onto ucu's id. Seriously, that woman put something on her computer that the first thing I saw when I opened her IE, is this page, kapasitor.net. What do you guys have here? I see like tons of letters. Have I landed on the Planet of Geeks?

OK, never mind that. You see, I have a terrible problem. I was just going to get ucu but she's nowhere to be seen. Must be cracking some intelligent jokes with V. I don't understand what she means by 'Corporate violence' when her colleague was hacking at another male colleague. Like corporate violence? And when I asked her, she stared at me like I'm such a bimbo and said 'How can you be so blonde and survived all this?'. I just don't get her. I'm just blonde and there's no 'so blonde'. That crazy lady.

Where was I? Oh yeah, money issues.

God, I don't know who I should ask favor from. I'm in desperate need for money. Ucu is wearing her horrible shirts again. That woman needs help. And I saw Padini having sales for the whole week and everytime I pulled her to the shop, she just glared and walk ahead. I mean, does she even revamp her wardrobe? She doesn't even wear decent T-shirts. All those plain T-shirts, so boring, dull and so her. Why waste all the sparkle and glamour when we can have it all? Come on, you've got it, you flaunt it.

Dear me, I'm such a chatterbox. I'm just trying to raise money here. I need to get at least the polo shirts that they are selling. Ucu has to get at least two of it. No, maybe just one and I will have three. But point being is, I need her to wear something that is not so T-shirt bundle. She embarasses me. Like hello, I have to refrain from walking 2km away from her. And she complains that she is still single. With her fashion sense, of course she'll be single.

Oh my God, where is this woman? I need her purse. Must be eating lunch. I told her repeatedly that she has to don her love handles, she looks like a walrus walking on her toes already. An almond during lunch is enough and she has to puke all night long.

Back to the subject, I need like a few bucks from you guys, RM2 the most. Have mercy on her, she needs help. Polo shirts for a start will do. Just take this as a charity, Malaysians are kind.

RM2 will do, from each of you guys. Have mercy on her. Maybe you can get her one. She's wearing size 14. can you imagine? 14? And she claims that she wants to wear something that is comfy. She's just fat but she won't admit it. And I wear size 3.

RM2 please. But more will be welcomed.

I recently found out that a friend reads this piece of worthless crap to know what is going on with me. because we happen to have the worst timing when it comes to receiving updates so blog is just another way of communicating.

I still cannot warm up to the idea that I'm the administrator of Kapasitor.net. Everytime I want to ask favor from people, I will hesitate. Takot ok.

Hum, another weird comment on one of my posts. Weirdness rules I think

I received the answer and I was not accepted. well, well, I gave it a first shot and it seems that they are really pretty strict in it. At first, I thought I don't care when then realization hit me and I realized that I actually care. Weird huh?

Somehow I feel shattered inside and I feel pressured to continue it as soon as possible. I don't know why, I just feel that I need to.

Yesterday didn't start quite good. Kene kacau dengan rempit, spoilt my mood. Then, caught totally unprepared, I had to get on the new system6. And I accidentally pressed Ctrl+W when I was doing my work and wheee!!! it closed down. I had to retype again. Adoi. And I was clearly lagging behind. Somehow the stories were quite lengthy and I cannot understand it. Maybe there's something that keeps bugging me that I failed to concentrate. Yah, too much thing to do yet so little time to complete it all. My knitting needs to be completed and I need to get some help to sambung the benang and all. The shawl looks quite hideous right now, standed la orang baru belajar. Budak-budak pon belajar ABC dulu kan? Haha, sounds like me trying to sedapkan hati sendiri.

I seriously was itching to finish it this weeked that I forgot to sew the skull that I completed on my shirt. Shud make a post note or something and stamp it on the wall, maybe.

And today I forgot to bring my tag. Had to pinjam tag from others. I don't really mind that but it will cause serious problem when I need to go back today. Of course, I usually go back at 7 something and by then, the guards will not be there and stuff. I either have to wait for the others to go back (by then I'd be too letih) or go back very very early. The latter option looks pretty good but then it will result in me lagging in my job again. How I wish it is the time for company results. Keep on dreaming you. The fourth quarter hasn't ended yet.

I'm just having quilty-conscious for eating like-I-don't-care for these past few days so been trying to cut food intake. Thus, not eating the food I have in my bag right now. I can feel the double chin and the wobble-wobble near my waist. Darn, I hate this feeling.

I have to stop the bugging question that I have right now. Because I know sooner or later I will have to ask the person but I'm just keen on delaying things. What am I trying to achieve;; I still don't know. I guess I like being in control that I cannot get over the fact that asking and taking the outcome will result in me losing all the total control that I had to have. You power-crazy insatiable mad woman.

The lunch is about to be over in a few minutes. The cakes I brought are nearly finished (I had to bring it to the office because I will end up eating it all the way so I might as well get someone to get fat with me. Cool idea huh?)

To azurin, if you don't mind, I want to listen whatever you want to tell ok? Just don't keep it inside

Sincerely yours,
Deranged, angry, fat woman

Rhino, the hamster. i love Rhino. Rhino kinds of remind me of me. With the bulging cheeks and all. I heart Rhino.

Somewhat like A Truman Show except this is in cartoon offering. Bolt was a dog, rescued by Penny from the pound and later became a TV-star (except he didn't know it then). Everything was going alrite when one day, the production was forced to turn the story around as survey found that viewers were unhappy about the story.

Taunting by two cats finally led the way for Bolt to escape and things became funny from that point on. Bolt discovered he can't stare padlocks into dust, can't do a Super Bark and it bleeds. It was all first experience and finally having to live as a real dog.

Penny longed for Bolt while Bolt was across the country making friends with Mitten and Rhino, learnt how to beg and finally realised that it really a TV star. Bolt wasn't able to rescue Penny as all the past experiences were just a production but in the end,it did actually saved Penny from a fire created by the replacement of Bolt.

The ever-blur pigeons were entertaining and were so lifelike, I was just mesmerized by it. And Rhino couldn't get any cuter. Seriously, I feel like I just want to reach out and hug it. Or squeeze it. Whatever. Grr!

The story is entertaining and my cousins love it, that is the most important point. I still couldn't get used to the idea of wearing an extra glass apart from the one existing on the bridge of my nose. Maybe I should support the call for 3-D display (the one that does not use 3-D glass but then the viewing angle will be limited and the seating will highly depend on an individual. Don't know if they can improve it over time. Btw, I did the topic on stereoscopic displayfor my FYP).

Looking to have a moment of peace with small kids? Try this one. Highly recommendable.

I'm extremely happy today. Despite the fact that I missed the first bus, was nearly late for work as well as having to redo an article because of misinterpretation, I feel happy, blessed.Ouh, and water dripped on my tudung on Monorail, which was driven by a Hamilton-wannabe.

This morning I woke up to a very loud Lagu Raya. Like seriously loud that the moment I opened my eyes, I was like 'Wow, it's raya already?'. You can't blame me, my body just started functioning and the day was cool and what not. I laughed to myself, such funny people putting on the lagu raya (There are people who had their kedai potong ayam in front of my house so it must be the uncle and his kids. Cool huh?).

I remembered today is Isetan's 3-day Members Day Sale! I remember buying RM400 worth of things and paying just RM100++ in May 2008 and the time has come again. What a bargain. Basically slacks and really good ones that you can't get for RM45++ normally. And plus...I'm meeting sha. Nothing beats a good girl-gossip. I can imagine me dragging her to some shop and have hot chocolate. That will be just great huh? It's like an advanced birthday.

And I had fun at work. Yes, you read it right. Fun at the office because I found a Smurf today. A she-smurf. She work white pants and blue top. Too bad since we have been reminiscing about cartoons all week. Check out this conversation with one of my colleagues

L: Why do you have to post this post it on the paper? Can just write with a pencil before coming to ask me about this article.
Me (feigning panic): Omg, I have wasted a tree
L: Yes, you have
Me: And a shocking pink paper
L: Yes, you just did. Now, shocking-pink people will be mad at you. The shocking-pink people, arch enemy of Smurfs.

I'd never thought I'll be having that kind of conversation like that at the office. And he's like 30++. Such fun environment.

And then after lunch, we had this screening of Justin and Beyonce's dancing on the computer screen. Ah bliss. As well as having a Christmas tree in front of the office. Wonder who will give me the present this year.

And I have been smiling all day thinking about certain someone (insert either Jared Padalecki, Josh Hartnett, Alex Kopranos, Matthew Gray Gubler or Damian Kulash Jr here).

I seriously do not know why I write this. I just feel blessed and would love to just focus on the positive things. I feel blessed. What about you?


P/S: I don't know whether to go watch Bolt or not. Afraid it will sold out tomorrow but haven't got time to rush to Pavilion.

it's kind of annoying to be on such shaky ground. i'm still contemplating, pausing to contemplate and continue to contemplate.

why is it so hard? i think it was there but then again, was it there?

i know, i'm having this whole, big, gargantuan fort i build every day. sheesh.. i know i can't see it but it's there.

life is great, never been better. but these few days (not really few, i know for sure it has been for a few weeks), i found myself staring into space. like seriously. i missed my floor a few times in these past week (i hope you are happy reading this elle). i didn't even stop thinking about it. refreshing and looking back for the traces that the person left. which as far as i can see, traceable up to 2005. the power of electric document, i hear you say.

i don't know when this will end. usually i will be penning tons of flowery poem on my bed, in my room, in my baby cousin's room, on the floor...everywhere but i lost the will to do so now. i keep mum and think. seriously thinking. unnerving this is, i haven't been able to find the end to it yet. very frustrating.

it doesn't feel like a phase. darn, is it time to seriously thinking about this? *yawns

OK, first thought I had when I saw the title was 'A parody of You've Got Mail or a movie title of the sort is it?'. But heck, the book was so cheap so I grabbed it as soon as I see it. Thi hi hi. OK fine, this is the first book that i finished from all the books that I bought during the book clearance sale.

Hats off to Donna Andrews, it was really out of the ordinary. Well, the book was published back in 2003 and get this right; the main character is a computer! There's no love involved just the computer trying to save its creator from being depopulated.

Turing Hopper (yes, taken from Alan Turing) was an Artifical interlligence Personality (AIP) In Universal Library. Well, it isn't a library but a corporation providing It services and stuff. Turing responded to people based on their personality so no one can have the same response from Turing and she (the creator called it she) became an adjective. People responded to it like 'I'm doing Tur this afternoon' and the like. Cool huh? It's like having a friend online but instead of having someone behind the screen, we are actually talking to a machine that never sleeps, never bore us and will not be able to be tired of us.

Wait, then it turned. Turing actually became sentient and develop human-like senses. When Zack, it's creator went missing, it actually realised that it was concerned; a feeling so alien to it that it realised 'I'm sentient'. The journey started from there with Turing trying to pry into the UL's secret to find out where is Zack and does Zack's disappearance have anything to do with his friend's death.

Turing had to rely to two humans called Tim Pocinscki and Maude Graham because despite the fact that it can retrieve information around the globe, pulling and prying into information that wasn't even hers, clearing Tim's credit card debt and such, Turing was immobile. A middle-aged Maude helped Turing with its speech-recognition and then came the part when Turing downloaded itself into a robot in search for Zack who Tim found but does not wish to come back to UL. Apparently, he knows that someone or some people are looking for him.

A page-turner, engaging, emebedded with computer terms but undertandable enough for a computer illiterate for me. The plot is catching and it's amazing to see all the AIPs getting and thinking together. A nice change indeed and highly recommendable.

I built a fortress
no, build a fortress
to protect my feelings
to protect from being hurt.

I'm opening a gate
but once I sensed that someone is going to wrech my heart off my chest
throw it on the hot asphalt
and tramp on it
I'll shut it.

I'm ready to accept but I'm so fragile that one shaky statement, will send me scrambling to shut the gate, chase everyone out and stay cold. scary huh?

From My Desk : The Kind of Love That I Want

I remember watching A Lot Like Love, What Happened in Vegas and 27 Dresses and actually wanting to meet a love like those in the movies. It started out from friendship (except A Lot Like Love) and turned out to something special. I actually do hope that I meet that someone from the circle of my friends (ah kantoi). Well, I'm obviously not getting younger and dating? Hurm..

Anyways, this morning, I got hopped on the bus again (like I have done so for the past one year and yeayness! It's my one-year anniversary of working here *throws one thousand zillion confetti) where was I? Ok right. It was a very bumpy journey, you know how it was at 8am. Yes, I do go at work at 8 am, taking my own sweet time, siap bole beli that hot steamy pau for breakfast. And I saw this aged couple. They look pretty similar, which is what people always say, if your features is the same with your partner, InsyaAllah sejuk rumah tangga. Plus minus, they will be around 70 or even more but seriously, they are not frail.

I looked at them and wonder, they look so at ease together, will I be able to create a relationship like that? Without words, they seem to understand each other, just through their body language. And when they went down the bus, that's when I felt as if I was about to cry: the grandmother held the grandfathers' hand to cross the street. She's obviously younger than the grandfather but that aside, I think to myself, can I take care of another person like that? Will I be able to push aside my needs, selfishness to guide this person to cross the roads when the road was so full of people heading for work and the lights were blinking like mad? Will I have the patience of not pulling the other person's hand, to ask him to walk faster? Can I do that? Will I be able to change myself and tolerate that person?

I realize now that's what I want. I want to grow old with the person, not just living and being with him for a mere few years. I want to have backaches, quarrels, difficulties with the person, not just the shiny and beautiful things. I want to go through all the trouble, crossing the road, fall down, pick ourselves up and laughing, I know that what I want.

Crap. I have tears in my eyes.

If I were to call you 'Si Jahat' three or four times daily
Does that mean I love you?

If I were to hide your car keys
Just to see the worried look on your face
Does that mean I love you?

If I were to miscall you three to four times each night
Just to make you mad
Does that mean I love you?

If I were to pretend that I lost your favorite book
Just to spend some time together searching for it
Does that mean I love you?

If you were to remember my favorite food
drink, book, TV shows
Does that show you love me?

If you were to taunt me by saying
"I'm flying!"
"I get to go to Champs-Elysse earlier than you"
Just to annoy me and drive me to near tears
Does that show you love me?

If you were to call me in the wee hours
Just because you want to say
"Hahahaha..you sound so disoriented"
And put down the phone
Does that show you love me?

If I were to get you your favorite CD
And you get me my favorite Roald Dahl series
Does that mean we have a deep understanding of each other?
and most importantly
Does that mean that I love you?
Does that mean you love me?

Would You Give your Seat on The LRT?

I prefer to cuci mate gawking at the guys. That's what I do every day. Like I have been reading articles after articles for eight straight hours so why not 'relax' a bit right? Fine, I have nothing to do.

It's not really difficult to see and filter the guys that went on the LRT. On lots of occasions, I was able to detect cute looking guys (For display purposes only) but most of the times I was disappointed.

Remember the ad on Adlin going on an LRT? Yeah, I think the guys using the LRT do watch it except they don't learn from in, they actually copied what Adlin did. On numerous occasions, the guys, who are wearing ironed shirts, shiny shoes and young, seem to care about no one except them. On many uncountable occasions, I see the ladies actually gave their seats to pregnant women, the elderly and those carrying heavy things. Of course, I can always pretend I'm pregnant. No, kidding.

In my honest opinion (IMHO), if a guy who's healthy cannot give his seat to someone who may need it, I seriously doubt their ability to raise a family. The very simple act of getting up to give the luxury to someone, shows the values instilled in them. And by not getting up when a clearly very pregnant lady is standing right in front of you, is outright selfish. I'm not talking of those who coughed or having fever or anything like that, I'm talking about a guy who's clearly healthy. Wait, they might be pregnant like Thomas Beatie.

I'm just disappointed. It shows that we cannot judge people because most of the time when a guy gets up to give their seats to people who need it, it will be someone who you might call 'plain' looking. Those with ties, executive bags, shiny, branded shoes, will just ignore them and pretend to sleep. I even saw an elderly man got up to give a pregnant lady his seat because a guy won't get up. And she's not 4 months pregnant, she looks really pregnant and tired. Don't people have sympathy? What is wrong with the world?

I once saw a programme where they interviewed a lady and she said 'I don't want to give my seat because they will not say thanks' (buat ape nak bagi seat saya. kalau saya kasi pun derang tak ckp apa-apa). OK, I don't want to comment on her words but have she ever tried giving her seat? What I heard constantly was people saying 'Thank you very much'. They patted you to say their thanks and I even heard a lady saying 'Ouh thank you very much. She (the girl giving her the seat) have to suffer because of me'. Those words, nearly made me cry.

I just couldn't understand it. Are these people going to become leaders in the future? Are they going to be CEOs, CFOs, ambassadors and such? God, I'm terrified with the future. I seriously don't intend to be biased but seriously, that's what I see every single time. Those pakai smart-smart just would not get up. And I even saw the same faces doing it over and over again.

I'm not saying that I'm good but maybe we can start from now. Maybe we can sit and niat that,' I'm saving this seat for someone who needs it. When he or she boards the train, I will get up'. The amount of people needing the seat in every train is unbelievable.

It's the nature of the people to forget and need to be reminded continuously. So, let's us remind ourselves that What Goes Around Comes Around. Today, we are young and soon, we will be wizened. If today we don't care about the elderly, what makes us thing that tomorrow, the young ones will remember us?

The Alchemist

I know I was just supposed to be watching Madagasar yesterday and head straight home. Instead, I bought a few things that I know I shouldn't be buying it. This must be the months that I spent so much. Nevertheless, I'm happy to be able to go to PayLessBook clearance stock sale!

A book caught my eye and I was supposed to buy it and give it to Zill (it costs like RM3 so what the heck). I thought when she said the book was good, it was just good but no, it was tremendously brilliant. Paulo Coelho was definitely brilliant because he managed to talk about Law of Attraction and all the motivational stuff without boring people to death. No wonder someone who barely read books, seemed unable to be detached from the copy.

The story was about a boy who dreamt about going to Egypt and discovering the treasure there. He went to an old lady to get the dream interpreted and soon found homself talking to a King of Salem, being robbed in the market and soon found himself falling in love with Fatima in the middle of the desert. OK, the story was interesting but not as interesting on what we would find in the book itself.

The Alchemist talked about Personal Legends, of what people want to be and what they do to achieve it. It said that when we were small, we know what we want and work towards it. And then as we grow older, we then forget our Personal Legends. We make ways for things that are not important and then one day, we wake up and think 'Ouh it's too late. I can't turn back time'. It's never too late to pursue our dreams.

The reason why we delay things is we think about money to much. What we fail to see is the 'Law of Attraction" never fails. When we think about good things, we will attract good things. And good omens or good signs must not be ignored. It must be seen but of course, we are busy and focus on little unimportant things. The book sayid that things always happen for a reason and it shouldn't be ignored.

Another thing about 'maktub' or it's written. If we were to die today or tomorrow, we shouldn't be sad or afraid because it's written. Everyday is a good day to die.

The alchemist is not a very thick book. But that doesn't mean that it could not convey all the important things because at the end of the day, the simplest thing should not be conveyed in a long winding way.

I personally believe that the book can also become a motivational book. In fact, the language used was so simple hat it can be such a very good motivational material.

I can just say it's a veru good book. It opens up our eyes and make us realise about lots of thing. The ending was not so important. It's the knowledge picked while reading the book that made it so important.

i'm just happy not knowing
because assumptions will just wreck everything
and i refuse to think about it

i love to take it as everything is per normal
nothing is wrong and everything is good

ok fine

i have commitment issues
interested to provide help?
pro bono perhaps?

:D

yeah..it's matters of the heart

(Ketenangan di dalam kesengsaraan. What?)

Well, if you are looking for solace for your weekends, let's just say, forget it. There's no solace in this whatsoever and you can't seem to find romacen either. Well, there's a fling of course but that's just it.

Driven by pain due to Vesper's death, Bond ventures and try to find the person that made him lose Vesper. The shocking thing was, M's right hand turned to be to double-face agent. Quite a big shock to M. The perfect, little Mr Know-It-All was now portrayed as someone more human; blinded by white hote rage, been said to be the person behind all killings and had his job suspended. But of course, being Bond, he can eventually crawl out of the deep plunging hole of habislah-aku.

The scene started out with car chase (nice Alfa Romeo, what a waste) and proceeded to show Bond as an agent that cannot be controlled and even M had problems to tie him down. The story slowly unfolds and nice to see bond in somewhat like a shirt, killing people ruthlessly. I had to hand it down to Daniel Craig for still being able to appear so frigging hot even though pakai seluar senteng. I mean, how many people can actually pull that?

There was no solace in the film, unless you were looking for a place to run from cliche lines and unnecessary mumblings. Be prepared for action because like M said,'you are not able to differentiate between friends and enemies'.

The film touched a bit on environmental issues and how some people use the issue to manipulate the situation in order to gain profit. People are dying and the vilain, Greene, reaped the profit. But don't worry, his death was tragic as well as a little funny. Karma happens you know.

Bond cannot seem to forgive himself or even forget Vesper. It was nice to see the playboy to actually being able to have affection for other people.

The story never fell sort of my expectation. Seriously, I never watched the one Pierce Brosnan starred because I thought he had a little too pretty face. I wasn't even considering to watch the series, not until Craig came into the picture last two years. If you happen to be the fan of Ian Flemming, well, this story, which was actually based on one of his titles (Another Day To Die), what a bummer because it didn't follow the story line.

I had to hand it to Craig for carrying the character so well. He may not be gorgeously good looking (but I like) but he had the charisma (double likey!). And yes! there was no 'My name is Bond. James Bond' line. That was really a nice change.

If you are planning to go for an action-packed movie, I really suggest this one.

Rating: Like a chocolate doughnut covered with rich-creamy strawberry filling. With a tall glass of coffee. Whichever way you like it.

Worth the money.

Are there Any Other Topics In the World
..apart from marriage? God, I'm going bonkers. Mom never actually asked about marriage and now she keeps on asking, throwing, showing and banging hints on my head. Every single day. I nearly puked on the topic.

I was oblivious to the fact that my family was actually concerned of me bergayut tgh malam with by best buddies. And they are girls. Seriously they are girls. And in turn, my friends' mothers will be concerned of them talking to me.

And whenever I go out, there'll be enough speculation to turn the country upside down. Like seriously. I'm not attending those classes for Lesson 101: How to Con Filthy Rich People (if there ever is). I usually meet up friends, gossip, walk, gossip, eat and gossip. Occasional movie watching of course. And they were seriously concerned. Well, thanks by the way but can we like just put the marriage question in a suggestion box or something?

And yesterday was really ridiculous as I actually argued with Mom on the bersanding issue. She insisted to have one when I totally was against the idea (the dias will need more than 1 bunga telur and that will be total waste of money. Why not give then really nice bunga telur or really good food instead?). She said that it will be the only time I'm getting married (which by the way, I see that divorce and be remarried is an in thing. Sorry Mum). Slow down lady, I'm not about to choose the colour for dias as of now.

Before that, she gave me a short, free, private service reminder on savings. I do not have anything against investment (although I'm against the idea of softening to the idea of decreasing monthly investment wherever), not until she said: "Who knows, you'll be suddenly getting married" (Siapa tahu tibe-tibe terkejut nak kawen). I told them, Mum, my sister-in-law, auntie and baby cousin that there's no candidate. Exact words were: Hujung kasut calon pun tak nampak. So, why the sudden, urgent marriage. Please God, don't make it one of those emergency urgent marriage of kene tangkap basah or whatever. Amin.

My auntie was actually thinking of getting me into the reality TV show (which I know will only lead to a bankruptcy of such stations). And this particular suggestion was strongly supported by a very good friend. Very entertaining. I'd rather stay in the jungle for three months rather than getting into any reality TV shows. I'm not ready to show how grumpy I can get at times (which is like all the time).

And then Mom dropped the bomb that someone was...

Forget I mentioned that. I'm dizzy with the questions.

Hand over a potion of this pounding headache. Ouch

The day started with little tiny water particles falling from the sky. I love rainy days. The world seems a little bit brighter and cleaner after the rain.

I woke up smiling (apart from grumbling and little accidental curses as the bed felt oh-so-comfy) and decided that today was a great day. I didn't manage to buy my favourite steamy pau-that-melts-in-my-mouth but I figured it's still ok. Just when I was about to cross the street, I felt a sharp jab at my neck. It was like a needle and I looked around, sure that no snipers are in sight (which is stupid because snipers will be hiding but then it's me! I do stupid things). I managed to discover the root of the pain and tears started to well in my eyes.

The one necklace that my late father passed to me was not as it was meant to be. One small part of it was sticking out. It didn't just 'putus' but it was somewhat broken.

The shock that I had was overwhelming. All of a sudden I felt choked. Like all the emotion welled up. For years, I've been wearing the necklace and it somehow reminded me that he will always be near my heart. I know its silly to actually be sad because the necklace can be repaired but what if the goldsmith says 'The only way I can mend this is to actually 'lebur' it'. I can't face that. I want it to stay that way. The way I saw the necklace when I first laid eyes on it when I was ten. The one thing that kept him close to my heart.

There were not many things that he left me and I just don't want to part with it. I still have the watch that he gave me but I just can't bear the fact that I have to take the necklace off. I have been wearing it around-the-clock, walk around with it, sleep and everything; never taking it off. Touching it made me feel closer to him.

Well, tears are filling every corner of my eyes now. I can't believe that I can get so emotional over an earthly possession.

I tried to pick myself up. I still want the day to proceed as smoothly as possible. Then came the stupid reply from a phone call. It made my world felt more bluer. Darn darn darn.

Luckily I managed to get my song request played on the radio (Flowers In the Window - Travis). It made me feel a little better.

But I guess I just don't feel that happy still. I'm afraid of telling Mak what happened to the necklace. She already called me 'Die ni mmg kasar sikit'. And my reputation of 'putuskan rantai' when I was a kid didn't make matters easier. I want to cry!!! Waaa!

Ah. time to face the music. It's nearly 8pm.

there's the feeling again
the elevated, unexplainable feeling in my chest

"ah you psychotic chronic dreamer
can't you for a minute
put yourself on the ground?
can't you for just one second
be realistic?"

the answer will be a simple 'cannot'

I use to have this phrase stuck in my head 'don't be scared to dream'. It wasn't until recently that I understand quite a gist of it.

Without dream, ambition, angan-angan or whatever you call it, the soul becomes weak that can only lead to weaker flesh. You know, as usual will create laziness and stuff like that. Being mortal, it is unavoidable to be unsatisfied with what we have. It's easy to grumble about work, studies, parents, friends and what not. It's easy to lose focus.

But dreams and ambitions will help us propel through. When we are young, we wanted to become doctors and whatever. But then we entered tertiary institution and still we dream on. And we enter a job, our dreams started to fall apart. The target at that time, maybe to get married and then what's next?

Ambitions could come in tiny little ways. Just a simple target of 'I'm looking forward to learn a new language' or 'I want to aim for my holiday in the Mediterranean' (Ameen) will help us go through it day by day. It help us to stay focus, cast our eyes on the long run.

Without dreams, I believe that life will be dull. And working will become a routine, without no excitement. Well, I need a lot of excitement to get through the day, so pardon my craving for excitement. Ha ha..

Ouh..it's already 6.30pm. I have dreamed to go back this early since few months before. Chop chop! Ta~

Pounding headache
I used to hear people grumble about rainy days but I'm certainly not a fan or scorching hot weather. And it certainly doesn't help having only warm water at home.

The cross-stitch project is coming up ok. Completed the first three and waiting for the right moment to get other projects. Truth is, been wanting to give mom some of my stitches but haven't got the time to do so. Not really not having time, not finding time is more suitable. So, maybe I could just shelve all plans and start spending more time to complete the stitches. Who knows? It can be popular again.

Weekends are the most boring days as I find myself feeling a little bit trapped. But due to the unfortunate case of international sluggish economy, nothing can be done except just to hold the purse a little tighter. OK, fine Malaysia has not gone into recession yet but she is bound to be in the same fate in a few quarters to come. It's best not to be too sunny and happy as when the grim story hits us, maybe it is going to be too late already.

The day has just started, haven't eaten breakfast yet. Hahaha.

Have a great remainder of the weekend. I'm like sleepy but will be feeling so like a sloth and guilt if I go to sleep again.

Great Saturday!

Mum has a great passion for shopping
And she loves walking great distances
Now I know where I got this disease from.

Been walking since 11.30 until 300 something
Must have some sort of powerful engine attached to the feet
None stop baybeh
And has this dreadful feeling that the purse has definitely shrinked
Significantly.

Head swirled left and right
Amazed, flammoxed and flabbergasted
Definitely will like to be there again
Hahaha
Am worried but isn't it too late to be thinking about budget at this point
Hahaha.

I still haven't gone out of my little comfort
I still haven't explored myh surroundings.

The cili padi project is coming up great
Am about to start another project
Got tones of plain shirt
Got to start combining this and that to make it look a bit decorated.

Am happy
Will start to get the creative juices flow
Get it all out.

I refuse to let a guy disrupt our friendship.

Regardless of how good looking, nice or no matter what.

We have literally grown up together, made it through slopes, mountains and ravines of our friendship. We had fights, I sulked, you tried to console. We started out as a pair of Leo and Capricorn, two big egos, trying to find something in common. The first stages were not easy, I somewhat can recall it. But we're fresh out of school and we are rather 'raw'. As time pass, we changed, seeing more things, feeling more pains and added more silliness. My 'white cloth' must be dreadfully stained right now.

I fell, stumpled, trampled across the paddock by a herd of bulls. You were there and consoled me, enabling me to stand tall. Those were hard times and you did help by making it easier. It has certainly helped me be stronger in a sense of 'facing the music'.

I had to admit it's just pretty recent that we managed to talk freely about things. Two big egos just find it difficult to share things, taking years to just open up. We happen to have our differences and similarities at the same time but opening up, having pillow talks are not that easy. But it was really worth it. Our friendship managed to stand withering challenges.

I have hurt, scarred, saddened you but still you stood for me. You were never afraid of saying what I did was wrong, coming out perfectly honest on what you think. That is what true friends really do, they are honest when you most need it.

And now you are going again. I never expected the news to befall that way yesterday. I must say I was flammmoxed. I know I should have seen it coming but it's the thought of talking to you through the medium of computer that saddens me. It can be said that there's no other person whom I find it comfortable to talk to apart from you.

Again, you dropped a bombshell.
'I want you to know the guy so you won't be bored when I'm somewhere else.'
I never thought you actually thought about me when you talk to the guy. Its like telling a sister that 'I want someone to look out for you when I'm not here'. I was actually hiding the sobs that crept to my throat when you said that. That's why I laughed. Believe me, I was really touched.

But dear, I think he likes you and I absolutely refuse to stand in the way. You won't be gone for very long, 3 years top. And when you come back again, everything might be ready for you and you might want to reconsider things and of course about people. Seeing that he's nice, why not try to make things happen? If you want me to be happy, I do seriously want you to be happy too.

I don't know if it's right to come up and say that he actually like you. I just don't want things to be complicated in time to come. I don't want anyone to become a victim and certainly refuse to let things become be very difficult. And I do not know what to say when you get all pent-up and frustrated when I refused to know him. Hear me say this: things happen for a reason.

If offering a friendship is not good enough, now you are actually finding someone who will become a very good friend to me, sort of taking care of me. But you know what, if that will end up making things complicated, I just want you to know that I'm going to back off because things are going to get ugly in the end if we meddle with matters of the heart.

I will; for your sake, fulfil your wishes but I can't guarantee you that your plan to match us will happen. I just don't. Feelings sometimes can't be changed and if we try to force it and change it, everybody will be affected. I will not be able to look at you and talk to you the way we do. That will certainly kill me inside.

I've seen people backstabbing their friends, forgo friendship for a guy. I've seen the bestest friend on earth being torn apart by a petty matter like this. If you say right now that you are going to back-off if things may develop ... say three years from now, what makes you think I will grab the chance? Let you go? Certainly will not want that to happen.

I may be thinking too much but forgive me if I do because you are a friend, one is very hard to find. I don't wish this to end and losing you for a guy, I think it's too big of a risk.

I've met many people on earth but I can say you left the most significant imprint in my life. Yesterday has just made the fact more obvious.

Don't be mad at him, he's innocent. Feelings cannot be steered into different ways. No one is to blame.

Don't worry about me, that will make me sad. This time it will be more difficult seeing you go but things will be ok. I will certainly miss you but it's not that far. Maybe I can gather enough money to have a stroll with you in that country, who knows? Go, go with a peaceful mind, I will try to make it.

Just put on that smile, your merry, happy smile

This is the second time I've been let down by supposedly-funny men. Ben Stiller's Thropic Thunder is ...confusing.

The story seems to be too heavy, trying to tell about the making of a movie from a book, a star who is starting to lose his fame, the book that happens to be a fake and trying to link it with drug plantation in the Golden Triangle in Southeast Asia. There were too many strings that needs to be tied, leading me to ask 'Is this supposed to be funny?'

It started out quite funny to see the director losing control over the actors and he then tried to film the movie guerilla-style in a jungle in Southeast Asia. Unfortunately, he didn't realise that there really is a guerilla somewhere in the midst of the greens, and he died (accidentally stepped on an old land-mine) not knowing. The actors were perplexed as they didn't know whether they are still filming, apart from not knowing where they are heading. The Ben Stiller decided to go to another direction, leaving the other casts to roam in the greens. Not only the casts lost their way, I also lost my way in the story too.

Stiller was captured near the opium-producing areas, faced the young leader. While the latter part was true, I was unhappy as it mixed the facts. Aren't pandas found in mountainous areas? How come one got lost in SOUTHEAST ASIA jungle? I'm not trying to be an Insufferable Know-It All but if you really want to keep to the fact, why not keep it for the whole movie? Or, were they trying to mock 'Kungfu Panda'?

And then, the low self-esteem among actors. The casts went through few sessions on a supposedly therapy session. Seiously, in a midst of a jungle, when you are lost and being captured by villains?

As a closing, just bear in mind that is the review is telling you its funny, good and etc, they are just trying to be sarcastic.

My rating: an out-of-date chocolate doughnut lying beside a stinking drain. Does that give you enough clue?

P/S: my cili padi is just growing fine. yeayness

Love-and-hate Relationship

..with my mobile phone.

You know what, I long for the days when I don't even care about handphones. When I have to scribble my friends' numbers on notebooks, notepads, papers and on some random recepits. When I have to literally sit beside the telephone, waiting for a telephone call from someone. Or the time when taking pictures are only through the means of camera.

Nowadays, I find myself totally paralysed without mobile phone. It replaces the role of so many things namely; alarm clock, radio, camera, notepad, diary and even my mom (to remind me when to call my aunties and uncles). I used to have this really traditional, basic handphone and I was paralysed when I lost it, quite a few times honestly. I can't remember the numbers and some of the messages are important ones. I have to wait for a few days for uni to start so I can get my bestfriends' numbers.

With mobile phones, I not only have to take precaution for my purses, bags and other stuff that looks unimportant to others but so bloody important to me but I have to make sure that I don't lost my phone. My budget, life, source of communication, source of entertainment, diary and my memories are in it (finally scrapped money to buy one with a camera). I even find myself stupidly looking for my handphone to check the time when I have a watch!

The dilemma doesn't end there. This marvellous technology actually connects us to people; be it our relatives, friends, stalkers, serial killers and porn-lovers so we are constantly in danger of having our privacy being eroded into, almost continuously. A girlfriend called up when you were trying to take a nap, to cry about her dead fish (unfortunate, but sleep is a vital body cycle). Or some telemarketing people trying to offer you some insurance products (good, but if wrongly put, can result to 'Waste my time'). So you see, as much as some people (points to myself) will like to just off the phone, one is afraid of having to lose some really important news like deaths or something. See? Dilemma.

Speaking of which, yes we do understand that mobile phones can actually interrupt the working of medical devices but the visitors maybe cannot switch off their phones because they are waiting for another call, maybe another victim in another hospital. Dilemma again.

The ringtones. Sometimes its terrible. I have this weird ability to shut the ringtone totally out of my head, resulting in several miscalls at a time. I have to resort to the loudest song that I can get to make sure I hear phone calls. I have days where I let George Michael singing Careless Whispers in my drawers. And since I have changed my tone to I'm Yours, the office is a little bit quieter when someone calls me and I went to the toilet (there's this one time my colleagues sang along to L.O.V.E from Michael Buble as I was not at my desk. It was on the loudest tone).

I just have weird habits. Sometimes I want to be left alone but cannot refrain from looking at the phone. I cannot lower the tone because I won't hear it. And I actually hate being dependent (classic Leo).

Well, I'm totally torn. Loud tones can result in dusturbance in the office. Putting it in drawers or slower tones will result in me not picking up phone calls (they can be really important). I just changed my tone to a slower one. Should I use Four to the Floor as my ring tone?

I always have weird dreams. Awfully weird dreams. I always dream of still being in Uni. I have repeatedly dream of being in school. It seems that I never grow out of it.

When I was younger, I usually dream of being left behind, especially when I was about to travel or camp. I will be dreaming that I have not finished packing and the bus just left me, in front of my eyes with my things scattered around me. Everything was there, each one of it. It's just was not packed into the bag.

In university, I always dream of not attending examinations (it's not a secret that I ...err.. don't really mind ditching classes). I woke up having panic attacks and being paranoid of forgetting to set the right time. Silly silly me. But it was really traumatic. I end up dreaming the guards lectured me into tears for coming an hour late, the lecturer letting me in with me not having pens and all.

There were times when I dreamt of reading the slides in my sleep. Some of them are really notes that I read before sleeping and some are crap. And now that I'm working, I dreamt of having to extend my studies because of so many reasons like I forgot to take this course, I didn't take this exam and one time, I dreamt of being barred. I always made sure I attend 75% of the classes. I have to admit that I'm no angel.

I don't dream about my current work. I dreamt of being scold by my previous employer, being late in my previous job but never recent. And I remembered this story of me dating Jared Padalecki. I almost don't want to wake up.

Silly me.

Sometimes, my dreams are so vivid, I practically can remember everything. I still remember a dream I had in 2006, before I went for practical. Someone came to our home, to take me as a wife. I don't know him, I can't remember his name but I definitely can remember his features. He drove a grey Kelisa, have quite fair skin, not big built and have short straight hair. But the dream was just a dream,despite of it being extremely vivid. Did I mentioned he was an engineer? Ha ha

Dreams don't come true but I believe ambitions do. I take dreams as a mere entertainment, even as a warning (more than 6 years ago, I dreamt of being pregnant with a child outside of wedlock. Yikes!). But I'm yet to get inspiration from dreams.

It's late and I have to go. To get ready to bed, waiting for the next dream to come.

Day by day
I stood by my place
Looking at you
Entering, nearly invading my personal space.

Those puppy eyes
Charismatic posture
And professional smile.

How I long for you to look my way
Not to talk about toasts, coffees and cakes
But to create small talks
To ask me if 'Everything's ok?'

How I long to talk to you about your day
Not the weather today
Or the one for tomorrow.

How I long for you to call me
Not to place another order or ask for some sugar
But to look into my eyes and talk about many nothings
Nothing important whatsoever.

But the fact stays
I am just the waitress
No; I'm your waitress.

I can recall your favorite food in my sleep
How you liked your coffee
Even how your eyes crinkled
I bet you don't have a clue.

We exchanged glances
Hellos and bye-byes
Not numbers, addresses
I don't even have to ask why.

Special as it may
I'm just the one bringing you coffees and delicacies
Your waitress who really misses you
And waiting for a miracle
For you to look her way
In a totally different light.

I nearly forgot the buffet today but managed to get just the right attire to 'fill the stomach to the capacity'. Unfortunately, I was only able to eat just a small portion of the food. I mean, compared to other people. Luckily I chose all the expensive ones. That's the whole point of going to buffets right?

No rice or kuey teow, I just go for things I usually don't get on a daily basis. So, it was all stuffing squid, prawns and all sort of things into the mouth. No beef because then I will have indigestion problem.

But I polished three bowls of ice-cream, my happiness. But still, there's an empty space somewhere near the heart. Maybe it's just a passing phase. Hate, hateful

I was flabbergasted when somebody said 'Let's watch House Bunny.' OK, so I judged a book by it's cover.

I totally hate the first 30 minutes; I just hate a character portrayed to be so bimbo. But still, as I paid for the ticket, all I can do is to just watch it.

Shelley was an orphan and she lived in the Bunny mansion. She was kicked out of the mansion on her 27th birthday, due to jealousy. Without the owner's knowledge, she ventured out of the mansion, trying to find and build her new life.

She landed into a sorority house, Zeta and turned the girls' life around. Here again, we can see that popular means power. And Zeta tried to fight for their house with Shelley's help.

Although she was a Playboy Bunny, one can say that she is not all glitter but she also had brains. Soon, she changed Zeta from zero to popular. And she found herself in love with a guy who:
-doesn't mind girls with brains
-doesn't mind unpopular girls

All her life, all that Shelley knows was guys love grils with beauty nil brains. She played all the rules in the book of being hard-to-get, even saying "I'm late for another date", which led to disaster.

Then, she turned to be a guy most alert of international news, talking about South Korea and stuff. She even wore a thick pair of glasses to impress the guy but to no avail.

She felt that she have failed miserably and received a phone call from Hef, the mansion's owner.

And she was put into a dilemma again.

It is kind of funny actually. And I realize now that no matter although the person appears to be a bimbo, it doesn't mean that they are dumb. There's something beneath the whole shine and style. There's intelligence yet to be discovered.

On a different note:

Felt serene and happy with the decision I made and I guess that what my friend said was true. You need to rest to prevent being burnt out. Enjoy what you do and when you feel burdened. Take a step back and relax. I'm taking a step back and relax. I'm planning for a trip (which I know will not happen until early 2009. musim hujan) and also looking for places to study language. Still can't decide what to learn and just hope that my brain is not rusty yet or I'll end up paying for things that I won't benefit from.

So, I'm basically looking forward for what is there to come. I had my plans worked out and will so hope I will be able to achieve it. Ameen

if there's one thing that I should realize by now is the fact that not everything is within my reach. There's a limit to everything and certainly wanting to commit to everything is not the right thing.

I'm releasing some of my responsibilities in Kapasitor. I have to, seriously. I kow that it will be much burden for me and I just want to take a break, before I reach my breaking point. No not going insane or anything. I'm just worried of being too tired. I wish to be focused on the website (although I still haven't gotten the chance), not really on the management or anything.

Let's just see if the coming months will see me in a better position. I'm going to go for my dreams this time and seriously will be thinking to go for a holiday or something of the sort.

It's Saturday. I should be watching TV. And I just got Shrek, the complete collection. yey!

Let me bore you with the definition for recession. It defines as the slowing economy, which is particularly significant in terms of employment, GDP, wholesale-retail sales and real income, for several months. For your information, Singapore's GDP has declined for several quarters; hence it slipped into recession. Malaysia, however, has not gotten into it but let's not be to sunny and positive: it's a global thingy and no one can be sure it is going to be safe. How's that for reality check huh?

Talking to a colleague, it seems that we are still not experiencing recession so this is the best time to start investing in foreign currency and of course, gold. It may or may not be very rewrading but that is exactly the thing with investing, it's pretty unsure stuff. We can never pinpoint how much Australian dollar (AUD) is going to increase in say two-years time or is US dollar going to gain its strength.

If you are planning to go to South Korea in say 2 years time, it may be a good choice to start saving in Dong. Same goes with AUD, it went to a record high some time ago butit is looking pretty cheap these days (approximately 2.4). Those with more money will try to go for USD and of course, nobody can say it is going to be the best choice. That is the thing with investment, many people will speculate but will it happen? Who knows?

Then again, it is the best time to invest. Especially those with extra money and intend to do so and has been eyeing the market.

It is going to be a difficult time, God knows whether we will experience it and how long it will happen (The longest ever recession in the 20th century was from August 1929 - September 1939, known as the Great Depression). The best thing to do is to try to save as much as possible, be it in your bank, cutting the times you spent in the posh outlets, having fast food or whatever. Saving your change is a start, seriously.

Speaking from experience, it is actually good and beneficial to just dump your lose change in your tabung. You will be surprised how much you can save through this one tiny little act. It may be a big chore at first but as time goes, it will be an obligation. Try it and you may even move to committing the usual '10%-of-the-salary-fgoes-into-savings' rule. It only needs a start and seriously, it's never too late to start or too soon.

Just that, one has to look at investment in the long run rather than as a short-term thingy. Patience and perseverence is the key. Look out from who you ask the advise from and any decisions that you make, is entirely your responsibility.

It's 10.30 pm, on a Saturday night, Syawal. You were sitting at home indulging on the TV shows that you missed while going beraya/ had to see those coming to your house. Your brother/ father/ mother/ auntie/ uncle were out, living you with a 13-year old kid at home. He was hooked on the computer and you were watching Tv with a whole plate of kerepek. Suddenly, the lights went off. So does the computer, fridge, fan and every electrical item. What would you do?

1. Instantly get on the phone while lighting the candles?
2. Go to the neighbour's house and ask for candles?
3. Go to the neighbour's house and beraya?
4. Scream for the kid and start asking him to fan you (Panas wo!)
5. Get creative and start lighting candles like you are in some sort of a castle?
4. Play with the shadows?
5. Play with the candles?
6. Decided that you need a haircut and trim your hair?
7. Take a bath again, as a precaution as you won't know how long the blackout will last and you don't want to be feeling hot?
8. Don't care for the world and sleep? (kes kulit biawak, tak lut gigitan nyamuk)
9. Curse a bit and call TNB?
10. Curse a bit and curse the other people who didn't report to TNB?
11. Get your mum's telekung. Lock the door, invite the kid for a prank to the girls in your neighbourhood?
12. Cry your heart out because you'll be facing an examination on Monday ? (Good luck to those taking the exams!)
13. Force yourself to read the book using candles?
14. Call McDonalds and decide today is the perfect day to have a picnic at night. Giving the literal mining to 'eating out'?
15. Start gathering your friends and unveil ghost-story telling night?
16. Flag a taxi and flee somewhere else? (and risked being skinned alive for leaving the home at times like that)

I am curious to know.

On a second note, Mum laughed her heart out when I told her I started planting cili padi. It was my cousin's and my project. I need to do something and waiting for a decision to make is just so killing me. So, I decided to try and see if I got green hands. Having my own garden will be great huh? But right now, I want to try vegetables. See if I can upgrade it to tanaman hidroponik.

The result can be seen in 10-15 days. Let's just hope the bloody kitten that is so naughty he created a mess in the kitchen when it played with the kuih bahulu will not be jumping up and down on the soil.

Have a nice day. I'm going to take a nap.

Do you:
1. run after the buses every single day?
2. window shop at least 30 minutes three times a week?
3. brisk walking 3 times a week, an hour per session?
4. walking fast from point A to point B daily?
5. get off one station to walk 15 minutes to your destination?
6. get on a 1 mile per hour treadmill at work?
5. make sure to go to the toilet the other floors instead of your own?
6. spend a few minutes daily to follow the one you admire (stalk someone)?
7. pace up and down the workplace while talking on the phone to ensure blood circulation?
8. cycle to work or to the nearest LRT station?
9. chase after your cats?
10. do pilates, yoga, dances or tai-chi at the comfort of your own home?
11. dance?
12. do just senaman mulut?
13. enrol at martial art classes?
14. do senaman kuak lentang at any given opportunity?
15. make sure that you allocate a specific time every week for exercising like walking, gardening, swimming, playing tennis etc
16. "Exercise? Is that a new brand of shoes?"

So, what do you guys do? I'm just curious, especially for those working because usually there's no time to exercise. And also looking for options to work out. I think it's to dangerous to spend an hour strolling near my place. Exclude gym membership, please. Singapore has just gotten into recession and it is considered as the one economy in Asia-Pacific to be safe from global economic crisis. It shows that we have to be extremely cautious.

I always believe that there will be no big enough room that can fit two egos. It doesn't matter how big or small. And I for one knows that yes, I unfortunately fall into the category of having a big ego. It's not like I feel superior to anything or anyone but I believe that we have to stand up for what we belief in or we will be nothing. We have nothing without our beliefs.

My friend and I, we call ourselves arrogant people. In a joking way of course but we do know that we are arrogant. To a certain extent.

I don't see ego as a bad or good thing. For me, ego is just there to be used either for your own benefit or other people. It's important to put our ego upfront when we attend interviews, participate in a competition or even posting anything on kapasitor. Be ready to be condemned or complimented, receive opposing views or giving a few free lectures. Without ego, I think no one will be able to win anything or achieve anything. Of course, that coming from a Leo will sound ARROGANT.

And ego making someone as a not suitable partner? Well, I believe it to boil down to tolerance. God do not just create us to live with ourselves. To mingle with people, making friends and to socialize require a certain skill called tolerance. There are ways to handle people and the most easiest will be applying the ying and yang concept. Put out fire with water, not with a bigger fire. To tackle someone with a big ego, ask probing questions, which will make them think. I'm talking from experiences when friends confront me using questions. When I was angry.

I just so happen to be thinking about this thing after talking with a friend. Apparently, I'm the type of person who needs to be a leader constantly (is it wrong to know what I want?), have jumbo-sized ego (is it wrong to know you have certain abilities?). It's just that sometimes when I go forward saying suggestions and pointing to places where I want to go, people don't say anything after I asked them questions. You know, I ask questions to receive answers, not 'up to you'.

I seriously cannot do anything about it, I'm just being me. I just want to hold on to my opinion and please do clarify anything if you think what I believe in is wrong. I'm open to discussions but I won't hesitate to ask questions if the arguments are not strong.

But just so you know, I'm willing to learn new things, have healthy discussions. Just don't stop talking to me just because of my ego. It's not that I don't know the word tolerance. I honestly do.

To the friend, thank you for being frank with me. Nothing beats honesty.

I officialy hate cats, all kinds. I used to hate cats and love kittens but 'that ship has sailed'. I'm now officialy the one in charge to buy cat's food. Grandma will sometimes scream just before I put on my shoes to work.

'Don't forget to buy the cat's food. They finished it.' Darn. Do I look like I have nothing else important to do? Like I care if they have to starve. Actually, I kind of do. Then, they will run amok in the house. More trouble.

Honestly, they use to eat rice with kepala ikan bilis. They use to scramble for chicken meat (the ones we can't finish). What happened now? They refuse to eat anything else except real cat food. There's not one but around three of them. I just feel like putting them in a sack and throw them away.

But that's the thing. They are cute and people seem to be unable to throw them away on the basis that 'they are toilet-trained'. Hello...am I not toilet-trained?

I know. I complaint a lot. But I really hate the idea of rushing from the office to the store just so I won't miss the bloody bus-yang-tak-rapid-langsung-tu. Then having to queue for about 10 minutes to pay for the food which by the way, cause nearly RM20. Yeah yeah, I'm Haji Bakhil.

Don't get me wrong. I'm ok if the cat does not belong to us or doesn't live with us. It's just that taking care of them, buying food and stuff, I don't see myself being that committed.

On another note, I'm just like constantly hungry today. Colleague said 'maybe it's a sign for you to be fat.' O'o..that spells trouble. Maybe it's me being nervous. I'm just bloody nervous on the idea of seeing someone. A particular someone. I nearly forgot to breathe a few times. And my feet and hands are cold. Or was it the air-condition.

OK, times up! Let's go home and stuff myself with kerepek! Chop chop!

P/S: I have more duit raya this year. Last year I got RM10, this year I got RM20, which I spend watching movies with my cousins. Ha-di-ha

No kissing scene shown in the cinema! I love it. Except for one peek on the cheek on the very last scene.

It started off with a scene in a place that looks like Afghanistan. Apparently, shooting innocent people can only bring trouble to the US. It's a story where people's lives were compromised as we strive to be too dependent on computers. The so-called intelligent computer then started its killing spree, sending Jeremy (Shia LaBeouf) on a run. The computer itself killed his twin brother and sending his life and another person's life into a living hell.

It was completely bewildering to have someone tailing you wherever you go without failing to keep track on what you do. Nothing is in our hands anymore and that kind of freak me out. Well, who can take it if the LRT actually turns back to the previous station when an instructed was disobeyed?

I would say I seriously like the car chasing scenes in this movie. Maybe that's because I don't really watch movies.

Shia in this movie don't really have that much dialogue. From a kid in Even Stevens, he is now a versatile star. I am actually a bit concerned him being trapped in the character of Transformers. But he didn't.

And me doing this review means that I have nothing to do during Raya. Ha ha ha, what a loser.

On another note, some things have been cleared, giving me the opportunity to move on. It was definitely hard for me to reveal what I want, especially when it comes to relationship. And it becomes harder when someone said 'Aku dah lama perasan kau perlukan seseorang tapi ko terlalu keras untuk mengaku' (well, along the lines). It wasn't easy but as I'm ready, what's there to wait anymore.

But thanks anyways for laughing at me for nearly 30 seconds. The uncontrollable laughter that will certainly make me stab you in the chest if we were not talking on the phone.

No wonder I have this good feeling in my chest all week long. I do lobe surprises so. Hence, surprise me.

P/S: I swear Matthew Gray Gubler has puppy eyes that is oh-so-cute. ha ha

French Vanilla

You are not
One of those French Vanilla experiences
You'll never be
One of those experiences.

One lunch
You are not boring
Two dinners
You still appear charming
Three teas
You are seriously amusing
Fourth shopping session
You made me laugh till me face turned crimson.

Fifth meeting..
Sixth.

We have this special thing
And it never feels bland
Not like French Vanilla effect
When its excitement flee
When you had the sixth try.

We had our shares of laughter
Merriment and cries
Like bread and butter
Sugar and spice.

Let's keep it like this
Like perfect puzzle pieces
Take small tiny steps
Reaching high up to the skies.

1. I hate real flowers but I'm so in love with bunga plastic. I can really shop (with a passion) for bunga plastic. I actually researched three places for bunga plastic, ending up with wobbly knees somewhere in PJ. See? I can't even remember where I last shopped.

2. The house looks like a florist now. We (my auntie and I) are so honestly proud of ourselves.

3. My cousins happen to hate mercun. Seriously, where's your semangat raya?

4. More kids will love me this year. Well, I know why. But sorry, I think I will sleep on my money.

5. Does buying a new mug for your bestfriend can be considered as a part of Raya celebration? I feel like buying one. I know she'll love it. But will it be appropriate when her mom is hospitalized? What kind of dilemma is this?

6. I'm still at the office at 1pm, 30 September 2008. Reason being of still working half day; seriously don't want to tolong masak rendang in the morning. My cousins will say 'Orang nak pegi toilet kejap' and they will leave me covered in ashes for the next four hours. Let them survive this morning.

7. I have flu, my throat feels like sandpaper. And my forehead is burning. how am I going to scan for eligible bachelors tomorrow? *cries

8. One pesan ketupat, another rendang, another lemang. Do I look like a supplier to you guys?

9. I received one kad raya this year. I gave up posting any cards because it got lost somewhere last year. And the year before that. All of them. I will deliver by hand if I need to.

10. I'm wearing baggy baju kurung this year. Last minute shopping. Serves me right.

Grey's Anatomy, Supernatural and Criminal Minds are the top in my favourite drama series list. Week by week, I will be staying up way late just to check out what's new with them (missing Jared Padalecki in Supernatural? Never. Of course, gawk at Matthew Gray Gubler in Criminal Minds. Surprisingly, I actually like Ellen Pompeo in Grey's Anatomy).

But it so happens that I really don't have to wait until the weekend for drama. Drama happens every single day of my life. For an easy example, I have a cast of actors and actresses re-enacting the mobile 018 advertisements. They will be saying 'Kenape?' in that small voice at the right places and at the right time. And we will of course, laugh heartily.

Call us dreamer but we don't mind. My friend and I will be talking long into the night on our future plans. We have this long strategy of securing a safe future by securing geeky, ugly, old guy from some rich country (points...can't reveal). And we will strategize on how to invest his money to reap benefit (of course, at the end of the day I just want to faint at the idea).

If that's not enough, I can always wait for a show when we go out shopping. Especially during haggling. I just station myself beside her and watch. Something interesting will definitely come up.

I don't have to tell on how my colleagues punched, patted, pasted some advertisements on the back of Mr Moose at the office. Nor do I have to tell about the conversations on 'ini kuih dorayaki keras bersaiz hobit' (to describe a small biscuit in the shape of dorayaki and really small'. Nor do I have to tell about the funny emails I receive daily. I can just say that my life will never be dull, regardless of how hard I try to make it unbearable.

We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things

I swear I was about to type something beneficial when my mind went blank as I caught a whiff of really delicious smell. Kurus puasa!

Anyways, I'm just writing here to complain about Jason Mraz. Ouh yeah, Mr A-Z, Geek in The Pink, whoever you wish to call him. His latest track made me want to cry. Of course it's sweet but it want to make me cry as I can feel myself dying slowly. I find myself being puzzled because of the weepiness of the song. I tried listening to 'Lucky' in the office and I had to be dragged to the restroom to wash my face. Kidding but the former part is true. The sleeoy part I mean.

It is undeniable that songs like If It Kills Me, Beautiful Mess, Lucky and I'm Yours have pretty good words to it but I have to say I can only vote for I'm Yours. Someday, when I get terribly emotional, for whatever reason in the whole world, maybe I will resort to other the other three songs. Although I have to say If It Kills Me actually is pretty fast.

Butterfly is very catchy and very chic, I very like. But then again, there were meanings that I am not sure whether it should be interpreted or not so I'm just going to say I like. No further comment. But I do actually like the combination between Mr A-Z with James Morrison.

Well, if slow, love songs are your cup of tea, this is for you. I would definitely listen to it with the sea in the background. Not to say that it isn't good. It's just that Jason Mraz offered me smaller choice of songs. Sedeh!

P/S: I swear Jared Tristan Padalecki gets more good looking every single week!

The ride is nearing the end. And I never thought making such a simple decision will cause punding headaches, sleepless nights and long hours of discussing what to do. At this age, I thought matters related to the heart will be so much more easier. How wrong was one to assume that.

Enjoying the ride is another thing. Making the decision is just as important. Every game in the world will come to an end eventually. That, no one will be able to deny. And in games, there will be losers and winners. Honestly, I don't wish to be the loser because if I lose this time, it is going to cost a lot. Trust, friendship and well, lots of things.

I've been happy these few days. Even giggly, to a point. One said this is a phase, it will grow to another level. Me? I still have no idea on what to do. Yes, I am that hopeless somehow.

I hope I can still see the signs. Apparently, I was blind to someone else's sign, resulting me being dropped out of the list. I thought that was brotherly love. how was I to know?

But seriously, I am happy. And I'm going to wait. Bak kate Jason Mraz, time is everything

Who would have thought, Lehman Bro, the biggest investment bank in the US, would have filed for bankruptcy. It seems however, that the 158-year financial behemoth became the victim of the financial turmoil.

Huge funds, especially in the Middle East are 'literally' sitting on their cash and prefer to make investments closer to home including East Asia and India. Everyone is watchful on their money.

The filing was named as the largest ever filing ever made and of course, feel free to Google on Chapter 11 (because I'm lazy to do so, thanks!). And the move was due to some issues due to mortgage and real estate.

Analysts say that this is not the time to suffuse money into financial institutions. This may be a great time to make investments as those made by Temasek and Government of Singapore Investment Corporation. But yeah, everybody is watchful over the world economy right now.


Hence, the dilemma of the day: Should I or shouldn't I buy a pair of shoes, which I have stared at for months? It's selling for half price. I don't really need it but I can wear it to office on Fridays. Should I or shouldn't I just follow Qatar Investment Authority (QIA) advisor's words to 'sit on my money'?

Making decisions are definitely not my strongest point.

On another note, Kapasitor.net has been shortlisted. Check this out:

Congratulations again for being shortlisted in our prestigious Award!

We are pleased to inform you, that the MSC Malaysia APICTA 2008 Awards Presentation Ceremony will be held on Wednesday, 15 October 2008 at Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre .The patron of MSC Malaysia APICTA, YAB Dato’ Sri Abdullah Hj Ahmad Badawi himself will be gracing this auspicious occasion as the Guest of Honour together with the Minister of Science, Technology and Innovation, YBhg Dato’ Dr. Maximus Johnity Ongkili.

The results of the Awards will only be announced during the Awards Presentation Ceremony.

Alhamdulillah.

Somehow or rather, I find myself playing with fire. Like continuously. Like I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I did it anyways. A very dear friend told me once,' the harder you try not to like it, the more attractive it will be to you.'

Somehow, I know what is happening now is not going to lead anywhere. I'm somehow fully aware of it. But the attraction is too strong, been keeping it too long I guess.

Someday it will kill me, I know. But I just can't help. Especially so when the truth came out that the other party wasn't as ignorant as I thought will be.

Hihi. Now I have a stronger reason to ...

And my smile will be wider as the day crawls. Yes, I know I'm speaking in codes. Speaking of which, I think my brain just became mushed up due to all the codings. I find myself knowing nil about coding. This is crazy. My head literally pounded trying to comprehend 'Broadband fibre equipment'.

You lazy bum. Go look through the notes. I'm off to my lovely home. Have a smashing buka puasa

It has been nearly a week. A week of having fever. I only worked for like two days last week. It was the most devilish fever I ever had. And this clearly got me into thinking that this is a sign from God that I'm to marry someone residing in the tropics, not someone living in the high mountains of Kathmandu. Eh?

So, what am I going to ramble about? About viral infection of course. You guys should see the look on the Dr's face when she told me that I had viral infection. Like it settled every single thing in the world. Truth is doc, I don't even know what it means. Every time a person send me an SMS I will reply, 'I have viral infection. Whatever that means.' And proceeded to a helpless giggle, guling-guling dengan pijama kesayangan.

But thanks to the advent of Internet, here we are: Infection caused by the presence of a virus in the body. Next time doc, don't forget the laymen term.

I was so worried that I was bed-ridden for so many days. Not really worried because I can watch all the Tv shows in the world but still, I miss cold water to quench my thirst, sleeping directly under the fan and eating cold slices of papaya straight from the fridge. On Sunday evening, I started to see small spots on my arms. I was like...yikes!!! Is this dengue. So, I had to endure 1 and a half hours having a needle .. I think it was two needles; stuck in my hands while waiting for the result. Thank God it was not dengue. Still, I talk with real nasal voice and sore throat. Perfect for a rendition of 'She's in Fashion' by Suede or London Suede. Miahaha!

Having said that, yeah..I do feel quite ok but the ability to project voice has been limited as every time I speak to anyone (including phone calls) caused me to cough incessantly. No chance of fasting either yesterday, today and it looks pretty hopeless for tomorrow. Moi forehead is still hot but that's normal. I always have burning forehead when in reality I actually feel ok.

Maybe you have heard it, maybe you haven't but nevertheless; here's the piece of juicy news: Kapasitor has been shortlisted for MSC - APICTA Awards 2008 Presentation (Best of E-Inclusion & E-Community).

P/S: I was utterly dumbfounded due to certain revelations. Ter shut up more likely. And then the person said 'sukahati'. Now, I don't know what to think as I've been so desperate to deny it all.

Yours truly has been down for fever for quite a few days. This can happen when the weather is so undecided. One minute its pouring rain and another minute its super hot.
Nothing's interesting I guess, except for a missing email address. I searched frantically when I found out that the old server was no where on earth and thus, som very important information went missing. can't be happier than that of course.
Went to MPH warehouse sales and of course, what can you expect. I just went bonkers. Luckily I don;t have credit cards. Imagine LOTR for just 76 bucks. But none came with me so have to settle with few books. But I got the full work of sherlock holmes. well, how happier can you be right?
This is boring. Me typing this feels boring. It's the second day I took MC.
I'm done being boring. See you later aligator

Reminder: not for advanced English speakers. I'm not writing anything on Shakespeare fyi

I have thought of writing something about this since...let me see, last year but you know things and work (and pure nothings) do get in the way. So here goes:

I noticed that voila is not being used in appropriate places. Voila is actually a French word and of course, it's pronounced as wala (same as moi its mwa, not MOI). It is equaivalent to there you go or in a cruder way, amek ko. So, spelling it as walla will just make it weird.

Still on the French issue, saying 'Pardon my French' means that person has just swore or something. Not that they are talking in a different language but check if they just did. You know, insurance.

When a writer puts 'Tell me about it', it doesn't literally mean that he or she is going to tell everything about it so just quit waiting. What they are trying to say is 'Yes, I know about it. I'm also feeling the same'. It's just an expression. Don't make the mistake of asking the writer 'When are you going to tell the character his or her problems.'

Shut up. This may be familiar to those who have watched Princess Diaries. Shut up means 'No, you can't be serious', 'That's impossible. It can't be! Darn, I'm screwed' not 'I don't want to listen to you so close your mouth please'.

Got to do some last minute shopping for birthday present. Yeah, I do put a lot of thought on what to give people. By the way, thank you very for those who came yesterday; Fai, Jojo, Caha and NJay. Thanks for the present Jo, it was an instant hit in the office. Oh I do bring stuffed toys in the office since nearly everyone has something animal-like, cute, cuddly thing. Sho adorable. And somebody has even hinted on adopting it. Haha.. no way Jose.

To serunaifaqir: I really forgot your event in MPH tomorrow. But I do hope it will be a blast.

Have a fantabulous weekend ahead. Happy Independence Day and Selamat Berpuasa. And to aynone having any kinds of competition, wishing you the best of luck. I'm stuffing my face with cakes tomorrow.

I just had a momentary writer's block. One phone call managed to kill the rest of my brain cells. How tragic.

Everything, as in everything is at the tip of your fingers now. You want to know about Jose Rizal, Jared Padalecki, Steve Jobs ... well namely almost everything. You don't even have to get out of your smelly pijamas. With a touch of the start button, you can access the whole universe.

Welcome to the Internet age. Hail Pak cik Google. Now, everybody loses their privacy. With a click of a button, you can be retrace. Sounds scary? Don't because it's the truth. Just embrace it.

This Tim Berners-Lee invention has certainly changed our lives from relying on the books to relying on the Internet. Clueless about a word? Refer to the WWW. Wants to know the stock market? WWW is the answer. Wants to know dos and don'nts during dates? WWW. I mean I'm entirely reliant on the WWW too these days. Having cut off from the thing for a few seconds can just drive me crazy.

Seriously, I have no idea why I write this. I just wasted my few minutes because I just found out this entire has no motives at the end of the day. I'm just babbling.

God, you have lost it, dear.

P/S: Writer now has to bang her head on the table as she believes some of the screws have totally been unscrewed

Ma mere was admitted to the hospital on Saturday midnight. Doctor said Mum suffered from heart attack, a mild one. But her being her, she happened to be the healthiest patient in the ward. Everybody was lying on the bed while she's the only one sitting on the bed and chatting with visitors.

She refused to be brought to the hospital when she first felt the pain at 8pm. And when my big brother arrived at around midnight she decided to agree to be brought to the hospital (I am not living with them). And the doctor said: 'You had the pain at 8 and waited until nearly midnight to go to the hospital? That was very brave"

And when I knew what happened, of course I nagged like there's no tomorrow. About the part when she insisted to wait instead of rushing to the hospital of course.

A very simple test can help save lives. It is actually very easy to detect heart attack. The early sign could be the failure to have complete use of the left hand, be it difficult to raise the hand, bending it or moving it either. Mum said that's what exactly happened to her. Because this is the first time that it happened to her, she was actually not aware of what she was going through. But she did confirm of feeling painful on her left arm.

Another tip is to test whether the patient has difficulty to speak. Ask them to say the simplest or words and see if they are able to say it without difficulty.

In this age, we have to admit that heart attack is no longer 'penyakit orang kaya' (sickness for rich people). Everyone is actually prone to it now, regardless of their income, age and race. A simple knowledge can help us save lives.

Cold drink addiction called a bad habit | CNA
August 21, 2008

TAIPEI, Taiwan -- Addiction to cold bottled drinks on hot days is a bad habit in terms of both environmental protection and health, warned an official from the John Tung Foundation yesterday.

Drinking and consuming excessive amounts of bottled cold drinks, particularly purchasing them from convenient stores, will only cause those franchises to consume more electricity in order to boost sales -- which is eventually detrimental to the environment, said Hsu Hui-yu, a foundation official in charge of nutrition and related affairs.

The John Tung Foundation is an anti-smoking group seen as one of the most effective nonprofit lobbying groups in Taiwan.

Hsu quoted tallies from the Ministry of Economic Affairs as indicating that electricity consumed by refrigeration storage facilities in Taiwan's convenient stores constitutes about one-third of all energy consumed by the stores.

The refrigerators in each of the 8,120 convenient stores nationwide consume an average of 51,000 kwhs each month, and as a result, the carbon dioxide that is discharged during the generation of the electricity consumed by all of the convenient stores in Taiwan each month could equal as much as the carbon dioxide taken in by 950,000 full-grown trees, Hsu said.

Aware that sales of cold drinks and dairy products have been one of the culprits of increased energy consumption, many advanced countries have taken measures to reduce electricity consumption by related industries and services, Hsu related.

The United Kingdom is promoting the sale of preserved milk to replace fresh milk, as storage of the latter consumes more energy, Hsu said, adding that most of the soft drinks in Germany, Portugal and Spain are sold and stored at room temperature. He also noted that Wal-Mart Stores in the United States require its suppliers to provide the amount of greenhouse gas emission for each of their products.

The UK's Tesco grocery franchise has promised that all of the over 80,000 products on their stores' shelves will carry tags telling how much carbon dioxide emission is involved in producing and marketing the products, Hsu added.

"For the part of the consumers, they can help reduce energy consumption and carbon dioxide emission simply by drinking fewer cold bottled drinks," Hsu reiterated.

Meanwhile,Wu Chien-lung, a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine with Taipei City Hospital, said he does not think it's smart to consume cold drinks or ice excessively in the summertime.

"Gulping icy drinks probably cools people down and delights them on hot days, but people with weak stomachs could suffer diarrhea, those with weak kidneys could develop dydroncus, some could develop skin rashes, and black eyes and nasal problems could become worse after people drink their fill of cool liquids," Wu said.

Those who are on a diet should refrain from bingeing on cold drinks, as nearly all of those products could affect their metabolism if consumed excessively, he added.

This was the email I received this morning, just when I sat on my chair. And being the ever so cynical, I sent this:

wow. i never thought drinking will be such a SERIOUS business. now i know that drinking alone can lead to global warming.

i guess the only thing that's free on earth right now is to fart (at your own risk).

How wrong was I to say that because I soon got this reply:
Aishah,
Farting is not free you know. The NZ govt is actually taxing local farmers for gas emission by their cows. Everytime their cows fart, they have to pay..

So, nothing is free now? And everything leads to global warming as cows fart were found to pollute the environment more than the traffic. How very scary.

Farmers raise stink over New Zealand 'fart tax'

Reminder: I couldn't, for the life of me, remember if I have written on this or not so please, let me torture you for a few lines.

I'm so so so relieved. This is why:

"You seem to be in the middle between the Type A and Type B personality. In this case, the middle ground is good. Your attitude to life is more of the "smell the roses" kind and you know how and when to relax. Nonetheless, you realize that picking up a challenge and competing a little bit for your place in the sun can add some spice to your life. The equilibrium is important, so don't let your hostile, aggressive, and competitive alter ego take over too often. Generally, you are easy to be around, and people tend to feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Yours is a very healthy attitude towards life. "

Do you remember Chang or Chong from What Happens In Vegas? The ever-competitive colleague of Joy? Or Dr Yang, the one in Grey's Anatomy? They compete and strive to get what they wish, almost to the point of sacrificing anything. It's scary to see them being in fierce competition with almost everything.

I have to admit that I can be very impatient such as queieng to do a bank transaction during lunch time. The slighest delay will make me go mad and I will be silent for hours. Because I know, one I open my mouth, I will be screaming for hours and that will so not be good to me and the people around me. Most of the time, people don't really realize this because I have this 'Silly' sign stamped on my forehead.

I'm not a studious person but I'm an extreme workaholic. Once, in my precious job, a friend asked what time I arrived at work and he was so shocked that I arrived before 8am and sometimes leaving at almost 10.30 pm. I was so driven to succeed that finally he said: You'd better watch out. Doing this for a very long time will lead you to burn-out. That sentence made me think, for a very long time.

And there was once when my alter-ego took me almost completely. That was the time for the hardest break up I've ever faced in my life. Consequences to the breakup was severe..let's not get to the details. Others inability to achieve something that they want pissed me off then, especially when it will disrupt me. What I wish to do right now is to be more forgiving, more understanding and being a better listener. Let's just say I learnt the lesson the hard and most expensive way.

Last week had been really difficult. My pulse were pretty quick (yes, I have this obsession of checking it very so often) due to constant stress. I left late every single day so now, thanks to the school holidays, I am able to hop on the bus at 7.30 and arrive at the office with a hot steaming pau. And leave the office as soon as it's getting dark. And thank goodness my pulse are getting better (though I do realize that I have to stretch this week).

Well, I'd like to rant more but the time is running out.

You Don't Mess With The Zohan

I like Adam Sandler. Either in Click, the Longest Yard or ok..I'm bad at remembering movie titles. And I was totally overjoyed when someone texted 'I have 2 tix for Zohan movie preview on Sunday.'

It was funny as always but honestly I can do with less remarks leading to indecent acts (I can't bear typing this knowing that there are school children here; I can't imagine the parents who brought their kids into the hall last Sunday). It was everywhere and non-stop, to the point of making me sick.

The message was loud and clear; go after your dream, stop fighting, there'll be opportunist here there and everywhere but seriously, it made me gag as most of the time there will be remarks like 'my Pe Pe is not sti**', Bang Booming and stuff. An ex-soldier cutting hair is funny but then offering something else after the haircut was a bit of a turn-off.

I honestly think that they should change the U rating to something like 18-- because it was totally not ok to see a guy and an all woman walking out of a closet with the woman looking clearly dishelved. I feel offended for one reason or another. Maybe I was totally unprepared to see those things on the screen when I walked into a hall that showed U-rating movie.

Luckily it was free tickets. And I made the smart move to go with a female companion. Mon a vis, it will be very embarassing to bring a smaller cousin or a male friend to watch it.

But there were of course hints of disagreement on US intervention into Israeli and Palestine matters. Adam did try to put it into perspective that things happening in the Middle East might not really originate from there but rather being stirred-up by some other party.

And of course, there was a part where Zohan realised who he wanted in the end and the usual matter that 'love conquers it all' (read: puke gag gag puke gag gag puke puke) .

What I enjoyed the most was Rob Scheiner's (The Animal) appearance. God, he was funny. He was Salim, one of the Palestinian who came to America to earn money. I honestly think that the funniest part was when they called Hezbollah... should not type or I'll give it all away.

It started with Zohan being bored with his duty of supposedly fighting terrorist, trying to find peace between Palestine and Israel. He escaped after fighting Phantom (the inspector or the police in Transformers) and heading to New York. And story starts here after he cut his hair on the airplane.. as well as another two dogs namely Scrappy and Coco.

The story obviously was researched very well. The Middle Eastern accent when talking English (not proficient talkers) was shown very clearly in the movie and it amazed me as it reminded me of a few people from the region that I met during university years. And it really depicted the way how they socialise with other people and even how they negotiate with each others. So I can say I like it in terms of effort. Just beware to bring someone older rather than your 11-year old cousin or you will turn beetroot in the face.

My rating: 2 bedak sejuk cap Mak Mah (read: tak tgk pon mak tak kesah)