I refuse to let a guy disrupt our friendship.

Regardless of how good looking, nice or no matter what.

We have literally grown up together, made it through slopes, mountains and ravines of our friendship. We had fights, I sulked, you tried to console. We started out as a pair of Leo and Capricorn, two big egos, trying to find something in common. The first stages were not easy, I somewhat can recall it. But we're fresh out of school and we are rather 'raw'. As time pass, we changed, seeing more things, feeling more pains and added more silliness. My 'white cloth' must be dreadfully stained right now.

I fell, stumpled, trampled across the paddock by a herd of bulls. You were there and consoled me, enabling me to stand tall. Those were hard times and you did help by making it easier. It has certainly helped me be stronger in a sense of 'facing the music'.

I had to admit it's just pretty recent that we managed to talk freely about things. Two big egos just find it difficult to share things, taking years to just open up. We happen to have our differences and similarities at the same time but opening up, having pillow talks are not that easy. But it was really worth it. Our friendship managed to stand withering challenges.

I have hurt, scarred, saddened you but still you stood for me. You were never afraid of saying what I did was wrong, coming out perfectly honest on what you think. That is what true friends really do, they are honest when you most need it.

And now you are going again. I never expected the news to befall that way yesterday. I must say I was flammmoxed. I know I should have seen it coming but it's the thought of talking to you through the medium of computer that saddens me. It can be said that there's no other person whom I find it comfortable to talk to apart from you.

Again, you dropped a bombshell.
'I want you to know the guy so you won't be bored when I'm somewhere else.'
I never thought you actually thought about me when you talk to the guy. Its like telling a sister that 'I want someone to look out for you when I'm not here'. I was actually hiding the sobs that crept to my throat when you said that. That's why I laughed. Believe me, I was really touched.

But dear, I think he likes you and I absolutely refuse to stand in the way. You won't be gone for very long, 3 years top. And when you come back again, everything might be ready for you and you might want to reconsider things and of course about people. Seeing that he's nice, why not try to make things happen? If you want me to be happy, I do seriously want you to be happy too.

I don't know if it's right to come up and say that he actually like you. I just don't want things to be complicated in time to come. I don't want anyone to become a victim and certainly refuse to let things become be very difficult. And I do not know what to say when you get all pent-up and frustrated when I refused to know him. Hear me say this: things happen for a reason.

If offering a friendship is not good enough, now you are actually finding someone who will become a very good friend to me, sort of taking care of me. But you know what, if that will end up making things complicated, I just want you to know that I'm going to back off because things are going to get ugly in the end if we meddle with matters of the heart.

I will; for your sake, fulfil your wishes but I can't guarantee you that your plan to match us will happen. I just don't. Feelings sometimes can't be changed and if we try to force it and change it, everybody will be affected. I will not be able to look at you and talk to you the way we do. That will certainly kill me inside.

I've seen people backstabbing their friends, forgo friendship for a guy. I've seen the bestest friend on earth being torn apart by a petty matter like this. If you say right now that you are going to back-off if things may develop ... say three years from now, what makes you think I will grab the chance? Let you go? Certainly will not want that to happen.

I may be thinking too much but forgive me if I do because you are a friend, one is very hard to find. I don't wish this to end and losing you for a guy, I think it's too big of a risk.

I've met many people on earth but I can say you left the most significant imprint in my life. Yesterday has just made the fact more obvious.

Don't be mad at him, he's innocent. Feelings cannot be steered into different ways. No one is to blame.

Don't worry about me, that will make me sad. This time it will be more difficult seeing you go but things will be ok. I will certainly miss you but it's not that far. Maybe I can gather enough money to have a stroll with you in that country, who knows? Go, go with a peaceful mind, I will try to make it.

Just put on that smile, your merry, happy smile