Memory: 20

                      

‘ You can trust someone you love but you definitely love someone you trust.’

This particular quote got Tasnim going every single time she had doubt about Adam. Over and over again, she repeated the same quote to herself as if it was the most important mantra in the world.

It was early Monday morning, the beginning of the month. There was hardly anything that was too important but Tasnim got to an early start. As a trainer at an outsourcing centre, it may not be as hectic as other people on the sales floor. There were mostly paperwork to be tackled when there was no newcomers to train.

While flipping through the pages, Tasnim couldn’t help but think about Adam. It was as if once the switch was ignited, there was no chance of shutting it down. The switch called ‘Adam’ especially.

It was maddening, really. It was as if getting to know a total stranger. Adam that was cheeky was gone. He constantly blushed and looked as his shoes, like he really do not feel comfortable talking to Tasnim anymore. It was maddening, really. All the coffee talks that they used to have clearly did not mean anything to him…as if none of them ever happened.

‘ It was like…’

‘ Talking to an empty vessel?’ Hanna helped, through Skype.

‘ Yes!’ and then Hanna seemed to be looking at Tasnim with sympathy.

‘ I love you, Aneem. And anyone who really gets you, will definitely love you with all his hear.’

Of course, Tasnim was not dim. She knew that Hanna did not mention Adam.

Bukan Payung Hari Ini

Rasanya, sudah lama betul Aya memiliki payung ini. Payung hitam dihiasi bunga-bunga kecil yang kelihatan seperti bunga melur.

Dia masih ingat lagi waktu dia membuat pilihan untuk membeli payung tersebut. Waktu itu di dalam dompet hanya ada dua puluh ringgit. Gaji masih lambat lagi. Sayu betul rasa hati, bagaikan terlihat rama-rama berpusu-pusu berterbangan keluar dari dompet.

Banyak lagi payung yang cantik-cantik tetapi Aya sudah mula berasa bosan dengan keceriaan yang pura-pura. Apa salahnya dengan hitam yang jujur tidak mahu dibayangi warna lain hingga menyerap warna lain sepenuhnya?

Lalu, payung yang terletak di rak paling bawah dicapai lalu dibayar. Sejak hari itu, payung itu sentiasa menjadi teman di dalam beg, kalau-kalau hujan waktu pulang dari kerja. Ataupun terik matahari terlalu menggila hilang boleh terasa lemak di bawah lapisan dermis menjadi cair.

Seperti juga dengan apa sahaja bahan material yang ada, pastinya ia akan ditelan masa. Samalah halnya dengan payung hitam kesayangan Aya. Mula-mula, hanya satu sahaja besi yang patah. Aya cuma membiarkan, asalkan tiada besi yang tercabut hingga boleh mencederakan diri sendiri.

Alangkah seronok kalau boleh bertukar payung setiap hari. Tiada sebab kukuh, cuma mahu padankan emosi dengan payung. Seperti Payung Hari Ini. Namun, Aya gigih sedapkan hati sendiri.

‘ Warna hitam serap semua warna. Jadi, dalam erti kata lain, payung aku sebenarnya warna-warni. Cuma tak nampak dek mata kasar.’

Bijak betul Aya.

Petang ini, hujan lagi. Tidak lebat tetapi Aya tidak suka menaiki keretapi dalam keadaan basah. Terasa sungguh tidak selesa dengan keadaan itu. Lalu, Aya berhenti seketika di depan pintu kaca bangunan sebelum mengeluarkan payung di dalam beg. Ada juga terselit rasa malu bawa payung lusuh dan sudah rosak sebegitu tetapi sekarang sudah jam enam setengah petang. Lagi lama dia bermonolog sendiri, lagi lambat dia akan sampai ke rumah.

Payung hitam yang sudah hampir rosak (tiga batang besi sudah patah) dibuka perlahan-lahan. Besi tiga batang dibetulkan untuk membolehkan payung terbentuk elok. Mata Aya meliar memerhatikan keadaan sekeliling.

‘ Kakak, nak tumpang payung?’ seorang wanita berkaca mata disapa perlahan oleh Aya.

‘ Ha boleh juga. Terima kasih, ya. Terima kasih.’

Aya tersenyum puas. ‘ Berjasa lagi kau rupanya.’ 

Memory: 19

' What have I gotten myself into?' Tasnim asked while sitting back, slumping into the sofa. Khalid leaned in, looking at Tasnim through the mist of coffee steam.

' It's not your problem to start with. Why make it one?'

' I know but don't you think he needed someone?'

' For what?' Khalid looked at Tasnim, as if in wonder.

' Unload his feelings, tell him his problems and such?'

' He has othere friends, surely. Like you. You have Hanna and I.'

Tasnim went silent.

' His friend...what was the name again?'

' Johari.'

' Yes, Johari. They seemed quite close. And by the sound of it, he has othere buddies to, I presume.'

What Khalid said make sense.

' So, why did he had to tell me that?'

' You mean about the problems?'

Tasnim can only nod.

Khalid stared at Tasnim for a second before returning to his coffee. ' Someone with a big heart like you...he's stupid to let that go.'

' Khalid!' Tasnim laughed. ' You are not even trying to answer my question!'

' I would have unload all my problems unto you if I were him. No question,' Kalid continued to sip his coffee while avoiding to look at Tasnim.

' Why?'

' Because I trust you.'

Trust. That was a start.

Lepas

 Ayu menutup kedua-dua belah mata dengan kejap sambil berpaut kuat pada lengan kerusi. Dapat dirasakan degupan jantung sangat kuat sekali.

Imbas semula:

‘ Aku paling suka waktu kapal terbang mahu naik,” cerita Ayu pada Sani pada suatu hari. Perlu ditekankan bahawa ini berlaku ketika mereka sedang duduk di atas rumput pada jam lima petang pada hari Khamis untuk menambahkan kesan romantik.

‘ Kenapa?’

‘ Sebab aku tahu ia akan bawa aku ke satu destinasi mengikut perancangan aku. Sangat mengujakan. Maksud aku, sepanjang perjalanan itu. Manalah tahu kalau-kalau aku boleh jadi kawan pada orang yang sama-sama ada di dalam perjalanan,’ sambung Ayu sambil tangan cekap mencabut rumput di bawah lutut.

Ouh ya, lupa pula ingin diberitahu bahawa mereka ke taman ini selepas kuliah.

Sani cuma diam sambil tersenyum memandang awan.

‘ Aku paling takut waktu kapal terbang mahu mendarat.’

Kali ini, Sani memalingkan wajah untuk menatap Ayu. ‘ Kenapa? Bukankah sepatutnya teruja sebab sudah sampai ke destinasi?’

‘ Sebab aku takut. Selalunya, pendaratan jarang yang lancar. Pasti ada hentakan walaupun sedikit. Aku jadi cuak,’ tambah Ayu sambil memandang wajah Sani yang sudah dikenali sejak masih berhingus.

Sani hanya diam, membiarkan kesunyian jadi teman bicara mereka berdua.

‘ Ayu, bahu kau kecil.’

Ayu mengerutkan dahi.

‘ Maksud aku; kenapa risau tentang sesuatu yang kau tak boleh kawal? Lagipun, itukan kerja juruterbang. Kerja kau hanya bertenang dan ingat prosedur kecemasan kalau ada apa-apa yang berlaku.’

‘ Hey!’ tangan Ayu cuba singgah di bahu Sani.

‘ Dah kenapa pula? Betulkan apa yang aku cakap?’ Sani bingkas untuk sama-sama duduk.

‘ Kita ini bukan Tuhan. Bukan boleh atur semua.’

Rumput di tangan Ayu yang tinggal sebatang, diperhatikan. Kata-kata Sani itu tentu berkaitan dengan Johan. Johan yang menjanjikan bulan bintang kemudian hilang, lenyap bagai ditelan ruang vakum. Senyap tidak berbunyi.

‘ Macam kita,’ Sani terus memandang ke depan mereka, seolah terlupa di mana dia berada.

‘ Maksud kau?’

‘ Aku cinta kau, Ayu.’

Dan pandangan mata Sani seolah menusuk.

Serentak itu, Ayu kembali ke dalam kapal terbang. Pendaratan tidak terasa kali ini. Dia menghela nafas lega.

‘ Mama, buka mata,’ tangan halus menepuk-nepuk lengan Ayu. Sebelum Ayu buka mata, dia tersenyum dahulu. Dia tahu, bila sahaja dia buka mata, akan ada seorang anak kecil yang seiras wajah Sani akan memandangnya dengan mata bulat, dahi berkerut.

‘ Ya, sayang,’ tangan kecil itu digenggam.

‘ Babah suruh Thaqif jaga mama,’ anak kecil itu memegang tangan Ayu lalu ditekupkan ke pipi.

Takdir. Takdir yang diterima itulah yang membawa mereka ke sini.

Dan syukur, dengan izin Tuhan, sebentar lagi Ayu akan bertemu pelengkap hidupnya yang lagi satu. Sani. 

Memory: 18

Since Adam's reappearance, Tasnim made an extra effort on her looks. She started applying eyeshadow, something that she had long ditch. She made it a point to bemore feminine like wearing shawls and bangles. She knew what she was doing.

The idea seemed to work as Adam now locked eyes with her every time they bump into each other. He looked genuinely happy and at other times, he couldn't take his eyes off her. Tasnim was happy, seeing the development.

One day, they crossed path while heading back home. At first, Tasnim did not know what to say. She was speechless; being able to be this close with Adam. And then, Adam launched into his story.

Memory: 17

What hurt Tasnim the most was the fact that Adam acted as if he never asked about Sara. He  had not texted her since the day he popped the question about the Sara, about three days ago. It didn't sound too long for other but Tasnim waited three months. Tasnim can almost feel the muscles on her face hurt everytime she smiled when they bumped into each other.

' Three times and he has yet to text you back?' that was Hanna's question. When
Tasnim wrote about the whole thing to her. That one hurt too.

It was as if Adam couldn't remember her.

Something that Johari once said made her even sadder.

' He couldn't recognise me sometimes. When he was sick.'

' Really? Can I really do this?'

Kebahagiaan

 Bayang yang menimpa kaki gerai menraik perhatian Fatin. Tangan yang sedang rancak mengemas perkakas gerai hilang tempo lalu bola mata beralih meneliti bayang; tertanya-tanya siapakah empunya diri. 

Rupanya, bayang yang menyebabkan gerhana di gerai Fatin dimiliki seorang lelaki muda. Segak orangnya dengan seluar biru gelap serta kasut yang masih berkilat. Sebuah bag disandang di bahu kiri. Satu butang baju terbuka; kalau mengikut telahan Fatin, akibat bahang petang Rabu ini. Wajah lelaki muda itu bersih tanpa cela, menyebabkan Fatin tiba-tiba terasa sangat comot. Seolah-olah selapis tebal minyak menyelubungi wajah Fatin saat itu juga.

Fatin lebih daripada arif bahawa merenung seseorang adalah perbuatan biadap namun curiga yang merasuk jiwa membuatkan dia gagal mengalihkan pandangan daripada merenung lelaki yang masih tidak bernama. Ini bukan kunjungan yang sering diterima pada hari jualan seperti ini. Selalunya, yang datang berbondong-bondong adalah gadis-gadis yang masih terlalu muda (pada pendapat Fatin, mungkin tidak pernah dengar jenama Sanita). Semuanya mencari jalan untuk menarik perhatian pemuda-pemuda yang baru mengenal dunia (malah anatomi perempuan). Selalunya, mereka ini cuba melakukan transaksi yang sebetulnya tidak padan dengan apa yang Fatin sediakan di gerainya.

Mudah, sekali pandang pun Fatin sudah tahu kalau pembeli mampu atau tidak membayar harga barang jualannya. Jam serupa papan elektronik akan terpapar di atas kepala para pembeli; satu keistimewaan yang dimiliki oleh semua peniaga di sini. Itulah kelebihan mereka yang menjual barang yang cuma dapat dirasa, bukan disentuh.

Yang selalunya mampu adalah wanita dan lelaki yang berwajah lesu dengan mata yang semakin hilang sinar, dilengkapi dengan bahu yang sedikit bongkok. Namun, lelaki ini..

Dia bukan terlalu muda. Masih tegap namun riak wajahnya seakan penat, tak ubah seperti bekas orang gila kerja yang mula tersedar bahawa dunia ini lebih daripada kehidupan di pejabat semata.

Ada resah di dalam anak mata lelaki tidak bernama; resah yang selalunya dimiliki anak remaja yang kembali ke rumah disambut pembantu rumah, bukan darah daging sendiri. Bila Fatin jeling atas ke atas kepala lelaki ini, nilainya cukup besar. Sayangnya…

‘ Ya, encik?’ Fatin bersuara setelah sekian lama meneliti setiap inci tetamu yang sedang berdiri dengan dahi berkerut. Soalan Fatin dijawab dengan senyuman plastik namun usaha itu harus dihadiahkan tiga bintang. Masih ada nilai kemanusiaan walau jelas dia kecewa melihatkan gerai yang hanya tinggal sebuah kerusi plastik.

‘ Sudah tutup?’ jawapan yang tidak perlu dijawab sebenarnya. Namun, Fatin jadi jatuh kasihan. Harapan di dalam suara lelaki tidak bernama sarat benar.

‘ Maaf. Semua sudah habis,’ Fatin cuba tersenyum. Air liur yang ditelan sama terasa kasar seperti bercampur abuk kayu.

‘ Ah!’ lelaki tidak bernama mengangguk sambil tunduk dan tersenyum. Kali ini, seperti susah sungguh mahu tersenyum.

‘ Tak mengapalah. Saya ke gerai hadapan,’ lelaki tidak bernama menundukkan sedikit badan seperti mohon maaf pada Fatin. Sedangkan, Fatin yang jadi serba-salah kerana jika lelaki tidak bernama melalukan transaksi di kedai hadapan, banyak benar nilai maruah yang akan hilang. Gerai yang menawarkan ‘Perhatian’ sebagai bahan jualan.

Tanda ‘Kebahagiaan’ di tangan Fatin dipandang sayu oleh lelaki tidak bernama sebelum dia berlalu pergi. Jualan di kedai Fatin sememangnya tidak banyak dan hanya untuk yang benar-benar layak. Ramai peminta, tidak ramai yang berhak menerima.

Mata Fatin masih lagi tidak lepas memandang lelaki tidak bernama. Yang diperlukan sebenarnya adalah rasa disayangi dan menyayangi. Malangnya, hari ini, apa yang dia akan peroleh adalah perhatian. 

inspired by yum's question: kak, ada kasih sayang tak?

Memory: 16

Like magic, Adam watzled again into Tasnim's life. Unlike previously, Adam seemed to be hiding in his own shell. It didn't feel right for Tasnim to further intrude Johari's life to ask about Adam. All of us had our fair share of problems and we just had to continue on with our lives.

Like Hanna. She was now in New Zealand, either picking kiwi fruits or swimming in the beach behind her lodging. It was her dream to go on that six months working visa thing in the country.

' Six months will just fly without us realising it,' Hanna said to a teary-eyes Tasnim who really couldn't say a thing.

' Hey! I'll be fine. We would write long emails,' Hanna tried to calm Tasnim down.

' I'll take care of her,' Khalid quipped behind them, as if not wanting to be left out. Like a boyfriend reassuring the mother that he will be there for her daughter.

And Khalid kept to his words. Morning messages will always be there to greet Tasnim. At first, it made her wonder what was wrong with Khalid and later, she succumbed to it. It was nice to have someone greeting your day to be great.

But her heart was the biggest culprit. It would have been easier to just move on with life; with here friends by her side but no, that would not happen. Adam was always on her mind, despite the question she asked her about Sara.

' Forget him,' Khalid told her numerous times. Khalid made it sound so easy.

Ukur

Sara picit kepala yang dirasakan berdenyut. Soalan yang ditinggalkan menyebabkan dia jadi keliru dan bingung.

Sukar sungguh bila Hafiz bertanyakan soalan yang satu itu. Daripada seorang yang petah berkata-kata, Sara jadi seolah bisu.

Sara mengeluh sambil jari mencapai laju barang basah di dalam peti sejuk. Selalunya, bila berdepan masalah, memasak adalah jalan terbaik untuk mengurangkan galau di dalam hati. Sering juga kawan-kawan mengusik, susah menjadi rakan Sara. Bila sahaja Sara berasa risau, ada sahaja yang ingin dimasak.

' Jadi kawan awak memang tak dapatlah nak kurus, Sara,' kata Diana antara mengeluh dan rasa terharu. Mengeluh kerana terpaksa mengorbankan niat untuk mengawal makan (satu genggam karbohidrat sahaja sehari untuk Diana) dan dalam masa yang sama bersyukur kerana kepada Tuhan kerana Sara adalah seorang tukang masak yang hebat.

Kali ini, karipap. Lama benar Sara tidak membuat karipap. Lupa sebentar akan permasalahan yang singgah di fikiran bila kentang dipotong dadu sebelum dicampurkan dengan cebisan daging. Sekalipun rasa penat sedikit menguli doh, tetap rasa berbaloi. Sambil ditekan-tekan tepung di atas papan, terasa seolah masalah sendiri ditekan sama hingga jadi kepingan kecil.

Sesudah memasukkan beberapa biji karipap ke dalam ketuhar, Sara membersihkan perkakas yang digunakan.

' Kalau air, meter padu,' kata Sara sambil mengalirkan air melalui sudu.

' Kalau tepung...mungkin gram,' gumam Sara lagi sambil membasuh bekas yang masih berbaki tepung.

' Apa agaknya?' Sara terus membasuh perkakas di dalam sinki, otaknya tak berhenti berfikir.

Malangnya, sehingga habis membasuh pun Sara tidak mampu menjawab satu soalan yang ditanya oleh Hafiz.


' Banyak mana awak sayang saya?'

Posted with Blogsy

Memory: 15

Like magic, Adam watzled again into Tasnim's life. Unlike previously, Adam seemed to be hiding in his own shell. It didn't feel right for Tasnim to further intrude Johari's life to ask about Adam. All of us had our fair share of problems and we just had to continue on with our lives.

Like Hanna. She was now in New Zealand, either picking kiwi fruits or swimming in the beach behind her lodging. It was her dream to go on that six months working visa thing in the country.

' Six months will just fly without us realising it,' Hanna said to a teary-eyes Tasnim who really couldn't say a thing.

' Hey! I'll be fine. We would write long emails,' Hanna tried to calm Tasnim down.

' I'll take care of her,' Khalid quipped behind them, as if not wanting to be left out. Like a boyfriend reassuring the mother that he will be there for her daughter.

And Khalid kept to his words. Morning messages will always be there to greet Tasnim. At first, it made her wonder what was wrong with Khalid and later, she succumbed to it. It was nice to have someone greeting your day to be great.

But her heart was the biggest culprit. It would have been easier to just move on with life; with here friends by her side but no, that would not happen. Adam was always on her mind, despite the question she asked her about Sara.

' Forget him,' Khalid told her numerous times. Khalid made it sound so easy.

Memory: 14

Johari

' Don't cry.'

' It can be anything.'

' He has never mentioned anyone else's name.'

Tasnim

' Nah. It's oke. They look, good together anyways.'

Johari

' Look. This is still fresh. We don't know.'

Tasnim

' Stay as my friend, oke?'

Johari

' Tasnim, he might not recover yet. Let me check with the others.'

' He has never mentioned about Sara.'

Tasnim

' Oke. Sorry to disturb you.'

Johari

' It's nothing, Tasnim.'

' You take care.'

' I'm sorry.'

It was not Johari's fault that Adam asked for Sara, saying that he was interested to know Sara.

Memory: 13

' You have to empty your heart before you can let something good in.'

Sometimes, Hanna was really good with words. And these words have helped. After the countless teary nights, of course.

At one point, Tasnim just gave up. Months of not hearing anything, caused Tasnim to just move on. She just can't live on sadness anymore.

' Sorry to break this to you but there were nothing between you guys,' Hanna said one day and nearly drove Tasnim to tears.

' if he really liked you, he would not wait that long,' Khalid chipped in, between. Outhfuls of tom yam and plain rice. They were having dinner.

' Oke I'm sorry. But he didn't come out and said he loved you so yeah, it was really nothing. Don't feel obligated to stay with him,' Khalid added an afterthougt, sensing that a storm was coming.

What the friends didn't know was Tasnim was still banking on Adam. She had given a lot of thought of what happened to him. Adam bounced back once, of course he will bounce back again. And by then, Tasnim will take him back.

One day, Tasnim checked out her Facebook. It was quite sometime since she checked out the social media. Her eye quickly looked at the sidebar for people who were online.

' Adam!' a small scream escaped from her mouth.

Without hesitating, Tasnim clicked his name and window popped up.

' Hi Adam.'

Tasnim waited for a reply.

' Hi.' Came a reply. Tasnim nearly cried of happiness.

' How are you?'

The next reply caused Tasnim to slam the laptop, her face white as ghost.

If you are sick…

Sometimes we forget that work performance do not mean that we have to be in the office every single day. Our body is like a machine; sometimes it requires maintenance and time off (unless one of us is an android) like one or two days of being on holiday perhaps. It is actually surprising to know some people think otherwise.

Before we move on, some offices have remote working arrangements or permission to do so from the boss. I am one of those lucky ones.

For those who are lucky enough to enjoy this, I still find it hard to comprehend why some choose to come to the office although it is kind of obvious that you are unfit to do so. It is perfectly fine to be sitting at home a day a two just to make sure you are fine. It is perfectly normal to be sick, rest at home, get better and return to the office. How can we expect to be working at full capacity when we have runny nose or an upset stomach (this always include running to and fro the toilet)? How?

But sadly, sometimes we totally forgot about this. Sigh.

Airborne diseases may look pretty harmless to us. Ah, what’s a bit of a cough or sneeze? Well, if you have been doing so for the past month or two, please seek help. I’m not going to scare you or something but did you notice some abnormalities near your glands with that cough? It might be something.

Some people may want to get pregnant and really, why would you want to put her in jeopardy?

I know some offices offer monetary benefit for not taking any MCs but seriously, why would you want to put other people’s health on the line for that money? Consider giving the money to someone else if your decision actually affect others that causes them to be sick.

If you have working at home arrangement (and really need that money), please consider the option. Do not come to the office and spread your virus to other people. It is bad enough to be sitting in an office; a closed space for eight hours (bless those people with shorter working hours) with existing health hazard. Dust accumulates on the carpet for years and the closed window; that cannot be healthy. So, please don’t add your virus to it.

If you do not the option to work from home, take the day off and just sleep. A good shutdown is great for an ever active body. Think; if you are perfectly fine, why are you sick? It’s the way your body is telling you ‘please stop. I need rest.’

A one day or two would not hurt. And to add to it, if you have some sickness that have been day for a few months, don’t you want to go to the specialist? 

Memory: 12

These days, the smartphone was glued to Tasnim's hands. Every few minutes, she touched the phone. It was difficult to let the screen stay pitch black.

' Anytime. He can come back anytime,' Tasnim convinced herself almost every night. Well,  after a lot of crying of course.

It was getting manic. Every single week, Tasnim went back to Johari. It was always the same question: any news? And Johari was good enough to entertain Tasnim despite the fact that they were only connected by Adam.

' It's ok, Tasnim. I would want to help my friend be happy,' a sad smile on Johari's face. Tasnim understood that too well.

It was as if Tasnim can see Adam everywhere she went at work. The only place that she felt safe from memories was her floor. Sometimes, she could see Adam in the elevator, other times at the lobby. It nearly drove her to tears because she knew her brain was playing tricks on her. It was just because she missed Adam so much.

It was as if Tasnim tried to cling to every memory that linked her to Adam. It was already two months since Adam disappeared but she kept waiting. She was never alone at night; tears will always be with her, wetting her pillow too.

It was not only Adam, Tasnim seemed to losing her touch too.

Days passed and suddenly it was already weekend. It was officially the days of mourning for her. It was normal for her to sleep really long hours these days, a sign of loneliness. Except that the ring of the phone interrupted her deep slumber.

Hanna.

' Morning love!' Hanna sounded very much awake. Tasnim looked at the clock and was surprised. 9 am and Hanna was already up? It was either something was really wrong or ...

' Morning..' Tasnim answered closely while getting up from the bed. ' Is everything..oke?'

Hanna laughed on the other line. ' What? What do you mean? Of course I am fine. Where are you at?' Hanna sounded as if she was outside, near the streets.

' Home. Just got up,' Tasnim rubbed her sleepy eyes and walked towards the kitchen. The city has long been awake.

' Great. Open up, I'm outside,' And there was a bang on the door.

' What? Hanna!' but the line was already dead.

Outside the door, Hanna was standing with two small cups that can only mean coffee, flashing a 500 megawatt smile.

' Hanna, I haven't showered!'

' Now is the perfect time. Go or the coffee will be cold,' Hanna made herself at home in the apartment that belonged to Tasnim's family. That got Tasnim smiling.

Just as Tasnim stepped out of the shower, something that smelled delicious wafted through the air.

A smiling Hanna greeted Tasnim who just stepped out of the room. 'Scrambled eggs, you oke with it?'

' Thank you,' Tasnim took a seat, realising that she hadn't had a bite since last night.

She scooped some of the eggs with some bread and popped into her mouth. It was as if the dish was the most delicious thing that Tasnim ever consumed. Well, she certainly looked like it.

A few minutes of having the dish, Tasnim realised something. She looked up to Hanna who was staring at her.

' Want more?' it was Hanna's code for ' for a moment there, you looked happy. Please take good care of yourself. You don't deserve this'. Yes, everything that she already said last week.

Tasnim could not answer and just put up a hand.

Hanna smiled again.

' She's recuperating.' A message was sent to Khalid.

Memory: 11

Hanna tried to keep a straight face. Tasnim understood what that meant. Not knowing what to say next, Tasnim took a sip of the black coffee in front of her. She was then transported again to a memory that did not seem familiar.

' Really? That's how you think love should be?' the undergraduate Hanna asked Tasnim, a sceptic tone apparent.

Tasnim has always avoided confrontations. If anything, she chose to agree to almost anything that Hanna said. It was so much easier to do so rather than facing the fact that they were at odds.

' Really?' Hanna asked again.

' I mean, maybe she did not know that the husband is unwell. At first!' Tasnim added when she saw that Hanna was about to pounce on the statement. ' maybe she just got to know about it long after that and it was way too late. They were married already.'

Hanna seemed to be absorbing the information, sitting on the couch with a hand under the chin.

' Hurm. Couldn't she escape?'

' But they are married!' Tasnim tried to drive the point further.

' Ok. Yeah, that would not be too easy,' Hanna said slowly. ' Ok, I get you. It's those who knows what's going on and still decide to go through with the person.'

' But, we don't know. Maybe that person has their reasons!' sensing triumph, Tasnim tried to sell her idea.

' Reasons or excuses?' the plan seemed to backfire. ' It is fine as long as the person is strong enough to carry the other person but this is modern age, we are the NINJA generation...' and Tasnim's mind glazed over.

Ah NINJA generation. No income, no job, no assets. Hanna's argument will make sense as she will the launch into another lecture on economics.

So, here was where Tasnim kind of freaked out. Hanna's approval will be important; that was what people expect from close friends. And now, Adam was having this.

' Aneem?' Hanna touched Tasnim's arm. Suddenly, Walk Away from franz Ferdinand filled the space. Saved by the bell.

' Hanna, my mom,' Tasnim gestured to the phone before heading out to the balcony. A smile hung by her lips.

Memory: 10

‘ You have got to stop, Aneem,’ Hanna’s voice hit her eardrum.

‘ What? I didn’t..’

‘ I know what you do. You still check up on him through his friends,’ Hanna’s voice was grim.

Tasnim kept quiet. She knew she has lost this.

‘ Why Aneem? Do you really have to do it?’ Hanna asked, with a resounding plea.

‘ You would not understand,’ and Tasnim ended the call.

Who would have understood? Adam was gone, without a trace. At least, with the others, Tasnim knew that they had to break up. But this one vanished into thin air.

Her phone kept on ringing but Tasnim ignored the call. It was too much for one night.

Yes, she admitted that she was wrong. It was a crime to actually look through the social media account of Adam’s friends to find out if he was ok. She should have just ask them politely but…

It was complicated. Or, it was made complicated by both of them. Tasnim preferred to wait a little bit longer before being introduced to Adam’s friend. What can Adam do but to comply.

‘ You know, just my good friend,’ Adam stirred the black coffee sitting in front of him.

‘ When?’ Tasnim can feel beads of sweat on her back. This was getting serious.

Adam looked at Tasnim’s face, as if reading what she was not saying from her expression. Tasnim, sensing that she was being sized up, smiled cheekily.

‘ Soon,’ Adam continued with the coffee.

But soon never came. 

Memory: 9

Monday, the busiest of any days in the week. Tasnim threw her bag on the floor and spread herself on the cold wood. Just one thing played on her mind. Their memories.

Suddenly, Tasnim was interrupted by a phone call. Her phone rarely rings so it took her really by surprise. Half of her was hoping that it will be Adam but half of her knew it could not be him.

True. Khalid.

‘ Assalamualaikum,’ Khalid voice was in control, like always.

‘ Waalaikumussalam,’ Tasnim answered. At least it was a familiar voice. She instantly relaxed.

‘ Where are you?’ Khalid asked, as if anxious.

Tasnim laughed.

‘ What? What have I said?’

Tasnim laughed a little bit more before answering. ‘ Do you remember what Madam Samia said during our French class?’

‘ She said a lot of things. That one I can confirm.’

‘ She said that the French call mobile phones as tu est où? Where are you? Exactly what you asked,’ Tasnim said between giggles.

‘ That was random, Aneem. Too random,’ Khalid said after a pregnant pause.

‘ I’m sorry. Could not help myself,’ Tasnim stopped giggling but she was not sorry. Khalid should know that she said the most random stuff on earth.

‘ No, don’t. You don’t have to be sorry.’

‘ I am home, by the way.’

‘ Ouh. A bit early, aren’t we?’ Khalid asked, like a concerned brother.

Tasnim sighed, audibly.

‘ Don’t, Aneem. If you think you can’t, don’t push yourself too far. You will get burnt out.’

‘ I keep seeing him at the places we frequent.’

Khalid kept mum.

‘ I can see him approaching with that smile of his. I can even see the dimples. I can almost remember him in every outfit. It’s…’ and the waterworks came.

And Khalid, like every other male has no other option but to say, ‘ Aneem, I really cannot understand what you are saying. Can I call you back in a few minutes?

It was true. Despite the brief relationship that they had, Tasnim can almost recall everything about Adam. The way they avoided each others in the morning, scared that the colleagues will find out and how they gleefully waved at each other in the lobby when no one was around.

And then everything stopped. Adam no longer said hi to Tasnim. No more playful invitations to breakfast or lunches because they both know it was too early.

Of course, there were no more morning messages.

‘ Adam, where are you?’ 

Memory: 8

Lunchtime was a private time Tasnim. Usually, it was just her enjoying the lunch. Sometimes, Hanna got out of her 'cave' for a quick lunch with her. Tasnim's officemates had long given up on asking her out for a meal.

Late lunch was always so much easy for Tasnim. There was no need to fight for space in an elevator as well as in any cafes. Not that she went to cafes anyways but she just loved the option.

Tasnim rarely met anyone from her office while she was out for lunch. Even if she did, they mostly don't have much to say; she preferred to keep everything professional. Usually, she bumped into familiar strangers.

Except for one guy. Tasnim always bumped into him; either alone or with a few of his friends. Sometimes, she noticed that the guy looked sideways at her. Of course, out of practise, she ignored that. Sometimes, she noticed that the guy looked at her while she was talking to someone. It got really annoying but Tasnim knew she cannot stop anyone from staring. Rude; yes, but as long as he did not violate any personal space, she just brushed it away.

They bumped into each other quite a lot, now that Tasnim thought of it. At one point though, he ignored her completely. But what can she do, he was at liberty to do what he liked.

And that was when things got weird. Tasnim got a feeling that people were looking at her. Not just the guy's friend, some other people too. That just drove her further inside he own shell. She was not comfortable with stares and was even more uncomfortable when she felt people sizing her up before attempting to say anything to her.

' Yes,' Johari answered when she asked about all the stares she received from Adam’s friends. So, Tasnim was not paranoid. Adam has been waiting for the coffee incident to happen and has been looking at her for a long time.

Tasnim swallowed something that was almost similar to a brick blocking her throat.

' So, everyone knew but me?' Tasnim asked, her voice raspy. They seemed to be talking for nearly an hour, Tasnim doing most of the listening. Actually, it had only been about twenty minutes.

' And you guys going out..'

' It was just for coffee,' Tasnim defended herself. Not so much as convincing Johari who was Adam's friend but more to herself.

Johari let out a weak laugh. ' Adam warned that you might do that. Anyways, that, we all knew.'

Tasnim could not believe her ears. Their coffee sessions, she kept it hidden from everyone in her office. She was not too keen on having any of them teasing her if they bumped into Tasnim and Adam while going out. Not only that, it took nearly two weeks before she had the courage to tell Hanna and Khalid. To be fair, she was always on edge while talking to Hanna. She kept looking for an opening to talk about Adam.

‘ Wow..’

‘ You know, Adam was so much better when you were there,’ Johari added, with a chuckle.

‘ But I didn’t do anything.’

‘ Maybe you didn’t need to,’ Tasnim was confident the last line was said with Johari smiling. 

Sweet escape: Gili Trawangan

  I know I hurt my leg but we have been planning the trip for so long. People go to Bali all the time but I was psyched since we were going to Lombok!

Yes, we saw the place in the newspapers for all the wrong reasons. I'm not going to lie; I had a bit of a doubt before going to Gili Trawangan but I was excited too because it was one of the places famous among divers.

Well, I can see why Gili Trawangan is popular.

                                                     From the place that we stayed

We departed from Padang Bai after two days in Legian street. We were pretty exhausted already as we have just finished our rounds on Tanah Lot and what not and going to Gili Trawangan was supposed to be a treat.

The journey took about one hour and a half and we managed to sit at the back of the boat. Right before we fell asleep because we were so tired.

We arrived around 11 am and after abandoning our bags in this beautiful Villa Kayu in Gili Trawangan, we went searching for a boat that will be willing to take us out for snorkelling. of course, Yours Truly will just be on the boat because of her ankle but we can always lower down the camera into the water after setting the timer.

well, no worries though. there are plenty of glass-bottomed boats in Gili Trawangan. so, I can still see the fishes although I had to stay in the boat.

the water was so clear. i want to cry now.

                                              outsourced the task to take pictures to a friend

Kite-surfers in Gili Meno. We met the guru there.

Sunset in Gili Trawangan but we were too tired to actually go and watch the sunset.

Lobster for BBQ in Gili Trawangan. But we were full already. just went for coffee Lombok. Or was it Bali coffee?

Sunrise in Gili Trawangan. At about 5 am (Malaysia time). It was really windy and the wind chimes sounded so nice to my ears.

                                            the private pool. foot still injured. still cannot swim.

and then we went out for a walk (while the others were still asleep)

i miss this :(

presenting to you pokok kekabu 

horsecarts everywhere

yes. look up for Villa Rumah Kayu 

horsecart again!

we were about to leave Gili Trawangan

apparently, this place is very popular among the whites. we felt like we were not even in Asia. Gili Trawangan is a haven for divers and such and God's will, I will come again. AirAsia is now offering flight to Lombok so yeay!