Bukan yang kita jangka

‘Ye kak. Nak minum ape?’ pelayan itu bertanya ramah-tamah. ‘Eh, sorang je?,’ pelayan lelaki berambut perang bertanya lagi setelah menyedari siapa aku. Pastilah susah untuk melupakan wajah ini yang hampir setiap hari duduk di sini menikmati sarapan pagi.

Mata kau dah kenape? Tak nampak ke kedai makan ko ni penuh dengan orang? Aku datang dengan diaorang la sebenarnya. Saja aku duduk sorang-sorang kat meja ni. Salah ke?

Malang sebab itu cuma bisikan hati aku sahaja. Tak terluah dek mulut aku

Aku senyum. ‘Biasa,’ sambil tangan dengan pantas membuka suratkhabar yang sebenarnya lebih layak untuk aku buat alas tempat duduk sahaja.

Aku arif benar dengan maksud soalan tersebut, faham dia ingin bertanya tentang apa. Aku cuma tidak mampu berhadapan dengan soalan Si Rambut Perang tentang Hafiz. Aku tidak punya tenaga untuk bersoal-jawab dengan sesiapapun tentang di mana Hafiz. Di mana teman lelaki aku yang selalu aku usung ke sana ke mari.

Mungkin sebab itulah emak berpesan supaya jangan asyik masyuk bercinta. Sebenarnya, ayat emak berbunyi begini:

‘Ha, masuk yunibersiti tu jangan mengada-ngada nak berboipren-boipren. Habiskan belajar dulu. Karang boo! sana boo! sini dengan boipren. Lepas tu tak habis belajar. Satu hape pun tak jadi.

Sibuk sangat bercinta sampai lupa dunia, mak bapak, adik-beradik. Ingat sikit, kamu tu perempuan. Ape-ape jadi nanti susah. Sayang ke orang ni berpada-pada. Biar dia sayang kita lebih, jangan kita sibuk nak bergolok-gadai sebab dia. Nanti jadi apa-apa, kite yang susah.

Fokus ceramah selalunya berubah-ubah. Kadangkala ia akan lebih kepada aku. Kemudian, ia beralih pula kepada kita. Kadang-kadang emak juga berusaha untuk memberi fokus kepada pemanasan global.

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Day by day
I stood by my place
Looking at you
Entering, nearly invading my personal space.

Those puppy eyes
Charismatic posture
And professional smile.

How I long for you to look my way
Not to talk about toasts, coffees and cakes
But to create small talks
To ask me if 'Everything's ok?'

How I long to talk to you about your day
Not the weather today
Or the one for tomorrow.

How I long for you to call me
Not to place another order or ask for some sugar
But to look into my eyes and talk about many nothings
Nothing important whatsoever.

But the fact stays
I am just the waitress
No; I'm your waitress.

I can recall your favorite food in my sleep
How you liked your coffee
Even how your eyes crinkled
I bet you don't have a clue.

We exchanged glances
Hellos and bye-byes
Not numbers, addresses
I don't even have to ask why.

Special as it may
I'm just the one bringing you coffees and delicacies
Your waitress who really misses you
And waiting for a miracle
For you to look her way
In a totally different light.

if there's one thing that I should realize by now is the fact that not everything is within my reach. There's a limit to everything and certainly wanting to commit to everything is not the right thing.

I'm releasing some of my responsibilities in Kapasitor. I have to, seriously. I kow that it will be much burden for me and I just want to take a break, before I reach my breaking point. No not going insane or anything. I'm just worried of being too tired. I wish to be focused on the website (although I still haven't gotten the chance), not really on the management or anything.

Let's just see if the coming months will see me in a better position. I'm going to go for my dreams this time and seriously will be thinking to go for a holiday or something of the sort.

It's Saturday. I should be watching TV. And I just got Shrek, the complete collection. yey!

Who would have thought, Lehman Bro, the biggest investment bank in the US, would have filed for bankruptcy. It seems however, that the 158-year financial behemoth became the victim of the financial turmoil.

Huge funds, especially in the Middle East are 'literally' sitting on their cash and prefer to make investments closer to home including East Asia and India. Everyone is watchful on their money.

The filing was named as the largest ever filing ever made and of course, feel free to Google on Chapter 11 (because I'm lazy to do so, thanks!). And the move was due to some issues due to mortgage and real estate.

Analysts say that this is not the time to suffuse money into financial institutions. This may be a great time to make investments as those made by Temasek and Government of Singapore Investment Corporation. But yeah, everybody is watchful over the world economy right now.


Hence, the dilemma of the day: Should I or shouldn't I buy a pair of shoes, which I have stared at for months? It's selling for half price. I don't really need it but I can wear it to office on Fridays. Should I or shouldn't I just follow Qatar Investment Authority (QIA) advisor's words to 'sit on my money'?

Making decisions are definitely not my strongest point.

On another note, Kapasitor.net has been shortlisted. Check this out:

Congratulations again for being shortlisted in our prestigious Award!

We are pleased to inform you, that the MSC Malaysia APICTA 2008 Awards Presentation Ceremony will be held on Wednesday, 15 October 2008 at Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre .The patron of MSC Malaysia APICTA, YAB Dato’ Sri Abdullah Hj Ahmad Badawi himself will be gracing this auspicious occasion as the Guest of Honour together with the Minister of Science, Technology and Innovation, YBhg Dato’ Dr. Maximus Johnity Ongkili.

The results of the Awards will only be announced during the Awards Presentation Ceremony.

Alhamdulillah.