kemusykilan

sekarang

masih ada lagi org berkenalan dgn ayat ini?

a/s/l?

what spoils a ghost story on TV?

when one of the audience farts

One Thing We Should Not Do During Hari Raya

I believe that everyone is still having a good time with rendang lemang ketupat bla bla bla. You lucky people. I have been stuck at home, seeing that I don't have any kampong. Lucky that I managed to get out of the house just now, just a few hours to the office. See? This is the very reason I cannot take time off too long from work.

 

We live in an era where we live two lives; the real world and cyberworld. It is hard to just live in one world. I keep in touch with my family through Twitter or blog or Facebook. People have start sending cards and wishes through Facebook or email. Wedding invitations even. I admit it is easier to keep tab on who you have sent the invitations to and stuff. I look for recipes online, apart from gossips (yes, I do that once in a while. I'm human too), winner of America's Next Top Model (dang it. I accidentally got hooked on the show), search for the best deals for my holidays and stuff.

 

See? The Internet is a powerful tool.

 

I can tolerate people who constantly looking at their handphones to check and reply for Twitters or even SMSes. I have no problem with people who just have to upload their pictures on Facebook instantly using their BlackBerrys.

 

But, don't you think visiting peoples' houses with laptops and broadband have gone a bit too far? Look, that defies the whole purpose of visiting people during Hari Raya. I'm talking about yearly visits, not even monthly. If you really cannot do it, refrain from going out of your house. People do not need to see you sitting in their living rooms with your laptops or notebooks, pretending that you are way too busy when actually you are just updating your Facebook.

 

Don't get me wrong. I have Facebook account too but there's time and place for everything.

 

Here's a solution for people who really cannot resist being far away from the cyberworld while visiting people during hari raya.

1. Get a smartphone.
2. Don't bother going out for raya at all.
3. Remind your cousins beforehand that you need computers and the like.

 

Seriously, I'm pretty pissed. Why do you even need to come to our house if you'd rather go online? Might as well organise an open house on your Facebook. 

permintaan

ingat tak dulu masa kita sekolah, kita selalu takut kalau cikgu tak kasi pergi tandas? 

okelah. mungkin cuma aku seorang tetapi aku masih ingat dgn jelas betapa terpaksa tahan sekalipun rasa nak terkucil sangat dah. kalau cikgu cakap tak boleh, sumpah rasa nak nangis. 

tadi, masa kelas (oke fine tiada life maka mengajar pada hari kedua eid-ul fitr) anak murid tanya: boleh saya pergi tandas? 

sumpah comellah budak  ini bertanya begini. 

sudah lama aku tunggu peluang ini, sudah lama benar. sudah lama. 

oke. cukuplah itu. 

kalau boleh, aku nak halang dia. tapi saya sedar diri, itu rumah dia. 

:(

drama before raya

 

 

I awoke to the sound of screaming from the kitchen. Dang it! I woke up late again. Of course, it being a holiday, of course I'd be having private conversation with my blanket and pillows. Alas, I had to be woken up with an in-built alarm clock in the house. My granny.

 

The day started (after sahur, I slept again) with us having to rush to cook rendang. It was a frenzy, having two commanders. One was screaming for us to start frying the onions while another one asking to get the coconut milk in the freezer. There will be another adviser asking one of us to head to nearby shop to get cucumber. The thing was, when my brother called from the store, he was told to come back. We apparently do not need cucumber.

 

10 minutes before that, he was told to head to the wet market for cucumbers.

 

See? Confusion. An extremely common scene one day before hari raya. One wants the chicken to be fired just slightly while another voice wants it to be golden. At the end of the session, I delivered golden fried chicken while another batch was slightly paler. Win-win situation.

Our auntie turns into an entrepreneur during ramadhan. God knows how many thousands of kuih sampan she had to make. And today is no exception. In the midst of preparing rendang and ketupat, changing cushion covers and mopping the floor (on my knees. We'll get to that later) she managed to bake some more of the kuih sampan. Actually not some, more like a few thousand until night time.

 

So, we, about at least five people, scramble around the house trying to make the house look liveable. What with the cakes and kuihs and other stuff, it is easy to lose a baby in the house, discovering the baby a good two days after that. No, not really exaggerating.

 

The day progressed slowly, moving seamlessly from rendang to kuih sampan to twitter to break fast meal. There will be confusions (eh ini langsir bilik siapa?) and screaming (pegi kemas atas!) . Sometimes, there will be more extreme instructions (hoi! Sudah-sudahla mengadap komputer tu!). Tempers flare, of course, especially when someone alleged that I did not do anything to the hall. I proceeded to sweep the floor and attack the linoleum armed with wash cloth and soap, on my knees. That is to show that I can tackle this better than using a mop. And I really am happy with the end result. Nice apple smell in the hall.

 

By nearly 6pm, it is hard to keep a straight posture while sitting. It is easier to be sitting with the head rolling and saliva trickling from the corner of my mouth. But, at the mention of iced soya bean, energy returned to my body. Yes!

 

We thought the drama is over for the day. I mean, everything is set. The cake has been cut, plates have been scrubbed clean and dried, glasses set out, ready to be served. But nooooooooo. We are in for another surprise, which I fully expected anyway.

 

My granny wanted a cake. Last year, she hated my chocolate indulgence with a vengeance. So, it never occurred to me to get another cake.

 

Since she hinted that she wanted the cake pronto, we went for a cake hunt at 8pm. Of course, it never occurred that there is a cake shop near our house. Instead, we went to Bangsar. Getting lost in Jalan Telawi is not fun, I tell you, especially when I think of the kuah kacang and rendang at home.

 

As a reward, we got blended coffee. We need it dearly. The frenzy and drama is too much for us.

Ah, the comfort from coffee deprivation. I was smiling, feeling really elated.

 

Except that:

 

' kenapa beli kek hari jadi (Baker's Cottage)? Nenek nak kek gulung biasa je'

 

Argh!

selamat hari raya!

SDC14190
Originally uploaded by uculer

selamat hari raya
maaf zahir dan batin
kosong-kosong ya?

kelakar?

oke baiklah aku mengakulah kadang-kadang aku hanya limitkan lawak aku kpd tidak mempersendakan agama. sbb aku rasa kadang-kadang kita ni tak perlulah serius sgt? sbb tadi aku baru nampak di blog seseorang, ade org meronta-ronta mengamuk pasal freemason. katanya, jgn buat lawak ttg freemason (sbb kawan saya die attach kaitan lemang dan freemason. IMHO it is funny) 

eh? sorry, jgn buat lawak ttg freemason? i didn't get that. 

aku skeptik sebenarnya. bukanlah skeptik tak percaya. aku rasa bende tu ade kot (mind me, this is my blog and save your breathe from telling me everything about freemason in this comment box. kindly write your own entry in your own blog). skeptik aku di sini adalah: oke. kau kata freemason ini bahaya. baik, aku terima. sekarang, boleh aku tau apa cadangan kau utk menghapuskan atau mengekang kegiatan ini? 

beb, setakat tulis kat blog pung-pang-pung-pang, aku rasa baik kau buat dream diary. sbb bagi akulah, apa yang menyebabkan kita ponteng puasa, bukan sebab ada makanan depan mata (contoh bertemakan ramadhan, sekian). kita ponteng puasa sbb kita masih ada isu dgn iman kita. 

kita selalu menghalang tetapi apa usaha kita sebagai alternatif. kita kata starbucks membantu israel tapi adakah umat islam sendiri berusaha untuk mencipta sesuatu yang sama rasa dengan starbucks. ada? alasan: tak cukup duitlah, tade sokongan lah bla bla bla. kalau niat kau ikhlas kerana Tuhan, aku pasti kau akan buat. susah mcm mana pun, kau akan cuba, 

kita pandai mengekang. menyediakan pilihan tak tau. 

lagi satu, tolonglah jgn buat malu orang beragama islam. islam tak suruh kau slam mana-mana agama. sedangkan ada ayat dlm Surah Alkafirun, ayat 6 yang bermaksud: To you be your way, and to me mine (bagimu agamu dan bagiku, agamaku)

bukanlah aku suruh kau sembah Tuhan mereka.hormat tau tak hormat? lebih kurang mcm kau nak orang hormat agama kau lah. susah sgt ke?

perangai 'holier than thou' ni yang aku paling menyampah. lebih-lebih lagi bila rokok terjuntai di bibir. tade agama dlm dunia ni suruh rosakkan badan sendiri. reti?

' Apa yang ada dalam beg ni?'

' Apa yang ada dalam beg ni?'

' Berat betul!' kata nenek.

' Err barang?' aku jawab dengan nada takut-takut. Silap jawab, mau kene marah secara pukal. Habis kerja jam 3 petang, ini sudah malam baru ingat rumah.

' Macam ada bom,' tambah nenek lagi.

Hamboih. Kalau kita ada kat lapangan terbang ni, tak mengajarlah aku esok. Ataupun manalah tau, murid aku nak melawat aku di penjara.

Melampaulah kata ada bom. Ada payung, dompet, kertas, gunting, lens case, lens cleaner, bekas spek, eyeliner dan duit syiling sahaja. Ouh tablet juga perlu. Kalau tidak bakal sangap semasa membuat kerja.

Tapikan, soalan nenek ini sungguh sesuatu. Dia pernah bawa bom ke? Macam tau je bom tu berat mana.

Ok mungkin bukan bom tapi kuih bom.

Sent from my iPad

Eyewitness: After the floods in Pakistan

Ini sangat menyedihkan. Cemana kalau imran ngan addin mcm ni?

I saw this Guardian Eyewitness photo and thought you should see it: http://gu.com/p/2jc86/iw

Get the Guardian Eyewitness app for iPad for free by visiting http://www.guardian.co.uk/ipad

Sent from my iPad

I Wonder How My Friends Actually Tackle MCQ Questions

Well, multiple choice questions or in short, MCQ. Ah the legendary ways to answer multiple choice questions:

1. Close your eyes and just jab your pencil.
2. Recite Al-Fatihah to get the right answer (it will always be C. I wonder why)
3. Some of my friends have these square erasers where they write A-D on each side. Anytime they have no idea what they should answer on the OMR, they will flip the eraser.

But, what if its not part of the exam paper?

Take for an example here. A want a new laptop. Being a caring and pretty kepochi kind of a friend, I asked A when he will be getting a MacBook Air.

A then replied;

‘ I would have to wait until this current laptop is spoilt’

Of course, being the very helpful friend, I offered to do A the favour:

‘ You want it to be spoilt? I’m more than happy to help you with that. Brick, hammer or shoes? You pick’

A replied: How about money? A guni of money of about RM 2k will do the trick just fine’

See? SEE? I wonder how A made it in school. I mean, imagine the teacher asking ‘What is an amoeba?’

A)    an animal

B)    my neighbour’s pet

C)    the scientific name of a butterfly

D)    a chant people say while doing yoga.

(OK I just made this one up so don’t judge me)

(But I know you are judging so here goes another one)

Mohenjo-Daro is

A)    A city

B)    A stationery brand

C)    The first married couple who decided to keep their names instead of changing it, thus the hyphen

D)    None of the above

So, what does he answer if he gets this type of question? Does he scribble

E)     A place that now exists in textbook only?

I wonder if he actually did that. I don’t think so. My best guess is he’ll just circle whatever he thinks is correct or remotely familiar or even leave it blank. And that I the very thing I expect him to do when it comes to my question. Just take a pick on the answers. Not offer another alternative. Stick to the rules, people.

Ah there goes. A totally pointless entry, just to make up for the hiatus.

P/S: It’s not as if I didn’t create a whole new answer for a question. I do that regularly too :P

mari kita renungkan

pada zaman nabi dahulu, pernah seorang kafir quraisy kencing di dalam masjid. bukan disuruh bunuh, tetapi baginda biarkan habis dahulu (padahal sahabat-sahabat dah ramai yang naik darah). selepas itu, diajarkan cara untuk membersihkan kencing tersebut. 

cuba renungkan kenapa. kalau baginda halau kafir quraisy itu semasa dia sedang setelkan bisnes, tak ke semakin kotor mesjid? kita biarkan dulu kemudian tangani dengan bijak. 

pope benedict pernah melawat masjid-masjid di turki dan jordan. 

1. Pope Benedict XVI visits the King Hussein bin Talal Mosque in Amman, Jordan

2. Pope Visits Dome of The Rock Mosque

islam itu mudah, sentiasa memudahkan. islam itu sendiri berirama dengan salam yang bermaksud selamat. adekah sesuatu yang membawa maksud selamat itu akan menggalakan separation di antara agama (oke saya tau saya mengajar bahasa melayu tapi ni mana sempat nak susun ayat baik-baik punya lagi 3 minit nak tido), adakah sesuatu yg sentiasa mendoakan orang kesejahteraan mereka mengajar untuk menghalau orang lain, makhluk Tuhan? 

quran itu, perkembangannya seiring dengan zaman, tidak jumud. bukankah orang-orang yang membacanya pun sepatutnya tidak jumud juga? 

kempen menghentam malaysia di indonesia?

tak payah ckp panjang la. 

ini mesej buat orang yang baling tahi kat bendera malaysia:

sedara, Tuhan dah kasi nikmat jadi manusia. jangan la nak jadi monyet pulak. terima kasih. 

kite ni byk sgt masa ke?

1. merengsa sikit ngan orang, buat page hate hate orang. 

2. nampak orang update status FB yang macam ala-ala hidung tinggi mcm famous amos itu hari, sanggup habiskan satu hari tulis entry pasal kutuk die balik. i wonder, apekah faedahnya dalam bentuk yang tangible? 

pegi belajar perbualan dlm pelbagai bahasa pun bagus juga kot la la la 

kenapa aku susah-susah sgt tulis entri mcm ni? sbb aku sedih. bangsa kita masih la ditakat itu. bangsa lain tade masa sgt nak amek tau benda-benda mcm ni. byk lagi benda yang dia boleh buat seperti buat mystery shopper ke, buat part-time job ke (ni bukan log in log out facebook punya), mengajar kepada jiran tetangga ke atau pergi sambung masters. 

itu blom lagi part tag-mentag ni (curi idea dari blog ben). kadang-kadang tu aku balik rumah, on pc, mcm excited gile tgk kaler merah di page facebook aku. ingatkan adelah orang nak share tips lobang mana nak anta karya aku ke (eceh) sekali tgk gamba tudung. kau ni dah la kau tak pernah tegur aku, tah anak sapa tah ha kan dah kena delete. 

syud, kalau anda baca ini, saya tak kisah awak nak tag saya kat kuih raya sbb awak selalu borak ngan saya. ye, saya memang bias pun kat kawan-kawan saya. 

pada aku, facebook ni kalau digunakan cara betol, senang kita nak keep up dgn kawan-kawan. tapi kadang-kadang kita yang taksub sgt. 

ah sudah. jangan aku ni jadi mcm rais yatim itu hari sudah!

muntah bayi 2

imran sudah ada adik. dia sudahpun setahun. dia tidak boleh dikira
bayi lagi kerana dia sudah boleh berlari-lari seperti usain blot yang
kecil. sungguh pantas berlari dan sungguh panjang akal kalau nak
mintak dukung.

tetapi dia masih minum susu dan tidak boleh cakap lagi. jadi,
makciknya ini pun masih belum pasti jika beliau adalah bayi lagi atau
tidak.

ahad lepas dia datang bersama harapan eh silap, dengan ibu bapa dan
adik lelaki berpipi labuh. saya pergi mengajar, pulang jam 5. dia
sedang tidur. selepas membuli adik beliau, saya pergi bersiap-siap dan
dia pun bangun. seperti biasa, saya pun angkut la dia ke hulu ke
hilir. tengah elok-elok dukung, dia memuntahkan susu yang tak sampai
lima minit diminumnya.

aih apalah nasib selalu benar kena muntah bayi. imran, kau dah tua
ganyut pun muntah lagi kat aku nasib baik kau comel T_T

tidur petang

ada sebab kenapa orang tak kasi tidur pada waktu petang. sekejap lagi kau bangun terkebil-kebil tak pasti sekarang ni pagi atau malam. tau tak?

penat?

gile kau tak penat keje 7 hari seminggu? beb, sapa tak nak dpt duit tanpa bekerja? semua orang nak tapi malangnya tidak wujudlah keadaan begitu. 

eh kejap. mungkin wujud. mungkin bole log in facebook dan dapat RM 100 hari-hari. bende tu kan berlaku? like...skarang ni mana ade dah orang malaysia ni kerja sebab hari-hari bole dapat seratus tak buat ape-ape. kan?

ha tuuuu dia

nak melawan sangat kan tanak bangun sahur, nasib baik tak lencun laptop kena air masak. siapa ajar teguk air dalam gelak dengan mata sebelah terbuka? 

maka dilanda keinsafan, terus bangun untuk makan nasi, minum air betul-betul. 

ye, saya insaf tak buat lagi T_T

woh

rezeki menebarkan ilmu

semoga Tuhan memberkati usaha ini

Book Review: Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes

Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion. Proceed at your own risk. And spoiler ahead. 

I chanced upon this book in Central Market, nearly completing my mission to finish her writings.

 

This time around, it is about three women who felt their lives are crumbling apart. Lisa was a career-oriented woman, always trying outdo everyone, killing everyone's hope and making remarks that degrade others. For so long, she has been eyeing the editor role in Manhattan, only to find herself being flung to Ireland.

 

Then there was Ashling who happened to work in Ireland and tried to get a job in a magazine. She was lucky enough because she was taken by the company which took Lisa. Good luck? Not just yet because she felt that her bosses do not like Miss Fix-It.

 

And then there was Clodagh, Ashling's bestfriend. Despite a loving husband, two kids and no worry for money, Clodagh felt everything was a drab. She tried find a way to spice things up. She tried looking for a job and then turning it down.

 

Lisa was not being nice to Ashling, Ashling tried to treat her right (well, she does that to everyone) and Clodagh end up stealing her bestfriend's boyfriend (again). And what a mess that turned out to be.

 

Lisa's life got sorted, Ashling found someone for her and Clodagh got the mess she asked for.

 

All in all, the book is as funny as other Keyes' writing. The title was for the part when Jack Devine (who don't really like Ashling in the beginning) taught her on how to eat sushi when she found out her good-for-nothing comedian boyfriend was two-timing her.

 

I was particularly interested in Clodagh's ending though. She had an easy life; two extremely cute kids, a loving and good-looking husband, good looks but instead of being grateful, she kept asking for more. Instead of sorting things out with her husband, she decided to have an affair. Of course she was happy for like two minutes before the sky caved in. Her husband left her and even divorced her, cancelled her credit card and really having to struggle for both kids this time and lost Ashling as her bestfriend. It got me into thinking, she could have done something to spruce up her life instead of getting involved with a guy who 'Bellaz-moi'-ed her right?

 

Conclusion: Definitely for light reading (am taking a break from Stephen King's story) and expect to be tickled with Keyes antics. Recommended reading but beware because it is very addictive.

 

P/S: Now reading 'Me and Mr Darcy' from Alexandra Potter. Read Girl Meets Ape from Chris Manby but to mediocre to review. 

berbuka puasa

aku bukan tanak buka puasa di luar. memang nak. lagi-lagi pulak bila kawan baik aku tak lama lagi dah nak keje kat negeri orang. 

tapi harga sepinggan hidangan di luar boleh buat aku tak tidur malam. mana dengan kipas rosak lagi, takut aku tengok sepinggan hidangan sampai RM 24. ala kau puasa, banyak mana sangat kau boleh makan. 

tapi obviously la aku tak boleh samakan keadaan ekonomi aku (financial holocaust di dalam poket) dengan orang lain. sebab aku tengok orang ramai-ramai berpusu-pusu berbuka di luar. aku? bazaar ramadhan pun aku tak pegi. hentah, malas la. sebab kalau aku pergi bazaar ramadhan, mesti aku akan membazir. beli makanan yang aku belum tentu akan tengok pun. 

tahun ini nampaknya, aku lebih selesa makan nasi di rumah. pulang seawal jam 3, dan sampai di rumah jam 4. tak berselera nak berbuka di luar. penuh bukan main, silap-silap bersila atas lantai. 

tapi, bersila di lantai mungkin lebih berprestij daripada bersila kat rumah. bersila kat rumah hari-hari boleh buat. bersila kat lantai kedai makan di KLCC bukan boleh buat selalu. lepas tu boleh bersila dengan pelbagai kaum plak tu. 

itu belum lagi nak bersolat. pendek kata, banyak betul masalah sampai saya jadi banyak sifir nak buka kat luar. saya hanya (eh pakai saya pulak) akan buat exception pada teman-teman rapat sahaja. 

ah sudahlah. merepek apa malam-malam ini. mentang-mentanglah esok cuti.